Invitation from cohabiting brother?

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LittleFlower378

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Hi all,

Just wanted some thoughts on this. My brother, who lives in California is living with his girlfriend for a few years now, wants my 12 year old daughter for her birthday to fly to visit him so he can take her to a Golden State Warriors basketball game. My daughter would probably stay at their place for a few nights. Deep down I think this is a bad situation for my brother and could cause scandal to my daughter to see a non married couple living together. Also, my dad who is “re-married” and divorced and back together with the same partner are flying my daughter out there and staying with them as well. What are your thoughts?
 
Hi Littleflower please listen to your conscience - you know that it would be a bad example for your daughter to be put in the position of staying with your brother.
Could you fly with her and stay in a motel?
It’s one thing to take a flight with someone. Quite another to stay over night.
It’s so hard when it’s family too. I would love to see my sisters new place and take my boys - they love her. I can’t and haven’t so far as she lives such a distance from us we would need to stay over.
 
LittleFlower378 said:
What are your thoughts?
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My thoughts are that it doesn’t matter what our thoughts are. If you put it out on an internet forum you will get every answer under the sun.

You and your husband have to decide what is best for your DD. You know her, you know her formation and her stage of development and how sensitive she is to these things. You and your DH should decide and if you feel you need a consult talk it over with your pastor.
 
I think the first situation you described is a straightforward thing.
It doesn’t matter how mature etc your daughter is, it is still a bad idea to send her to spend the night with your brother and his girlfriend. It is a bad example for her regardless of where she is in development and how sensitive she is etc.

I’m not sure I totally understand the situation with your father (is he remarried?), so I won’t comment on that one, but yeah, I cannot see it ever being a good idea to send a 12 year old to stay overnight alone with a cohabiting couple barring any extreme circumstances/emergencies (and wanting to go to watch a game is not an extreme circumstance/emergency).
 
LittleFlower378 said:
Hi all,

Just wanted some thoughts on this. My brother, who lives in California is living with his girlfriend for a few years now, wants my 12 year old daughter for her birthday to fly to visit him so he can take her to a Golden State Warriors basketball game. My daughter would probably stay at their place for a few nights. Deep down I think this is a bad situation for my brother and could cause scandal to my daughter to see a non married couple living together. Also, my dad who is “re-married” and divorced and back together with the same partner are flying my daughter out there and staying with them as well. What are your thoughts?
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If you make it clear you don’t condone what they’re doing and you think your daughter is old enough to understand that it could be ok. It would all hinge on how mature you think your daughter is and if she truly understands your objections to your brother’s lifestyle.

Another thing to consider is how often does she get to see her uncle? If this is a once in a decade opportunity I’d think it would be more likely to be ok than if your brother was coming to visit the following month for example. Plus how much does she like the Warriors? It may sound inconsequential, but it really may not be. For example I took a trip to the east coast when I was a bit younger than your sister to see relatives. I can’t tell you a darn thing I did on that trip or person I saw other than my memories of visiting Fenway Park. I’ve always loved that ballpark, and visiting it for the first time is something I still remember and cherish to this day almost 30 years later despite not remembering a thing about the rest of that trip. If she’s a big Warriors fan but never gets to see them in person this could be one of those once in a lifetime experiences that sticks with her and overwhelms any other thing that happens on this trip including seeing your brother and his partner.
 
LittleFlower378 said:
Hi all,

Just wanted some thoughts on this. My brother, who lives in California is living with his girlfriend for a few years now, wants my 12 year old daughter for her birthday to fly to visit him so he can take her to a Golden State Warriors basketball game. My daughter would probably stay at their place for a few nights. Deep down I think this is a bad situation for my brother and could cause scandal to my daughter to see a non married couple living together. Also, my dad who is “re-married” and divorced and back together with the same partner are flying my daughter out there and staying with them as well. What are your thoughts?
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I would not place my daughter in that situation. Golden state is overrated.

Oh and sending a 12 year old girl to stay with her uncle who is shacking up is a bad bad idea too.
 
1ke said:
My thoughts are that it doesn’t matter what our thoughts are. If you put it out on an internet forum you will get every answer under the sun.

You and your husband have to decide what is best for your DD. You know her, you know her formation and her stage of development and how sensitive she is to these things. You and your DH should decide and if you feel you need a consult talk it over with your pastor.
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in agreement 🙂
 
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. You all have helped me very much. Monicaid you made a great point about not selling out for “fun.” That is something our family needs to work on.

GS is overrated, my daughter and I enjoyed the past two NBA finals rooting against the Cavs and for Curry and the Warriors. I think she took it too far though, she is supposed to be a Bulls fan like her dad!
 
LittleFlower378 said:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. You all have helped me very much. Monicaid you made a great point about not selling out for “fun.” That is something our family needs to work on.

GS is overrated, my daughter and I enjoyed the past two NBA finals rooting against the Cavs and for Curry and the Warriors. I think she took it too far though, she is supposed to be a Bulls fan like her dad!
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My mother tried hard to always make sure we understood living together was wrong. She struggled a lot because a number of my friends had divorce parents who were “dating.” She didn’t want me to miss out on sleepovers and get togethers. She normally said no, except in the case of my best friend. I appreciated her kindness and how hard the decision had to have been for her.

But I wish she had stuck to her guns. It would have made a huge impression on me about how important this matter is. That would have been a good counter balance to all the teachings/examples/arguments I was getting from the rest of the world.
 
Swisscath said:
Hi Littleflower please listen to your conscience - you know that it would be a bad example for your daughter to be put in the position of staying with your brother.
Could you fly with her and stay in a motel?
It’s one thing to take a flight with someone. Quite another to stay over night.
It’s so hard when it’s family too. I would love to see my sisters new place and take my boys - they love her. I can’t and haven’t so far as she lives such a distance from us we would need to stay over.
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I agree with this
 
To the OP, I’m surprised you are even asking this question. Of course not! And I’m a huge fan, all the way back to when GS were the San Francisco Warriors.

Take your daughter to a Bulls game instead. The Bulls are playing the Warriors in Chicago on March 2, 2017.
 
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