Is Asexuality sinful?

[ChristianAlways]

I know asexuals and your case looks far more like a profound fear of sex than asexuality. That is why people were suggesting you see a psychologist.

Again. My fear and repulsion wasn’t a problem at first. When I first came out of the closet, I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t find people sexually attractive and that I lacked interest in sex.

FOR THOSE WHO INSIST I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST, OR THINK I’M SUFFERING FROM AN EMOTIONAL DISABILITY, PLEASE VISIT THESE LINKS:

This is a post I made on the AVEN Backup forum only 2 DAYS AFTER coming out of the closet as an Asexual.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/472/out-closet-2-days-considering

This is another forum post that shows how irritated Society has made me.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/450/put-societies-asexuals

As you can see, from those two posts, my original state of mind was that I was uninterested. But then I came out to friends and family, and the refusal to learn…

You know what? Never mind. I give up. I tried to explain in the best detail I could to everyone so they could understand that I am asexual. I tried telling everybody that I was NOT repulsed and terrified in the beginning after coming out, but either we didn’t read that part, or we forgot about it. It’s all here. I am Asexual, and I wasn’t repulsed and afraid of sex at first. And yes, there are many asexuals who ARE repulsed by sex.

 

[mommamaree]

Again. My fear and repulsion wasn’t a problem at first. When I first came out of the closet, I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t find people sexually attractive and that I lacked interest in sex.

FOR THOSE WHO INSIST I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST, OR THINK I’M SUFFERING FROM AN EMOTIONAL DISABILITY, PLEASE VISIT THESE LINKS:

This is a post I made on the AVEN Backup forum only 2 DAYS AFTER coming out of the closet as an Asexual.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/472/out-closet-2-days-considering

This is another forum post that shows how irritated Society has made me.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/450/put-societies-asexuals

As you can see, from those two posts, my original state of mind was that I was uninterested. But then I came out to friends and family, and the refusal to learn…

You know what? Never mind. I give up. I tried to explain in the best detail I could to everyone so they could understand that I am asexual. I tried telling everybody that I was NOT repulsed and terrified in the beginning after coming out, but either we didn’t read that part, or we forgot about it. It’s all here. I am Asexual, and I wasn’t repulsed and afraid of sex at first. And yes, there are many asexuals who ARE repulsed by sex.

Don’t be so hung up on the label. What people are saying is that if you do not want to have sex, you should not get married. Remain chaste and celibate. There are plenty of people who, for whatever reason, should not and do not get married. From your repeated firm assertions that you have no intention to have sex, then you should not be dating and you should not be married. Period. Sex is only for marriage, dating is for finding a spouse to marry, and honesty is required of everyone. So be honest and let the girlfriend go and find a man who intends to do what marriage actually does.

 

[Rau]

You know what? Never mind. I give up. I tried to explain in the best detail I could to everyone so they could understand that I am asexual. I tried telling everybody that I was NOT repulsed and terrified in the beginning after coming out, but either we didn’t read that part, or we forgot about it. It’s all here. I am Asexual, and I wasn’t repulsed and afraid of sex at first. And yes, there are many asexuals who ARE repulsed by sex.

I did not think the purpose of the thread was to convince the readers that you are asexual. The key piece of advice you can’t ignore relates to what you need to disclose to your girlfriend, and the nature and obligations of marriage. Focus on those things.

 

[A_Augustinus]

Again. My fear and repulsion wasn’t a problem at first. When I first came out of the closet, I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t find people sexually attractive and that I lacked interest in sex.

FOR THOSE WHO INSIST I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST, OR THINK I’M SUFFERING FROM AN EMOTIONAL DISABILITY, PLEASE VISIT THESE LINKS:

This is a post I made on the AVEN Backup forum only 2 DAYS AFTER coming out of the closet as an Asexual.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/472/out-closet-2-days-considering

This is another forum post that shows how irritated Society has made me.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/450/put-societies-asexuals

As you can see, from those two posts, my original state of mind was that I was uninterested. But then I came out to friends and family, and the refusal to learn…

You know what? Never mind. I give up. I tried to explain in the best detail I could to everyone so they could understand that I am asexual. I tried telling everybody that I was NOT repulsed and terrified in the beginning after coming out, but either we didn’t read that part, or we forgot about it. It’s all here. I am Asexual, and I wasn’t repulsed and afraid of sex at first. And yes, there are many asexuals who ARE repulsed by sex.

Going back to your original moral question, I would agree with the last few responses. If you don’t want to be sexually intimate with someone, then it would be best not to pursue marriage. Like others have mentioned, marriage is about a man and woman committing themselves to each other and starting a family. If you don’t want to do that (and it’s certainly okay if you don’t), then you shouldn’t marry. I also agree that from a personal perspective, it wouldn’t be fair to your girlfriend, especially if she is not asexual.

I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for you to deal with people who just don’t understand where you’re coming from. I read the two threads you linked, and it gives me a little better understanding of where you’re coming from. To be honest, I haven’t met someone who identified as asexual before. But whenever we reveal something personal about ourselves, it can be nerve wracking. If people don’t accept it or dismiss us without understanding what we’re trying to say, it hurts.

Hang in there. Trust in God and be honest and open with him about your frustrations. It might also help to try to remind yourself that when people suggest that you’ll change, or that you should see a psychiatrist, they’re trying their best to help. In most cases, I don’t think they’re trying to hurt you or judge you. They’re just trying to help, even if it just feels like they’re rubbing salt on your wounds.

 

[JorduSpeaks]

I came across a bible verse from
acts17-11.com/dialogs_sex_denial.html

I’ve concluded that I’m an Asexual which is why the Abstinence trip is easy for me. My issue is according to the church, Homo/Bisexuality are both sinful. The thing is though, Asexuality means that a person does NOT experience sexual attraction, and thanks to everybody saying “Go have sex. It’s awesome.” or “You’re a 20 year old male. Of course your sexually attracted to someone, you just haven’t found her yet.” and other stuff I don’t like, I have become repulsed and even terrified of sex. So, according to this article, I’m sinning for not being willing to provide consent.

Is this article correct? If it is, does that mean Asexuality is sinful?

Homosexuality and Bisexuality are not considered sinful by the Church. Homosexual and Bisexual ACTS are considered sinful, but not the actual orientation. The orientation, itself, is considered “gravely disordered”, which is really just another way of saying it’s a special cross to bear.

Similarly, Asexuality is gravely disordered. In the long run, it would probably be better for you if you did desire sex, since you will be denied the pleasures of sexual intimacy, the intimate love of a partner who will share in your day-to-day challenges, and the joys of raising a family and having children. However, you are not doing anything wrong or sinful by being Asexual, and “acting” on your asexual orientation will never lead you to sin.

That said, you cannot have a valid marriage within the Church without consummating the marriage sexually. That’s just the way it is. Sex open to the possibility of procreation is a required part of marriage. Similarly, you can’t just move in with your girlfriend, as doing so would invite scandal (essentially, the appearance of sin) which may lead others to sin.

 

[Rau]

Similarly, Asexuality is gravely disordered…

Is this your opinion, or do you have a source for that assertion?

Homosexual orientation is objectively disordered, that is, disordered by virtue of the object of those attractions (a person of the same sex). Asexuality is not objectively disordered given there is no “object”, and it is certainly not intrinsically disordered. [The Church use of the word “disordered” has nothing to do with a medical diagnosis.]

I suspect (but don’t know) that the Church has no position or view about asexuality, comparable with the positions expressed on homosexuality.

 

[St_Francis]

Again. My fear and repulsion wasn’t a problem at first. When I first came out of the closet, I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t find people sexually attractive and that I lacked interest in sex.

FOR THOSE WHO INSIST I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST, OR THINK I’M SUFFERING FROM AN EMOTIONAL DISABILITY, PLEASE VISIT THESE LINKS:

This is a post I made on the AVEN Backup forum only 2 DAYS AFTER coming out of the closet as an Asexual.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/472/out-closet-2-days-considering

This is another forum post that shows how irritated Society has made me.
asexualityorg.proboards.com/thread/450/put-societies-asexuals

As you can see, from those two posts, my original state of mind was that I was uninterested. But then I came out to friends and family, and the refusal to learn…

You know what? Never mind. I give up. I tried to explain in the best detail I could to everyone so they could understand that I am asexual. I tried telling everybody that I was NOT repulsed and terrified in the beginning after coming out, but either we didn’t read that part, or we forgot about it. It’s all here. I am Asexual, and I wasn’t repulsed and afraid of sex at first. And yes, there are many asexuals who ARE repulsed by sex.

I’m sorry if i added to your discomfort. You seemed to be saying 3 things, one of which was that you wanted to consider marriage to your girlfriend, and I think that caused us to consider options for you which we did not clearly see were inappropriate.

It is true that if you want for whatever reason (asexuality, fear and repulsion) to avoid sex altogether, including in marriage, then you should not marry, and since the goal of dating is marriage, you should not date.

This does not mean that you cannot be friends with girls, just that there must be no hint of romance. You do not want to waken hopes in someone else for something which you know will not happen.

 

[Christianus_Dei]

Also, something you and so many others need to understand. You are not asexual. Just like I’m attracted to my own sex and am not homosexual. It’s not an identity, it’s just a feeling or lack of feeling.

 

[GEddie]

Also, something you and so many others need to understand. You are not asexual. Just like I’m attracted to my own sex and am not homosexual. It’s not an identity, it’s just a feeling or lack of feeling.

We are not sexualities; we are human beings, who happen to have a sexuality, because it comes with the body.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Is this your opinion, or do you have a source for that assertion?

Homosexual orientation is objectively disordered, that is, disordered by virtue of the object of those attractions (a person of the same sex). Asexuality is not objectively disordered given there is no “object”, and it is certainly not intrinsically disordered. [The Church use of the word “disordered” has nothing to do with a medical diagnosis.]

I suspect (but don’t know) that the Church has no position or view about asexuality, comparable with the positions expressed on homosexuality.

Your explanation is excessively broad, it is disordered by it being an attraction to gay sex, not that it is an attraction to someone of the same sex.

Also, something you and so many others need to understand. You are not asexual. Just like I’m attracted to my own sex and am not homosexual. It’s not an identity, it’s just a feeling or lack of feeling.

On an ontological level this is correct, in the real world very few people mean “I am gay” ontologically as if that is the entirety of their identity. There are people who mean it ontologically, but most gay people don’t.

 

[Rau]

Your explanation is excessively broad, it is disordered by it being an attraction to gay sex, not that it is an attraction to someone of the same sex.

Yes, that is an accurate characterisation. First, I should have said “sexual attraction”, and second, I guess in this context, I tend to assume that a desire for a sexual relationship is (or will arise as) part of the “sexual attraction” at hand, though some have reported that that is not always the case.

 

[Mintaka]

Actually, folks, it is possible to have a valid unconsummated marriage.

Basically, the Church says the marriage is valid as long as the form is okay (ie, Catholics marrying in a Catholic church, etc.) and as long as neither party is complaining about the marriage not being consummated.

At various times and places in the Church, there have been a lot of married couples who were basically being monks and nuns together at home. For example, it was very convenient if neither party originally had wanted to marry. And of course, if you never originally consented to the marriage - various princesses did this, and a few princes. Also if martyrdom is imminent, it’s a fairly popular choice. They call it a “Josephite marriage,” after the marriage of Mary and Joseph.

In general, it’s not encouraged these days, because modern people seem to have a hard time with it and tend to become sour instead of happier and more joyfully religious. We’re just not hardcore like Romans or medieval people, I guess!

The most well-known modern example was the Martins, who were too old to get married, not interested in sex, and had already had their religious vocations refused. After spending four years happily unconsummated as spouses and business partners, they mutually realized God was calling them to have children, and agreed to try it out (even though really, they were pretty darned middle-aged and didn’t think it would even be possible without God intervening). They ended up having five kids (despite their age) and enjoying sex and physical companionship. They are saints, their kids are saints and blesseds, and you’ve all heard of their daughter St. Therese Martin, Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower and Doctor of the Church. So yes, God called them to have an unconsummated marriage, and then God called them to have a consummated marriage with kids.

Here’s a story about one that didn’t work out: There was a famous case back in the 1800’s where a Protestant minister converted to Catholicism. He thought he was called to become a priest and his wife to become a nun or live as a nun while still taking care of the kids, so off he went to the seminary. The wife was reluctant at first but then got more and more Catholic and worked hard to live by a rule, but the husband changed his mind and came back and demanded sex with the wife. The wife refused and the Church backed her up, even though she wasn’t a nun yet. The guy announced he was reconverting to Protestantism and made a giant anti-Catholic stink, and the Church still backed her up. Mutual agreement does have to be reasonable; it’s not a license for marital rape.

So either way is fine, as long as both spouses agree and nobody’s doing anything immoral, and both spouses are eager to obey whatever God calls them to do.

Re: the original poster, you don’t sound at peace but it’s a fraught subject to discuss in public. I’m not particularly full of sexual attraction myself, but I’ve never found the human body ugly. Funny-looking, sure! Nature is full of funny-looking stuff! I expect that the less people bug you, the less you will find the human body bugging you.

Don’t rush anything and don’t worry. But although it’s handy to be able to tell people to leave you alone because you have an Orientation!!!, you probably don’t want to build your self-image around that. Be yourself and love your girlfriend your own way.