Is dating based partly on physical attractiveness immoral?

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Zaista

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Of course physical attractiveness isn’t the only criteria but is it immoral to refuse to date someone based on their physical attractiveness?

Let us take this situation for example: There is a member of the opposite sex who is a faithful Catholic. That person is also genuinely holy or close to holiness (for arguments sake). He or she is an excellent theologian, they are fearful of God, obeys all church teachings and would help bring you closer to God. She defines Proverbs 31 :10-31! The only thing is that she is physically unattractive, very. Like beauty, ugliness is relative and subjective so what I deem to be unattractive may not be for another. Just imagine what you deem to be physically ugly and give her those physical attributes. Is it wrong to refuse to date her based solely on her extreme physically un-attractiveness?

I was told that it is wrong, since everyone is made in the imagine and likeness of God and no one is really ugly. I was told that one should ignore the physical short comings and embrace the beauty that is on the inside since those qualities may help bring me close to God. Is this true?

sorry for the typos
 
Zaista said:
Of course physical attractiveness isn’t the only criteria but is it immoral to refuse to date someone based on their physical attractiveness?

Let us take this situation for example: There is a member of the opposite sex who is a faithful Catholic. That person is also genuinely holy or close to holiness (for arguments sake). He or she is an excellent theologian, they are fearful of God, obeys all church teachings and would help bring you closer to God. She defines Proverbs 31 :10-31! The only thing is that she is physically unattractive, very. Like beauty, ugliness is relative and subjective so what I deem to be unattractive may not be for another. Just imagine what you deem to be physically ugly and give her those physical attributes. Is it wrong to refuse to date her based solely on her extreme physically un-attractiveness?

I was told that it is wrong, since everyone is made in the imagine and likeness of God and no one is really ugly. I was told that one should ignore the physical short comings and embrace the beauty that is on the inside since those qualities may help bring me close to God. Is this true?

sorry for the typos
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What? Why would anyone date someone they aren’t attracted to? Look up the word attraction.

Where do people get these ideas?
 
What are you talking about? Why would you date someone you aren’t physically attracted to? That makes no sense. Dating is all about sexuality, and if you aren’t attracted to the person there is no point.

If you like the girl as a person, then be friends with her. There is nothing wrong with just being friends with a girl.

Lastly, beauty is connected with the material universe. Since you are a material being, and not just an immaterial spirit, your sense of beauty is going to correspond to the physical universe. Beauty is sensed through your eyes, ears, nose, tongue and hands; and in no other way. The only way you will come to a sense of intellectual (or spiritual) beauty is through physical beauty. As soon as you start ignoring physical beauty, your sense of intellectual beauty will also suffer.
 
Ignatius said:
What? Why would anyone date someone they aren’t attracted to? Look up the word attraction.

Where do people get these ideas?
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I believe that the sexual revolution had set up a false dichotomy - that of personality vs. physical appearances.
 
Crescentinus said:
I believe that the sexual revolution had set up a false dichotomy - that of personality vs. physical appearances.
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👍👍

People are body and soul, so it is important that you are attracted to your mate both body (physical attributes) and soul (personality).
 
ConstantineTG said:
People are body and soul, so it is important that you are attracted to your mate both body (physical attributes) and soul (personality).
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Exactly! If you are only attracted to a person’s body, that relationship will probably be only lustful and not loving. It probably won’t last long; looks fade.

If you’re only attracted to a person’s personality and soul but not to him/her physically, how could you ever have a lasting physical relationship in a marriage? Sex is a part of marriage, not the only part, but a pretty big part. What kind of a marriage would that be if you didn’t want to have sex with your spouse…? If you didn’t physically show your love?

Attraction should be both of body and soul, not only one or the other.
 
Marie1234 said:
Exactly! If you are only attracted to a person’s body, that relationship will probably be only lustful and not loving. It probably won’t last long; looks fade.

If you’re only attracted to a person’s personality and soul but not to him/her physically, how could you ever have a lasting physical relationship in a marriage? Sex is a part of marriage, not the only part, but a pretty big part. What kind of a marriage would that be if you didn’t want to have sex with your spouse…? If you didn’t physically show your love?

Attraction should be both of body and soul, not only one or the other.
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👍
 
ConstantineTG said:
👍👍

People are body and soul, so it is important that you are attracted to your mate both body (physical attributes) and soul (personality).
Click to expand...
I agree. I chose to date my wife because of here extraordinarily outgoing and caring personality. But she also very good looking.

Even then, it’s almost weird describing it in this manner. When you meet the one you are meant to be with, you just know it. There’s something deeper that is seen, which already includes the other attributes.

To specifically address the OP, there is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone. Just make sure that isn’t the only attribute that you are attracted to, since a marriage involves much more than good looks.
 
I don’t think you want physical attractiveness to be the first or only criteria for dating, but there is certainly nothing wrong with it, though, as your question implies, that isn’t the case. God gave us the ability to appreciate the physical beauty given to other people. If that physical attraction can lead you to sin, then there may be a problem, but if you can see a person with the beauty and dignity God gave them, by all means, go for it.
 
ccmnxc said:
I don’t think you want physical attractiveness to be the first or only criteria for dating, but there is certainly nothing wrong with it, though, as your question implies, that isn’t the case. God gave us the ability to appreciate the physical beauty given to other people. If that physical attraction can lead you to sin, then there may be a problem, but if you can see a person with the beauty and dignity God gave them, by all means, go for it.
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The way you portray it, beauty is just some irrelevant thing on the side, that will lead to sin, if anything. The reality is, physical attraction is the essence of dating and marriage. If there is no physical attraction, what kind of relationship do you expect to have? A purely intellectual one, in which you sit around and talk about the intricacies of the doctrine of the Trinity?🤓 That might work for friendship, but it doesn’t work for marriage or dating. If that were the way it should be, it would have been better if God would have created us all the same sex so that we wouldn’t have the temptations of sex.
 
The way you portray it, beauty is just some irrelevant thing on the side, that will lead to sin, if anything. The reality is, physical attraction is the essence of dating and marriage. If there is no physical attraction, what kind of relationship do you expect to have? A purely intellectual one, in which you sit around and talk about the intricacies of the doctrine of the Trinity? That might work for friendship, but it doesn’t work for marriage or dating. If that were the way it should be, it would have been better if God would have created us all the same sex so that we wouldn’t have the temptations of sex.
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Forgive me, that was not my intention. Based on my personal observations, however, people seem to rush into a relationship where the physical attraction is high only to soon find out it isn’t really for them. I agree that phyical attraction is a major part of relationships, but it seems all to often that people sacrifice the other parts of a relationship for the physical attraction. Maybe I’m just a pessimist :rolleyes:.

I a side note though, I really souldn’t be considered an expert on the subject. I try to give my best perspective, but personal experience for me is pretty much at zero. You mention an intellectual relationship, but in all reality, I intellectual relational skills and interest far outweighs my emotional relational skills and interest. Basically, my point was one of caution and reflection.
 
ccmnxc said:
Forgive me, that was not my intention. Based on my personal observations, however, people seem to rush into a relationship where the physical attraction is high only to soon find out it isn’t really for them. I agree that phyical attraction is a major part of relationships, but it seems all to often that people sacrifice the other parts of a relationship for the physical attraction. Maybe I’m just a pessimist :rolleyes:.

I a side note though, I really souldn’t be considered an expert on the subject. I try to give my best perspective, but personal experience for me is pretty much at zero. You mention an intellectual relationship, but in all reality, I intellectual relational skills and interest far outweighs my emotional relational skills and interest. Basically, my point was one of caution and reflection.
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Ok, I agree completely. It is good to have patience, rather than rushing in. As they say, only fools rush in:cool:. In the end personality is more important than physical appearance.
 
Crescentinus said:
So, this is not an either/or scenario but a both/and one.
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Yeh, it’s very personal in that it includes all of a person both mind and body.
Et Cetera:
No, it’s basic biology.
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So your saying personality is irrelevant? You only date someone because she is physically attractive? A date for you is just an episode on the discovery channel? I would agree that biology is part of it, but I wouldn’t reduce it to biology.
 
You’d do nobody any favors pretending to be attracted to somebody you you aren’t.

But then again, strange things do happen. Back in my single years I once had to work very closely with a wonderful and holy woman who was not the slightest bit attractive to me at first. In fact I dreaded having to work with her because she had a bit of a crush on me and I could tell. After we no longer worked together I found I missed her terribly and couldn’t stand not having her around! Too late by then, she had emotionally moved on and left me behind. Had I not been so caught up in the lack of immediate surface chemistry things might have worked out differently.

Live and learn…
 
Do you really believe that you could perform the mechanics of sexual relations with a person that you find physically repulsive!?
 
round2 said:
Do you really believe that you could perform the mechanics of sexual relations with a person that you find physically repulsive!?
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Hahaha, I’ve been asking that very question around here for the last few months. I think some people believe that is the ideal situation.
 
The issue, today, is that sex = dating. Too many are so taken by the hotness of the other that after a date or two, or none at all, both are in the sack and if the sex is good - that’s all you need to know. Hey, just watch what’s on TV. It’s telling you to take a “test drive” before marriage. How sick and immoral is that?

Trust me. I’ve met one absolutely gorgeous, 6’ 1", model type who I got to know. She told me she was divorced. I asked her what happened. She said, “I had to kick my husband out of the house because I found out he was a nut!” So, he exhibited no nutty behavior until after the ceremony?

Dating good. Hooking up, bad. The following can lead to a relationship that can lead to a wonderful marriage.
  1. You ask a pretty girl out. If she says yes, you go somewhere that is good for both of you - spiritually.
  2. You ask her if she’d like to go out again. If she says no, no problem. There are plenty of pretty girls out there. If she says, you take the time to have good, clean fun and get to know each other.
  3. If you find you share the same values, and have similar interests, you are on your way to earning each other’s trust. Or you may find out you don’t have much in common or don’t share the same values, so that will end it.
The deal breaker for me is even if she’s a doll, if I can’t have a conversation with her or she’s vain and selfish, then I’m out. Politely. Without the ability to enjoy each other’s company doing whatever, why continue?
  1. At some point, she might start talking about marriage. Or you might bring it up. She might say she’s not ready or she might say she’s interested.
  2. If she’s interested in the idea, you meet each other’s parents and family. You get to know each other - all of you. You love your parents, and if you think that there’s a chance, they might be your in-laws. That is missing from too many relationships - honoring your mother and father.
  3. While you are courting, you talk about what you expect from the future: where to live, kids, jobs, money and all the practical things. By then, you should be at a point where you are friends, respect each other and have earned each other’s trust and love.
  4. The engagement period is about prayer and getting good counsel before the ceremony. The guy should sit down with the girl’s father and tell him, “I want to marry your daughter.” Now, he was your age once and he “gets” it. He’ll ask you all the practical questions and help you realize a number of things.
NUMBER ONE? Sex will be a tiny part of your day, your week and the rest of your lives together. Most of your time will be spent working, cooking, cleaning and driving, with some fun time thrown in.

It’s been done. One of my closest friends is married to a real doll but what makes her special is that she’s a wonderful person and she’s my friend.

Peace,
Ed
 
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