Is 17 too young to marry?

[THurifer2]

Well if you plan on going to college plan on doing it with children. Being a Catholic you likely realize that the ONLY form of family planning is NFP. I have heard that younger women have a tougher time following through with NFP. Not impossible but if you wait…you may find an easier time of it going through college without children.

 

[HannahLisa]

If he’ll only be seventeen when you move over there, that could be a problem. What age is considered an adult in Ireland? Also, it might be a good idea to talk to your parents before you do anything rash. Plus if you all haven’t met yet, you should probably do that before you actually get married. Online and in person relationships are different.

My parents were married when my mom was nineteen and my dad was almost twenty-one. They have been married twenty years. So I know young marriages can work, though I’m sure it’s not easy.

I’m eighteen and a half and my boyfriend is almost eighteen. We know we want to get married someday, but for us someday is definitely not now. Perhaps someday for you will be when you are eighteen and he’s seventeen. But if so, that is NOT going to be easy, especially if your parents refuse to support you. It may be doable; it may not. You could be right on about this whole thing, or you could be all wrong. I don’t know that. Only you can figure that out. But that is something you definitely need to pray about a LOT before you do anything.

God bless!!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

It has been done before. Therefore, I would say it is not TOO young. Is this all your soul wants from life?

BTW, why are you asking an internet forum for an answer to this life altering decision? Under the “Honor thy mother and father” rule, is this what they recommend? They are as sober an assessment of the situation as you can find. If you do not have a “good” relationship with your parents, you should put your major life decisions on hold and work on the relationship with your parents. If you cannot do this, your ability to form a lasting mature relationship with a 17-year-old is highly doubtful (not to mention his ability to form a lasting mature relationship with you).

May God’s love be with you and your parents and your young friend.

VERY VERY good insight here.

You may know your own mind at this point. Some compared it to going into the military or law school or something. But the difference is, you are driving your own boat there. You are only dependent on the direction you are taking yourself and whether you want to continue. If you marry someone else so young, you cannot guarantee they won’t change radically as their brain grows and matures (which it does physically until they are about 25.) You cannot guarantee that they won’t eventually want to go in another direction. You can’t control them. It’s not like a vocation that only depends on your own choices. Marriage binds you and your fortune and your future to someone else’s whims. Proceed with caution and only on the advice of people who know you both and are older and wiser.

 

[monicatholic]

In our culture, seventeen is too young to marry. In the past, and in other cultures, marriage as teens was/is acceptable because life expectancy was/is shorter and childhood was/is shorter, too. there was no protracted adolesence. today there is.

today, adolescence is so protracted, many think themselves unready to marry well into their thirties. as another poster argued, they spend decades and oodles of cash trying to LIVE a little-- trying to get all the material and experiential stuff they can rack up. NONE of that makes them more ready for the total self giving of sacramental marriage.

seventeen is too young simply because society has not imposed an adult maturity and adult expectation on you or on your boyfriend.

instead of either rushing into marriage OR floundering forever in protracted adolescence, why not spend the next few years practicing the self-mastery of chastity, discerning God’s day to day call for you, improve your prayer life and relationship with HIm, yourself, parents and your boyfriend. also, a few years living the realworld economy might be a help. (if working a few years at increased Irish payscale were really a solution to financial woes, everyone would be doing it. in fact, the cost of living in ireland can be astonishingly high.)

 

[AHapka]

Whoa, whoa, whoa…TIME OUT!!!

Since when are our spouses chosen for us? The catechism indirectly implies that WE choose our own spouses.

Did not Jesus say “What God has brought together, man must not split asunder”? We may choose the spouse in some respects, but if God had never brought us together there wouldn’t even be the opportunity to make the choice…

 

[Norseman82]

Did not Jesus say “What God has brought together, man must not split asunder”? We may choose the spouse in some respects, but if God had never brought us together there wouldn’t even be the opportunity to make the choice…

Actually, it is translated as “joined together”, not “brought together”.

 

[kettle]

I’d like to point out the obvious, although it seems to have escaped some… there is a rather large difference in maturity (to say the least) between a 17 y/o and someone in their early 20s. I was married at 22, and have been married now for 14 years; I was not nearly ready to marry at 17, and neither was anyone else I knew.

Yes, everyone is different, blah blah blah… the truth is that the vast majority of 17 y/o’s are not even remotely ready for marriage, yet nearly every 17 y/o who is “in love” thinks they are the exception instead of the norm. Unfortunately, they’re usually wrong.

Marriage is so much more than just saying, “I do.” If you seriously believe that you and your partner are ready for marriage, I suggest you seek counsel from your priest(s). To advise you in any other way would just be wrong.

 

[Norseman82]

Hi everyone,
My question is simple. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married (someday) and I’m going to be with him in his country (He’s from Ireland) next summer. He’ll be 17 and I 18, is that too young for marriage?

Thanks
God bless:irish3:

Getting back to the original question.

I don’t know you, I don’t know your boyfriend. Even if 17 is too young to get married, it is not too young to prepare for marriage, even if if the marriage is years in the future. So use this time to discern if he would make a good husband, and for him to discern if you would make a good wife, or for making those changes in your life (education, etc.) that would lead up to marriage.

 

[deb1]

Getting back to the original question.

I don’t know you, I don’t know your boyfriend. Even if 17 is too young to get married, it is not too young to prepare for marriage, even if if the marriage is years in the future. So use this time to discern if he would make a good husband, and for him to discern if you would make a good wife, or for making those changes in your life (education, etc.) that would lead up to marriage.

This is good advice.

 

[TOP]

I met my wife when I was 17. That was 20 years ago. You have to be prepared to endure everything together. Too early for most, but not for all. Tim

 

[mschrank]

Well, let me say one thing.

It really depends on how you guys are attracted to one another. Do you guys think you are soul mates because you both like the same bands and wear the same kind of clothes?

I don’t mean to be insulting. I met a girl when I was 19 and spend several years with her, and I would of probably married her if she wanted to get married. Luckily, she had more sense than that, and we split up. I thought she was the one because we both liked the same bands, the same poets, and the same popular culture.

After that, I met a wonderful woman who shared so much deeper and more adult concepts and ideas and dreams with me. We just got married last month.

The reason why the first relationship didn’t work was because our whole relationship was based on the trappings of popular culture for people in their late teens and early 20s. We did like the same bands, felt they ‘spoke to us’, poetry, movies, you know, it’s a PHASE people go through. By the time I was 24, I had outgrown that stuff and we really had nothing in common.

Then when I was a bit older, I met my wife and I found someone who shared with me important things which are adult in their nature. Ethics, morality, family, the Faith and the Church. One does not outgrow these things, they are the opposite of those things which St. Paul speaks of “putting away” when he became a Man.

I think you need to look at what your relationship is based on. If its based on passing things, whether it be lust or a certain rock band or passion for a particular form of art, or even teen angst, then please wait until you are a bit older.

 

[chevalier]

Judging by what I see around me, I would say few people would be ready to marry at age 17 and I don’t think I was, for that matter. Now, the girl I fell for when I was 17 would actually have been a great choice (I still have bitter moments of regret and I’m 24 now), but given that I ran away from her because I thought she was giving me a polite cold shower while in truth she really had no time at that point, says much about my maturity back then. I don’t know you or your boyfriend, so I can’t talk for you, but I wouldn’t advise any haste.

 

[Geremia]

i am 26 with our 5th child on the way. its no walk in the park and i am definately a totally different person now then i was there, him too. :Some how, with Gods help we have not grown a part like so many times happens in marriage.

That marriage is “no walk in the park” might seem repulsive to those single and discerning marriage, but as St. Francis de Sales says in his Introduction to the Devout Life:

The world, looking on, sees that devout persons fast, watch and pray, endure injury patiently, minister to the sick and poor, restrain their temper, check and subdue their passions, deny themselves in all sensual indulgence, and do many other things which in themselves are hard and difficult. But the world sees nothing of that inward, heartfelt devotion which makes all these actions pleasant and easy. Watch a bee hovering over the mountain thyme; the juices it gathers are bitter, but the bee turns them all to honey, and so tells the worldling, that though the devout soul finds bitter herbs along its path of devotion, they are all turned to sweetness and pleasantness as it treads; and the martyrs have counted fire, sword, and rack but as perfumed flowers by reason of their devotion.

The word “devout” comes from the Latin de- “formally” vovere “to vow.”

Strive to lead a devout life; receive the sacraments frequently, especially the eucharist and confession; and place all your faith in God.

 

[kevinsgirl]

That marriage is “no walk in the park” might seem repulsive to those single and discerning marriage, but as St. Francis de Sales says in his Introduction to the Devout Life:

The word “devout” comes from the Latin de- “formally” vovere “to vow.”

Strive to lead a devout life; receive the sacraments frequently, especially the eucharist and confession; and place all your faith in God.

Old thread.

 

[Lucania]

Hi everyone,
My question is simple. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married (someday) and I’m going to be with him in his country (He’s from Ireland) next summer. He’ll be 17 and I 18, is that too young for marriage?

Thanks
God bless:irish3:

My first question is how long have you been dating? My second question is what’s the hurry? Generally speaking, I believe 17 is too young for marriage. I started dating my DH when I was 16 & he was 17. We got married at ages 20 & 21. We have a wonderful marriage, celebrating 33 years this October. Having said that, it was very tough in the first 5 years. At your ages you have alot of growing to do. What about education or job future? Will you & he be able to handle financial responsibilities, your own place to live, not to mention any children you would be blessed with? It’s a big responsibility and committment, one that should be given much thought.

 

[BostonMyrtleBea]

I can tell you one is never old enough to live together outside of marriage, so I would hope you aren’t going to live together in Ireland.

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**Yes, Ireland may be one of the highest paying countries in europe, but that’s probably because everything costs more too. higher median income = higher cost of living, sometimes much higher. and higher median income does NOT mean it will be easy to get a job either, sometimes it means just to opposite. Make sure you have a job waiting for you before you move their to live. You can also start the application process for college before you move and see what offers you get. Do not wait until you are over there with no money, no dorm/apt, and no family to get the ball rolling or you might find yourself in deep waters without boat to float in. **

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I think …
Wait.

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**Not because 17 might be too young for you or because the love may not be true, but because it appears neither of you have much of a plan for supporting each other at this point. And that’s a huge part of marriage, being able to know you can count on one another to help each other come good or bad. (Emotionally, financially, mentally, physically…) Loving intentions to do so are great, but not very helpful in actually being able to help each other. **

Much agreed! I just got back last month. My brother lives in Ireland and his wife is from there. Though the pay is okay, the good jobs, like in many places, require degrees. Also, living there is extremely expensive from housing to food! We think gas is expensive here? When I went, it was $8.00 and a 12-pk of coke ($2.50 - $3.50 here) was over $6.00. People who live there can tell you all that. They are also changing the rules about peat for fireplaces (I think next year) which is going to make staying warm very, very expensive.

Have you thought about just going out there for college and then see where it takes you? They are being very tough these days with work visas, so I doubt you can just hop over and get a job.

 

[shannyk]

He’ll be 17 and I 18, is that too young for marriage?

If you have to ask…then yes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy too young.

Everyone’s stories are anecdotal, and what society says and all that blah blah, forget it.

Here’s a fact. A 17 year old is still very much a growing changing person, and even in 2-4 years you will be an entirely different and more mature (even if you are ALREADY mature for your age) more grounded person.

Think of it this way…marriage is a vocation, like religious life is a vocation. Religious, nuns and priests, have to go through a lengthy process of discernment and preparation because it’s a HUGE commitment. Marriage is a HUUUUUUUGE commitment as well, one that requires GREAT sacrifice. Don’t ever think otherwise or you are fooling yourself. Why not take some time to prepare and discern? I think your future husband and children deserve that much.:twocents:

 

[Salonika]

If you have to ask…then yes; WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAy too young.

Here’s a fact. A 17 year old is still very much a growing changing person, and even in 2-4 years you will be an entirely different and more mature (even if you are ALREADY mature for your age) more grounded person.

Think of it this way…marriage is a vocation, like religious life is a vocation. Religious, nuns and priests, have to go through a lengthy process of discernment and preparation because it’s a HUGE commitment… Why not take some time to prepare and discern? I think your future husband and children deserve that much.

Agree with this.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

WOW this thread is from Dec 07! By now this person is probably 18!! LOL

 

[beckyann2597]

Hi,
I was married when I was 18 to my 19 yr old boyfriend. We were pregnant and decided to get married in a hurry to make our parents happy. WE had always planned on being married, but not until after we had gotten a bit of college done.

I wanted to know if you felt like there was some sort of hurry to tie the knot? Is there a life threatening disease,a baby coming or any other reason? If not, I would wait. You have plenty of time to consider this lifelong decision and it won’t hurt anything if you decide to wait.

My husband and I are still together and very happy, BTW. But I have to say that we were quite realistic about marriage and our commitment to our child and our marriage. I have known 30 year olds who were less mature than we were.