Is "Compatibility" a myth?

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Pallas_Athene said:
Only if you read Genesis in a literal manner. Reality is different.

What sounds “loving” to you is your business. They do not “exploit” each other, they willingly give themselves to the other. “Exploitation” carries a very negative meaning, indicating the reluctance of the “exploited” party. To use an analogy, it is like to jointly embark on climbing a hill. They help each other to get to the top. Sometimes one member of the party helps the other one to get a little higher, other times, they reverse the role. It is a joint effort, where both parties enjoy the results.
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“Willingly give themselves to the other” for what purpose exactly? Pleasure? “Both parties enjoy the results?” Is the purpose of love merely sexual enjoyment?

What we call “love” has been degraded recently (or maybe not so recently). Love is the total self giving of one to another. If you’ve had a bunch of test drives, then the best you can do is “I give my total self to you X…although now that I think about it, I’ve already given some of my self to A,B,C,D…etc, but you’re still getting what I have left!! And oh by the way, I’ll be comparing you to A,B,C,D…”

If you give to “the other” outside of marriage (i.e. a test drive), you don’t have everything to give if you do get married.

Here are some typical marriage vows from the old days:

“Do you take ___ as your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

Love is an act of the will, a decision, not an act of lust for pleasure. Love grows through shared experiences (both up’s AND DOWN’S). It’s not about a joint agreement to test drive having fun and then parting ways when the down’s happen.
 
ricmat said:
“Willingly give themselves to the other” for what purpose exactly? Pleasure? “Both parties enjoy the results?” Is the purpose of love merely sexual enjoyment?
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Lots of purposes. Not just sexual gratification. To be together, to explore life together. To enjoy some meals together. To help each other. Maybe even raising children together.

This is getting very tedious. Maybe none of you understands that sex is NOT the only part of life, which is important over and above everything else. But it is very important. I have explained this simple fact several times, and someone will still come back with the same nonsense. Why is that? Lack of understanding? Lack of short term memory? Lack of paying attention?
ricmat said:
What we call “love” has been degraded recently (or maybe not so recently). Love is the total self giving of one to another.
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That is - at best - a flowery language, without substance. I am not going to clip my toenail and offer it to my partner, saying: “this is a down payment for my whole being that I am about to give you”. And then throw up in her lap and say: “here is the next installment”.

Love is not a finite amount. If I give some of my love to someone, there is an inexhaustible supply left to give to someone else. By the same token, if you give some of your love to your first born child, you still have the same amount to give to your second child. Why do you think that it is different with another kind of love?
ricmat said:
If you’ve had a bunch of test drives, then the best you can do is “I give my total self to you X…although now that I think about it, I’ve already given some of my self to A,B,C,D…etc, but you’re still getting what I have left!! And oh by the way, I’ll be comparing you to A,B,C,D…”
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… continued: “…and you came out on top. You are the most wonderful, most lovable being of Earth, and I am very lucky to have you after all those disappointments. I can now truly appreciate the absolute gem you are. Without the previous bad experiences I would not be able to know how lucky I am”.

What can you say?

Something like: “I have no idea what I am going to do now, because I have no experience in such matters. But I will do my best to learn (which means: using you as a learning tool) and hope that everything will be good at the end. Sorry for the pain I am about to give you, since I have no idea how to act, how to please you. And I have no idea not only about your pleasure centers, but I can’t even tell you what makes my “tick”. So let’s just get on with in, and hope for the best.”.

Here is a joke about the wedding night of two virgins. The groom asked his experienced friend what should he do on the wedding night. His friend did not want to use explicit language, so he just said: “well, take you penis, and try to insert it where she does not want you to insert it”. Next morning the friend asked: “So how did it go?” And the new husband answered: “well, I tried to insert it between her legs from the front, she let me do it. Then I tried to insert it from behind, and she had no problem with that. So I tried to put it into her mouth, and she was willing. Finally, I tried to insert it into eye sockets, and she resisted with all her might… so I went ahead and plucked both of them out!”. Ignorance is never good, sometimes even dangerous.
 
Pallas_Athene said:
If a nut and a bolt are different sizes they are not compatible, no matter how hard you try to squeeze them together. No sane person would buy even a pair of shoes without trying them on, and having an unfitting pair of shoes is insignificant compared to have a spouse, with whom you might be incompatible. Not just sexually incompatible, but in every respect. The old adage is: marry your best friend" is still true. Same religion, same or similar taste in food, same taste in entertainment, and also same taste in bed. All of them are important.

As Edwest says: dating is very important, getting to know each other is of utmost importance. So it is strange that one of the most important parts of a long term relationship is left to be discovered when it is “late” to change it … does the bolt fit into the nut?
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Many folks lament that this philosophy can’t be applied to one’s children. Or parents. 😉
 
Rau said:
Many folks lament that this philosophy can’t be applied to one’s children. Or parents. 😉
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Not to mention siblings. Yes, in these times that is true. And there is a very good health reason for that. But in the ancient times incestuous relationships were quite common with well known negative results.
 
Pallas_Athene said:
Not to mention siblings. Yes, in these times that is true. And there is a very good health reason for that. But in the ancient times incestuous relationships were quite common with well known negative results.
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Where is your mind Pallas! I wasn’t referring to incest. :rolleyes:
 
Pallas_Athene said:
Marriage is a human creation
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If you’re coming from a faith perspective, it’s different:
and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:6-9 These are the words of Jesus.

Also, if, when seeking your mate, you pray and ask God for His guidance, and live according to His principles, He will give you a peace about your decision when it comes time to
pick your soul mate. He is not going to stick you with a loser, sexually,or otherwise.
But, that presumes, you first have a relationship with God, get into His Word, seek Him
first and love Him first with all of your might, and He won’t let you down.
 
Pallas_Athene said:
Then what were you referring to? This tread is concerned with the sexual aspect of a relationship.

But I don’t. I come from the perspective of reality.
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Faith is part of reality. Everyone has faith in something or someone, … even if it is in only themselves.
 
davidv said:
Faith is part of reality. Everyone has faith in something or someone, … even if it is in only themselves.
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Rau said:
Well, he has faith too, faith that there is no God!
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Unfortunately the word “faith” has many meanings. It covers a huge territory from the totally irrational Hebrews 11:1 all the way to reasonable expectation, like the Sun will rise tomorrow.

As my favorite t-shirt says: “Everyone must believe in something, so I believe I will have another beer”. And that is NOT an expression of “faith”.
 
Pallas_Athene said:
Unfortunately the word “faith” has many meanings.
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Which meaning were you using in post #52?
It covers a huge territory from the totally irrational Hebrews 11:1 all the way to reasonable expectation, like the Sun will rise tomorrow.

As my favorite t-shirt says: “Everyone must believe in something, so I believe I will have another beer”. And that is NOT an expression of “faith”.
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What is(are) the Church’s definition(s) of faith?

Which meaning were you responding to in post #52?
 
Pallas_Athene said:
Unfortunately the word “faith” has many meanings. It covers a huge territory from the totally irrational Hebrews 11:1 all the way to reasonable expectation, like the Sun will rise tomorrow.

As my favorite t-shirt says: “Everyone must believe in something, so I believe I will have another beer”. And that is NOT an expression of “faith”.
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Hey Pallas,
At least you’re reading some Scripture!
Here are a few more promises from the word of God:

" Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see,"
Hebrews 11:1

*“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” * Psalm 37:4

“And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will,
He hears us.” 1 John 5:14

“With man, it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.” (New Testament)

We love you!
 
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