Invitation from a friend

[Archide]

Ok, so I’ll make this a quick one…

I have a very dear and old friend who is a Franciscan Friar. He is in town and is inviting me to dinner.

Here is the scenario:

I’d like to pay

I’ve stated if I pay I will be more comfortable bringing my family and best friend to meet someone from my past.

I’ll be more comfortable eating and offering him the opportunity to eat anything on the menu.

I personally have no external faith, but the closest thing to that for me is food. Sharing food with people is a wonder to me in life.

He’s a Franciscan Friar and supposedly this comes with a vow of poverty??

Can someone offer me direction here… he’s exceptionally stubborn, but so am I.

 

[GratefulFred]

Well I am not Dear Abby or Miss Manners so I could be wrong.

The Friar has invited you. I presume as his guest. As a guest, I would let the host control the when, the where, the who, etc. Perhaps the Friar wants to enjoy a dinner with you alone in honor of your past friendship. So a counter offer to expand the invitees may be a nice gesture, but if he does not want to expand, then I would accept his original invitation as it was given.

A guest usually RETURNS the favor of an invite at a later time. At that second dinner you may then want to invite others. If another meal is not in the near future, you could always send his parrish or abbey or whatever a donation for more than the cost of the meal.

It is not a matter of who is more “stubborn.” It is a simple matter of letting the host arrange the get together. I would not try to take it over.

Others may have other thoughts.

 

[Archide]

Makes sense, so a bit more …

I suggested a group setting but then offered whatever option he wanted. Myself and him, myself and the wife, myself the wife and kids, and finally myself/wife/kids/best friend.

He said to basically bring them all he was shocked I raised kids and thinks it should never have been allowed most likely .

So being that he opted for everyone… I don’t think it felt to me like an intrusion.

So how the heck can I be ok with adding the people, and him paying?

On top of that, how does this whole vow of poverty work? How could he pay for a night out like this without question?

 

[GratefulFred]

Sorry for the delay. Been busy.

I don’t know how the vow of poverty works or how it works in the various religious orders. One could live in an apartment and not a mansion; own a used Chevy and not a new Lexus, eat at a regular restaurant and not Ruth Chris Steak House, etc.

Anyway I would be prepared to pay the entire cost of dinner. The Friar may want to pay just his own share or perhaps for the entire dinner. Or he may expect you to treat him.

Either way I would allow him to do as he wishes that night. And later I would make a donation for his costs and some more to his Order. But I would not mention the dinner, just that I am donating in the name of my friend, Friar ______.

Again, that is just me.

Sounds like a nice get together.