Is enough consideration given to women's sex drives?

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SwizzleStick said:
I see now. My response was not charitable and I apologize, though I still think discussing this with spouse and confessor is a very good idea. Even though it is difficult, we are all still called to live chaste lifes, whether our vocations are to be a priest, remain single, get married, etc. Depending on individual circumstances, sometimes that is harder than other times, but it is still what He asks of us.

Peace to you as well.
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I don’t think your response was uncharitable at all and I agree with what you responded.
 
dianaballein said:
Discussing with her spouse, or a counselor, yes. A Priest would have no frame of reference. Thank you for seeing the charitable side of the equation. I am such an emotional woman that I often tend to see that before the logical side. Your idea WAS a good one. I just didn’t want her to be afraid to share.
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I include the priest because if there is a large disparity between desire of spouses, that might lead to occasions of sin for the one with the higher desire. A priest would be helpful in counseling when sins are confessed.
 
dianaballein said:
Discussing with her spouse, or a counselor, yes. A Priest would have no frame of reference. Thank you for seeing the charitable side of the equation. I am such an emotional woman that I often tend to see that before the logical side. Your idea WAS a good one. I just didn’t want her to be afraid to share.
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Hi,

Some things are better left unshared, especially when people start going into specifics about their sexual desires. It’s not necessary and could lead suceptible people to sin. What is the point?

Sorry, but your dismissing of talking with a priest about this issue is incorrect. Priests are trained to counsel in these matters. They are the best ones to counsel Catholics in Catholic teaching.

🙂
 
nannygirl said:
I don’t think your response was uncharitable at all and I agree with what you responded.
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Well, I thought about it and I concluded that I was not as charitable (or tactful) as I could have been. If I ‘shut down’ the OP, then she and her hubby may not seek counsel of her priest or even be open to the truth that even in marriage we are called to chastity, which would not be helpful to the OP at all. A Catholic marriage always includes three: wife, husband, Jesus Christ. If JC is missing, then we must seek Him and keep Him and His teachings in our marriage.
 
I do see your point now about including a Priest that they trust, especially if emotionally that are not on the same committment level.
 
SwizzleStick said:
Well, I thought about it and I concluded that I was not as charitable (or tactful) as I could have been. If I ‘shut down’ the OP, then she and her hubby may not seek counsel of her priest or even be open to the truth that even in marriage we are called to chastity, which would not be helpful to the OP at all. A Catholic marriage always includes three: wife, husband, Jesus Christ. If JC is missing, then we must seek Him and keep Him and His teachings in our marriage.
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The OP is a single woman.
 
nannygirl said:
The OP is a single woman.
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I guess I missed that (and I just quickly skimmed the posts again and missed it again). So, if she is single, it does not matter if she is a male or female, we are all called to live lifes of chastity. Bottom line, she must learn to live with her desires in a chaste manner, period.
 
Lady_Bug said:
… If I see a scantily clad woman I do not get aroused immediately the way a man does, but if I see a sexual act with lots of kissing and caressing, I will get immediately aroused as a man does while looking at a woman. …
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Okay, with a more careful read of the info provided by the OP, I see how you nannygirl deduced that she is a single woman. This does not change anything, though. As Christians, we are all called to live lifes of chastity.
 
The last time I checked this forum, there were only 8 replies. I thought this thread was dead. I was wrong.

Anyway, I am sorry if I wrote a thread that was inappropriate for this place. Yes I am a single woman. Yes I know that I am supposed to live a life of complete chastity but I am struggling in the sexual purity department and I simply posted this thread for some possible guidance. There are a lot of things, albeit correct, that are so much easier said than done. I have been struggling with porn a few days back, among other things, and my struggles are real. It doesn’t mean that I am substituting this for consulting a priest or anything, I just thought I’d attempt to receive some support and/or comfort about this. I can’t decide if I’m wrong for assuming that.

I still wonder though, that if I had been a single man writing about myself being in overdrive, if the responses would have been different. I don’t know. I could be wrong.

I don’t want to be angry but for some reason I feel that way - but over time it will pass. I thought that since there are so many posts about sex and everything here that my post was not necessarily any more inappropriate than anyone else’s. Sorry if it was.
 
Hi Lady Bug,

I am so sorry you feel that way. This is why I made the comment about being supportive and allowing you to share your feelings with fellow Catholics…of course, for some guidance.

After reading many of the postings not just here, but elsewhere, I think I can say with some assurity that the forum members would have given the same responses if you had been a man. These are truths as the Church teaches. However, let he who is without sin cast the first stone…I always say.

Send me a PM if you want to chat privately. I am a good listener.
 
dianaballein said:
Hi Lady Bug,

I am so sorry you feel that way. This is why I made the comment about being supportive and allowing you to share your feelings with fellow Catholics…of course, for some guidance.

After reading many of the postings not just here, but elsewhere, I think I can say with some assurity that the forum members would have given the same responses if you had been a man. These are truths as the Church teaches. However, let he who is without sin cast the first stone…I always say.

Send me a PM if you want to chat privately. I am a good listener.
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thank you Diana, it’s people like you who make it feel easier for me to express myself:) I am not necessarily struggling with what the Church teaches, but rather the obedience of it (if that makes any sense). Who doesn’t:(
 
Lady_Bug said:
The last time I checked this forum, there were only 8 replies. I thought this thread was dead. I was wrong.

Anyway, I am sorry if I wrote a thread that was inappropriate for this place. Yes I am a single woman. Yes I know that I am supposed to live a life of complete chastity but I am struggling in the sexual purity department and I simply posted this thread for some possible guidance. There are a lot of things, albeit correct, that are so much easier said than done. I have been struggling with porn a few days back, among other things, and my struggles are real. It doesn’t mean that I am substituting this for consulting a priest or anything, I just thought I’d attempt to receive some support and/or comfort about this. I can’t decide if I’m wrong for assuming that.

I still wonder though, that if I had been a single man writing about myself being in overdrive, if the responses would have been different. I don’t know. I could be wrong.

I don’t want to be angry but for some reason I feel that way - but over time it will pass. I thought that since there are so many posts about sex and everything here that my post was not necessarily any more inappropriate than anyone else’s. Sorry if it was.
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Dear Ladybug,

There are many of us who share your problem and sympathize with you. All of us are born with certain propensities for differing sins. Some struggle with anger, others with stealing, etc.
What I’m getting at is if you know that you have a problem with something, you need to shift your focus away from it. I assure you that continuing to focus on this and talk about it is only feeding it. In AA they call it “romancing your story”. This is where an addict keeps reminiscing about all the bad things he’s done. You can’t move on if you keep hanging on to the problem.

You would do much better by getting involved in some non-sexual activities. The more you do this, the less you will think about sex. After all, if you continue to expose yourself to sexual images (movies, TV shows, fantasies) what else do you expect?

It is hard work to strive against sin, but we can’t give up. God has given you ways to take control over your body. It’s up to you to use them. Praying the Rosary is a good start. 👍
 
There is nothing wrong with this question.
I do think in general catholics only discuss the men struggling with impurity and could do bit more on helping the women.

Mary Beth Bonacci writes for singles living chastely. Try searching her out. I know she has a lot of stuff for teens and young adults but it still applies.

Doing everything in you power to avoid temptation is good advice. Watch what you watch on TV. I myself gave up reading romance novels as they were a big temptation to sin for me.
 
Yeah, it’s generally just assumed that women have little to know sex drive, especially in comparison to men, but this is endemic to the culture rather than the church in particular. Frankly, I suspect men and women generally have comparable sex drives but that because it’s culturally acceptable for men to show it and culturally required for women to hide it, we tend to convince ourselves into fitting the mold beyond our natural equilibriums. But that’s just a suspicion.
 
Lady_Bug said:
Anyway, I wanted to clarify something.

I didn’t mean to imply that women had the same issues of visual lust as men, although I can name a few things that I could see on TV that would ignite me physically at the drop of a hat. Although I am not visual like a man I get just as stimulated as easily watching sexual acts. If I see a scantily clad woman I do not get aroused immediately the way a man does, but if I see a sexual act with lots of kissing and caressing, I will get immediately aroused as a man does while looking at a woman.

So what I am trying to say is that while the source of a woman’s high sexual desire may be different, it does not mean they desire it less. They just might get ignited from different sources. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have the same level of struggles with their sexuality.
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I’m curious. Why are you watching sexual acts if you say you have a problem with lust? :confused:
I’ve never realized there was a difference between men’s and women’s sex drive (only between individuals).

Short of what several of us have offered, what more can we say to help you? I guess I’m wondering what kind of support/compassion do you want?
 
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