Invalid marriage?

[AllEars]

Hi everyone,

I have been married to my Catholic husband (who has been away from the church) for almost 5 years. We were married in a civil ceremony and not in the church. I have never been baptized, but am currently beginning RCIA. I’m going to assume that, according to the church, our marriage is not valid, and therefore we’re not supposed to be living as husband and wife.

I’ve read about convalidation, but would that be an available option in our case? Do we still need to go through the very long marriage prep process in this case (which I am told is extremely long in our parish in the case of a Catholic and non Catholic marrying)?

We’ve always wanted to have a wedding, but we wanted to wait for various practical reasons (family is spread across the world, some need visas, DH is in his medical residency and has no time off, etc) Is it possible to convalidate now and then have some kind of sacramental traditional type marriage ceremony later (since I’m assuming, if we were eligible to convalidate, it wouldn’t be sacramental in my case since I’m not baptized, confirmed, etc)? Forgive my lack of knowledge, I’m a total newbie.

I’ve spoken to my RCIA director about scheduling a meeting with our priest, but in the meantime, help, advice and opinions are appreciated!

 

[nodito]

Because your husband was Catholic at the time of your civil ceremony, he was required to have been married according to the form of the Catholic Church or to have received a dispensation from his bishop to marry outside the Church. Since it sounds like he did neither, the Church considers your marriage invalid. The priest will probably advise you to live as brother and sister until you can have the marriage convalidated.

I’m not sure what your diocese requires of couples in your situation to be married. What do you mean by “extremely long”? Most dioceses require 6-9 months of marriage preparation, but sometimes less for couples in your situation, since many of the topics covered (finances, children, etc., might have already been resolved). But Catholic marriage preparation can also be a useful time of learning about the true nature of marriage, the gifts and responsibilities involved, the vows that will be made, et cetera. I really enjoyed our marriage prep experience and would encourage you to go through it with an open mind. Even after all these years, you may learn something about your spouse.

When you have the marriage convalidated, that will be your one and only wedding. The convalidation involves exchanging vows in front of a priest or deacon and a couple of witnesses. Beyond that, it can be as small or as elaborate as you like, just as with any wedding ceremony. Your marriage will be valid when it’s convalidated. It becomes sacramental the moment you are baptized. And although you can’t have a second wedding ceremony, you could always host a wedding reception at a later date to celebrate your new marriage with your family and friends. Wear your wedding dress, if you like, and eat lots of cake!

Welcome home!