Is annulment just "catholic divorce"?

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so the 2 1/2 years that we were married wasn’t a good marriage for him? Or it was okay in the eyes of the church, but I’m sorry good sir You were stupid and married a horrible non-baptized person so your outta luck? You don’t get this Sacrament, thank you come again.

Okay Now I’m being a hard-butt here. I know.
So if God didn’t decide to grant me the Grace of know the Truth, then my husband would not have received that Sacrament. So if we did divorce (you know when I was a hethen) he could just get it anuled saying it was not sacramental?

I’m really trying to understand and probably really sound like a big-butt. Sorry. I’m truely a good person, and really trying to know the Faith I’ve come to love.

I wasn’t a hethen before, I was an unbaptized person who believed in Christ (an unbaptized Protestant).
 
No, Amber, your marriage was not invalid and if you had divorced your husband would not have been able to petition for a decree of nullity based on disparity of cult because he was validly dispensed from the impediment. He may have been able to petition on some other grounds but not on those grounds.

No one has said that you were or are a bad person or that your husband was a bad person, or that your marriage wasn’t good or valid. In all likelihood your husband brought much grace to the marriage-- see 1 Corinthians where Paul says the unbeliever is sanctified by the believing spouse.

All I’m saying is that a sacramental marriage can ONLY be contracted between two baptized persons. A marriage can still be valid but not sacramental. Your marriage was what is called a “good and natural” marriage until you were baptized.
 
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AmberDale:
I’m really trying to understand and probably really sound like a big-butt. Sorry. I’m truely a good person, and really trying to know the Faith I’ve come to love.
AmberDale,

I totally feel for you. Teachers, bosses and religious leaders are usually particularly sensitive to view my honest questions as being a wise-cracking hard-butt. This led to a psychotic episode.

Just know that it isn’t you. Really. Some day maybe everybody else will get the joke and realize that even the most pious among us are pathetic hypocrites and we might as well just enjoy each others’ company.

These sort of technical discussions used to get me into serious trouble, because I actually thought the answer mattered. It is as if the whole world – many Catholics included – didn’t ever seem to get the Good News, but are still stuck to quibbling over the law.

Here’s my advice. If your local priest says you’re married right now, then count your blessings, take a sigh of relief, and don’t worry about what might or might not have been before. If he doesn’t, go through whatever song and dance they want you to, until you succeed or decide to quit the game. I finally learned that when it comes to authority figures, playing the game is at least as important as doing what we believe is right. It took me until I was 45 years old to figure that out; I am teaching it to my children lest they get all serious about their religion and go psychotic the way I did. Taking beliefs seriously is one thing; paying serious heed to others’ opinions of the state of my soul is quite another.

Alan
 
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chevalier:
Please read the whole discussion before replying. It was pointed out before that “annulment” doesn’t annul anything. Marriage can’t be cancelled. Invalid marriages have never been valid. .
That is all in theory. The fact is that in 1930, there were about 10 annulments declared in the USA, whereas today the annulment rate is running at around 50,000 or so per year. At:
cyberstation.net/paralegal/annulment.html

one of the grounds for annulment is to have an extramarital affair. That sounds great. I can have an extramarital affair, and then fill out the forms for $149, and get my annulment and out of this marriage and into a new marriage with my younger sexy girlfriend. And this is with the blessing of the Church.
The US Catholic magazine of April 1997 says on page 7, that of all those who apply for an annulment in the St. Paul Minneapolis area, 97% are approved, and declared invalid.
This seems like a pretty high figure 97% of marriages tested in the St. Paul Minneapolis area being invalid??
" Reasons for an annulment can include:
  • lack of initial discretion re the marriage commitment;
  • lack of interpersonal communication."
The above is from
"Divorce and Remarriage: A Challenge to the Christian Tradition"
mcauley.acu.edu.au/~yuri/ethics/Divorce.html

It seems strange that someone would get married in the first place if there was lack of interpersonal communication?
Theoretically the Catholic Church teaches the indissolubility of marriage. However, it looks like Catholic theologians have figured out a way of getting around this teaching by introducing the concept of easy to obtain annulments.
If you read the book “Shattered Faith”, by Sheila Rauch Kennedy, you will see what her Catholic husband, Joseph Kennedy says about the Catholic teaching on annulments on page 10. It turned out that his wife did not think that an annulment was appropriate, because there was never any question of an invalid marriage before. When he was explaining to his wife why he wanted an annulment, his explanation of the Catholic teaching on annulments goes like this: “I don’t believe this stuff. Nobody actually believes it. It’s just Catholic gobbledygook.”
 
Steven Merten:
I read where a man left his wife for his mistress. He was getting an annulment through the Church so he could marry his mistress. The wife begged the Church to let God’s commandment against adultery stand and protect her from the wickedness of adultery. She said possibly her husband will repent from his sin of adultery and come back to her and she will forgive him. The bishop told her that the pronouncement that her marriage, of many decades and five children, was nothing but garbage was none of her business. /QUOTE]
Some how I doubt that a Bishop would say it was none of her business, but that aside, if she chose to fight the annulment, it can be appealed all the way to Rome and must be reviewed by a tribunal there before the annulment will be granted.
Chuck

Hello Chuck,

I read of this incident in Catholic Answers magazine. Not only was this what the woman claimed the bishop said, it was also what Fr. Stravinskas said. I adore Fr. Stravinskas on almost everything he says. However when he told the woman who had been married for decades with five children, knew her husband had committed adultery with a younger woman, was willing to forgive him and take him back, only requested that the Church allow God’s commandment to stand and protect her marriage, that this was none of her business, I just about fell out of my chair. What is going on? God gave the commandment against adultery and eternal damnation for those who break His commandment against adultery through divorce to protect just such a woman. Has the Church lost sight of why people go to hell for committing adultery in the first place? If you want to love your neighbor as yourself, obey God’s commandments. Adultery through abandoning your wife for a younger woman is the hatred for neighbor that God wrote the commandment against adultery to protect the innocent from. Let us get this clear from the Pope that you can fight to have your marriage protected by God’s commandments. This is not the message I am hearing from the Church.

Peace in Christ,
Steven Merten
www.ILOVEYOUGOD.com
 
You might be right, but that is just toooo convenient.
We can dispute the extent to which people should be protected from themselves, but a promise you can’t deliver you can’t validly make. If you are not consenting but forced, your promise isn’t valid. If you are defrauded, neither.

But believe me, I do have problems with some verdicts.
Then she must neither validate marriages, but only enable them when the priest say, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Convalidation has the same effect as a new ceremony, it just isn’t done in public but discreetly. Conditional convalidation is a different story and it’s done in case something had been wrong when there is doubt.
As far as the civil marriages, though, I still don’t understand why it has to be declared null. Does the Church ever recognize a civil marriage as valid, and if so then what they do before their wedding is blessed cannot be called fornication, right?
If you are Catholic, you have observe the canonical form or be dispensed, or the marriage isn’t valid. But Protestants are treated as if they had been given all dispensations possible, so civil marriages are valid and sacramental for them, while for Catholics they aren’t even valid. It shouldn’t be called fornication if you think you’re married to someone and aren’t at fault for being wrong on this. Doesn’t make the marriage any more valid, though.

And let me point one thing out again: The Church doesn’t need to recognise a marriage as valid before declaring it null. The Church doesn’t annul or cancel real marriages. She only declares that there has never been any marriage in place. For Catholics, it’s crucial to determine if there had been a dispensation or not (you can be allowed to marry validly and sacramentally in a civil ceremony), if the persons hadn’t been impeded from obtaining a priest or deacon, if neither of them had formally left the Catholic Church (and merely joining a foreign cult isn’t enough).
That’s another thing I want to know. Jesus specifically allowed divorce in the case of marital infidelity. Why doesn’t the Church?
What Jesus said was that if you put away your wife and she commits adultery, the sin is on you. Unless you put her away for sin. Then her adultery is not on you. But there’s still adultery, so she’s still married to you. As we don’t have polygamy in the RCC, you’re stuck with that woman. Next, the word “porneia” used there can mean unlawful union, marriage not valid in the eyes of the law. Putting away a common law wife (concubine) is hardly divorce.
An annulment does not mean a marriage did not exist, only that it was not sacramental.
Grammatically, you are right. But the problem is that there is no “annulment” in the RCC. The Church doesn’t annul marriages. She only finds them invalid from the beginning if they are. Finds, not makes. Marriages which aren’t sacramental can be dissolved, but it’s not legally the same as the declaration of nullity of unsuccessfully attempted sacramental marriage.
To all those quibbling about whether one is sinning by having marital relations when one is unsure about the validity of their marriage, and one person mentioned something about while waiting for the “verdict”, here is an important point:
MARRIED people do not apply for decrees of nullity. A prerequisite to a tribunal investigation into a marriage is a DIVORCE.
Wrong. Your capitalisation suggests that you attribute more importance to civil court verdicts than church verdicts. Civilly divorced Catholics are still married in the eyes of the Church. So only married people can apply for a nullity decree. The fact that they are civilly divorced only means that the marital day by day functionning didn’t work out for them.

Next, civil divorce is not a prerequisite for a tribunal investigation. In fact, sometimes a nullity verdict comes faster than laggy civil divorce proceedings. Sometimes, in a civil jurisdiction, obtaining divorce for such a marriage may even be impossible. I’ve come across such cases during the canon law seminar which was a part of my legal studies.

In some cases, Church tribunals proceed ex officio. From their own initiative. This is when the impediment can’t be dispensed. If the civil jurisdiction doesn’t recognise that impediment as the grounds for divorce or annulment/nulity ruling, then you have a marriage declared null by the Church but upheld by the state.
 
so the 2 1/2 years that we were married wasn’t a good marriage for him? Or it was okay in the eyes of the church, but I’m sorry good sir You were stupid and married a horrible non-baptized person so your outta luck? You don’t get this Sacrament, thank you come again.
You don’t get the sacrament if you don’t meet the prerequisites of canon law. There are doctrinal doubts when it comes to case study. Some time ago, I opened my own thread with a host of doctrinal problems with sacramentality, validity and nullity.
That is all in theory. The fact is that in 1930, there were about 10 annulments declared in the USA, whereas today the annulment rate is running at around 50,000 or so per year.
Abuse, if it happens, doesn’t invalidate the general rule. Particular diocesan tribunals may well have been acting out of line. Pope John Paul II had a great problem with the “divorce mentality” of American diocesan courts.
one of the grounds for annulment is to have an extramarital affair.
Where did you get the idea? Here’s the Code of Canon Law right off the Vatican: vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3V.HTM

Nothing that happens after the ceremony is grounds for nullity. Exclusion of marital fidelity by one or both spouses at the moment of the ceremony makes the marriage invalid. Being unable to stay faithful also makes it invalid. But an act of adultery is by no means antecedent to marriage. It happens afterwards. Nullity, by definition, can only have antecedent causes.
I can have an extramarital affair, and then fill out the forms for $149, and get my annulment and out of this marriage and into a new marriage with my younger sexy girlfriend.
That’s not a sufficient cause, but notice that someone who acts like that with regard to marriage doesn’t display a profound understanding of marital communion and fidelity, to say the least. That he shouldn’t be allowed to marry his younger gf on the same grounds, even if his marriage is declared null, is another story.
The US Catholic magazine of April 1997 says on page 7, that of all those who apply for an annulment in the St. Paul Minneapolis area, 97% are approved, and declared invalid.
What do you expect if people marry on a whim, without thinking twice about it? If you ask me, people should be tested for the understanding of marriage before their marriage is blessed by the Church and there should be no quick come and go marriages.
This seems like a pretty high figure 97% of marriages tested in the St. Paul Minneapolis area being invalid??
Who knows? But it looks like the tribunal is quite quick. One thing you must realise, though: People in doubtlessly valid marriages rarely seek a decree of nulity. Those who come to the tribunal come with a problem. It’s not like the ratio of invalid marriages between them is the same as in those who don’t go to the tribunal. Far from that.
 
I read of this incident in Catholic Answers magazine. Not only was this what the woman claimed the bishop said, it was also what Fr. Stravinskas said. I adore Fr. Stravinskas on almost everything he says. However when he told the woman who had been married for decades with five children, knew her husband had committed adultery with a younger woman, was willing to forgive him and take him back, only requested that the Church allow God’s commandment to stand and protect her marriage, that this was none of her business, I just about fell out of my chair. What is going on? What is going on? God gave the commandment against adultery and eternal damnation for those who break His commandment against adultery through divorce to protect just such a woman. Has the Church lost sight of why people go to hell for committing adultery in the first place?
Have you actually read what was above? The Church has no authority to grant exemptions from the commandments. Seeking a declaration of nulity for an invalid marriage in no way violates the commandment against adultery.

Maybe if a woman is forced into marriage by her family, she would be committing adultery in your eyes by not sticking to that sham “marriage”?

Adultery applies to valid marriages. The amount of children you have with someone doesn’t have any bearing on the validity of your sacrament. Neither does your love, your forgiveness, your will to stick to that “marriage”.

As I stated above, the woman was asking the bishop and the tribunal to force the husband to convalidate the marriage which was not valid and make him stay. While it could have been a responsible thing to do for him, it by no means was adultery to let go of an invalid marriage.

Years spent together and children don’t validate your marriage.

Do you think years of saying mass would validate the priestly ordination of someone who had never been validly ordained priest? If a bishop elect assumed his office without being ordained for it, would 20 years passing make him any more able to ordain priests and bishops? Does invalidly consecrated bread and wine transsubstantate in your stomach after 10 minutes of thankful prayer? Does confirmation administered by a misguided layman become valid after you’ve been a good Catholic for 50 years?
 
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chevalier:
Grammatically, you are right. But the problem is that there is no “annulment” in the RCC. The Church doesn’t annul marriages. She only finds them invalid from the beginning if they are. Finds, not makes. Marriages which aren’t sacramental can be dissolved, but it’s not legally the same as the declaration of nullity of unsuccessfully attempted sacramental marriage.
Ostensibly there is no annulment. As a practical matter, seek and ye shall find.

Canon law seems to be so convoluted that it behaves just like political law. There are so many rules and technicalities, everybody is a potential criminal waiting to be found, leaving the authorities with the powerful tool of Selective Enforcement.

I wonder if any marriage would stand up under close enough scrutiny by a zealous prosecutor, or if every marriage is invalid one way or another but most are just not discovered as such because the effort wasn’t taken to research them.

Somehow this doesn’t sound to me like the right stuff for helping to build God’s kingdom.

Sorry if I seem negative the last day or two, but I’m in an “enough foolishness” phase that just won’t quit. Truth be told, it isn’t bothering me either so I’m not really trying to curb it. I guess I’m sorry not in that I am apologizing, but I’m sorry if anyone is offended.

Either we will discover some different ways to look at things, or at least drive those who believe deeper into their own beliefs as they defend them.

Alan
 
chevalier said:
“one of the grounds for annulment is to have an extramarital affair.”
Where did you get the idea? .

At:
cyberstation.net/paralegal/annulment.html
I read:
"

A spouse’s extramarital affair(s), …, etc. serve to demonstrate that the spouse exhibits an antisocial personality which would prevent him/her from fully understanding or carrying out the obligations of a lifelong relationship and therefore evidence that the spouse lacked the due competence required to form a sacramental marriage.

**Nullity of a marriage contains the following passage:

**"**Many people believe that virtually any failed marriage can be annulled on the basis of incapacity and immaturity. It is not all that difficult to prove that someone was immature at the time of the marriage or did not fully understand all the obligations and developments involved in a lifelong marriage."

In his article in Catholic Mind, Fr. Green gives the following 6 elements that must all be present to form a sacramental marriage:

  • a permanent and faithful commitment to the marriage partner;
…"
It looks like Catholic theologians have figured out a way of getting around the teaching against divorce by introducing the concept of easy to obtain annulments
 
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1ke:
No, Amber, your marriage was not invalid and if you had divorced your husband would not have been able to petition for a decree of nullity based on disparity of cult because he was validly dispensed from the impediment. He may have been able to petition on some other grounds but not on those grounds.

No one has said that you were or are a bad person or that your husband was a bad person, or that your marriage wasn’t good or valid. In all likelihood your husband brought much grace to the marriage-- see 1 Corinthians where Paul says the unbeliever is sanctified by the believing spouse.

All I’m saying is that a sacramental marriage can ONLY be contracted between two baptized persons. A marriage can still be valid but not sacramental. Your marriage was what is called a “good and natural” marriage until you were baptized.
Okay I see. So we then had a good and natural marriage. We were married in the church. If we did divorce (which I don’t believe in) he couldn’t say it was invalid because it wasn’t before God. Right?
But now that I am a Catholic, and we were married in the Church, it automatically makes it a sacramental marriage?
Good.
 
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AlanFromWichita:
AmberDale,

I totally feel for you. Teachers, bosses and religious leaders are usually particularly sensitive to view my honest questions as being a wise-cracking hard-butt. This led to a psychotic episode.

Just know that it isn’t you. Really. Some day maybe everybody else will get the joke and realize that even the most pious among us are pathetic hypocrites and we might as well just enjoy each others’ company.

These sort of technical discussions used to get me into serious trouble, because I actually thought the answer mattered. It is as if the whole world – many Catholics included – didn’t ever seem to get the Good News, but are still stuck to quibbling over the law.

Here’s my advice. If your local priest says you’re married right now, then count your blessings, take a sigh of relief, and don’t worry about what might or might not have been before. If he doesn’t, go through whatever song and dance they want you to, until you succeed or decide to quit the game. I finally learned that when it comes to authority figures, playing the game is at least as important as doing what we believe is right. It took me until I was 45 years old to figure that out; I am teaching it to my children lest they get all serious about their religion and go psychotic the way I did. Taking beliefs seriously is one thing; paying serious heed to others’ opinions of the state of my soul is quite another.

Alan
Alan,
Yes, I’m the type of person who wants an answer and will ask questions in many different forms until I get an answer. It may not be the answer that I want (i.e. my way) but it’s an answer.
I don’t like the “it’s this way because it is and that’s how it is now take your seat and be quiet”
That doesn’t work for me. That is why I became Catholic…well my husband couldn’t answer me some things. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like ‘I don’t know dear’. So I began searching, made him search. Then well, then I found the Truth behind the Church. I am a digger. I want to know. 🙂

😛
 
Now, Somebody give me reasons why an anulment would be granted.

Do not tell me because the marriage was invalid. That doesn’t compute in my mind. It doesn’t make any since how a marriage can be invalid.
Mind you, I came from a Protestant background. What was in the bible made since to me. I distinctly remeber Christ teaching against divorce.
 
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AmberDale:
Now, Somebody give me reasons why an anulment would be granted.

Do not tell me because the marriage was invalid. That doesn’t compute in my mind. It doesn’t make any since how a marriage can be invalid.
If someone holds a gun to your head and says “get married”, then you did not truly give consent, and there was no sacramental marriage.
 
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Timidity:
If someone holds a gun to your head and says “get married”, then you did not truly give consent, and there was no sacramental marriage.
So all those pre-arranged marriages that happened so very long ago are invalid?
Using the mentality that ‘forcing’ someone to marry is illogical. I really don’t think that someone is going to hole a gun to your head and force you to marry. And if they do, no one in their right mind, judge or priest will allow it.
Could you imagine standing at the alter with a gun at your head? And the priest marrying you anyway!

What about people who get pregnant before marriage and “ROPE” the guys into marrying them? Is that then invalid?

( I may or may not be playing devil’s advocate at this point, but I figure we all need a bit of practice in apologetics)
 
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chevalier:
Also, someone who finds himself a younger sexier girl and leaves his wife may well be incapable of contracting marriage validly because of personality disorders.
This is ridiculous, immoral psychobabble. This kind of thinking is destroying Christian ethics.

I take your point that the adulterer would also be incapable of marrying the mistress. But in traditional Christian thinking, adultery remains sin, not a “personality disorder.” Ever heard of temptation? Being attracted to a younger woman isn’t evidence of a personality disorder–it’s evidence that you are a fallen human male, like millions and millions of others. You are covering for a corrupt system here.

Edwin
 
It is way too easy to get an annulment. Aquaintences of mine, married in the Catholic Church for 30 yrs with 5 children, pillars of the local parish and community got an annulment because one of them wanted to leave for the person whom they said they have always loved. They both remarried their new partners in the Catholic Church shortly thereafter. How can it be this easy and how could a marriage be declared invalid after 30 yrs and 5 adult children? I have difficulty understanding this.
 
Sadly, personality disorders are real, but it is hard to accept infidelity because of mental illness as an excuse because it is tough to prove. A person who is known to be manic depressive (bipolar) often acts compulsively, and this can become a sexual compulsion. A friend of mine has had to deal with this situation, with proper medication, counseling and a loving environment, a marriage can be saved, but what a tough road!
 
OK, I guess I could see a point if the person had actually been proven to have a diagnosed disorder. But like you, this line of thinking just seems too convenient.

This together with the discussion on other threads of the relationship between impotence and invalidity really bothers me. I admire the basic principles of the Catholic Church, but the legalistic approach to application is deeply troubling. And by “legalistic” I don’t necessarily mean “rigorous” or “strict.” The annulment issue is a good example of a legalism that seeks to find loopholes in basic moral teachings. The Orthodox view seems far more admirable to me–they don’t look for loopholes, they just invoke the pastoral principle of “economia” and allow people to do penance and contract a new marriage. Also the C of E’s approach of refusing to remarry divorced people but allowing them to contract a civil marriage and still receive communion–that makes sense as well (though I’m a lot less sure about the business of blessing the civil marriage afterwards). One thing I am sure of–my own denomination (ECUSA)'s position is indefensible.

Edwin
 
It should be noted that the Catholic Church does allow and presides over divorces on Natural Marrages by way of the Pauline and Petrine Privlages.
 
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