Invitation by Homosexual daughter

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Not so radical. An advice columnist in Slate fielded a question from gay twins who were longtime lovers.

And if consent is what makes a situation icky or not, then I fail to see how such a situation could be wrong.
 
QwertyGirl said:
In the case of the 35/13 situation, there is a huge factor present that isn’t in the same-sex wedding. In the 35/13 situation, the 35 year old is a despicable person because he is preying on a child who is not able to give consent. So the issue then becomes, do you stand by and witness abusive behavior in this way? A same sex relationship of consenting adults isn’t abusive because it is a same sex relationship of consenting adults.
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As you stated, you find an adult man marrying an underage girl to be problematic in a different way than a same-sex union would be problematic. That’s fine, and that’s what I expected, based on your previous posts. But my point is that I think you agree that there could be some wedding situation (for you it would be an adult man marrying an underage girl) that is problematic to such a degree or in such a way (in this case, because the man is “preying on a child who is not able to give consent”) that you might choose not to attend the wedding, even if it is the wedding of your own son. Let me know if I am putting words in your mouth, but that seems to me to be a fair summary.

Assuming that I am not misrepresenting you, then I think we are at least somewhat on the same page. It seems to me that we both see that there is at least some wedding ceremony that we might choose not to participate in, even for our own children. As I said in a previous post, my list of such scenarios is probably longer than yours, but the principle is the same.

And for my part, I believe that a homosexual union is every bit as problematic as a 35-year-old man marrying a 13-year-old girl – perhaps even more problematic. Yes, it is problematic for different reasons, as you stated. In one case, the problem stems from consent, and in the other it stems from natural law and sexual morality. I’m not expecting you to agree with my reasons, but that might help you to understand where I’m coming from in saying that I wouldn’t attend this type of “wedding.”

In summary, I think that we both agree that in certain difficult situations, a parent would have to balance the desires to be there for a child’s special occasion and not to alienate the child, with the desire not to support something that is gravely immoral or harmful. We definitely disagree strongly on the prudential question of how to balance these two sides in certain specific situations, like a same-sex “wedding” ceremony. We may even disagree on whether homosexual acts qualify as gravely immoral or harmful. But I think we can at least agree that there are times when a parent must weigh those two sides and make a decision, and that either decision (to attend or not to attend) could be a valid one, at least in some situation(s).
 
Again, you either love your kid or you don’t. A 35 year old who is interested in marrying a 13 year old has something going on in his background that it isn’t quite right. Not sure if it is a familial problem, but I would say it probably is. So again., not the same as same-sex marriage of consenting adults. I don’t live in other people’s family so I don’t know what goes on in their families. I just go back to my original statement. Either you love your kid, or you don’t. Just because something makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you should automatically reject your kid. If you’re feeling uncomfortable I would suggest doing a lot of self-searching to find out if it is because of something inside of you or truly because of the beliefs of other people. Then choose accordingly.

I get your premise. You are equating pedophilia to homosexuality, in an effort to explain that it is reasonable that everybody has different levels of comfort. That in and of itself is quite offencive. It would be very divisive in a family if a parent would equate their homosexual child to a pedophile. It’s not the same thing whatsoever. So where as you may think it’s a good illustration of how somebody could be turned off by the idea of another person’s concept of marriage, it is not equitable in any way shape or form.
 
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teddy1 said:
One thing that I don’t understand on this site is how petty things can get. I am a Catholic who supports same sex marriage. I don’t understand what the issue is here. It’s just two people who love each other, why would you not want to celebrate that? That your child has found someone who they are ready to dedicate the rest of their life too? They all seem like great things to me.
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No, it’s not a legitimate form of love; it is sin - a form of perverted lust. Please read Romans 1.
 
teddy1 said:
I don’t understand what the issue is here. It’s just two people who love each other, why would you not want to celebrate that?
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I believe that your question is misleading, because the English word “love” can have multiple meanings. So I would ask for clarification: In what way do they love each other?

C.S. Lewis and many other thinkers refer to four different types of love, based on four ancient Greek words for love:
  1. Affection (storge)
  2. Friendship (philia)
  3. Erotic or sexual love (eros)
  4. Charity or sacrificial love (agape)
If two men or two women have affection/storge love, or friendship/philia love, or sacrificial/agape love for each other, I don’t see a problem with that. I would agree that that is a good thing, and I would have no principled objection to celebrating that. But in the situations we are discussing here, I think we all assume that the two men or two women also share sexual/eros love for each other, since sexual/eros love is generally considered to be an important part of marriage. And that is where the problem comes in, because two men or two women are not sexually complementary. They cannot complete the sexual act with each other; they can only simulate it in various ways. Their bodies were not made for each other. Thus eros between them is not directed toward their ultimate good, and is not something that I would celebrate.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
Either you love your kid, or you don’t. Just because something makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean you should automatically reject your kid
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The OP clearly loves their kid, as they are obviously quite concerned for their eternal soul.

I might love my 5 year old kid…but I won’t allow them to play with sharp knives.
Sometimes love is tough.
 
teddy1 said:
It’s just two people who love each other, why would you not want to celebrate that?
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Love is seeking the ultimate good of the other.

Homosexuality is objectively immoral and against God’s law. Two people in a homosexual relationship cannot be seeking the true good of the other as they are behaving in a manner that puts each other’s eternal souls at risk.
If you don’t believe that, well fair enough, but that’s what the church actually teaches. You shouldn’t be here on this forum trying to convince people to reject Church teaching. I believe it’s against the rules.
 
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Exactly. The parents have to decide if they love their kid, and how they are going to express it. The (adult) kid has to decide if it is acceptable or not. That is my point. It isn’t the same for everyone. If the parent decides one thing, but it isn’t acceptable to the child, that should be a problem for everyone. Hopefully, parents know their kids well enough and the relationship is a strong one, that it is never even an issue.

I must say, whenever this issue comes up on CAF about “should I attend my child’s wedding” I do a big eyeroll. If they had a strong relationship with their kid, they would already know the answer (and I am not implying the correct answer is to “go”). They know their kid, their family dynamic, their faith, and themselves well enough to make it work (whatever that looks like in their particular situation).

If they are coming to CAF for the answer, I suspect the family has bigger problems than difficulty in deciding whether or not to go to a wedding.
 
I don’t believe the OP asked for advice on whether they should go to the wedding. They have already decided not to go.

The initial post was about attending their dinner.

To be honest, I would not attend any gay “wedding”. And I really think there’s enough theology on the subject to come to the conclusion that a Catholic should never attend one.
 
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AdamP88 said:
To be honest, I would not attend any gay “wedding”. And I really think there’s enough theology on the subject to come to the conclusion that a Catholic should never attend one.
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Needing CAF to help you decide if you should attend a dinner (rather than a wedding), is the same thing, if not worse. Anyhow…

If you don’t want to go to a gay wedding, don’t go. It is well within your right to make that decision. However, I notice from one of your recent posts that you don’t have kids yet. Having kids can have a way of changing things. Just saying.
 
AdamP88 said:
That assumes I would compromise my faith to show false compassion to my kids. Not gonna happen.
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Not at all. It suggests that as you continue to grow in your faith and learn more about it you may see that not all components of the faith are equal. Parenting is a beautiful thing that way. Priorities can stay the same. Balance is what changes. You seem to be a rather black and white thinker when it comes to your faith. I commend you on your commitment. All I am saying is that as you age, your hair isn’t the only thing that can take on some grey. It is a good thing. I was a very black and white thinker when I was younger. Still can be. But a little greyness is reasonable sometimes. As a priest once told me, human beings didn’t invent the color grey.
 
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I wouldn’t consider getting lax in terms of morality or Church Teaching a “growth” of my faith.

Your faith in Christ and relationship with Him is what is supposed to grow. If I already have a full understanding of a particular Church teaching, then what more growth is needed?

Maybe what’s needed is a little more black and white. Seems like everything is grey these days.
Happiness is not moral greyness, it is following the law of God freely and with love.
 
Who said anything about moral greyness? That isn’t what I even implied.

Greyness as in understanding that not every situation handed to you in life fits into a nice, neat peg as if you have a flow chart diagram for resolving every issue.

God did give us brains to problem solve, afterall. Not everything is clear cut.
 
QwertyGirl said:
Greyness as in understanding that not every situation handed to you in life fits into a nice, neat peg as if you have a flow chart diagram for resolving every issue.

God did give us brains to problem solve, afterall. Not everything is clear cut.
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But many situations do. And in fairness, we’re talking about moral issues, not whether I should buy apples or oranges in the shop.
 
I love my daughter sooooo much that I will not condone her grave sin of “marrying” another woman - even if my daughter were to never speak with me again - though that’s not my wish or choice.
 
If you have made it clear to your daughter that you won’t be attending the “wedding” then it would be probably be a good idea to attend the pre-wedding dinner to meet the the partner’s parents. This is assuming that the guests will not put pressure on you to attend the wedding. I would advise you to talk to an orthodox priest who can give you guidance concerning these issues. I hope that you can figure out a way to keep your daughter in your life without compromising your religious beliefs. She is going to do this whether you approve or not and she may even have a child in the future. Try to show love where you can because there will come a day when she really needs you. I’m sorry that you have to go through this. Pray for your daughter.
 
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