Is DH "whipped?"

[gam3rchic]

Ok, I need to rant here and get something off my chest…

DH just started a new job recently and so things have been hectic. We’re tired, busy, etc…not to mention trying to find a house, getting pre-approved for a home loan, I’m looking for a new job…well, you get the idea…

Anyways, at work earlier this week, DH was asked if he wanted 2 tickets to see a baseball game that were being given out at work. A bunch of his coworkers were going to the game as well. He called me to see if I wanted to go. I really didn’t feel like it but told him I would’ve gone if he really wanted too. DH said he didn’t really want to and would only go if I wanted to (this is how many of our conversations go, lol, neither of us really wanting to go somewhere but making sure that the other one honestly doesn’t want to go either). So he declined the tickets.

Well, the other day at work, some coworkers asked why he didn’t want to go. He said it was b/c I really didn’t feel like it (which makes me think he actually wanted to, but didn’t wanna force me to go) and the coworkers starting whispering and laughing to each other. Later on in the work day, they were talking about chipping in money for some work event, and a coworker made a joke to my DH saying “are you sure your wife is gonna let you have 2 dollars for that?” AAARGH!!! I hate it when people say my DH is whipped just b/c he takes into consideration what I do and don’t wanna do! Isn’t that supposed to be how a marriage works? That one person doesn’t always have the say-so, but a give-and-take? I would honestly say that we give in to what the other one wants about 50/50, but so many people say that my DH is “whipped” that maybe I am overbearing??? His best friend made a joke once that he was “whipped” b/c DH wanted to treat me and his best friend and wife to an expensive restaurant (Outback steakhouse) but we really don’t have the money, so I told him no. I offered a compromise that we go to a less expensive restaurant and DH gave in to me and ever since then, his friend says he’s “whipped”.

So, am I the one that wears the pants in this relationship??? Is my DH “whipped”? :hypno: :bowdown:

 

[Orogeny]

gam3rchic,

Don’t let it bother you. Us guys have a different sense of humor. We constantly rag on other guys and calling them “whipped” is just one way to do it. I know, we never really grow up!

Peace

Tim

 

[jrabs]

So, am I the one that wears the pants in this relationship??? Is my DH “whipped”? :hypno: :bowdown:

I am sorry you are distressed. Do you have a good relationship with your husband? If so, and you are both happy, then do not even worry about those others and their comments.

People can be cruel and jealous of what they perceive you have and possibly they lack.

He sounds like a fabulous man for considering your desires and asking you.

I’d say you are blessed.

 

[BeeSweet]

Is my DH “whipped”? :hypno: :bowdown:

No, ya’ll are newly married, and the guys are seeing that as an open invitation to harass your husband. If it doesn’t bother your husband, don’t let it bother you. I’ll bet it’s all out of envy because ya’ll probably appear to be happily married. It’s just teasing, don’t let it worry you.

 

[Rosaryprayer]

I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about either. As long as your DH isn’t complaining…who cares? I agree that guys “rag” on each other over whatever.

 

[1ke]

Why do you care what other people think about you or the way you and DH handle your marriage?

 

[kage_ar]

Story… in our circle of friends was one couple. Every time he recieved an invitation from the group, it would be “have to check with wife” and he’d come back with “nope, wife won’t let me go”. After awhile, some of the ladies were talking - turns out that he was never checking with her. He did not want to go or attend, instead of just saying he did not want to go, he used her as the excuse.

Not that DH is doing this, but, sometimes he could just say “no” and not try to pass it off on you?

 

[Arlene]

no, he’s not whipped. He has his priorities straight. And sometimes, that makes a person standout.

 

[gam3rchic]

Why do you care what other people think about you or the way you and DH handle your marriage?

Just making sure that i’m letting DH “be the man” and that our roles are straight…sometimes I take criticism to harshly and start to think people are right if I hear the criticism enough.

We are happily married and I always considered myself a lucky girl who’s got a guy that will listen to what my wants and needs, but after that incident at work, I started to get a little worried, but after your guy’s comments, I’m more relieved now! :dancing:

 

[TOP]

What are they, 15? My wife is my best friend and partner. She cleaned up my puke and rushed to the er when I was doing chemo. By the grace of God, she saved my life. Someone would get slapped up side the head if they said that to me, coworker or not. Tim

 

[Jay2]

BTW… it’s “whupped”…

Depends on the situation…

In my life’s circle, I only need to call and ask… plain & simple common courtesy, and an extension of trust.

In the last 15+ years and 4 shops I’ve worked in my wife is a legend in “shop-talk”. I can’t count how many accolades or backhanded compliments she’s gotten from the guys on the crew…

“Your wife is so cool… she actually lets you out”
“What?? you’re married! You can go??!!”
“I can’t believe your wife lets you …”

What’s the mystery? I bust my heinie 8+ a day, give up (what could be “my time”) willingly for the family and my wife, and have worked to be a good husband & father every single day of my life for the last 18-7/8 years…

When I call/ask to go “out”, my wife looks to see if there are no “family” obligations. If there aren’t any (or are some that she can handle alone) I can go… end of story.

Why?? I’ve never abused this privilege. When I ask, it’s because I’d like to go. She knows this… and even if it’ll be tough, she’ll try and make it possible for me to “do what I’d like to do”.

She knows I need to occasionally “blow off steam” with the guys… if this includes getting stupid at a Tavern, or going to a game, or maybe going to a joint that has gals in “various states of undress”… she’s cool with this… why?

Because she KNOWS I’ll be coming home… to HER. She KNOWS that I won’t sacrifice/risk what we’ve built together. She KNOWS that my kids are the forefront of my existance. She KNOWS that our marriage is the core of our being.

(There are some here that will lump me into the group of "not knowing what marriage is about, or “how can you willingly put yourself before…”, or “I can’t believe that…”… well too bad! In 9 days “we’ll” be celebrating 19 years together .

Being “whupped” is brought upon by a man who finds and marries a replacement mommy… and then gets PO’d about when “Mommy” says NO… not a man who has a true relationship with his wife & woman.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

Not that DH is doing this, but, sometimes he could just say “no” and not try to pass it off on you?

yep. THAT is my opinion. Who cares how or why dh is or is not doing whatever? Why does he have to bring you into it at all?

---

If he genuinely wanted to go or do something (with or without) he should have said so. If not, then he should have said so. It’s the appearance of being unable to simply state his OWN opinion that makes him come off as whupped, not anything about you.

---

**For my .02 **

---

Jay2:

What’s the mystery? I bust my heinie 8+ a day, give up (what could be “my time”) willingly for the family and my wife, and have worked to be a good husband & father every single day of my life for the last 18-7/8 years…

She knows I need to occasionally “blow off steam” with the guys… if this includes getting stupid at a Tavern, or going to a game, or maybe going to a joint that has gals in “various states of undress”… she’s cool with this… why?

Because she KNOWS I’ll be coming home…to HER.

Well, bully for you then.

---

Frankly, if MY dh thinks he can guilt trip me into being okay with getting stupid at a bar or anywhere where the gals are in a state of undress with a gripe about his hours of dutiful toiling for the famiy - he better think again because he will NOT be coming home to happy wife. If an unhappy wife doesn’t bother him, then I might not change the locks - but our marriage woud no longer be the same.

**I don’t care about a ballgame or a couple of beers. I completely get the whole ****** day at work thing. Being a SAHhs-ingM isn’t always peachy keen either, but you won’t find me getting sloshed at a bar or sticking bills in some strange guy’s undies.
**

 

[puzzleannie]

we have an informal agreement that either of us can use the other as an excuse to get out of something we really don’t want to do, have no interest in, can’t afford, or are afraid will turn into a disaster (like a bachelor party for example) and it works well. In fact my good friends know if I say “DH won’t let me” I am fudging because if I really wanted to do it, nothing he said would stop me. DH also told our daughters when they were teens to use mean old dad as an excuse anytime they wanted to get out of an awkward, dangerous or tempting situation. They did use that excuse many times (and many of their HS friends are still in awe of their dad even years later).

 

[Delphinus85]

LOL sounds like people are just making jokes about it. my husband and I are the same way. People accuse him of being whipped and some people accuse me of being a doormat. I always respond with “well you would be too if you were married to a hottie like that!” usually that reveals that for the joke it is, and if they think he is “whipped” about something like that issue, then they are a little weird

I could see it if you never let him do ANYTHING, but that’s not the case. Besides, he might have said “SHE didn’t want to” because he didn’t want it to look to his coworkers that he didn’t want to go and possibly hurt relationships maybe.

 

[rayne89]

She knows I need to occasionally “blow off steam” with the guys… if this includes getting stupid at a Tavern, or going to a game, or maybe going to a joint that has gals in "various states of undress"… she’s cool with this… why?

Maybe your wife is “cool” with this but God sure as heck isn’t. Going to a strip joint in not OK for a Catholic whether his wife approves or not. What kind example is that for your buddies “Hey guys lets all go an objectify women to blow of steam.”

I love what my bestfriends hubby told some guys at his work when they teased him for not participating in such activities.
“Hey man, my wife is more beautiful than ten of those girls put together. Why would I go there when I could go home?”

Your marriage is so great and happy that you need to look at other women in various of undress…huh?:ehh: Yeah that makes sense. My gosh Jay after 19 years of marriage you’d think you’d respect your wife’s dignity a little more.

I’ve been married almost 17 years and the last time my hubby was at a strip joint or any other place with women in various states of undress was when he was 19/20 years old when he was in the Navy. Yeah, yeah, yeah boys will boys except he isn’t a boy anymore. I didn’t forbid him to go, he doesn’t go because he’s grown up and his faith and his wife are more important to him than impressing his buddies with being cool.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2521 Purity requires modesty, an integral part of temperance. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden. It is ordered to chastity to whose sensitivity it bears witness. It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity.
[2522](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2522.htm’) Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet. [2523](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2523.htm’) There is a modesty of the feelings as well as of the body. It protests, for example, against the voyeuristic explorations of the human body in certain advertisements, or against the solicitations of certain media that go too far in the exhibition of intimate things. Modesty inspires a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies.

[2525](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2525.htm’) Christian purity requires a purification of the social climate. It requires of the communications media that their presentations show concern for respect and restraint. Purity of heart brings freedom from widespread eroticism and avoids entertainment inclined to voyeurism and illusion. 2526 So called moral permissiveness rests on an erroneous conception of human freedom; the necessary precondition for the development of true freedom is to let oneself be educated in the moral law. Those in charge of education can reasonably be expected to give young people instruction respectful of the truth, the qualities of the heart, and the moral and spiritual dignity of man.

 

[gam3rchic]

LOL sounds like people are just making jokes about it. my husband and I are the same way. People accuse him of being whipped and some people accuse me of being a doormat.

Funny you should say that, b/c my side of the family thinks I’m his doormat, lol!!

I appreciate everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut…makes me feel better…sometimes I can be so insecure :whacky:

 

[RWMorris]

Your DH sounds like my DH…very caring and considerate. All women would be lucky to have a guy like him.
And another poster was right…guys do rag on each other about being “whipped”. It is just so much hot air, don’t worry about it…but do let him make most major decisions (with your (name removed by moderator)ut of course).

 

[minnieg]

My husband is the “obnoxious” one at work who likes to tease the other guys about having to check with their wives or girlfriends first, and usually having to reschedule.

And “obnoxious” is my word.

It’s not that DH is inconsiderate of me. He calls me, too. It’s just that I almost always say, “Of course you can do that.” (We’re talking about when the guys want to go see a movie - no Hooters involved. ) He doesn’t ask very often.

But he loves to give the other guys a hard time. Teasing is one of his main shows of affection. Not knowing more about your DH’s workmates, I’m tempted to say that’s what’s going on here, too. Especially since the teasing started so quickly. He may not have any other perceived faults for them to latch on to for fun, camaraderie-type teasing.

Also, I agree that, unless he’s using you as a scapegoat (which may or may not be OK with you) he needs to be honest. If he wants to do something, but says, “Only if you want to…”, then it is his own fault if you end up not doing it!

After having said all that, it doesn’t sound to me like he really is whipped, just that the two of you consult each other.

 

[jules11]

Jay2;2627582]BTW… it’s “whupped”…

She knows I need to occasionally “blow off steam” with the guys… if this includes getting stupid at a Tavern, or going to a game, or maybe going to a joint that has gals in “various states of undress”… she’s cool with this… why?

I’m very surprised that you find the need to mention this here? Not something I would boast about!
Good Lord Man! This is NOTHING to be proud of! And It does not make your wife ‘woman of the year’ because she’s ok with it!
Sorry, but most women who love God and respected themselves would be HORRIFIED if their husbands went to places like this!
I know MY husband would NEVER consider a place like this and if he did, well… lets say, it would be a LONG time before I considered talking to him again!

 

[jman507]

I’d say they are just trying to get him to come along – the more the merrier. I can understand your concern; it can be hard to assess if your helping or hurting the situation. Especially given the case you two are newly married, it takes a long to completely acclimate to any relationship, and marrage much longer due to the intimacy of the relationship.

I might take the teasing as a good sign. He probably accepted and liked by his co-workes. I guess one thing to remember male and female groups tend to act differently. A male dominated workplace tends to be diffrent from a female to nuetral workplace, there is a lot more teasing. I’d assume that because he called to check, that opened the possibility of him being “whipped,” so in order to tease is to act as if it is true. Otherwise it’d really be no fun, what is the fun of teasing someone because they are busy trying to close on a house or something?