Is Adopting An ASEXUAL Lifestyle Morally Acceptable or Wrong

[centurionguard]

Recently I’ve been surfing through an older post here at C.A.F. entitled:
(“Anyone Called To Be Single”) forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=158696&page=25

Adopting Asexuality as a lifestyle is probably least thought about among most Catholics, especially men. Statistically; more women adopt an asexual lifestyle amongst genders.
As an heterosexual male in my fifties and having been Gang-Raped and Tortured in the past at gunpoint I have for many years entertained the idea of being Asexual as a peaceful means of co-existing with the harsh haunting memories of my past.
The idea of sex for me myself is revoltingly disgusting. Yet at the same time I do deeply respect the sacrament of matrimony for heterosexual couples of the opposite sex.
Marriage has a spiritual mystical meaning in how human souls give themselves in total surrender to God.

For those who do not understand what Asexuality is all about here is a brief (“Overview”)
…
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

Relationships
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Attraction
Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight.

Arousal
For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Identity
Many people have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.
…

My question here is Asexuality morally acceptable in the Catholic Church ?

I do understand the idea of Chasity. CCC: #2337
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.
The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift.

 

[davidv]

I find this OP very confusing. From all that is posted, I cannot tell what an asexual life style is.

If one is not called to Marriage or Religious, why would you label the call anything other than the “Single Life”?

 

[Miserissima]

…I’m going to hazard a guess, but people in the Single Life still struggle with temptation, while Asexuals, per OP, “is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.”

If I may take this a step further, a person’s sexuality and sexual identity has been circumcised from the person’s psychological makeup.

 

[Sagefrakrobatik]

Recently I’ve been surfing through an older post here at C.A.F. entitled:
(“Anyone Called To Be Single”) forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=158696&page=25

Adopting Asexuality as a lifestyle is probably least thought about among most Catholics, especially men. Statistically; more women adopt an asexual lifestyle amongst genders.
As an heterosexual male in my fifties and having been Gang-Raped and Tortured in the past at gunpoint I have for many years entertained the idea of being Asexual as a peaceful means of co-existing with the harsh haunting memories of my past.
The idea of sex for me myself is revoltingly disgusting. Yet at the same time I do deeply respect the sacrament of matrimony for heterosexual couples of the opposite sex.
Marriage has a spiritual mystical meaning in how human souls give themselves in total surrender to God.

For those who do not understand what Asexuality is all about here is a brief (“Overview”)
…
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community; each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.

Relationships
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.

Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.

Attraction
Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay, bi, or straight.

Arousal
For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.

Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.

Identity
Many people have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.
…

My question here is Asexuality morally acceptable in the Catholic Church ?

I do understand the idea of Chasity. CCC: #2337
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.
The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift.

I dont think anything is wrong with it but then again i am not an authority over catholic morality.

 

[Captain_America]

It’s not a bad way to go. I told my wife that if she were to die, I’d spend my free time collecting buffalo nickels. Not being flippant, either.

 

[Agatina]

I’m very sorry to hear of your devastating experience with violence. May our dear Lord bless you & give you His Peace.
I don’t see any reason to designate a new “lifestyle” however.
There are many people who quietly live a chaste life. It’s no-ones business and doesn’t need to be defined. (IMO)
In Christ Jesus,
Agatina

 

[Miserissima]

Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.

Hmm. I see where your question comes from…so, perhaps one may ask, “Has an asexual person successfully integrated his or her sexuality?”

Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.

Asexuality is compatible with this, and as long as both partners are content with being sexually continent, I’d say, “no harm, no foul!”

 

[Jack17]

Isn’t asexual no attraction at all to any gender? The opposite of bisexuality.

I think it’s just a single life, but it’s your decision. Might consider a psychologist to deal with the past though.

 

[centurionguard]

…I’m going to hazard a guess, but people in the Single Life still struggle with temptation, while Asexuals, per OP, “is someone who does not experience sexual attraction.”

If I may take this a step further, a person’s sexuality and sexual identity has been circumcised from the person’s psychological makeup.

What you say here in my instance describes my situation accurately.
My psychological mind has indeed circumcised my sexual identity directly born out of my horrifying gang-rape at gunpoint. It is not difficult for me to for-see how any person who has never experienced the onslaught of rape trauma to comprehend in the slightest what it is to wrestle in your mind about ones own own sexual identity that was robbed and thrown into the gutter after rape. Even with the best of shrinks it is difficult to convey such feelings no matter how shrinks try to convince me that my sexual identity was not lost. Is it a mental block in my mind ? Perhaps; because, it is so damned difficult to articulate in human words about something of my being, my shattered soul, my sexual identity, that was forcefully torn away, stolen, and thrown into a sewer. It’s taken me thirty years to slowly repair those shattered pieces. Most on which I attribute to Gods wondrous mercy and gentle compassionate love. Perhaps too because of vulnerability and being introvert in the strictest sense coupled with the terrifying memories of gang-rape has made me cast off my sexual identity and disgust for anything that remotely reminds me (“personally”) about sexual appetites of the flesh. Sometimes all this is difficult for even me me to articulate at times. I strongly feel that I am Asexual and i realize that their is a difference between being asexual and adopting a life of sacrificial grace in Chasity for the sake of God’s glory. Yet; I worry that perhaps my being asexual is born out of selfishness and vulnerable fear from my horrifying past. Seeking a life of Chasity does look appealing and not for any human merit but humility in total surrender to God alone. It’s making the big step to go beyond my vulnerability and fears and choose a road of Chasity for God’s glory rather than adopting an asexual identity that worries me.

 

[Miserissima]

I strongly feel that I am Asexual and i realize that their is a difference between being asexual and adopting a life of sacrificial grace in Chasity for the sake of God’s glory.

CG, I think that this is the crux of your issue and I may sound harsh, and I ask your forgiveness:

No way on God’s green earth is there a difference between “being asexual and adopting a life of sacrificial grace in Chasity for the sake of God’s glory.” If you are called to be asexual, then that is called to be chaste to your state in life.

Whether because of trauma in your past or
because you felt called to be or become asexual,
it may be for a time on your journey of healing or it may be a permanent station. If you are called, it’s your obligation to explore that calling and to test whether or not it is a true calling. (Of course, that doesn’t mean that it will be easy…)

Yet; I worry that perhaps my being asexual is born out of selfishness and vulnerable fear from my horrifying past.

Just remember that if one’s sexuality has been circumcised from one’s personality, it cannot and has not been integrated in a healthy way. That may rear it’s head later.

However, I see a period of asexual lifestyle as being one where you can put that aspect of yourself on the side in order to focus on the other issues. Your sexuality isn’t being hidden or buried, but just placed on the “back burner” until the Holy Spirit gives you the strength to deal with it in His time.

Now, if you live this way and are content, then perhaps you’ve come upon the way to cope that God has provided for you.

 

[centurionguard]

Hello Miserissima;

First of all I want to sincerely thank you for your insightful (name removed by moderator)ut.
I have had a lot of bitter regrets in life…one after the other. It’s verily true that my being gang-raped in the past has played a huge role in how I have perceived my overall life.
Now my health is seriously in question with the onset of so many maladies, diabetes, a heart condition, asthma and being terminally ill with cancer. My biggest challenge through all this is coming to the resolute humble acceptance that all this pain I’ve had to endure for three decades is paradoxically a gift from God. Jesus Himself from the time He was born in a cattle trough “manger” til His death and crucifixion on the Cross was a life of suffering.
And Jesus accepted that suffering because He so much loved humanity. We humans whether we know it or not are given the same task to humbly accept suffering in life without complaint if for no other reason but this profound love inside the depths of our soul for God alone. How often this ruddy confounded world gets in the way of that love between God and ourselves. How often I have failed at this in my human weakness wishing things in my life would have turned out differently. Worst of all I feel guilt for wishing life were different. Maybe I’m just muttering a lot here but it’s so hard to come to terms by humbly accepting my sufferings that hurt so deep inside. Sex means nothing to me at all.
I’m doubly sure there are women and men on this site who were raped in the past and find it arduous to accept their horrid past given the uncountable memories and haunting flashbacks that come on without warning no matter how much one tries to avoid them with ritualistic dissociation’s and even with a fervent humble prayer life.

Just remember that if one’s sexuality has been circumcised from one’s personality, it cannot and has not been integrated in a healthy way. That may rear it’s head later.

However, I see a period of asexual lifestyle as being one where you can put that aspect of yourself on the side in order to focus on the other issues. Your sexuality isn’t being hidden or buried, but just placed on the “back burner” until the Holy Spirit gives you the strength to deal with it in His time.

Now, if you live this way and are content, then perhaps you’ve come upon the way to cope that God has provided for you.

Miserissima;
For the most part I would hope I could comfortably and humbly agree with everything you have mentioned here. It’s not sexual intimacy that I miss, perhaps though it is in all truthfulness human companionship with the opposite sex that I miss the most.
Is it possible for intimacy to exist without sex ? I do remember my mother confiding to me in latter years of marriage between her and my father that they mutually gave up the sexual aspect of intimacy as a means of growing spiritually together. In fact their love for one another grew much deeper.

 

[Miserissima]

Is it possible for intimacy to exist without sex ? I do remember my mother confiding to me in latter years of marriage between her and my father that they mutually gave up the sexual aspect of intimacy as a means of growing spiritually together. In fact their love for one another grew much deeper.

Don’t think about being humble with me – I’m just an average person with an opinion, like everyone else. :hug1:

As for your question, I think you can ask anyone who is physically unable to demonstrate intimacy whether or not they’re fulfilled in a monogamous relationship withough a sexual aspect and they’ll give you a resounding, “Yes!” but they and their partners have to come to terms with not having sexual expression.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the difficult thing for a person with your experiences – just like a female who has been raped and is unable to establish physical intimacy – is finding a partner who will accept this. And, rest assured, it does happen. It’s two issues here a) the actual findng someone and b) feeling like you have “less to give” in a marriage.

I wish I could make you feel better about the “having less to give” aspect – because it’s simply not true. There are alternative means to intimacy besides sexual expression! Don’t listen to our culture’s glorification of sex. Marriage itself is a sacrament and for most, their ‘physical communion’ takes on a sexual role. However, look at men who are coming back from combat without genetalia, or men who have had prostate cancer and are unable to be physically intimate with their wives. Does that man they cannot love or be loved in a romantic way? No. Does that mean that they do not deserve love? Most certainly not. And that’s how I view you and your situation: you, as a child of God, deserve love and intimacy in whatever for you can both give and receive. (I am not saying that to love and be loved is a right for anyone, but it is OK for you to have a fulfilling marriage without sex, as long as you have a willing and committed partner, whic can happen.)

Now, if living an asexual lifestyle will get you closer to companionship and a deep, committed married love without the sexual aspect, go for it. (I have no doubt you’d be upfront with your wife about your situation.) But don’t deny yourself the opportunity.

 

[centurionguard]

Don’t think about being humble with me – I’m just an average person with an opinion, like everyone else. :hug1:

As for your question, I think you can ask anyone who is physically unable to demonstrate intimacy whether or not they’re fulfilled in a monogamous relationship withough a sexual aspect and they’ll give you a resounding, “Yes!” but they and their partners have to come to terms with not having sexual expression.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the difficult thing for a person with your experiences – just like a female who has been raped and is unable to establish physical intimacy – is finding a partner who will accept this. And, rest assured, it does happen. It’s two issues here a) the actual findng someone and b) feeling like you have “less to give” in a marriage.

I wish I could make you feel better about the “having less to give” aspect – because it’s simply not true. There are alternative means to intimacy besides sexual expression! Don’t listen to our culture’s glorification of sex. Marriage itself is a sacrament and for most, their ‘physical communion’ takes on a sexual role. However, look at men who are coming back from combat without genetalia, or men who have had prostate cancer and are unable to be physically intimate with their wives. Does that man they cannot love or be loved in a romantic way? No. Does that mean that they do not deserve love? Most certainly not. And that’s how I view you and your situation: you, as a child of God, deserve love and intimacy in whatever for you can both give and receive. (I am not saying that to love and be loved is a right for anyone, but it is OK for you to have a fulfilling marriage without sex, as long as you have a willing and committed partner, whic can happen.)

Now, if living an asexual lifestyle will get you closer to companionship and a deep, committed married love without the sexual aspect, go for it. (I have no doubt you’d be upfront with your wife about your situation.) But don’t deny yourself the opportunity.

Hello Miserissima;

You have articulated many profound discernment’s to contemplate.
Have you by chance read former Pope John Paul’s (“Love and Responsibility”) and (“The Theology of the Body”) ? I love these two insightful books about love and marriage.
("If love between a man and woman remains only sensual desire, just a matter of “sex appeal”), it will not be true love at all, but only utilization of one person by another, or of two persons by each other. While if love remains mere sentiment it will equally be (“unlike”) love in the complete sense of the word. Why ? because; both persons will remain in spite of everything divided from each other, though it may appear that they are very close just because they so eagerly seek proximity. Sentiment itself suffers from subjectivism; so that although objective love can begin to take shape on this ground, to ripen it will not mould such true love. left to itself, it too may prove only a consumer phenomenon as you so appropriately put it in today’s culture and glorification of sex.

I am convinced beyond doubt that there was a deeper mystical meaning to human love when Jesus spoke about marriage and said that a (“Man shall leave his parents and join to his wife and the two shall become (“one”) flesh”) In the original biblical Greek translations from theologians it is not just the joining of human flesh but two human souls becoming one. This I believe was what Jesus was trying to convey mystically to husbands and wives joined in marriage. Man and Woman are no longer two separate entities but one in marriage. This is also resemblance in every human souls spiritual journey towards God in our present human life. The complete mortification and surrender of our lower nature so that we have something in common in our sufferings joined to Christ on the Cross. Of course, such mortification and surrender goes much deeper than just our lower nature.

 

[AndyF]

centurionguard;:

If you mean by males, this wouldn’t upset my sexual psychy, however to restore dignity and because of a justice the system takes trivially for male.vs.male, the situation would definitely be settled eventually “a la Clint Eastwood”, nor would there be evidence. If by females, I would probably suggest tickets be sold for the event, perhaps asking for the ropes to be slackened and a time out on occasion. :yup:

Andy

 

[TeresaAnn]

If you mean by males, this wouldn’t upset my sexual psychy, however to restore dignity and because of a justice the system takes trivially for male.vs.male, the situation would definitely be settled eventually “a la Clint Eastwood”, nor would there be evidence. If by females, I would probably suggest tickets be sold for the event, perhaps asking for the ropes to be slackened and a time out on occasion. :yup:

Andy

Did the fingers get typing before your brain engaged this morning AndyF???!!! What a terrible thing to say. Where do you think you are?

I’d like to apologize CenturionGuard for AndyF’s idiotic comment, but that is for him to do. I will say a prayer for you, I’m sorry for your pain.

 

[mistfall]

It seems completely puzzling to me that people who have no desire to have a sexual relationship feel compelled to give this a label as a “lifestyle” and call themselves a “community”.

If you feel repelled by the thought of a sexual relationship - and given your tragic circumstances, its certainly understandable - then it seems to me you’re a called to a life as a single person living in the world or the religious life. If you feel no calling to the religious life, then its the former. Why do you feel you need to be set apart somehow from other single people living in the world by a special category?

First, what makes “not wanting to have sex” a lifestyle? Is someone who does not want to be sexually active supposed to look a certain way? Have certain tastes in music, art, and literature? Have a certain way of behaving?

You must think that some of us in the Catholic community believe it is wrong to decide to never have a sexual relationship, or else you would not have asked the question in the title of your posting. But what in the teachings of the Church would give you the idea that anybody, at any point in Church history - ever said that a single person choosing to remain single and not have sex was morally unacceptable? Or that the Church - anywhere, at any time - said that everybody must want to have sex, even if they choose never to do so? Where do you get the idea that the some of us believe that?

 

[centurionguard]

It seems completely puzzling to me that people who have no desire to have a sexual relationship feel compelled to give this a label as a “lifestyle” and call themselves a “community”.

If you feel repelled by the thought of a sexual relationship - and given your tragic circumstances, its certainly understandable - then it seems to me you’re a called to a life as a single person living in the world or the religious life. If you feel no calling to the religious life, then its the former. Why do you feel you need to be set apart somehow from other single people living in the world by a special category?

First, what makes “not wanting to have sex” a lifestyle? Is someone who does not want to be sexually active supposed to look a certain way? Have certain tastes in music, art, and literature? Have a certain way of behaving?

You must think that some of us in the Catholic community believe it is wrong to decide to never have a sexual relationship, or else you would not have asked the question in the title of your posting. But what in the teachings of the Church would give you the idea that anybody, at any point in Church history - ever said that a single person choosing to remain single and not have sex was morally unacceptable? Or that the Church - anywhere, at any time - said that everybody must want to have sex, even if they choose never to do so? Where do you get the idea that the some of us believe that?

Cordial Greetings Mistfall;

You assume an awful lot in what you have written here.
You obviously have an axe to grind with your indifferent overtones.

]It seems completely puzzling to me that people who have no desire to have a sexual relationship feel compelled to give this a label as a “lifestyle” and call themselves a “community”.

Where did you get the idea that I was trying to separate myself from the rest of the world? Lifestyle was a typo error for the more accurate terminology (“sexual identity”), which in my case is a loosely appropriate term as I will explain later.

Why do you feel you need to be set apart somehow from other single people living in the world by a special category?

I will answer this question in three parts: First; I seek absolutely no special category as you put it. Secondly; Sexual Identity in my situation has very little to no application aside from my outward appearance of being male. Thirdly; When I was gang-raped and tortured my assailants neutered me. So as far as being put into a (“special”) category, I abhor the word special as you so chose to label me.

You must think that some of us in the Catholic community believe it is wrong to decide to never have a sexual relationship, or else you would not have asked the question in the title of your posting.

Now I have to ask were did you deduce in your intelligent rational that I thought it was wrong for man and wife not to have sexual relations ?

But what in the teachings of the Church would give you the idea that anybody, at any point in Church history - ever said that a single person choosing to remain single and not have sex was morally unacceptable?

What would give you the assumption that any Catholic would not inquire if Asexuality was not Morally acceptable ?

Many Catholics confuse the definition of Asexuality and Chasity though similar they are (“not”) necessarily defined entirely the same.

Where do you get the idea that the some of us believe that?

People choose to believe what they so will to believe. However; if you choose to question the sincerity of my integrity that’s your prerogative.

 

[AndyF]

TeresaAnn:

I was out of line…sorry.

But the point is valid. I still can’t see how that would effect normal sexual libido. But it would awaken some primitive psyche in me. I was merely suggesting that in these days of morally defunct judicial systems, that administering my own temporal punishment could only lessen the purgatorial time of the guilty.

What do you think.?

Andy

 

[AdriannaJean]

Did the fingers get typing before your brain engaged this morning AndyF???!!! What a terrible thing to say. Where do you think you are?

I’d like to apologize CenturionGuard for AndyF’s idiotic comment, but that is for him to do. I will say a prayer for you, I’m sorry for your pain.

While I agree that AndyF’s comment was insensitive at best, Christ calls us to be charitable even to those who are not charitable themselves.

 

[St_Francis]

Centurion Guard,
I think that the difference between asexuality and Catholic celibacy (chastity is sexual activity in accordance with your state of life) would be intent. Do what you are doing for the love and glory of God, give thanks to Him in all things, offer up whatever pain you experience, and don’t worry about the sex part. If you are single, then you are not *supposed *to have sex, right? So, don’t have sex, and thank God that you do not have this particular struggle. Accept where you are, and don’t worry too much about where to put yourself wrt secular society. Just consider yourself a Catholic single person, not a person who is doing anything other than what is right in the eyes of God.

The asexual information you listed seems to be promoting a sort of community in reaction to the “normal” social view of sex as a recreational activity that all should be engaging in to prove that there is nothing wrong with them. The asexuals seem to be trying to equate their situation as an alternative lifestyle, accepting society’s thinking that engaging in sexual activity is the norm.

For Catholic unmarried people, however, celibacy is the norm. If you accept that, and live in accord with that, then you will not be being “asexual” as an alternative, but being celibate in accordance with God’s will.

My sympathies on your situation, with the trauma from the past and your current health. I hope that you will be able to find a good spiritual director to help you through this, and may I recommend the Devotion to the Sacred Heart (the feast of which is this Friday–June 19th, 2009). (a more contemporary version)(Link to an old book)