M
MattJB
Guest
So… What about sex toys for anal stimulation of either partner? Is this sinful? (Not based upon your own personal opinion or interpretation, but upon what the Church teaches.)
Any act that undermines the procreative or unitive is sinful. As Catholics this is basic knowledge.So… What about sex toys for anal stimulation of either partner? Is this sinful? (Not based upon your own personal opinion or interpretation, but upon what the Church teaches.)
Do whatever you have to do to please your woman man. And just be happy to be well, getting some.Such as oral stimulation, (Not oral sex where the sex act is completed outside the vagina, but merely stimulating the area with your mouth as an act of foreplay.)
Also, what about sex toys and stimulating the genital region with the hands/fingers? (again, only as stimulation, not as a means to complete the marital act outside of the possibility of life)
AMEN! If you want to see proof, just look at couples who encounter impotence for what ever reason. If sex is about expressing free and truthful and faithful love, how does a marriage end when a man loses the ability to have an erection?Firstly, I’m one of the Catholic faithful that does not believe that Theology of the Body and other Papal documents on married love, condons any version of unnatural intercourse even if it is claimed to be ‘foreplay’.
So it depends what you mean by ‘sex toys’ here. A feather to tickle with or something along those lines is different to an artificial penis used to simulate intercourse in either vagina or anal passage and underminds a critical moment of the unitive in love making. The body, with it’s heightened feelings and desires in that case, is bonding to an inanimate object. The body doesn’t distinguish things in the way our intellect does.
It is painfully evident that when a marriage breaks down, many spouses are shocked that their active and creative bedroom life was not the unitive communion they had thought it to be. ‘Anything goes’ inside the marriage bed is a very destructive lie that’s being perpetrated to the detriment of strong long lasting marriage.
If this is truly your concern, about “getting some”, then may I suggest to you Ephesians 5:25-27.Do whatever you have to do to please your woman man. And just be happy to be well, getting some.
What would be the purpose of the marital embrace with the “climax” purposely excluded? I can tell you, pleasure of the flesh, lust. I am truly amazed by some of the comments put forth by “Catholic” “men” on these threads. I see why I have stayed away from this particular forum. Sad…It doesn’t violate the procreative aspect as long as neither climaxes.
What about when impotence occurs in a marriage which even chemicals can not overcome. I have had two (non-Catholic) older friends ask me about this and I have urged them to keep their wives happy lest they become frustrated and the marriage ends. I find it difficult to believe that God would be unhappy with me for guiding a married couple to stay together (one has two small children so the impotence is a new occurrence).Touche. Thanks.
I guess the important part is that actual intercourse takes place and the male orgasm does not occur outside of intercourse.
If the husband becomes impotent and can not engage in the marital act, he cannot, instead, bring his wife to climax outside the marital act. That would be masturbation…and intrinsic evil. Frustration can be remedied in more ways than just sexual climax.What about when impotence occurs in a marriage which even chemicals can not overcome. I have had two (non-Catholic) older friends ask me about this and I have urged them to keep their wives happy lest they become frustrated…
This assumes that the couple’s marriage is based solely on sex. It shouldn’t be. A couple can still stay together and remain married even if they are no longer able to have intercourse. Difficult, burdensome, trying, challenging, and a heavy cross to carry? You bet. But all things are possible with God.…and the marriage ends. I find it difficult to believe that God would be unhappy with me for guiding a married couple to stay together (one has two small children so the impotence is a new occurrence).
If you are referring to relying on masturbation or mutual masturbation, this would be sinful in the eyes of God.There are some couples who have certain situations either temporarily or permanently that makes having sex in the “normal” way not possible, so they have to find other ways to please each other, nothing wrong with that. Marriage should be based on love, not sex, and there should be no rules on what can and can’t be done within a marriage because some couples may be in situations where certain things have to be done certain ways. Some men may have problems getting and keeping an erection and may need to rely on outside tools or improvise with other methods during intimate times and some women during pregnancy may be advised to not have penetration and that’s when couples have to improvise also. There are many situations where improvising has to be done either temporarily or permanently which is why it’s not that simple to just say anything other than “normal” sex is a sin within marriage. Those things are definitely better than spouses being tempted to sin because of lack of sexual fulfillment when they really love their spouse and can simply work around certain situations.
Yes.There’s a fair amount of confusion in this thread.
Catholic sex would never be described as ‘anything goes.’Firstly, I’m one of the Catholic faithful that does not believe that Theology of the Body and other Papal documents on married love, condons any version of unnatural intercourse even if it is claimed to be ‘foreplay’.
So it depends what you mean by ‘sex toys’ here. A feather to tickle with or something along those lines is different to an artificial penis used to simulate intercourse in either vagina or anal passage and underminds a critical moment of the unitive in love making. The body, with it’s heightened feelings and desires in that case, is bonding to an inanimate object. The body doesn’t distinguish things in the way our intellect does.
It is painfully evident that when a marriage breaks down, many spouses are shocked that their active and creative bedroom life was not the unitive communion they had thought it to be. ‘Anything goes’ inside the marriage bed is a very destructive lie that’s being perpetrated to the detriment of strong long lasting marriage.
You would also be very pleased to see the statistics of couples just like the one you speak of. The facts support the thoughts you have. The numbers of teens waiting until marriage for giving up their virginity is going up, not just slightly but quite a bit in the last 30 or so years. There is a movement among the youth to seek out the truth and I believe it has much to do with TOB and Christopher West’s work in this field. Also, people like Jason Everett and his wife Crystalina, Jackie Francois and many others who have brought the truth of human relations straight to our kids. There are some great works being done with our youth…PRAISE GOD!I was very pleased, just three months previous, to observe the wedding of two faithful young Catholics of my age. While I can’t say that I “know” for sure anything about their intimate relationship, I have a very real confidence that these two remained abstinent throughout their dating and engagement period and I’m so very proud of them for that.
This aunt is quite wrong and should be told why she is and made aware of her mistake. I’m not sure how you equate this to us though. I teach in youth ministry on a diocesan level and never shy away from these topics, birth control, masturbation, same sex attraction, marital sex, etc. There are many who have their own views and want them to be the view of all but this is not acceptable.I say with revulsion and disgust that some of their family members do not respect the faith, and so one of the bride’s aunts gifted her with birth control… publicly. This aunt knew that the couple was against premarital sex and contraception and did it anyway, as a way to “shame” them. It was a nightmare, and she ought to be ashamed of herself.
I’m not sure how you see my points as “shielding them from guidance”. My wife and I together teach these topics whenever we have the chance. We teach it in a positive manner, not a negative and distrusting manner like you describe. We trust our kids in youth ministry to listen to the Word of God and TOB in the context of Catholic teaching. We give them the entire truth, not just the part that says “oral sex is technically ok”. There has been no shame from me about the natural marital embrace. In all of the sources that have been provided to me since I jumped in on this and the other thread, none have done anything except to further my understanding that there are multiple sides of this truth; on one side, oral stimulation is technically ok (a quote from one of the sources and backed up in all of them, not my choice of words), we must use moderation not to become slaves of the sensual and therefore subject to the sin of lust.Pardon me for that tangent, but, you see, I am quite concerned for couples such as this one. Beset on all sides by enemies, on the one hand, the perverted modern culture which glorifies lust. On the other, those who would shield them from guidance, and shame natural embraces such as the declaration that one spouse may only touch another here, here and there, or kiss another here and there, but not here or there, and so on.
I have not ever dismissed CW’s work as “ilk”. But again, his teaching and all of this needs to be presented in such a manner that there is a complete work as to what is truth, not a simple endorsement. I applaud CW’s work; he puts things in words that make it easier for me and my wife, the deacon and the coordinator of youth ministry for our parish, who are primarily charged with youth ministry in the parish and diocesan level.The discussion of sexuality in our twisted modern culture would encourage them to engage in all kinds of depravities, and yet they resist. So what? So they turn to the teachings of West and the like, to receive some guidance that can clarify all which has been muddied by the culture. And so then, you say, no, how dare you, for I say West is and his ilk are depraved as well! Despite your best loving intentions, you may not touch here, nor kiss there, nor this–nor that, but where, my friend, is your practical guidance? Where is your work that explains ‘the right way’, according to you (not the Church itself, but what you claim to be holy in the eyes of the Church)?
You are guilty of painting me with the extreme brush just as you accuse me of doing to you. I do not think you say anything goes, nor do I advocate nothing goes. There must be a balance!How is it that you expect a genuine unity in the marital act to be achieved, and the false shame of sex and of the body denied, when a couple fights tooth and nail to deny the false teachings of the outside world, and turns to Catholic teachers for guidance and clarity and yet you tell them, “no, no, reject those teachers, and accept my Catholic teachers instead!”? When foreplay—and even the act itself becomes one never-ending battle to avoid perceived sins, to hide in the most conservative cubicles of marital love for fear of breaking vague commandments and for lack of any teaching that puts the heart at ease–then sex I say has become a curse, not a gift that God has given in marriage. A chore, a duty, a burden, not liberty in love but paranoia in shame.
I totally agree with you here but there is something missing; to avoid immoderate actions that can lead to slavery of the sensual and therefore lust.No, my friend, you and Lapey and others—I reject what I understand of your positions. What is forbidden by the Church is forbidden, for good reason. What is not forbidden by the Church is for not forbidden, and for good reason as well. It is to each couple to discern, with both the procreative and unitive ends of marital sex in mind, the barriers of their bedroom. Beyond that which is expressly forbidden by the Church, what works for one couple might not for another and vice versa—what is pleasurable (yes, I said that word!) for one couple might not be for another and again, vice versa.
No need to apologize and I do not believe you have gone overboard; to me it appears we are on the same team!I apologize if you think I’ve gone overboard, but I’ve had about enough of this act.