Is Civil Marriage for Migration Purposes Morally Justifiable?

[DavidGarsia]

A few days ago I broke up with my Catholic Colombian girlfriend because she did not want to get (civilly) divorced from her Canadian cousin, who she married in January. Her motive for getting married is going to Canada to work and to get the visa so she can provide her (future) children with better opportunities than she had. I felt really bad about being with a girl who is married because it is as if she is not fully devoted to me. Additionally, she told me that in a few years she wanted to marry me and have children.
My question is whether civil marriage for migration is morally acceptable or not. I think it is not morally acceptable due to the negative effects, especially those on the economy, these weddings have on the society where the immigrants are received (think of higher taxes, for example, due to investments in a country’s border security and organizations that investigate the legality of the status of aliens and the loss of natives’ jobs to people who are not supposed to be in their country). Also, God wants marriage to be ecclestical and uses it to eternally bind two people who love each other. Besides, I told her that getting married like this and for these reasons poses a serious threat to her documents (a deportation stamp in her passport would almost make it impossible for her to travel abroad again without serious difficulties) and that it is an honorless (Colombians already have a very bad reputation abroad as it is) and dishonest (getting married for a reason other than true love is unacceptable in God’s eyes) thing to do. I was also wondering if she were to get divorced from her cousin, would it be able for me to ever marry her in the Church? Am I being egocentric in wanting her to get divorced or can her reasons be morally justified? Please help me! I really do not know what to do, so I would highly appreciate any advice.

 

[1ke]

Marrying outside the church for any reason is a grave matter and makes for an invalid marriage. It bars one from the Sacraments.

Marrying under false pretenses is fraud and is also grave matter morally, and in addition is a crime in most countries.

She could divorce this person and go through a tribunal process to ensure her future freedom to marry.

That is not really relevant to you. You should walk away from a woman who has such a lack of character. She has no problem defrauding the government, engaging in mortal sin, and being entirely focused on “what’s in it for me”.

This is not a person you want to marry. Run, don’t walk, in the other direction.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

A few days ago I broke up with my Catholic Colombian girlfriend because she did not want to get (civilly) divorced from her Canadian cousin, who she married in January. Her motive for getting married is going to Canada to work and to get the visa so she can provide her (future) children with better opportunities than she had. I felt really bad about being with a girl who is married because it is as if she is not fully devoted to me. Additionally, she told me that in a few years she wanted to marry me and have children.
My question is whether civil marriage for migration is morally acceptable or not. I think it is not morally acceptable due to the negative effects, especially those on the economy, these weddings have on the society where the immigrants are received (think of higher taxes, for example, due to investments in a country’s border security and organizations that investigate the legality of the status of aliens and the loss of natives’ jobs to people who are not supposed to be in their country). Also, God wants marriage to be ecclestical and uses it to eternally bind two people who love each other. Besides, I told her that getting married like this and for these reasons poses a serious threat to her documents (a deportation stamp in her passport would almost make it impossible for her to travel abroad again without serious difficulties) and that it is an honorless (Colombians already have a very bad reputation abroad as it is) and dishonest (getting married for a reason other than true love is unacceptable in God’s eyes) thing to do. I was also wondering if she were to get divorced from her cousin, would it be able for me to ever marry her in the Church? Am I being egocentric in wanting her to get divorced or can her reasons be morally justified? Please help me! I really do not know what to do, so I would highly appreciate any advice.

No, using Marriage for that purpose would be immoral.

 

[duskyjewel]

My advice would be to find a girl who shares your faith and your values as an appropriate person to marry. I agree with PPs about her total dishonesty and willingness to use others for her own ends.

 

[DavidGarsia]

Thank you so much for your inspiring replies! God bless you all! Yesterday I sent my ex-girlfriend an e-mail quoting your replies and begging her to change her ways and to devote her life to God. After not having spoken with her for a few days, yesterday night I met up with her and we talked for a while about having broken up and the mistakes we made. Then, a while ago, I rendezvoused with her again and we went to mass and both received the sacrament of Confession and then we received the Eucharist. She says I have saved her soul (actually it has been saved but it was God who did it) and that she will completely change her life in order to satisfy God. I will always be indebted to you for helping me convince her to change. Later today she will go to the notary’s office to request civil annulment or, if this is not possible, civil divorce. Then we will go to church on Saturday to ask some nons for advice on how to change her life for the better and on how to be able to marry within the Church in the future. Although it may sound stupid, I still believe in being with her although that would be in the future, perhaps in several years. I still love her deeply. She has truly showed me that she did not understand how serious the impact of her actions were and that she did not understand what I had been telling her all along. Forgiveness is also an important part of being a Catholic, I now realize. However, before we can be together, she first needs to dedicate her life to God and read about the religion to understand it so that she can change into a woman who could possibly be my wife and the mother of my children. Time will tell, I suppose. I’m going back to Europe (I’m living in Colombia, by the way) in about a week and the distance between her and I will also show whether we were meant to be together, or not (I will not return to Colombia anytime soon). For now, we are just friends and I have offered her my support to get closer to God. I also gave her a brown scapular for Jesus’s and the Virgin Mary’s protection from temptation and a small statue of Jesus to always remember Him when making important decisions, such as marriage, in her life. I feel so spiritually lifted right now! Thank you!

 

[1ke]

Sounds like a good outcome.

I hope that things turn out well for both of you. You are very smart to let time be on your side and take things slowly.

 

[Malcolm_McLean]

My question is whether civil marriage for migration is morally acceptable or not.

It depends on your attitude to immigration laws. Some people would say that they are morally binding because governments have the right to regulate who comes into their territory, others would say that they are only binding as far as they are enforceable. Often there is a tacit understanding that the laws are leaky and governements deliberately tolerate illegal employment to shore up the economy.

As long as it is clearly understood that the marriage is purely a sham for consumption by immingration authorities the offence against the sacrament of marriage is minimal or non-existent.

We are not talking about terrible sins here, though your girlfriend’s behaviour is maybe a little fast and loose.

 

[beckers]

Thank you so much for your inspiring replies! God bless you all! Yesterday I sent my ex-girlfriend an e-mail quoting your replies and begging her to change her ways and to devote her life to God. After not having spoken with her for a few days, yesterday night I met up with her and we talked for a while about having broken up and the mistakes we made. Then, a while ago, I rendezvoused with her again and we went to mass and both received the sacrament of Confession and then we received the Eucharist. She says I have saved her soul (actually it has been saved but it was God who did it) and that she will completely change her life in order to satisfy God. I will always be indebted to you for helping me convince her to change. Later today she will go to the notary’s office to request civil annulment or, if this is not possible, civil divorce. Then we will go to church on Saturday to ask some nons for advice on how to change her life for the better and on how to be able to marry within the Church in the future. Although it may sound stupid, I still believe in being with her although that would be in the future, perhaps in several years. I still love her deeply. She has truly showed me that she did not understand how serious the impact of her actions were and that she did not understand what I had been telling her all along. Forgiveness is also an important part of being a Catholic, I now realize. However, before we can be together, she first needs to dedicate her life to God and read about the religion to understand it so that she can change into a woman who could possibly be my wife and the mother of my children. Time will tell, I suppose. I’m going back to Europe (I’m living in Colombia, by the way) in about a week and the distance between her and I will also show whether we were meant to be together, or not (I will not return to Colombia anytime soon). For now, we are just friends and I have offered her my support to get closer to God. I also gave her a brown scapular for Jesus’s and the Virgin Mary’s protection from temptation and a small statue of Jesus to always remember Him when making important decisions, such as marriage, in her life. I feel so spiritually lifted right now! Thank you!

Seems like you have made a wise decision.