Is Cohabitation A Sin?

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JonW

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I am a convert who just came into the Church this Easter. I am about to move out of my apartment that I have shared with my fiancee for the last year or so. We have been living together for about five years total. We are getting married on December 20th of this year. I am moving back with my parents until my fiancee and I are married. So there’s my back story. She is not religious, BTW.

Now, my question is: is cohabitation (of the sort I have described, which included fornication) a sin in and of itself, or is it only the fornication that is the sin? Thanks very much for your help.

God Bless

Jon
 
JonW said:
Now, my question is: is cohabitation (of the sort I have described, which included fornication) a sin in and of itself, or is it only the fornication that is the sin? Thanks very much for your help.
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Only the fornication is a sin; the reason the Church is against cohabitation (even with the assumption there’ll be separate rooms, etc.) is that it’s a near occasion of sin (i.e., it’s a lot easier to be tempted when the person’s right down the hall than when they’re halfway across town).
 
Dear brother 🙂

Welcome to the Church … we’re happy to have you …
I think I can also say for everyone that we’re proud of you.
What you are doing is a difficult thing to do, ceasing with having
sexual intimacy in a relationship where this has already
been going on. But it’s the only right way to go from here.

That said I agree with the other poster but I would add that what you are doing right now is sending a very important signal to everyone around you (including your future children) that you realise what is right and you act on it.

One problem with cohabitation, whether it involves fornication or not, is that it tempts other people to fall… even more than we know. The children and young people of our societies are watching us even when we don’t realise it and they are in desperate need of good role models.

Jesus said something like: woe to the one that tempts one of the little ones to fall.

In a time of scandal and relativism within the Church we need brothers like you who follow Christ.

👍
 
I agree with the fact that fornication is the sin and that while cohabitation is not sinful in and of itself, but it is a near occassion for sin.

I have been thinking of this myself and have been trying to figure out how to frame this question and where, but this seems as good a place as any.

I am currently working in Iraq and I am only home about 2 months out of the year, and this will continue until not long before I get married in June of next year. Because I have a good job right now my fiancee and I bought a house while it was easy to get approval. She and her family (parents and siblings) live in the house at this time since I am away so much and don’t want to leave the house empty. When I am there though, I stay in the house along with her and her family. We do not share a room and have not had sexual relations. In fact, we are rarely left alone for more than 10 or 15 minutes. Should I be concerned that this could cause scandal with others? Keep in mind that when I am there it is more like I am a house guest than living there since most of the year I live on my work site. Also the closest other person I could stay with lives a 5-6 hour drive away and I don’t know of any hotels closer than 1.5 hours except for a no-tell motel.

Thank you for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
Dear agmoose 🙂

When you all live together and you are only home two months of the year then I think its understandable that you choose to stay under the same roof. You are not putting your beloved at risk.

Its not the optimal situation in terms of not tempting anyone to think you do not live up to your Christian name.
On the other hand… We are not under the old law but live in a living faith in Jesus Christ where we walk in the right balance of things…

Thats my two cents … Congratulations that you are getting married by the way 👍
 
Thank you GraceDK, that is along the lines of what I had been thinking, but I was curious to have other (name removed by moderator)ut. I can’t exactly be objective in these matters. Also, I can’t go to a priest for guidance since the priest here is Polish and speaks very little English (just enough to read the bare bones of the mass). We are very fortunate though to have him and to have any mass in English though, since his primary purpose for being here is to minister to the Polish troops. The base I worked on before only had mass whenever a priest could get there, about every 2 months.
 
agmoose02 said:
I agree with the fact that fornication is the sin and that while cohabitation is not sinful in and of itself, but it is a near occassion for sin.

I have been thinking of this myself and have been trying to figure out how to frame this question and where, but this seems as good a place as any.

I am currently working in Iraq and I am only home about 2 months out of the year, and this will continue until not long before I get married in June of next year. Because I have a good job right now my fiancee and I bought a house while it was easy to get approval. She and her family (parents and siblings) live in the house at this time since I am away so much and don’t want to leave the house empty. When I am there though, I stay in the house along with her and her family. We do not share a room and have not had sexual relations. In fact, we are rarely left alone for more than 10 or 15 minutes. Should I be concerned that this could cause scandal with others? Keep in mind that when I am there it is more like I am a house guest than living there since most of the year I live on my work site. Also the closest other person I could stay with lives a 5-6 hour drive away and I don’t know of any hotels closer than 1.5 hours except for a no-tell motel.

Thank you for any (name removed by moderator)ut.
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It seems to me that the arrangement you describe would not in this case be a cause for scandal, especially since everyone understands the circumstances. As you say, you are more like a house guest in this situation.
 
Thanks very much for your replies Hastrman and Grace. Apart from avoiding temptation to sin, I am consciously tryng to show other people in my family and friends about how to live before God. In fact, the comment that clinched the decision was my future sister-in-law saying, “Oh, it won’t happen.”

Additionally, I have already been attacked and ridiculed for the decision by another sister-in-law (a cafeteria Catholic I suppose, although I don’t even know that she’s practicing anymore). She was incredulous that I would do something like that, suggesting that we could just sleep in separate rooms. When I retorted that cohabitation is “frowned upon” (maybe not the best choice of words) by the Church, she said, “get real, the Church says that we shouldn’t use birth control.” She was surprised when my agnostic fiancee informed her that we don’t use birth control. At this point, my sister-in-law, maybe desperate, just said, “well Jon, we Catholics are born sinners, so why not just sin?” Unfortunately, I gave into my own weakness and had to end the conversation there so that I didn’t say something I would regret. It is so hard for me to restrain emotion when having conversations like this. I always just wind up ending it, except maybe with my fiancee. Please pray for me. I expect further ridicule and challenge since, basically, I am challenging people to challenge themselves by making this decision.

God Bless

Jon
 
JonW said:
I am moving back with my parents until my fiancee and I are married. So there’s my back story. She is not religious, BTW.
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How does your not religious fiancee feel about being “cut off” until the marriage? I would think that would cause some stress and complicate the “near occasion” issue.
 
The occasion to sin is not the only reason cohabitation is not good.

There are many factors and circumstances created by cohabitating that are not favorable for a successful marriage.

I’m not going into it here, but a few ideas:

-One has to be free to say their vows. Free to say no. How free is one to say no when they already own a couch, mortgage, and a dog together? The idea of moving and seperating goods is a lot of stress and pressure.

-The mentality of people who live together without being married is different. That can weigh heavily on the structure of the family and life together when married. I’ve read about this in many articles, however cannot find them right now. I’m not eloquent enough to explain more thoroughly.

There are other issues as well that are reasons the church discourages cohabitation (even without fornication).
 
Hi Marsha. Our most recent discussion of cohabitation, which brought this on, was instigated by my fiancee, and she expressed her desire to go through with it. I was thrilled, but so is she.

Agape, you bring up a couple very good points. This is along the lines of not honestly being able to say, “yes, i do” when you already have, in a false context. Thanks again guys.

God Bless

Jon
 
As a woman, I think there is something appealing about a man who wants to spend time with me because he enjoys who I am and not just because he wants to get me in bed. Separating before getting married shows that the relationship is going to a different level. I think it’s a great idea.
 
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