Is being the victim of rape a sin?

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I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
 
Your situation was ABSOLUTELY NOT a sin. There is NO situation whereby anyone has the right to take advantage of a sixteen year old, Sometimes many are embarrassed to talk about rape especially if the abuser is a friend or family member. You should seek counseling even if this is many years past. But, to answer your question, you did nothing wrong if someone took advantage of you against your will. And coercion can seem, at times, like you may have been willing since these abusers can be quite clever. You take care and I pray that you get the help that you need…God Bless…teachccd
 
Thank you for the kind words. I am “healed” and no longer feel any guilt, bad feelings, or shame about the event. I was simply wondering if my mother was right.
 
It may have been a case of imprudence of putting yourself in that situation, or maybe not. In no way though that rape ought to have happened, that action was solely the action of the other person. As far as acting imprudence, you shouldn’t really feal guilty about that, but you should take it and try to figure out a better way to avoid it in the future if is in your power. Again that is if you were actually acting imprudent, which may not have been the case.
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
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This is why we really need to reexamine this whole sex-guilt thing. Stop torturing yourself because of the selfish act of that jerk. As far as I am concerned, if you didn’t want it to happen, or you just didn’t* know how *to say “no”, you did not sin.

Your mother is right that you shouldn’t have put yourself into that situation because it is unsafe. But at 16, you couldn’t know any better.

Let it go and be at peace!

:cool:
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
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Sorry for your pain.

You can not sin w/o consent. Since you were coerced, there is no sin on your part.

God Bless
 
Goodness no! Please don’t ever think that you have any blame or sin in what happened to you! You did nothing wrong and have nothing to feel ashamed about. I pray that God has brought you healing and I am glad that you no longer feel guilt about this. I am sorry for what happened to you and also for what your mother said…I understand how that could cause you to feel bad about it.

In Christ,
Rand
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen.
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In my view that’s nonsense for two reasons.

First it put all the blame/responsibility on the victim and almost exonerates the rapist.

Secondly, it would mean that women could hardly leave their house or go out on their own. No waiting for the bus, no driving a car on your own, no being at home on your own, no walking to Mass on on your own, no living on your own. The list is endless.

Sometimes the only way to make people see the absurdity of a comment is to point out the logical consequences.
 
Of course not. Women have been raped in all kinds of situations: At home, at work, taking a walk, shopping etc. Even in places like Saudi Arabia where they wear head to toe coverings, women get raped. It’s not your fault at all, and your mother is mistaken.
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
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It is not a sin any more than receiving a gunshot wound is a sin.
 
There was no sin on your part.
many times an older man will take advantage of a young girl and even after whats called legal age this is deeply immoral.

As far as I know the Church regards a woman who has been raped as still being a virgin after the rape if she was a virgin before.

Your mother was not wrong in saying that some women put them selves in a dangerous spot, but she is wrong if she said rape is ever a womans fault.

Grace
 
straight from the Catholic Encyclopedia article on virginity:
Morally, virginity signifies the reverence for bodily integrity which is suggested by a virtuous motive. Thus understood, it is common to both sexes, and may exist in a woman even after bodily violation committed upon her against her will. [emphasis mine]
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A rapist can rob you of your bodily integrity, but not your virginity. You are a virgin so long as you have never consummated a marriage or deliberately sought sexual pleasure in sins such as fornication, masturbation etc.

God bless you
 
Biblioassistant said:
Of course not. Women have been raped in all kinds of situations: At home, at work, taking a walk, shopping etc. Even in places like Saudi Arabia where they wear head to toe coverings, women get raped. It’s not your fault at all, and your mother is mistaken.
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Even:sad_yes:** nuns** have been raped!
It sounds like your mom was a victim of poor teaching about rape. Poor lady, she must have heard it from someone she trusted, but who was not at all well-informed.
 
If foolishness and imprudence alone was a sin, we’d be going to Hell for not paying attention to the TV news or almost stepping out into traffic at the wrong moment! 🙂

And yes, it’s a very ancient Christian teaching (and one very countercultural in Greece and Rome) that raped virgins still count as virgins, and that rape doesn’t destroy the victim’s chastity. St. Augustine had to lay it down very strictly after the Fall of Rome, because many consecrated virgins, widows, and normal Christian ladies were raped during the confusion; and some of them were being told afterward to follow the old pagan Roman custom and kill themselves. He absolutely hit the roof about that one. It’s in the first chapter of his book The City of God.
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
Click to expand...
I don’t even know where to begin with this question. Of course it’s not a sin! Anyone who would even suggest so is an overzealous and uber-conservative Christian who sees sin everywhere. A thought like this belongs in the superstitious and dogmatic days of the Middle Ages, before the time when reason and enlightenment crept into the world.
 
Doople said:
I was raised Protestant and when I was 16, someone close to me took advantage of me, it wasn’t a stereotypical back-alley rape scenario. It was more like imprisonment and coercion. I told my mother about it hypothetically, to get an idea of her reaction, and she said she thinks getting raped is wrong because you shouldn’t put yourself in situations where it could happen. After that, I told no one. Because of the coercion and my mother’s reaction I felt guilty for it for many years. So my question is, was I still a virgin? Was it a sin?

I hope this does not offend anyone.
Click to expand...
No amount of imprudence on the part of the victim absolves the rapist of rape. A normal woman in a normal situation does not have a need to be paranoid to avoid rape. Some women find it easier to blame themselves than to blame an uncle or teacher or some such senior female figure, but that’s an error.

Lack of prudence is when you know it’s likely to happen and you accept the risk, or when you don’t know while you should have known, i.e. when you’re negligently not paying attention. None of this is the case if someone locks you up.
alongexpectedpa said:
I don’t even know where to begin with this question. Of course it’s not a sin! Anyone who would even suggest so is an overzealous and uber-conservative Christian who sees sin everywhere. A thought like this belongs in the superstitious and dogmatic days of the Middle Ages, before the time when reason and enlightenment crept into the world.
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The enlightenment wasn’t that great and the French revolution was a gigantic crime. Rationalism is contrary to Christianity when it starts pretending that human reason makes sense outside of a relation to God. Still, rape is to be blamed on the one who did it, not the one who, gasp, failed to predict that a senior male figure will not be able to restrain himself.
 
The enlightenment wasn’t that great .

The Enlightenment wasn’t that great?! It did give us such nice things like gravity, the idea that humans should be entitled to life, liberty, and property, and a little ditty about the Earth revolving around the sun.
 
alongexpectedpa said:
The enlightenment wasn’t that great .
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The Enlightenment wasn’t that great?! It did give us such nice things like gravity, the idea that humans should be entitled to life, liberty, and property, and a little ditty about the Earth revolving around the sun.

The Earth revolving around the sun was discovered by a cleric who was born in 15th century and I’m not sure he was actually the first (Copernicus). Gravity was discovered by a guy who spent more time studying the Bible than pursuing science (Newton), liberty was addressed by Saint Paul, prohibition against murder was always there, as against theft. Government requiring consent of the governed and some other ideas appearing in the US Constitution were written about by a Catholic cardinal living on the break of the 16th and 17th century (Bellarmine).

The Englightenment was also largely anticlerical and Masonic. It promoted various philosophies which were not quite in line with Catholicism. The French revolution turned into genocide.

Is the Enlightenment still so uniformly wonderful?
 
Not uniformly wonderful…nothing is. But overall one of the best things to happen to mankind.
 
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