Invitation by Homosexual daughter

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Fmarion

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Our daughter is in a homosexual relationship. She plans a so-called same-sex wedding. We will not be attending. She has invited us to meet her partner’s family pre-“wedding”, etc. at their apartment. My wife and I are discussing pros and cons of doing so. We in no way want to legitimize their relationship.
 
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It’s totally up to you. I’m sure you already made your position on the matter clear. Do you think everyone will behave well? Or do you think jabs could be exchanged? I’d be cautious for sure…
 
I’m going to bet your daughter knows your stand. The question is, how do you want give witness about Christ to your daughter, to her partner & her family. You are the ambassador of the Church in this situation.

Do you want to be Christ’s love, Christ who spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well treating her with dignity and compassion?

If so then ask what you can bring (a dessert, wine, etc.) and go be kind.

On the other hand, if you want to show witness that the Church shuns people who sin, to show that there is a clear line and once the sin crosses that line the sinner is virtually cast into outer darkness until they repent, then stay home.

Ball is in your court.

I can tell you what I would do, I would go meet the family. I would explain "about the wedding, Sally knows we are Catholics and I am sure that she respects our faith enough to understand why we cannot be part of the wedding. It does not mean that we do not love her and it does not mean we think Suzy is not a lovely young lady.

In the same way that compassionate people like Sally and Suzy would not demand their Jewish neighbors attend a dinner of pulled pork, they know that people can love and respect each other and hold different practices.

Now, who wants more coffee?"
 
I would reach out in charity to the parents.
They’re probably just as dismayed as you are. Be civil, be kind.
You don’t ave to give blanket approval to everything your children do, but you do have to keep loving them and keep the lines of communication open.
God bless you.
 
Fmarion said:
Our daughter is in a homosexual relationship. She plans a so-called same-sex wedding. We will not be attending. She has invited us to meet her partner’s family, etc. at their apartment. My wife and I are discussing pros and cons of doing so. We in no way want to legitimize their relationship.
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I believe the days are gone when attending these important familial moments in one’s own children’s life is seen by the Catholic public as denying Church teaching on the matter or legitimising the civil union.

Its your family, not the Church’s.
This could easily be THE moment when you are irreparably seen by your child to ostracise your child for good.

Are you prepared to risk that for some more abstract and somewhat airy fairy notion of 'scandal" by your being there. I wouldn’t, however much I am opposed to what they are doing.

I would politely make my views felt to her in private (and to anybody who has the nerve to ask me), how hard it is for me to accept the situation. But I would definitely support her by attending heart broken though I am. And I would meet in the inlaws.

You have to live this scenario, not the “Church”.
How is it we so easily forget Jesus was an embarrassment to his own followers and family.
Eating with tax collectors and sinners, being at odds with his own Church leaders and an embarrassment to middle class respectable society dying as a condemned criminal.

How is it we 2000 years later belong to an oh so respectable Church that has somehow managed to sweep this messy side of real Catholic faith and life under the carpet. Its in contradiction to the whole message of Christ and has never jelled with my experience of true Christianity or the mysterious ways of the Holy Spirit.

But then I am 60 and a daily mass go-er since the age of 15.
What do I know.
 
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BlackFriar said:
I believe the days are gone when attending these important familial moments in one’s own children’s life is seen by the Catholic public as denying Church teaching on the matter or legitimising the civil union.

Its your family, not the Church’s.

This could easily be THE moment when you are irreparably seen by your child to ostracise your child for good.

Are you prepared to risk that for some more abstract and somewhat airy fairy notion of 'scandal" by your being there. I wouldn’t, however much I am opposed to what they are doing.

I would politely make my views felt to her in private (and to anybody who has the nerve to ask me), how hard it is for me to accept the situation. But I would definitely support her by attending heart broken though I am. And I would meet in the inlaws.

You have to live this scenario, not the “Church”.

How is it we so easily forget Jesus was an embarrassment to his own followers and family.

Eating with tax collectors and sinners, being at odds with his own Church leaders and an embarrassment to middle class respectable society dying as a condemned criminal.

How is it we 2000 years later belong to an oh so respectable Church that has somehow managed to sweep this messy side of real Catholic faith and life under the carpet. Its in contradiction to the whole message of Christ and has never jelled with my experience of true Christianity or the mysterious ways of the Holy Spirit.

But then I am 60 and a daily mass go-er since the age of 15.

What do I know.
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  1. Admonishing the sinner is still considered a spiritual work of mercy by the Church.
  2. The CCC states that we participate in the sins of others if we do not discourage them.
  3. In John 6, the fear of losing disciples did not dissuade Jesus from His teaching regarding the necessity to eat His Body and drink His Blood.
  4. Christ did say that He came to set family members against each other (not because He was trying to be a homewrecker, but because His message was in and of itself divisive).
 
Norseman82 said:
Admonishing the sinner is still considered a spiritual work of mercy by the Church.
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Do quote me where I said the parents should not advise their daughter of their Catholic views?
2.The CCC states that we participate in the sins of others if we do not discourage them.
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Do quote me where I said the parents should not advise their daughter how hard it is for them to accept the situation?
3.In John 6, the fear of losing disciples did not dissuade Jesus from His teaching regarding the necessity to eat His Body and drink His Blood.
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Do quote me, or the OP, where Communion is the issue in this thread?
4.Christ did say that He came to set family members against each other (but because His message was in and of itself divisive).
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So is not attending major events in the lives of our children.
Do quote where Jesus taught we may not celebrate non Catholic weddings or civil unions?
The link between adultery and homosexual acts is somewhat remote.

Clearly the Church has reversed its once excommunicable view of Catholics marrying outside the Church.
Wouldn’t it be tragic if eventually the Church did the same for civil unions in 20 tears time - but too late for this family. The damage has been done…all that familial sacrifice/division/damage by loyally following changeable Church rules … for nothing.

Its a prudential Church rule. If our posters want to follow it they should do so because they themselves believe it must be so before God. Hopefully they don’t do so merely because they believe the Church wants it - for one day you may find the Church has left you high and dry on this one. Its their daughter, not the Church’s. The Church doesn’t know their daughter’s name.

So its a prudential decision not Church Doctrine as you appear to be mistakenly assuming.
But then its not your child.
 
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BlackFriar said:
I believe the days are gone when attending these important familial moments in one’s own children’s life is seen by the Catholic public as denying Church teaching on the matter or legitimising the civil union.
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This part is the important part. There are those who will compare a same sex marriage ceremony to any one of a number of wrongdoings. The difference is that, the couple is trying their best to do their best by committing themselves to eachother for no other reason than they love eachother. It isn’t the same as someone who robs a bank because they are greedy and want the fortune they set out to steal.

I believe @BlackFriar has this one nailed down perfectly. Solid, sage advice.
 
BlackFriar, Your response is clearly misguided and is replete with straw men arguments.
 
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If you’re not willing to meet her partners family are you saying that you’re willing to not have anykind of relationship with your daughter?
 
My cousin proclaimed herself a lesbian and conceived a child through IVF. That side of the family respectfully cut us off because they knew we didn’t agree with that kind of lifestyle. None of us admonished anyone but they knew that we weren’t on board. So, in the end, having some space keeps situations from escalating and getting worse. :man_shrugging:t2:
 
DeniseNY, Never said that. We have a relationship with her.
 
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I know you never said that. I was just asking if that was the case.
 
Well perhaps the only thing weaker than an alleged “strawman” argument is no argument at all…
 
BlackFriar said:
But then I am 60 and a daily mass go-er since the age of 15.

What do I know.
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Sure what does the “Church” know?

It amazes me that a mass going Catholic for the last 50 or so years would make light of the idea of scandal and more or less, dismiss Church teaching on this matter.
 
Go to dinner. But not the “wedding”.

No need to shun them completely but going to the wedding is essentially a celebration of their relationship.

I’d have no problem having dinner but I’d tell your daughter that while you don’t approve of the relationship, you still love her and want a relationship with her.
 
I have seen so many things once called scandal that no longer are in the eyes of the Church that I tend to take such sententious pontificating by the laity with a large dose of salts.

One benefit of having been around for a while 🙂.
 
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Maybe that’s less a reflection on the Church’s teaching than it is on how widely accepted certain evils are in society.

The thing about scandal is that it might be less “scandalous” at certain points in time, but the effect is still the same. But the idea of avoiding scandal is to try to prevent certain things becoming widely accepted.

In short…something mightn’t be scandalous in today’s society…but it still might be a thing to be avoided.
 
I concentrate on grace and minding my own spiritual business myself.

In 20 years time the Church will quietly accept the legalisation of SS relationships as it has done with decriminalisation of sodomy, prostitution, adultery etc etc etc.

Lets get over the fact that the time of Christendom has long expired and the Papal States were lost quite some time ago.
 
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