Invalidly married brother

[TheLittleLady]

So my understanding is that the marriage is valid but not licit due to the lack of canonical form, based on what I was told.

Civil validity and Ecclesiastical validity are separate things.

 

[twf]

I’m going to be blunt and say that I think you have objectively sinned (I can’t judge your culpability or conscience) against your brother and your family. You don’t mention it, but surely your actions have led to extreme heartache and pain for your brother and your parents…unless you were already estranged? To attend their invalid attempt at marriage is a matter of prudential judgment. To avoid it and then shun them over their “sin”, without ever explaining why you’re avoiding them, seems to be a sin against charity… just plain cruel and weird. I would encourage you to speak to a priest ASAP.

If you had discussed with a priest and then explained in charity and love why you couldn’t attend the wedding, I could see that. That’s a legitimate prudential decision. But to avoid it without explanation seems cowardly, cruel and a sin against charity.

 

[TheLittleLady]

May I add, a meditation on 1 Corinthians chapter 13 is in order.

Love bears all things, endures all things.

If I am the wisest most generous person who ever lived and I don’t have love, I am nothing.

Please, God, forgive me for the times I have been a sounding brass and a tinkling cymbal.

Perhaps it is time for our OP to ask his brother for forgiveness.

 

[halogirl]

That’s a matter for the OPs priest as to whether they have sinned. They have acted as they see fit and we shouldn’t be passing judgement just giving advice xxx

 

[Psalm30]

They have acted as they see fit and we shouldn’t be passing judgement just giving advice xxx

The OP has passed judgment on his brother. It wasn’t the right thing to do to refuse to attend his brother’s wedding without even saying why. The least he could have done was explain his views and tell his brother why he wouldn’t attend, but he didn’t. He just didn’t show up and that was hurtful to his brother and the rest of his family.

Now he doesn’t want to attend his brother’s military ceremony. Another hurtful thing done to the brother and the whole family.

The Church does not oblige us to shun people living in invalid marriages the way the OP has shunned his brother. We are supposed to treat everyone — especially our family members — with Christian love. That is the point posters are trying to make here.

 

[halogirl]

I get that but I think it’s a little wrong to say to someone they have sinned

 

[Psalm30]

I think it’s a little wrong to say to someone they have sinned

The Church says that one of the Spiritual Works of Mercy is to “Admonish the Sinner.”

The OP came here looking for advice. @twf gave his opinion and his advice to the OP was that his actions were possibly sinful. Twf did the right thing.

 

[halogirl]

Don’t look for the speck in your brother’s eye take out the log. We could agree that this is a major over reaction I would say

 

[Psalm30]

Don’t look for the speck in your brother’s eye take out the log. We could agree that this is a major over reaction I would say

I’m sorry, I’m really not sure who your “overreaction” comment is directed to — me, the OP, or twf. I’m just going to say one more thing: there was no tone of condemnation or judgement in twf’s post. He used words such as “I think” and “it seems” in reference to the OP’s actions being a sin, leaving room for a priest or anyone else to say otherwise. I personally didn’t get the slightest vibe of a holier-than-thou attitude or any impression that twf didn’t “notice the log in his own eye.” He responded to the OP’s request for advice, gave him good food for thought, and I really don’t think he could have been any gentler or worded it any better than he did. Take care and God bless.

 

[halogirl]

And you . I just hope the OP can have a lovely visit with the brother and they can all get along . Xx