Not trying to get a debate that never ends going, but to me, it seems that this is what you are doing when you choose the fetus possibility of living over the mothers. You are choosing to kill the mother so that the fetus may live. There seems to be this idea that if the mother and child can not be saved that the correct thing to do is to always kill the mother - yes, I say kill - not “let die” - there seems to be this idea that if a woman is pregnant and there is a choice that the fetus (generally regardless of age) should be chosen - I don’t believe that is fair to the mother at all (honestly it’s not a fair situation to either) or her husband, or her other children. Many seem to think that a mother can be kept on life support until the fetus is old enough to live without the mother - this is a very, very rare circumstance.
The mother is never “killed”. She may die along w/ the child, but she is never preferentially/intentionally killed. That would most likely defeat the whole point of trying to save the baby as well. However, when an abortion is performed - even for the ‘best of reasons’ - the baby is always
directly killed. The intention of pro-lifers & doctors should be the best for
both mother & child. With technology as it is now, if I were placed in a position where it was my life verses continuing my pregnancy - I would opt for pre-term delivery and give the baby a chance. I would
never take that chance of life away. Even though I might
know that chances of survival are slim to none, I’d rather at least give my baby that small chance to live.
The closest I’ve been to that situation was my last miscarriage. I was 10-13 weeks along (not really sure b/c the baby stopped growing prior to my first ultrasound) and began bleeding heavily. By the time my doctor could examine me, tissue was already coming from my uterus - signally that the miscarriage had already begun. Even at that point, I didn’t have a D&C (my doctor didn’t think it necessary), but I could have. So I’ve never really been in that situation, but I know my preference would always be for
both of us to have a chance at life. Not just one of us. Its that chance where we allow God to work in His wonderous ways for our good.
I realize that your situation was different & you’re comfortable w/ the choice you made. However, that choice is not one I would choose (at least not as far as I can imagine) nor is it one that I would personally be comfortable with in the long run. I feel tremendous guilt over my multiple miscarriages & cannot image how I would feel if I thought I caused the death of my child. I would be angry w/ my husband for making that choice as well - even if his intention was saving my life. I don’t think you’re a bad person, a bad Catholic, or a bad mother for making that choice. I think you made the best decision you could for yourself in your situation with the information you had. I don’t like the decision, but I don’t dislike or disrespect you for making it. I realize that your intent (and your husband’s) was to preserve your life so you could possibly have more children and chances. In my heart, I pray that you are as comfortable w/ the decision as you describe. I also pray that you won’t have to make any more decisions like that for the rest of your life. I pray for the soul of your baby and for any grief you & your husband/family felt at that loss. God bless & take care!