Is Asexuality sinful?

[Zzyzx_Road]

Nothing wrong with asexuality in itself. But it’s wrong for an asexual to get married and subject his (or her) spouse to that asexuality. That’s a recipe for disaster. The OP should not be thinking about marriage. His girlfriend will need to know about this, he cannot hide this until they get married and hope she gets over it. That’s not a good way to start a marriage.

 

[Chayla]

The thing is, that my hormones are working fine. Aside from having Nocturnal Enuresis, everything else is perfectly normal.

And to add, not trying to be rude, but saying my testosterone levels, and hormone levels are abnormal is part of why I am repulsed at the thought of sex. Only a few people including but not limited to my friends on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) forum understand that I am perfectly normal. Asexuality is in fact a Sexual orientation, not a hormonal imbalance or anything else.

If anybody has questions about Asexuality, visit:
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network Official website

I mentioned hormone levels as a possible cause. There are many reasons for this (asexuality), and there is no way for me to know your reason(s). That is why I suggested a full workup.

 

[ChristianAlways]

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. Yes I am repulsed and terrified of sex. However that started AFTER I came out of the closet.

You see, I wanted to be sexually attracted to someone. I thought I was straight. Then I thought I was Bisexual, then I thought I was gay. Then I became confused. I began to look up what’s going on. I sought advice from people around me as well as online. I also did some “self tests” during the time period I was confused. I ruled out orientation after orientation after orientation, and the only one remaining was Asexuality. I came out to everybody around me and I was fine. But then I came into contact with the ones who remain ignorant of the subject of Asexuality. They kept saying things like this:

“What?? No way. You’re a dude! 20 years old for that matter. You have no interest in sex?”
“Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“You’re a narcissist! Go get counseling.”
“So, in other words, you’re a closeted homosexual.”
“Bull censored. All men want sex, and all men are sexually attracted to someone.”

I can keep listing phrases that were said to me after I came out, but the bottom line is that I was NOT afraid or repulsed by sex at first. It was society repeatedly shoving sex down my throat that made me repulsed and terrified. I saw how sex negatively affects half the population.

So, yes. I AM Asexual. I was NOT repulsed and terrified at first. I give Society credit for the repulsion and fear.

 

[ChristianAlways]

Nothing wrong with asexuality in itself. But it’s wrong for an asexual to get married and subject his (or her) spouse to that asexuality. That’s a recipe for disaster. The OP should not be thinking about marriage. His girlfriend will need to know about this, he cannot hide this until they get married and hope she gets over it. That’s not a good way to start a marriage.

She already knows I’m Asexual.

 

[Et_Cetera]

The thing is, that my hormones are working fine. Aside from having Nocturnal Enuresis, everything else is perfectly normal.

And to add, not trying to be rude, but saying my testosterone levels, and hormone levels are abnormal is part of why I am repulsed at the thought of sex. Only a few people including but not limited to my friends on the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) forum understand that I am perfectly normal. Asexuality is in fact a Sexual orientation, not a hormonal imbalance or anything else.

If anybody has questions about Asexuality, visit:
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network Official website

Everyone is different, and for you, this is normal. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if others are putting you down, then try to overlook them or find more accepting people. Why on earth would this be sinful?

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

I have a Libido but I am terrified of having sex and repulsed by the sight for lots of reasons, the main two are of course what I mentioned in the beginning. Sexual Attraction from what I’ve heard and read is where you want to have sex with someone, and the mere sight of a woman (or man) turns the person on. That has never applied to me, ever in my life.

The difference though between Asexual couples and Heterosexual couples is that most of the time (not always), Heterosexual couples are both into sex, and because they have no repulsion, it’s easy to give consent. But with Asexual couples, not only are they uninterested, but they don’t typically like it, and usually are also repulsed by it.

I actually have a Girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure she’s heterosexual. So, my issue is that if we were to get married and she wants sex, I, being the Asexual, would be forbidden to say no. I would have to give consent or else I’d end up in a sinful state. So, the only way around this is basically never asking her to marry me. That’s a problem because I actually want to get married some day, and she has gained my trust and respect, and I do love her (despite being too terrified to tell her:blush but with this rule, if I want to be happy, I can only marry another Asexual.

So, I’m not sure what to do.

I think if you were planning to propose to her you need to tell her that you find the concept of sex repulsive.

 

[Rau]

She already knows I’m Asexual.

How do you feel about kissing and cuddling your girlfriend?

Does she think you are a future potential husband and father, or are you just good friends?

 

[Rau]

I think if you were planning to propose to her you need to tell her that you find the concept of sex repulsive.

More than that, a firm intent to never have sex (if that is what the repulsion means) is an issue.

 

[Auntie_A]

I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. Yes I am repulsed and terrified of sex. However that started AFTER I came out of the closet.

You see, I wanted to be sexually attracted to someone. I thought I was straight. Then I thought I was Bisexual, then I thought I was gay. Then I became confused. I began to look up what’s going on. I sought advice from people around me as well as online. I also did some “self tests” during the time period I was confused. I ruled out orientation after orientation after orientation, and the only one remaining was Asexuality. I came out to everybody around me and I was fine. But then I came into contact with the ones who remain ignorant of the subject of Asexuality. They kept saying things like this:

“What?? No way. You’re a dude! 20 years old for that matter. You have no interest in sex?”
“Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“You’re a narcissist! Go get counseling.”
“So, in other words, you’re a closeted homosexual.”
“Bull censored. All men want sex, and all men are sexually attracted to someone.”

I can keep listing phrases that were said to me after I came out, but the bottom line is that I was NOT afraid or repulsed by sex at first. It was society repeatedly shoving sex down my throat that made me repulsed and terrified. I saw how sex negatively affects half the population.

So, yes. I AM Asexual. I was NOT repulsed and terrified at first. I give Society credit for the repulsion and fear.

Wow! I am in a state of wonder. How old are you to decide this about yourself ?i

 

[Rau]

I have a **Libido **but I am terrified of having sex and repulsed by the sight for lots of reasons, the main two are of course what I mentioned in the beginning. **Sexual Attraction **from what I’ve heard and read is where you want to have sex with someone, and the mere sight of a woman (or man) turns the person on. That has never applied to me, ever in my life…

The dictionary gives the following synonyms for libido:
*sex drive, sexual appetite, sexual passion, sexual urge, sexual longing; *Sexual attraction is broader and more subtle than “want to have sex with someone”, though, under the right circumstances, it may in time lead to that immediate desire.

You say “the mere sight of a woman” has never turned you on. You say you have a libido, so I presume some level of, or forms of, stimulation do turn you on…or are you saying that you experience arousal (erections) but disconnected from any relevant sensory (name removed by moderator)ut or object of desire or thoughts of sexual (with another) resolution?

I looked over the website you provided, and the overwhelming characteristic of asexuality mentioned there is “lack of interest” in sex - I didn’t find mention of **terror *or repulsion. The strongest “negative” statement I found was: * “Some asexuals dislike any physical contact at all.” Yet you wrote in your post:
But with Asexual couples, not only are they uninterested, but they don’t typically like it, and usually are also repulsed by it.

I didn’t find support for that last comment in the web site you referenced.

You then write:

ChristianAlways:

I was NOT afraid or repulsed by sex at first. It was society repeatedly shoving sex down my throat that made me repulsed and terrified. I saw how sex negatively affects half the population

Perhaps this comment is particular to you, rather than to asexuals in general?

What about sex terrifies you?

What about it repulses you?

Which half of the population do you believe is so negatively impacted, and how?

 

[Vico]

I came across a bible verse from
acts17-11.com/dialogs_sex_denial.html

I’ve concluded that I’m an Asexual which is why the Abstinence trip is easy for me. My issue is according to the church, Homo/Bisexuality are both sinful. The thing is though, Asexuality means that a person does NOT experience sexual attraction, and thanks to everybody saying “Go have sex. It’s awesome.” or “You’re a 20 year old male. Of course your sexually attracted to someone, you just haven’t found her yet.” and other stuff I don’t like, I have become repulsed and even terrified of sex. So, according to this article, I’m sinning for not being willing to provide consent.

Is this article correct? If it is, does that mean Asexuality is sinful?

Low or absent sexual desire or attraction is not a sin.

1 Cor 7:5 is directed to the married and it is not a command but permission as Paul mentions there also.

The author writes “It is a sin to deny the partner in marriage.”

This idea is too simple for refusal may be morally justifiable in marriage. It is most important to maintain charity in relationships.

 

[ChristianAlways]

How do you feel about kissing and cuddling your girlfriend?

Does she think you are a future potential husband and father, or are you just good friends?

I have no problem with most sensual activity. I could cuddle, hold hands, and hug, however I’m not sure about kissing. I find a lot of kissing repulsive as well, and I’m not the only Ace who thinks that.

As for husband/father material or good friends, I’d say we’re in the gray area. We’re not quite ready to marry yet, we still have issues to work out, but we’re not just good friends. We’ve passed that point.

 

[ChristianAlways]

The dictionary gives the following synonyms for libido:
*sex drive, sexual appetite, sexual passion, sexual urge, sexual longing; *Sexual attraction is broader and more subtle than “want to have sex with someone”, though, under the right circumstances, it may in time lead to that immediate desire.

You say “the mere sight of a woman” has never turned you on. You say you have a libido, so I presume some level of, or forms of, stimulation do turn you on…or are you saying that you experience arousal (erections) but disconnected from any relevant sensory (name removed by moderator)ut or object of desire or thoughts of sexual (with another) resolution?

I looked over the website you provided, and the overwhelming characteristic of asexuality mentioned there is “lack of interest” in sex - I didn’t find mention of **terror *or repulsion. The strongest “negative” statement I found was: * “Some asexuals dislike any physical contact at all.” Yet you wrote in your post:
But with Asexual couples, not only are they uninterested, but they don’t typically like it, and usually are also repulsed by it.

I didn’t find support for that last comment in the web site you referenced.

You then write:

Perhaps this comment is particular to you, rather than to asexuals in general?

What about sex terrifies you?

What about it repulses you?

Which half of the population do you believe is so negatively impacted, and how?

Correct. I do experience erections, but never from anything sexual. It’s either because I need to use the bathroom, or because of my clothes rubbing, also, I experience morning erections. No idea what causes them though.

---

As I said earlier, I’m only terrified and repulsed by sex because Society says I absolutely need to have sex, or find someone sexually attractive because I’m a 20 year old male. If they’re not insulting me like that, they insult me in other ways, like calling me a narcissist.

---

Did you look at the General FAQs? Because in the General FAQs, it also says that they can handle sensual activity which is hugging, holding hands and cuddling.
On this page:
General FAQs
it says the definition of an asexual is:
Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.
Asexuals can still enjoy sensual activity because it’s non-sexual.

---

There are Asexuals who have sex too. That’s also listed in the General FAQs listed as I enjoy being sexual with my loving partner but I’ve never really felt driven to have sex with anyone else. Could I be asexual?

---

If you were to check out the official AVEN forum, you’d see that a lot of Asexuals are repulsed by sex. Some are even repulsed by kissing.

 

[ready]

I came across a bible verse from
acts17-11.com/dialogs_sex_denial.html

I’ve concluded that I’m an Asexual which is why the Abstinence trip is easy for me. My issue is according to the church, Homo/Bisexuality are both sinful. The thing is though, Asexuality means that a person does NOT experience sexual attraction, and thanks to everybody saying “Go have sex. It’s awesome.” or “You’re a 20 year old male. Of course your sexually attracted to someone, you just haven’t found her yet.” and other stuff I don’t like, I have become repulsed and even terrified of sex. So, according to this article, I’m sinning for not being willing to provide consent.

Is this article correct? If it is, does that mean Asexuality is sinful?

You are only permitted by God to consent to sex within a valid marriage. In the religious life or single life you are not permitted by God to consent to sex. Saying no to sex when in the religious life or single life is virtue, not sin. The only time that saying no to sex within a valid marriage is sinful is when there is no very good reason for it. God bless you.

 

[Rau]

…
As I said earlier, I’m only terrified and repulsed by sex because Society says I absolutely need to have sex, or find someone sexually attractive because I’m a 20 year old male. If they’re not insulting me like that, they insult me in other ways, like calling me a narcissist.

But…may I ask…

What about sex terrifies you?

What about it repulses you?

Which half of the population do you believe is so negatively impacted, and how?

 

[St_Francis]

I came across a bible verse from
acts17-11.com/dialogs_sex_denial.html

I’ve concluded that I’m an Asexual which is why the Abstinence trip is easy for me. My issue is according to the church, Homo/Bisexuality are both sinful. The thing is though, Asexuality means that a person does NOT experience sexual attraction, and thanks to everybody saying “Go have sex. It’s awesome.” or “You’re a 20 year old male. Of course your sexually attracted to someone, you just haven’t found her yet.” and other stuff I don’t like, I have become repulsed and even terrified of sex. So, according to this article, I’m sinning for not being willing to provide consent.

Is this article correct? If it is, does that mean Asexuality is sinful?

It seems like you may be confused because of what society teaches and what the Church teaches.

Society teaches everyone should be going out and having sex; if you don’t do that, you’re abnormal. (Note: people who feel or know they are committing a sin will try to rationalize it in some way, usually by saying everyone is doing it; thus, people who are managing to abstain from the sin are a reproach to the sinners’ rationalizations. So they try to make the *abstainer *feel bad and fall into line.)

The Church teaches that people should *not *have sex outside of marriage, but that one cannot refuse a spouse’s *reasonable *requests. This is even called the marital debt. Failing to do so could cause the spouse a lot of temptation, which is why this is.

Aside from all that, I have known way too many women marry with the idea that the groom will change upon marriage. If you are indeed asexual, and she thinks marriage will change you, then you might both end up miserable. This is just a warning of a possibility, since I don’t know either of you.

 

[ChristianAlways]

But…may I ask…

What about sex terrifies you?

What about it repulses you?

Which half of the population do you believe is so negatively impacted, and how?

There are lots of things that terrify me. But I’ll list a few:

I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to be a father, and I won’t be for a very long time, I’ll estimate at least 1-2 decades.

In high school, anyone who had sex became a bully. A decade ago, I was an Atheist. I was a bully during my time as an Atheist and I hated it, as well as being an Atheist. I asked my mother to help me because I was emotionally unstable as a result of bullying others, and I became a Christian. I don’t want to have sex and then become a bully again, because then I became a Christian for nothing.

Sexual Education in High School made me terrified of STDs, but for sex, not enough to prevent me from having it. I’ve been pushed passed the limit recently by Society after coming out.

As an Asexual, I will likely never enjoy it, and if I do it because of peer pressure, or because I’m forbidden to say no to my wife, then I will never be able to satisfy her, and I’ll never be happy. I’m one of those guys who needs to be comfortable AND able to concentrate or else everything I do goes out the window.

I have an insane fear of being seen naked by ANYBODY especially by family or those I see on a regular basis. If I accidently ended up naked for whatever reason in front of a bunch of strangers, I’ll be embarrassed big time, but in that instance, it’s a simple matter of fixing myself and to continue on my daily routine. I can move on because for all I know, I might never see them again, so I don’t have to worry about the possibility of being reminded of it, nor would I worry about looking at them again, or being harassed about it constantly, because let’s face it. They’re strangers. I don’t know where they live, and I don’t care. Besides, the population in my location is 65,000 people. So, 30 people out of 65,000 isn’t a lot. But if it were to happen in front of my girlfriend, I could never move on. I’d feel like I’ve suffered sexual assault, even though it isn’t the case.

As for what I find repulsive about it (Including but not limited to):

Genitalia is kind of… eww-ish to me. I freak out when I see it, and I turn away. For some reason, I think, whether on a male or female, they’re just too ugly to me. That’s always been how I thought and it’s not exactly something that I can see changing any time soon.

I find bodily fluids disgusting, and I am VERY sensitive to smell. I can probably link that to my Germaphobia more than anything else because I’m a “recovering” germaphobe.

I hate the sound of moaning, groaning, suction and anything else that sounds like anybody having sex. In fact, sound is a bigger “turn off” than anything else.

I have found that mainly those in my generation (I’m a Millennial) are easily corrupted by sex. They have unprotected sex, their partner gets pregnant, 9 months later, Dads paying Child Support, and Mom is either a prostitute or a High School dropout, and the child is a victim of abuse (No stereotypes intended). I’ve seen it everywhere. Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, all around me in real life, in my family history. I don’t want to become a part of that.

So, there you have it. This is why I’m glad I was born as an Asexual and plan to take advantage of it, by using it to avoid sex.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

There are lots of things that terrify me. But I’ll list a few:

I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to be a father, and I won’t be for a very long time, I’ll estimate at least 1-2 decades.

In high school, anyone who had sex became a bully. A decade ago, I was an Atheist. I was a bully during my time as an Atheist and I hated it, as well as being an Atheist. I asked my mother to help me because I was emotionally unstable as a result of bullying others, and I became a Christian. I don’t want to have sex and then become a bully again, because then I became a Christian for nothing.

Sexual Education in High School made me terrified of STDs, but for sex, not enough to prevent me from having it. I’ve been pushed passed the limit recently by Society after coming out.

As an Asexual, I will likely never enjoy it, and if I do it because of peer pressure, or because I’m forbidden to say no to my wife, then I will never be able to satisfy her, and I’ll never be happy. I’m one of those guys who needs to be comfortable AND able to concentrate or else everything I do goes out the window.

I have an insane fear of being seen naked by ANYBODY especially by family or those I see on a regular basis. If I accidently ended up naked for whatever reason in front of a bunch of strangers, I’ll be embarrassed big time, but in that instance, it’s a simple matter of fixing myself and to continue on my daily routine. I can move on because for all I know, I might never see them again, so I don’t have to worry about the possibility of being reminded of it, nor would I worry about looking at them again, or being harassed about it constantly, because let’s face it. They’re strangers. I don’t know where they live, and I don’t care. Besides, the population in my location is 65,000 people. So, 30 people out of 65,000 isn’t a lot. But if it were to happen in front of my girlfriend, I could never move on. I’d feel like I’ve suffered sexual assault, even though it isn’t the case.

As for what I find repulsive about it (Including but not limited to):

Genitalia is kind of… eww-ish to me. I freak out when I see it, and I turn away. For some reason, I think, whether on a male or female, they’re just too ugly to me. That’s always been how I thought and it’s not exactly something that I can see changing any time soon.

I find bodily fluids disgusting, and I am VERY sensitive to smell. I can probably link that to my Germaphobia more than anything else because I’m a “recovering” germaphobe.

I hate the sound of moaning, groaning, suction and anything else that sounds like anybody having sex. In fact, sound is a bigger “turn off” than anything else.

I have found that mainly those in my generation (I’m a Millennial) are easily corrupted by sex. They have unprotected sex, their partner gets pregnant, 9 months later, Dads paying Child Support, and Mom is either a prostitute or a High School dropout, and the child is a victim of abuse (No stereotypes intended). I’ve seen it everywhere. Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, all around me in real life, in my family history. I don’t want to become a part of that.

So, there you have it. This is why I’m glad I was born as an Asexual and plan to take advantage of it, by using it to avoid sex.

I know asexuals and your case looks far more like a profound fear of sex than asexuality. That is why people were suggesting you see a psychologist.

 

[mommamaree]

There are lots of things that terrify me. But I’ll list a few:

I am NOWHERE NEAR ready to be a father, and I won’t be for a very long time, I’ll estimate at least 1-2 decades.

In high school, anyone who had sex became a bully. A decade ago, I was an Atheist. I was a bully during my time as an Atheist and I hated it, as well as being an Atheist. I asked my mother to help me because I was emotionally unstable as a result of bullying others, and I became a Christian. I don’t want to have sex and then become a bully again, because then I became a Christian for nothing.

Sexual Education in High School made me terrified of STDs, but for sex, not enough to prevent me from having it. I’ve been pushed passed the limit recently by Society after coming out.

As an Asexual, I will likely never enjoy it, and if I do it because of peer pressure, or because I’m forbidden to say no to my wife, then I will never be able to satisfy her, and I’ll never be happy. I’m one of those guys who needs to be comfortable AND able to concentrate or else everything I do goes out the window.

I have an insane fear of being seen naked by ANYBODY especially by family or those I see on a regular basis. If I accidently ended up naked for whatever reason in front of a bunch of strangers, I’ll be embarrassed big time, but in that instance, it’s a simple matter of fixing myself and to continue on my daily routine. I can move on because for all I know, I might never see them again, so I don’t have to worry about the possibility of being reminded of it, nor would I worry about looking at them again, or being harassed about it constantly, because let’s face it. They’re strangers. I don’t know where they live, and I don’t care. Besides, the population in my location is 65,000 people. So, 30 people out of 65,000 isn’t a lot. But if it were to happen in front of my girlfriend, I could never move on. I’d feel like I’ve suffered sexual assault, even though it isn’t the case.

As for what I find repulsive about it (Including but not limited to):

Genitalia is kind of… eww-ish to me. I freak out when I see it, and I turn away. For some reason, I think, whether on a male or female, they’re just too ugly to me. That’s always been how I thought and it’s not exactly something that I can see changing any time soon.

I find bodily fluids disgusting, and I am VERY sensitive to smell. I can probably link that to my Germaphobia more than anything else because I’m a “recovering” germaphobe.

I hate the sound of moaning, groaning, suction and anything else that sounds like anybody having sex. In fact, sound is a bigger “turn off” than anything else.

I have found that mainly those in my generation (I’m a Millennial) are easily corrupted by sex. They have unprotected sex, their partner gets pregnant, 9 months later, Dads paying Child Support, and Mom is either a prostitute or a High School dropout, and the child is a victim of abuse (No stereotypes intended). I’ve seen it everywhere. Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, all around me in real life, in my family history. I don’t want to become a part of that.

So, there you have it. This is why I’m glad I was born as an Asexual and plan to take advantage of it, by using it to avoid sex.

Whether you are an asexual or have a sexual phobia, either way, you should NOT marry. I think you should make it clear in no uncertain terms to your girlfriend that you have no intention of ever having sexual relations, and explain very clearly that you find genitals ugly, bodily fluids disgusting, and sexual sounds appalling. These are signs that you would NOT be able to have a normal sexual relationship with a wife, and it would be a cruel joke for you to enter into a marriage. In fact, it would be deception. Marriage is not simply for companionship and closeness. It is a one-flesh union, designed by God, for the purposes of procreation and education of offspring, for the sanctification of the spouses, and for quieting of concupiscence. You cannot fulfill those purposes; in fact, you seem to assert that you have no intention of doing so. Either break up with your girlfriend, or tell her the complete truth and let her break up with you. But for the love of God and this woman’s soul, please do not propose marriage to her. That would be a lie.

 

[ready]

The sole purpose of dating is to find the proper spouse. You should not be dating if you have no intention of having children with a wife within the holy sacrament of marriage. You must remain chaste and single. God bless you.