Is asexuality real?

[Tis_Bearself]

It is important to note though that without sex, there is no marriage. Sex is deeply important. It increases the spouses’ love for one another.

“Without sex, there is no marriage” is highly debatable if not outright wrong, given that there have been Josephite marriages in history that worked very well and resulted in the two people becoming saints.

All that’s necessary, beyond the requirements that the two people be capable of having sexual intercourse in order to be married at all, is that the couple be on the same page with their marital desires. It doesn’t matter if they have sex every day or only once per year (or less), as long as both of them are happy with that frequency and it’s not a point of disagreement in the marriage. In this case, one partner is not happy with the current arrangement. That’s the problem. If she was not bothered by the lack of sex, it would not be a problem.

Taking a positive view of sex is fine, I’m not saying don’t do that, but when talking about its importance, we should also remember that every couple is different, and some of them who can’t / don’t have sex for whatever reason (usually a physical reason) have found other ways of showing and deepening their love for each other. If one’s spouse was ill and couldn’t have sex, or locked away in prison without marital privileges, the marriage would need to continue and be loving despite this hardship. Sex is a good thing in marriage, but it’s not the key thing, the paramount thing, or the only thing.

OP does say that she is angry/upset, so it doesn’t seem like she is happy with the situation or has consented.

And yes, I’m aware of this and already gave my advice to the OP earlier. However, you used the OP’s problem as a springboard to make a lot of general comments about sex in marriage in general. Your comments do not apply to all marriages. As someone already told you, your pre-marriage prep suggesting sex once per week was someone’s opinion (and I know from my own pre-marriage prep you get a LOT of “someone’s opinion” at those trainings - my husband and I found some of them useful and some of them just laughable).

 

[bumby]

This didn’t work out as I’d hoped. My husband has a low-ish testosterone level but, crucially, it’s within the normal range, so the specialist refused to give him any testosterone.

 

[bumby]

Yes, he was interested before we were married but we decided not to and I assumed he kept to it because he was being respectful, not because he wasn’t that interested in the first place…

 

[bumby]

I just wondered if the church recognised that sometimes, people get married because they feel they should and really, they had no intention of continuing to pretend to be interested in intimacy once children have been begotten.

I know we need counselling. We are waiting at the moment for a space to come up. My mental health is suffering again…just trying to stay positive and think of what he does do that is loving but non sexual. However I will not pretend that this is enough for me, because it is not, by any means.