invalid marriage

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homewardangel

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Hi,

Does anyone know what the church recommends a person to do if they realize they are in an invalid marriage.

I understand the obivious answer would be to work towards making the marriage valid in the eyes of God. But what if my spouse is not willing to work with me? If I am unable to persuade my spouse to get batized and work to make our vows right in the eyes of God what should I do? Would it be proper for me to then discern whether I should stay in the invalid marriage or not? Would it be wrong to consider the option of ending the marriage?

Thanks

Terry
 
Look up the posts here re: a radical sanation. I was married outside the church in a civil ceremony 16 years ago (She’s Jewish). She did not want to have a convalidation performed, so I was forced to seek a request for sanation, to have my marriage blessed in the church. My paperwork has just been submitted & I am anxiously awaiting word from the Bishop.

For a first step–talk to your pastor. let me know If I can answer any questions you may have.
 
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, but I think you misunderstand me. I don’t mean what does the church reccommend as far as staying in an invalid marriage. I am wondering if there is any guidance on leaving an invalid marriage. If the church tells me that my marriage is invalid and I am in mortal sin, are they easy to accept if I view my marriage as invalid and leave?

Am I wrong to feel that the right thing to do for me was to divorce in the case of an invalid marriage?

Thanks
 
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homewardangel:
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut, but I think you misunderstand me. I don’t mean what does the church reccommend as far as staying in an invalid marriage. I am wondering if there is any guidance on leaving an invalid marriage. If the church tells me that my marriage is invalid and I am in mortal sin, are they easy to accept if I view my marriage as invalid and leave?

Am I wrong to feel that the right thing to do for me was to divorce in the case of an invalid marriage?

Thanks
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I understood your question, but I guess this leads to another question–is the marriage a happy & good one, outside of the religious differences? if not, I would not stay in the marriage. If so, I would do everything to have it recognized by the church. In a Radical Sanation, the non-Catholic party to the marriage does not have to do anything, so that wouldn’t be an issue
 
Okay, that is a fair question to ask. A person goes through many stages in life and we have to discern about jobs, schooling, ect… The unhappiness in my life may or may not be due to my marriage. So I understand that is something that I have to pray about. Would I be any happier single or not, who knows?

I have a “civil” life here. I don’t feel that it is a loving situation, I often feel alone and disconnected and the kids are growing up…which leaves me more alone as they go their own ways. Then when the refusal to cooperate with me as I feel the need to grow spiritually arose that of course made matters worse. When I got married I meant to stay married until I died, however it seems that my marriage is not recognized by the church. Now I am wondering if that means the church would be accepting of my divorce (when I say church of course I mean God). If my marriage is “wrong” maybe by making it right things could be better for me.

thoughts??
 
I am assuming you are Catholic and not at all happy at the moment with your marriage. It sounds as though you are less interested in making your marriage valid than you are interested in finding a loop-hole which will set you free without penalty. I would suggest as a first step that you seek counseling with a Catholic counselor and resolve just where you are in this marriage. Maybe one of the moderators can point you in the direction of how to find a reliable counselor.
 
Remember—the grass always appears greener on the other side—you may be no happier if single.

Well, the first thing you should do is talk to God—pray daily. When I started my quest to have my marriage validated, I began to pray again—the rosary, going to mass as much as I can during the week, evening prayers & reflections via my Sacred Space prayer book—and it really made a difference. Family things started working themselves out, and we definitely became closer as a family. The power of prayer is great! Now that the Radical Sanation paperwork has been submitted, I pray that my request is granted so I may be even closer to Jesus and receive the Eucharist. He has a plan for everyone—we just have to let him in & guide us. It seems like you may be bogged down with life issues—have you been to confession lately? I just went for the first time in around 30 years & it was a great experience—It has drawn me closer & closer to God. Perhaps there are things you need to confess to get rid of the feeling of burden?

I too have married for life outside of the Church, so I know what you are feeling. When my wife refused to convalidate our marriage, I felt betrayed. But I prayed & we talked about it & understand each other’s position now & hopefully, the sanation will be granted, so I can be whole again with God.

Again, I would pray & speak with your pastor—I am sure he can help! I hope this helps & I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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homewardangel:
Hi,

Does anyone know what the church recommends a person to do if they realize they are in an invalid marriage.

I understand the obivious answer would be to work towards making the marriage valid in the eyes of God. But what if my spouse is not willing to work with me? If I am unable to persuade my spouse to get batized and work to make our vows right in the eyes of God what should I do? Would it be proper for me to then discern whether I should stay in the invalid marriage or not? Would it be wrong to consider the option of ending the marriage?

Thanks

Terry
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in all cases you would first go to your pastor. you need the guidance of the church in the first place to help discern the validity of the marriage, and you definitely need pastoral guidance in how to proceed. This is definitely not something to discern on your own. it is also not a topic that will benefit from discussion on this forum.
 
You would be correct, I am Catholic and trying to be happy. But you are not correct to say that I am just looking for a loophole. My preference would be to make my spouse understand why it is important. But my spouse refuses to work with me and I can not control anyone other than myself.

Yes I have been to confession a few times in the past year, I do pray the rosary, attend church weekly, visit adoration chapel weekly and I have talked with a priest. The priest did not seem to understand and I could not get help there. I realize that I can find another priest and I’m sure that I will. But I want to pray and think before then. I suppose I am looking for someone to give me things to think about that I have not thought about before I talk with another priest.

I know it seems as simple as that I want something I do not have - and maybe it is. But its not like I want a new car or a new home.

Terry
 
If the “marriage” is truly invalid, then there is no marriage to end…
 
Your spouse doesn’t need to be baptised to make the marraige valid, if that is where the majority of resistance comes from.

And it is wrong to try to force conversion. Your spouse will convert if the Holy Spirit wills it.
 
Thanks for everyone’s thoughts. I don’t understand things myself, so I’m not surprised that I received mixed thoughts. Why doesn’t God speak clearer?

Terry
 
If I were suddenly to realize that my marriage was not valid - that is, not a marriage at all, then I would:

1). make sure that I and my putative “spouse” did not in any way behave among ourselves as if we were husband and wife - with all that that implies;

2). If unable to “regularize” the situation promptly, separate. Unmarried men and women have no business cohabiting. Even if there are children in the equation.

(I do not offer this as any kind of advice, but merely as a reflection on what I believe I would do if faced with such a situation.)
God bless your journey…
 
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