Is constant failure to measure up part and parcel of being a "good" Catholic?

[justmenc]

I ended up here on this site while looking for enlightenment, for want of a better word, about another issue having to do with sex, or the lack thereof, in a marriage. On that subject, I’m still searching and am beginning to feel I will till I draw my final breath on this earth.

I’m beginning to think I, personally, will never in a million years attain what the Church seems to expect from me as a Catholic. Not just in the area of sex, or the lack thereof, in marriage, but in so many, many more arenas.

Ok, so you “give it your best shot” and go forward. You go to confession and do your penance the priest gives you. But your “issue” rears it’s head once more down the road. Does a person come out of the confessional figuring on committing the act yet another time? At the time, I don’t think so. But being a well meaning person, “seriously”, I’m getting to the point where I’m feeling like I’m “beating a dead horse” sometimes.

I increasingly feel I’m fighting a losing battle and “maybe” should go back to being the “other faith” person I used to be. More and more, it’s like I’ll never measure up to what is expected of me as far as the Catholic church goes.

Thank you for allowing me to say this.

 

[1ke]

More and more, it’s like I’ll never measure up to what is expected of me as far as the Catholic church goes.

What is it you believe the Church expects?

 

[pianistclare]

Everyone goes through this. In big sin or little sin, we can all relate.
Every time you feel discouraged, look at a crucifix. Christ forgave the guy hanging next to him on a cross. It was that man’s last chance. And God was fine with it. Repentance is what God asks of you. Love Him and others as yourself. And if you fail, get up and try again.
God is not a tyrant, so long as we acknowledge and repent.
I’ll say a prayer for your peace. Welcome to the fora.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[guanophore]

I increasingly feel I’m fighting a losing battle and “maybe” should go back to being the “other faith” person I used to be. More and more, it’s like I’ll never measure up to what is expected of me as far as the Catholic church goes.

I am not sure what this means, but definitely none of us can be who God wants us to be without grace. If we are fighting our own battle, and not relying completely on the Holy Spirit to empower us, we will be overcome by the world, the flesh, and the devil.

 

[justmenc]

First, let me say I’m speaking here from a purely personal view. Anything I say here is not to be taken as an indictment of the Church, or anyone connected with the Church. In most cases, everyone I’ve ever come into contact with was great. Those that I felt “less” about were for the most part not priests, but “private citizens”, if I an use that term, within the Church as a whole. Also, the terms I might use may not be those that folks who refer to themselves as “cradle Catholics” use. I use what I “think” is correct. As correct as a “convert” knows to use.

What do I feel the Church expects?
On one hand a certain level of “perfection” that I personally feel I can never, in all likelihood, meet. Especially as it pertains to certain things of nature.

On another hand, Reconciliation where we are told, if I may paraphrase here, “Go forth and sin no more!”
Then you “go forth” and for a while you do “ok” but end up, to use an old Baptist term, “backsliding” and you end up right back where you started from.

So, if you are taught/told that for your confession to be good, it must be sincere, truthful, and you must make a sincere effort to not commit the confessed sin again. But you end up doing it “again.” And you go back to confession 'again." etc., etc. etc…

After a “number” (2,3,4 whatever) return trips are you not venturing into the area of your confessions not being so sincere since there is a good likelihood you will end up going down that same path again over time?

I’m the kind of person that feels they “must” meet the expected standard and to not do so in the case of repeated reoccurrences of something is to make a mockery of it in the first place.

I’m probably not making much, if any, sense yet, but again I’m speaking what my thoughts are.

???

After

 

[justmenc]

Might I throw a procedural question in the mix.

I’ve been on a ton of forums over my “online life” and usually navigate them well enough.
But I’ve not been on this one but just a few days and haven’t yet been able to figure out how to “quote” part, or all, of a posting in my response.

Any of you “long timers” willing to school me on that??

 

[justmenc]

First off, let me say “Thank You” to those that take the time to converse with me here. I do appreciate it.

I was on another thread in these forums where someone was asking about how to dress for Mass. I don’t want to get into that here, but do want to say there are a ton of opinions about that subject. Does it then follow that there are equally a ton of opinions about certain other things/acts as they pertain to what is “proper” within the Church? Am I to think that a person gives it their best, goes from there, and hopes that our Lord is infinite in his acceptance and forgiveness of a “backsliding” convert? The “convert” tag leaves me wondering if those of us who “are” converts don’t have a harder time with things that those of you who are “cradle Catholics” who were born into it? Those born into it have never known anything but it, whereas a convert has not always been surrounded by what the Church teaches and thus will question things more readily?

I know I’m probably rambling here. Please have patience??

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I’m probably not making much, if any, sense yet, but again I’m speaking what my thoughts are.

IMO, you are describing the single biggest misconception that I see from converts here on CAF. I know exactly what you are talking about. For starters, you are called to move toward what you are calling “perfection”. That btw is not a good term to use, it gives the wrong impression. You are not called to be perfect, but simply to move in that direction. You have to think of “backsliding” as part of the process of moving forward. If you think of your shortcomings as “backsliding”, then it stands to reason that you are actually trying to move forward. Do you see?

I don’t know what issue it is you say that you are struggling with, but there can be a huge difference in these things based on certain factors.

I’m the kind of person that feels they “must” meet the expected standard and to not do so in the case of repeated reoccurrences of something is to make a mockery of it in the first place.

Let me try to give you an example of what you might want to say in the confessional, instead of saying, “I committed X sin Y number of times since my last confession.”

And I’m just saying this in order to try to give you the right impression of where your mind should be in regards to a struggle. Say something like, “I am making progress in my struggle with X. This has not been a good month for me in regards to that struggle, but I would still like to move forward. Do you have any advice that will help me ward off the despair that I am feeling?”

 

[guanophore]

On one hand a certain level of “perfection” that I personally feel I can never, in all likelihood, meet. Especially as it pertains to certain things of nature.

Jesus does not ask us to do anything that can’t be done. If He calls us to do it, He will enable us to do it.

On another hand, Reconciliation where we are told, if I may paraphrase here, “Go forth and sin no more!”

Then you “go forth” and for a while you do “ok” but end up, to use an old Baptist term, “backsliding” and you end up right back where you started from.

No because we receive grace in reconciliation, and exercise a firm purpose of amendment. Each time we do this, we strengthen ourselves spiritually. It is like a child, falling while learning to walk. The more we try/practice, the easier it becomes.

 

[JetteZ]

I like the concept “raise your standards; lower your expectations.” Although I didn’t hear about it from any sort of Catholic source I have found it helpful in my faith.

I have adopted it as follows: God has exceptionally high standards for our behavior but has given us reconciliation because his expectation is that we aren’t going to live up to all of them (with the dressing for mass thread in mind we can’t even all agree on what the standard is!).

Continue to have high standards for yourself, continue learning about your faith; but, expect to fall short. By striving towards excellence and not being dragged down by not meeting an impossible expectation, you’ll experience forward movement towards your goal of living a more holy life.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Scripture would not say “be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect” if it were impossible.

The grace to persevere is given to us through frequent reception of the Sacraments, fasting, prayer, sacrifice.

Satan wants us to throw up our hands and say “we can NEVER get it right”. That is despair.

Christ has overcome the world, made us more than conquerors. HIS grace is sufficient.

 

[TheLittleLady]

One more thing, are you a parent? Do you expect the 2 year old to mow the lawn, to pull his weight with the chores?

When he is learning how to walk, does he fall down?

What about when your kid disobeys you. Do you stop loving them? Do you stop expecting them to get there, little bit by little bit?

Have you ever learned to play a musical instrument or to play a sport? Did you get it down in the first 10 tries? First 50? Do you keep improving through practice and effort?

 

[guanophore]

I like the concept “raise your standards; lower your expectations.” Although I didn’t hear about it from any sort of Catholic source I have found it helpful in my faith.

In general I would say that conforming our expectations so that they are more consistent with reality will create less frustration. However, the idea that we are not capable of reaching the standards Christ has set for us is false.

God has exceptionally high standards for our behavior but has given us reconciliation because his expectation is that we aren’t going to live up to all of them

On the contrary, God does not create expectations/standards for us that we are not able to obtain. The idea He expects us to fail is right out of the pit!

(with the dressing for mass thread in mind we can’t even all agree on what the standard is!).

You seem to be confused, JetteZ. You are comparing apples and pizza! The attire that is appropriate for Mass is a human custom, so it changes with different times and cultures. The Divine Law of God is immutable, and does not change with the times and culture.

Continue to have high standards for yourself, continue learning about your faith; but, expect to fall short.

Yes, have high standards (adopt God’s standard) and learn about faith, and expect that His grace is sufficient for you to meet His commandments.

By striving towards excellence and not being dragged down by not meeting an impossible expectation, you’ll experience forward movement towards your goal of living a more holy life.

On the contrary, by striving for excellence and trusting in God’s grace to perfect you, you will experience movement toward the goal of a holy life!

 

[JetteZ]

Um, I’m glad that works for you?

 

[guanophore]

expect to fall short

And I hope and pray this will work for you!

 

[JetteZ]

It does, which is why I posted it.

I really struggle with how to read your replies to me. This response, again, leads me to believe you are more interested in being right or being incendiary than you are in having a discussion.

Your style of response does not encourage dialogue and I am not interested in debate. I’m here to learn and I’m open to change; so, by all means share but if you wish to have a conversation with me I’d ask you do so in a way that is respectful.

 

[guanophore]

It does, which is why I posted it.

That is what matters most. We are all striving for holiness, and we each must find tools that work best for us.

The OP seems to have a pre-occupation and emotional suffering over “constant failure”. Perhaps you are saying that if one expects to fall short and is at peace with that, one can move forward?

 

[justmenc]

The “OP” as you put it here!

Concerned about “failing” to attain the objective? Probably!

Is that not the goal with anything a person does? Varied opinions here and not sticking to, or for, any one particular school of thought on that subject.

I was, and still am, looking for how a person who has been at this Catholic life/journey a lot longer than I have approaches, and handles, things!! That’s all!! I appreciate what those of you have responded have had to say. To be “basic” and hoping it’s not taken as a sign of disrespect, but sort of like an old Timex in that “you take a licking and keep on ticking.”

I’ll be around, reading, watching, occasionally commenting!!

 

[guanophore]

Is that not the goal with anything a person does?

Indeed, with every waking breath we should aspire toward His will for us.

I was, and still am, looking for how a person who has been at this Catholic life/journey a lot longer than I have approaches, and handles, things!!

"Therefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Phillipians

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast.

We work our our salvation by grace, through faith. If we are “working” too hard, it usually means we are not functioning under grace, by faith.

 

[guanophore]

Is that not the goal with anything a person does?

Indeed, with every waking breath we should aspire toward His will for us.

I was, and still am, looking for how a person who has been at this Catholic life/journey a lot longer than I have approaches, and handles, things!!

"Therefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."  Phil. 2;12

Notice that the Apostle instructs us to “work out” our salvation. This is very different than “working on”. He places the grace within us to cooperate with Him. It is our job to choose to work with Him to remain in the Kingdom of God.

“…for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Phil. 2;13

The sense we have of constant failure to measure up means that we are not plugged into this grace and cooperating as God intended.

To be “basic”

This is the best place for all of us to start, tho some of us have forgotten what it was like! I did not understand that we are: