Is chronic intentional Masturbation a Mortal Sin?

[shondrea]

I started writing sexual stories when I was about her age. I’m 19 now, and have only just realized what an ooppsie I pulled o.0

Growing up, nobody taught me about sex, spoke to me about the concequences, th immorality of pornography, I knew nothing of it. But I had a computer. And Google. And I learned a LOT of things I stil struggle with to this day. I stated writing pornographic stories, and have written several, not something I’m now proud of.

It’s had to stop that. What I did was start focusing on the LOVE between the characters I’d been writing about, rather than their sexuality. Started writing short, cute romantic stories, rather than raunchy ones. It’s STILL hard though, but getting easier!

Masturbation is another no one ever told me was a sin, and I did it for, oh gosh, too many yeas to remember. This one’s even hade, since I have many…unusual dreams blush

Nip it in the bud, because it doesn’t get any easier!

 

[jwashu]

Can seem to word my response right, NM

 

[former_Catholic]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories.
Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
Thank you,

A 14 year old girl who exhibits an addiction to masturbation and writing pornographic stories is a 14 year old girl who is exhibiting signs of a child who has been sexually abused. Children act out what they have been taught. Children learn what they live.

 

[consecrated_one]

I was molested, I can only speak from my reaction, I KNOW she hasn’t been. She’s been exposed at her school to alot of sexual activity, making out, etc.

 

[shondrea]

…that’s an awefully big leap of logic, there. I wasn’t molested. I just had unsupervised use of the internet. I turned out ok in the end, because I found my way back, but I’m serious. If I had never found fanficiton, I wouldn’t have discovered porn at that age.

 

[former_Catholic]

I was molested, I can only speak from my reaction, I KNOW she hasn’t been. She’s been exposed at her school to alot of sexual activity, making out, etc.

Exposure of a child to pornography constitutes the *sexual abuse *of a child. The fact that it is on the internet does not make it somehow magically less sexually abusive. The fact that adults control the internet and children’s access to the internet does not make them somehow collectively magically less responsible for children. The fact that the internet is “high technology” doesn’t make it any more impressive than a drunken flasher assaulting a school bus.

14 year olds “at school” who truly engage in “a lot of sexual activity” are most often acting out sexual abuse issues they have learned from adults, including adults who make access to internet pornography easy for children and real discussion of human sexuality impossible for children.

Normal 14 year olds exhibit curiosity and romanticism and eroticism and exploration and discovery of their own bodies and bodily changes, but that is a long long way from “exposure” to “a lot of sexual activity” and *“addiction to masturbation and writing pornographic stories.” * Addiction constitutes an issue of crisis proportions.

There is a huge difference between the normal * investigation *and exploration of one’s changing body and bodily functions at age 14 and one’s addiction to masturbation at age 14. ADDICTION?! Addiction means you don’t feel you can get by without more and more of it and it is having negative consequences on your health and status as a functional human being.

There is a huge difference between writing *romantic erotic stories *(exploration of one’s own life force, sexual, and romantic feelings) and writing pornographic stories (glorification of the sexual exploitation, degradation, control, and abuse of others).

When you are not talking about exploration and eroticism but talking about addiction to masturbation and addiction to pornography, you’ve got serious issues of sexual abuse to consider. Sexual abuse made possible by adults via the internet also constitutes sexual abuse.

As far as your absolutely knowing that your daughter hasn’t ever been actually physically grabbed/touched/fondled/approached/threatened/propositioned/witnessed flashing, etc. and thereby sexually assaulted or sexually molested or abused one way or another in her life by someone at sometime when you had your back turned…
if I had a dollar from every mother I had ever heard that one from whose daughter eventually recovered agonizingly repressed memories of having been physically sexually assaulted as a child and whose mother never had a clue, I’d be a very wealthy woman.

 

[RobnBobA1]

My daughter (14 yrs old) is addicted to Masturbation and writing Pornographic stories.
Is Masturbation a Mortal Sin?
Thank you,

Just a quick question? What kind of pornagraphic stories is she writing? Is is revolving around sex or is it a story with sex in it? I ask because when I was 15 I started to write a book (in Chestry class cause it was boring ) that later developed into a love story and had sex in it between a man and wife (the two main characters) To many writers, they will tell you that one day generally a story pops into their head and kinda takes its own course and you simply write it down, maybe embelish it a little to get the full effect. This is for fiction writers. That is what happens to me. To include, if it is in a different time (mine all seem to happen in medieval times) research into the life of people during that time needs to be authentic. Sex, rape, unfaithfulness, stealing, murder, raiding, lying etc were common place then and indeed the norm. Does that need to be included in a fiction story that I am writing during that time to get authenticy? From a writers point of view, yes.

This is another topic of discussion that you can have with her and/or the priest. If she is writing the above, because of her young age and some of the adult topics that is involved, my suggestion is to compromise a little with her. Read her stories and not necessarily with censorship involved but to help her develop her writing and imagination skills, but when you come to a topic point in their that you feel is adult level, use that starting point to begin a discussion with her, and ask her “what were you feeling when you were writing this part?” If she was feeling “horny” or sexually aroused at those points or was thinking about sex, therefor wrote it down, that is where the problem comes it, and will tell you that her writing revolves around her personal feelings/emotions rather than a story that needs to be written because it is in her head. If she states that it was basically where the characters were going, it is something a little different (in my mind) and not a grave sinful matter. Actions of the characters in books are not directed by the writer (this part might not make sense to any nonwriter) but rather the characters personality (which is unique and kinda just develops on its own) dictates what actions make sense in certain situations. For me, my female character had a very strong personality and was very independent and unconventional. I would image a specific dilemna…that was really the only thing I would make up, and then place my character in that situation and her personality would dictate the development of the situation and how she and others reacted to it, where it would not make sense to her or the story that she would act in a way that was against her personality.

Either way…take the time to read her writings in a nonjudgemental standpoint and use the oppertunity to try to understand her feelings about adult topics.

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

I started writing sexual stories when I was about her age. I’m 19 now, and have only just realized what an ooppsie I pulled o.0

Growing up, nobody taught me about sex, spoke to me about the concequences, th immorality of pornography, I knew nothing of it. But I had a computer. And Google. And I learned a LOT of things I stil struggle with to this day. I stated writing pornographic stories, and have written several, not something I’m now proud of.

It’s had to stop that. What I did was start focusing on the LOVE between the characters I’d been writing about, rather than their sexuality. Started writing short, cute romantic stories, rather than raunchy ones. It’s STILL hard though, but getting easier!

Masturbation is another no one ever told me was a sin, and I did it for, oh gosh, too many yeas to remember. This one’s even hade, since I have many…unusual dreams blush

Nip it in the bud, because it doesn’t get any easier!

Hi Shondrea,

If I may comment on this … it sounds like a combination of simple lack of awareness and a normal reaction to the sexualized society that we live in. (even oopsie is a strong word if you aren’t aware it’s a sin). More and more kids are processing the stuff they are just bombarded with in this manner. We had a 10 yr old who wrote a story about bondage in response to the news reports of a young women held captive in a basement for years. She hadn’t been molested, she was just trying to process something sexual that she didn’t understand.

The sexual drives are normal. Catholic teaching allows us to learn how to be masters of our desires in order to be closer to God (not to mention happy, safe, open to real love and free). How truly blessed we are. I’ll say a prayer of thanks for your greater awareness and true self-love today. As for masturbation, well, the priests are always saying this is the on sin they keep hearing over and over and over, ad nauseum.

Still, yes, it is a moral sin when all the requirements are met (full knowledge, etc,). That part is up to God to understand. IMHO

I think it was really helpful and generous of you to share this. Thank you.

 

[Middleman]

I think you need to be careful about what you are doing. How do you know your daughter is “addicted to masturbation”? Are you spying on her?

This kind of thing can be really, really damaging to her. All you can do is teach her Catholic values, you really shouldn’t be digging through her personal writings or checking if she’s masturbating. It sounds like it could be psychologically damaging to her.

Wondering that myself. Something fishy about this thread.

 

[Monica4316]

A 14 year old girl who exhibits an addiction to masturbation and writing pornographic stories is a 14 year old girl who is exhibiting signs of a child who has been sexually abused. Children act out what they have been taught. Children learn what they live.

NOT true. I have a really messed up past with sins against purity yet I was never sexually abused. However now I’m totally free from them so yes it’s possible to overcome and yes masturbation is a mortal sin… it’s great that your daughter wants to go to Confession I hope it went well? definitely pray for her to Our Lady

God bless.

 

[consecrated_one]

It went well, it goes well every time! She goes in and says it every time we go! I have surrendered her to God and Our Blessed Mother. I can’t make her choices for her or control everything she does. It’s a very sad defeated feeling, but I trust in God and Our Blessed mother and I (and my husband) will continue to do what we can. Thank you!

I think she’s addicted because SHE told me she can’t stop!

 

[MommaKeaneBeans]

**This is the first time that I have ever shared this, but I felt a strong calling to speak out on this topic when I saw this thread. I grew up in a normal, non-abusive home and had a normal childhood. However, through exposure to the media, especially the television, I became inordinately interested in sex at a very young age. Add that to the fact that I began puberty at age 9, and it is a recipe for disaster. I remember seeing a “kids” news program that was made to teach children about sexual abuse, but not understanding it fully and so having a lot of unanswered questions and no outlet for them. When i was 12 or 13 I began writing the types of things that it sounds like your daughter has been writing. From this generated the slippery slope of chronic masturbation, writing “soft” pornography, and eventually, using the computer to look at pornography. I am so ashamed to even write this, but I feel the need to speak out and say that this can happen to anyone, especially to a child who does not have strong religious guidance or who is naturally shy about asking questions. I have struggled with these issues for many years, and from time to time still do. There is healing through frequent reconciliation, prayer to Our Lady, and talking about it with others. There are things I wish my parents had/ had not done, including: I wish they had not put a TV in my room from a young age (7), because then I had access to watch what I wanted, when I wanted; I wish they had not let me have unrestricted access to whatever literature that I was interested in without them previewing it (I was/am an avid reader and writer, and much of what I learned was through books/magazines etc); I also wish they had not given me a computer in my room in high school when the internet was starting to really get popular. Even the most seemingly shy, normal, unassuming kids can easily get sucked in to internet pornography if they are alone with the computer for any length of time. I think, as parents, we can’t just forbid something without explanation. Explaining the serious moral and emotional harm that exposure to these things can do is so, so important. It sounds like you are doing all you can to help your daughter, and to protect her!

I am 25 years old now, and have three children and a wonderful husband. However, masturbation can be a true addiction. I have made great strides to overcome this problem, but still have not been able to fully overcome the temptation, even as a married woman. If I could say anything to your daughter, I would say that I understand where she’s coming from. Give her lots of love and support, and guidance in the teachings of the Church. As much as my parents loved me, they did not teach me right from wrong in that regard. It took years of personal study on my part to understand the sin behind masturbation and the true freedom that comes from confessing and being free from it. In our society, it is almost impossible to avoid over-sexualization. I am afraid for my children as they grow older, because I know I cannot shield them from everything.

I hope this helps a little. It was not easy for me to post all this, but I hope that my experience can shed a little light on this whole issue from the perspective of someone who has been there, and is still there in some regards **

 

[consecrated_one]

Thank you so much for taking the time to post. I could tell it was really hard for you, so I appreciate it all the more. My daughter doesn’t have free access to computer, texting, TV, etc, I’ve just now come to know that our Public Library shelves some books as young Adult that are way too “romantic” for me! We have come to know that all we really can do is pray for her. She lies to my face, she’s pretty much obsessed. I have talked to her and explained that the things she’s doing are harming her very soul and will make it easier to do worse things. I feel just sick, sick and tired. Thank you so much again for sharing from your own experiences and heart.

 

[VCSamin]

** . . . I wish they had not put a TV in my room from a young age (7), because then I had access to watch what I wanted, when I wanted; I wish they had not let me have unrestricted access to whatever literature that I was interested in without them previewing it (I was/am an avid reader and writer, and much of what I learned was through books/magazines etc); I also wish they had not given me a computer in my room in high school when the internet was starting to really get popular. Even the most seemingly shy, normal, unassuming kids can easily get sucked in to internet pornography if they are alone with the computer for any length of time. . . . . **

this bears repeating ! !

 

[ContegoFides]

As others have mentioned above, masturbation is gravely disordered and thus has the potential to be a mortal sin (the three requirements being grave matter, knowledge that it’s grave, and consent of the will to commit the gravely discordered act). Anyone who tells you differently either opposes or is resistant to the Truth, usually based on their personal issues with this grave problem.

Whether or not your daughter is in mortal sin is only something God can know.

Frankly, however, any discussion regarding the various “gray areas” regarding habits, addictions, or various mitigating factors is missing the point. Don’t waste your time on them. The Truth is that this behavior could be mortally sinful. Therefore, why take the risk that what is going on is not? When the risk of being wrong is Eternal Hell, why try to work out the niceties of whether it’s a mortal sin in a particular set of circumstances when the focus should be on eliminating the behavior and controlling the thoughts that lead to it.

If my daughter faced this problem, I would really want to delve into the “why.” There is something going on here that isn’t right, and I don’t just mean the obvious. Your daughter will almost certainly be evasive and won’t want to talk about it, but I would simply assert myself as father and not let her get out of dealing with this issue.

You might consult an orthodox priest (as others have suggested) and/or an orthodox Catholic counselor (do NOT see a secular shrink - they will sell you some bilge about masturbation being normal and healthy).

Something else to keep in mind as you counsel your daughter - you need to teach her not just that masturbation is evil, but also how good sex is in its proper context. That way she can develop a healthy attitude, which will really give her the tools to beat this problem. Teach her that you are not against fun in sex, but rather you are for its proper context.

Your daughter is sure to resist you and is likely to sneak behind your back and whisper to her friends about how prudish you are.

Don’t give in. Be the parent.

If you continue to have trouble, consider restricting her friends. Her “friends,” can have a profound influence on her for good or ill. Don’t be afraid to cut her off from bad influences.

 

[JerrySeibert]

Yes it is. Masturbation is a “Gravely disordered act” CCC. It is a sin. I’ll pray for you and find her help.

 

[rayne89]

A 14 year old girl who exhibits an addiction to masturbation and writing pornographic stories is a 14 year old girl who is exhibiting signs of a child who has been sexually abused. Children act out what they have been taught. Children learn what they live.

Not in this day and age. Kids are much more exposed to sexual things we couldn’t even dream of back when we were 14. And at 14 (that would have been mid 80’s) I still knew too much. Dr. Ruth used to be on our local soft rock radio station late at night. Good grief I learned way too much stuff that was supposedly “normal” according to the good old doctor. Now they have the internet and its all out there in one click -with pictures.

 

[scapularkid8]

Ignore the alarmists and absolutists, please.

This all is case by case, as is every trial and temptation we all face. We are all different people with different struggles.

My priest, for example, has counseled me that it would be more spiritually destructive to keep worrying about the fact that I’m addicted to masturbation than to actually participate in a Christian life in spite of that.

Shakespeare wrote “Get thee to a nunnery!”, but I say get thee to a priest. They can assess the situation as best possible to help your daughter heal spiritually even if the outcome or advice may not be something every Pharisaical Catholic would agree with.

Let’s also not forget the special caveat on the masturbation entry in the CCC that mentions psychological condition/stresses and overall maturity must be taken into account.

 

[rayne89]

It went well, it goes well every time! She goes in and says it every time we go! I have surrendered her to God and Our Blessed Mother. I can’t make her choices for her or control everything she does. It’s a very sad defeated feeling, but I trust in God and Our Blessed mother and I (and my husband) will continue to do what we can. Thank you!

I think she’s addicted because SHE told me she can’t stop!

14 year old girls going through puberty can have very strong sexual feelings. Biological urges, that make it very difficult to try not to do something to relieve those feelings. I remember being 14. Just because we’re talking girls and not boys suddenly its all weird and something must be wrong with her. Since we’re all being open here, I had very strong sexual feelings during puberty, to the point where it was pretty much painful. This is biology. I couldn’t make those feelings go away, it wasn’t something I asked for or wanted. It was maddening and very distracting at times. Yeah I went down the road that all the experts said was “normal.” My parents would have never discussed anything remotely to do with such things. It wasn’t until after I was married and returned to the church that I was able to understand the church teachings and over come them. I was also married, meaning I had another outlet. And I had matured.

This is not excusing your daughter’s actions. Your daughter is not some freak of nature. God knows her heart. Part of this is biology, the changes her body is going through, part of it is the culture today and what she is exposed to. Keep praying, keep communicating, keep letting her know she is loved.

 

[Calliso]

14 year old girls going through puberty can have very strong sexual feelings. Biological urges, that make it very difficult to try not to do something to relieve those feelings. I remember being 14. Just because we’re talking girls and not boys suddenly its all weird and something must be wrong with her. Since we’re all being open here, I had very strong sexual feelings during puberty, to the point where it was pretty much painful. This is biology. I couldn’t make those feelings go away, it wasn’t something I asked for or wanted. It was maddening and very distracting at times. Yeah I went down the road that all the experts said was “normal.” My parents would have never discussed anything remotely to do with such things. It wasn’t until after I was married and returned to the church that I was able to understand the church teachings and over come them. I was also married, meaning I had another outlet. And I had matured.

This is not excusing your daughter’s actions. Your daughter is not some freak of nature. God knows her heart. Part of this is biology, the changes her body is going through, part of it is the culture today and what she is exposed to. Keep praying, keep communicating, keep letting her know she is loved.

I agree she is 14 she is probably just having really strong hormonal urges that she FEELS like she can;t control. But that doesn;t necessarily mean she is actually addicted to masturbation. But yeah good post.