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nannygirl
Guest
Little to no sex drives? Women? Man, that’s the first I’ve heard that. I think most women love sex as much as most men.
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Tracy10
Guest
Sadly I believe that is the case. Such women are often labelled as “tramps” by others and are forced to more or less keep this situation silent for fear of losing respect. However, the drive isn’t the key thing to be concerned about. You likely have (or will have) quite a content (or in some cases, threatened) husband. Hopefully it will be the former.When you hear of people struggling with a high sex drive and proclivity to lustful thoughts, do you think that the Christian community is more receptive of the concerns of men’s sexual issues than for women’s, or do you think that the concern is roughly equal for both genders? Sometimes I think that it is believed that women can handle celibacy more easily than men can, but I’m a woman with an extremely high sex drive and I wonder if it is hard for a woman to find the same level of support/compassion for this problem than it is for a man. If I’m wrong, please by all means correct me nicely
The only thing to be concerned about is EXACTLY the same thing as men in the same situation need to be concerned about, and that is to remind yourself that LUST aimed in the wrong direction and/or at the wrong people can lead to grave harm to both you and your family. Unfortunately psychological damage from broken relationships isn’t easy to repair and can be passed on for generations.
Remember, lust is a temporary thing that usually dies out after a few trials. It’s not at all comparable to love. That means that the key problem people with high sex drives face is that they must force themselves more often than most, to remind themselves how important permanent family responsibility and ties are versus temporary sexual flings.
If you feel that your “so-called” problem makes it overly difficult to “reign yourself in”, there are medications that can be provided by physicians.
Basically, the key message the bible sends is that we all have choices and God isn’t going to force any of us in a particular direction. People have been given the authority to decide for themselves which is more important – spirituality or sexual gratification. Some very fortunate people can achieve both although I think such situations are extremely rare. It doesn’t take much to offset something so precisely balanced.
Another thing people with high sex drives should remind themselves of that might help to control their urges, is that “MOST” of the world’s population now has herpes.
Herpes is a most terrible silent killer disease that can hide itself in your body for decades until your immune system breaks down. It can be quite humiliating at the dignified age of 70, to have to face your doctor with painful horrid looking warts, (some of which may be internal and almost impossible to remove) cancer, and much worse, as a result of your actions when you were 20. This disease can also attack the brain and be passed on to all you happen to lie with, as well as to your children through birth. Currently there is no cure and there’s a lot to be said about the possible dangers of vaccinations. What a horrid birthday gift to pass on to your children!
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Lady_Bug
Guest
Actually, when I say “watch,” I didn’t mean to purposefully go to the TV to watch the acts. Sometimes I happen to see something accidentally on the TV that is of sexual nature. I avoid the TV as much as I possibly can. Sometimes I think I don’t even need it.I’m curious. Why are you watching sexual acts if you say you have a problem with lust?
I’ve never realized there was a difference between men’s and women’s sex drive (only between individuals).
Short of what several of us have offered, what more can we say to help you? I guess I’m wondering what kind of support/compassion do you want?
I’m kind of surprised at the questions you are asking (I’m not trying to be rude though). It certainly didn’t have to be some magical support that would wipe everything away. I was just seeking some sort of guidance and maybe empathy, which should not be wrong to do.
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BlaineTog
Guest
No no, I agree. Western society at large doesn’t, though. After all, sit coms wouldn’t have any material if they couldn’t have screw-up husbands constantly hounding their unreasonably hot wives for all-too-reluctant sex.Little to no sex drives? Women? Man, that’s the first I’ve heard that. I think most women love sex as much as most men.
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chaz0426
Guest
Wow I didn’t know women had sex drives just as bad. I mean I knew some did but it’s more common now than I thought.
I feel you, I’m a single guy in college and out of today’s sexual filled society college is the worst of it. When more than half of the friends you meet have girlfriends and serious relationships and seem very happy having sex and their relationship seems healthy (on the outside at least) and your stuck waiting until marriage or trying to (i’ve fallen 2 or 3 times but confessed right after and haven’t done it for almost a year and don’t plan to again until marriage). Condems have literally been handed out to me on average 2 to 3 times around campus just walking to class. And while waiting for an appointment with a doctor at my universities clinic, 15 out of the 20 people waiting are pretty attractive women waiting for birth control pills since that is the biggest thing offered there.
My neighbor and friend comes by my room since I usually leave the door open and says hey check out this playboy (quite often too).
When I am hesitant I get teased and mocked about it too and its ironic because those guys are protestant (still christian).
They are like ( there is no *** way you don’t masturbate ect…)
I even felt more accepted when I said I do sometimes.
I don’t know how it is for women socially.
with men it seems social status is determined by how much you have gotten laid (number of women you’ve slept with).
It’s tough. I almost wish I could take some kind of pill to ease my hormones and my libido to find it easier to say no but I fear that would screw me up when I do find myself married.
Out of personal experience alone (aside from my faith)I decided that it’s best to wait until marriage as it seems sex complicates things more so for the women it seems. Also you get this weird unsatisfied feeling or just this strange awkwardness too. But I wonder if non religious people have that too.
I feel you, I just posted my experience about 30 minutes ago in this same section.
Anyway
I feel you, I’m a single guy in college and out of today’s sexual filled society college is the worst of it. When more than half of the friends you meet have girlfriends and serious relationships and seem very happy having sex and their relationship seems healthy (on the outside at least) and your stuck waiting until marriage or trying to (i’ve fallen 2 or 3 times but confessed right after and haven’t done it for almost a year and don’t plan to again until marriage). Condems have literally been handed out to me on average 2 to 3 times around campus just walking to class. And while waiting for an appointment with a doctor at my universities clinic, 15 out of the 20 people waiting are pretty attractive women waiting for birth control pills since that is the biggest thing offered there.
My neighbor and friend comes by my room since I usually leave the door open and says hey check out this playboy (quite often too).
When I am hesitant I get teased and mocked about it too and its ironic because those guys are protestant (still christian).
They are like ( there is no *** way you don’t masturbate ect…)
I even felt more accepted when I said I do sometimes.
I don’t know how it is for women socially.
with men it seems social status is determined by how much you have gotten laid (number of women you’ve slept with).
It’s tough. I almost wish I could take some kind of pill to ease my hormones and my libido to find it easier to say no but I fear that would screw me up when I do find myself married.
Out of personal experience alone (aside from my faith)I decided that it’s best to wait until marriage as it seems sex complicates things more so for the women it seems. Also you get this weird unsatisfied feeling or just this strange awkwardness too. But I wonder if non religious people have that too.
I feel you, I just posted my experience about 30 minutes ago in this same section.
Anyway
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onmyknees
Guest
Lady Bug, After reading this post I finally feel like I’m not alone. I have a very high sex drive too. I started masturbating as a small child and kept this habit. I came back to the church a few years ago after being away for many years. I’m married and we have a great sex life but I still have to fight this sin and the lustful thoughts all the time. I go to confession every 1 to 3 weeks depending. I have many women friends who do not share this problem at all. In fact most of them are kind of shocked when I share this. The married ones usually have the opposite problem. They say they have no desire. I do best when I distract myself by doing other things like evangelizing, and going to the nursing homes to pray/visit with people.When you hear of people struggling with a high sex drive and proclivity to lustful thoughts, do you think that the Christian community is more receptive of the concerns of men’s sexual issues than for women’s, or do you think that the concern is roughly equal for both genders? Sometimes I think that it is believed that women can handle celibacy more easily than men can, but I’m a woman with an extremely high sex drive and I wonder if it is hard for a woman to find the same level of support/compassion for this problem than it is for a man. If I’m wrong, please by all means correct me nicely
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nannygirl
Guest
Sorry, I was completely misunderstanding where you were coming from. I don’t think you are wrong for asking about this. It is a very real problem which I, and I’m sure lots of others, share. See my #37 post.
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nannygirl
Guest
Many of us have this exact problem. Distraction helps for me, too and praying the Rosary when I get the urge. One of the priests recommended praying the Anima Christi every day. All of these things help greatly.
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Lady_Bug
Guest
thanks it’s Ok. It makes me happy to see us no longer misunderstand each other lol.
Right now, I feel like taking a break from the conversation here, because in retrospect I kind of feel like I said too much information, and I’m sorry. Even though it is the internet, I don’t really want to sound like this loose woman who will go after the first guy that shows her attention. For what it is worth, I am very conservative. My moral “standards,” especially for dating, are such that even Catholics might have a problem with it - that is, while many unmarried couples engage in premarital kissing, I don’t want to engage in that. I don’t go to any movies, and if I do watch something on TV, I prerecord it and if while watching the recorded version I sense the beginning of something that could cause me to stumble (like kissing or other scenes) I immediately fast forward the thing before it even comes and look away…that’s probably the only thing I do that I shouldn’t be doing at all (not the fast forwarding but the TV…and I hardly watch any of it compared to most people…I’m not addicted to the TV). I read my Bible, I am praying, I stick basically to Christian sites online, I wear clothes that don’t give people the wrong idea, I don’t flirt with men, I try to stay pure. But even people who try to stay pure are not any more immune from struggles. BUT, they have better resources on their hands to keep them from getting worse: Prayer, Scriptures, etc.
I’m trying to work on the music I listen to though. There are many CDs I had bought that I loved at the time because of the person’s voices and/or music but the lyrics are not conducive to my walk with the Lord. They are collecting dust, I’m afraid.
As I said…I kind of feel like taking a break from this discussion lol…maybe I disclosed too much. I’m sorry, once again.
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Lady_Bug
Guest
It’s ok.
For what it is worth, in regard to my previous post, I have never purposefully looked for lustful acts to watch, but…a few days ago for the first time (well, the first time I remember) I had done this purposefully (i.e. looking for soft-porn scenes to watch online), something totally out of character for me. I didn’t think I’d ever done this before, and I think I wrote my post partially because of this. I should have said so in the OP, but I don’t know why. I’m sorry. This was the biggest mistake I made…I did it out of boredom and loneliness, thinking it would provide some relief…yeah right.
For three days I haven’t done this but for about a day and a half out of these three days I suffered a “gravitational” pull to go back and watch it but I haven’t. I had never done a thing like this before in my life…that is purposefully look for videos…not that I RECALL, anyhow. I prayed the Rosary for about three days…I think the urge to watch it is not at the forefront of my mind right now, but the scenes have stuck in my head. They were videos, not still images, which made the situation far worse. There were times in my life where I did purposefully look for still images, but not animated scenes. For me, even though both are sins, the former doesn’t affect me in the way the latter does.
As I said, I think that’s all I want to say
I wanted to clear up any possible confusion.
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nannygirl
Guest
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dianaballein
Guest
and mine as well…
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larry85704
Guest
God gave men and women sex drives so we would make babies. The love and lifelong commitment is nice.
In our society if you go out on a date you may very well be expected to perform sexually. I personally find this disgusting, but I know it to be true. Another thing I find terrible it that married people, men and women, will compromise their marriage over sex. They complain about not getting enough, or to much; it is a long list of complaints.
I know good Catholic people that will not have sex outside of marriage, they are single, and they will be for a long time. They have issues not related to sex about why they are single. But maybe it is related to sex. They are afraid to hold hands, or to kiss. They have such high standards for the person that they are waiting for that what they wind up with will not be much to brag about.
Jesus is undoubtedly very angry with Catholics, and the Catholic Church about sex. Sex is one of those things that the Church should have said less than it said about. The Church should say more about dating and making friends. The Church needs to help people make good families that pray together, go to church and are blessings to their community.
To want very badly to have sex it normal. It is a part of wanting to be loved and married. It is just that the sex can hit you really hard and it is easy to focus on. It is easier to complain about your God given sex drive, or urges, than it is about the fact that you haven’t had a date in a year. I don’t know what it like everywhere, but I was very concerned that my kids would date the wrong people and get married to a loser. Thankfully, they didn’t. I do not know why, exactly. As their daddy, I did not coach them on dating.
I hope everyone can find a good mate, fall in love, get married and have kids. Love one another forever. If you do it won’t matter how many naked people you see on a beach, how many times you had sex outside your bedroom or even how many times you have sex in a week. You will have won the prize and all those times you wanted sex and your partner didn’t won’t matter. You will see each other as God’s gift and not some really good way to have an orgasm.
Stop thinking about yourself. Thinking about others and their needs will give you the direction you need. It is amazing how when you are really busy doing good things you have little interest in sex. It is also amazing how attractive you become and how soon you can find the mate God has in mind for you.
But this site is fixated on sex and sin. That is what makes Jesus mad. I assure you, the Catholic Church is not fixated on sin.
In our society if you go out on a date you may very well be expected to perform sexually. I personally find this disgusting, but I know it to be true. Another thing I find terrible it that married people, men and women, will compromise their marriage over sex. They complain about not getting enough, or to much; it is a long list of complaints.
I know good Catholic people that will not have sex outside of marriage, they are single, and they will be for a long time. They have issues not related to sex about why they are single. But maybe it is related to sex. They are afraid to hold hands, or to kiss. They have such high standards for the person that they are waiting for that what they wind up with will not be much to brag about.
Jesus is undoubtedly very angry with Catholics, and the Catholic Church about sex. Sex is one of those things that the Church should have said less than it said about. The Church should say more about dating and making friends. The Church needs to help people make good families that pray together, go to church and are blessings to their community.
To want very badly to have sex it normal. It is a part of wanting to be loved and married. It is just that the sex can hit you really hard and it is easy to focus on. It is easier to complain about your God given sex drive, or urges, than it is about the fact that you haven’t had a date in a year. I don’t know what it like everywhere, but I was very concerned that my kids would date the wrong people and get married to a loser. Thankfully, they didn’t. I do not know why, exactly. As their daddy, I did not coach them on dating.
I hope everyone can find a good mate, fall in love, get married and have kids. Love one another forever. If you do it won’t matter how many naked people you see on a beach, how many times you had sex outside your bedroom or even how many times you have sex in a week. You will have won the prize and all those times you wanted sex and your partner didn’t won’t matter. You will see each other as God’s gift and not some really good way to have an orgasm.
Stop thinking about yourself. Thinking about others and their needs will give you the direction you need. It is amazing how when you are really busy doing good things you have little interest in sex. It is also amazing how attractive you become and how soon you can find the mate God has in mind for you.
But this site is fixated on sex and sin. That is what makes Jesus mad. I assure you, the Catholic Church is not fixated on sin.
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dianaballein
Guest
This posting may be have the topic of sex but this site is not focused on it. This forum is full of good, useful and insightful topics, all meant to help learn and enlighten us.
You had many beautiful and valid points in your reply. Many. You sound like a man who is fulfilled spiritually, sexually and emotionally. You’re wife is doing something right.
Peace.
You had many beautiful and valid points in your reply. Many. You sound like a man who is fulfilled spiritually, sexually and emotionally. You’re wife is doing something right.
Peace.
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chaz0426
Guest
I agree. Even though I am probably a little more on the religious side compared to most guys in college (even catholic) I do agree with you that the Church seems really anti-sex to the extreme even when compared to protestant churches.
I agree that sex should be saved until marriage and I support that out of personal experience.
But living in the world today (especially the U.S.) it is undoubtedly really hard not be sexual unless you naturally have low libido.
A lot of young guys and girls including myself struggle with remaining sexually pure while in and even out of puberty.
I think the church needs to be less stressed on things like masturbation being so grave ect. Masturbation can be almost comparable to smoking. Yea it’s bad for some people and generally it is bad (in the church) but is smoking a mortal sin? If it isn’t then it doesn’t make sense to label M as mortal. The church needs to stress emotional well being. Sometimes it is better to M to relieve sexual tension and prevent further sins (porn, lustful thoughts all day).
Just like smoking relieves stress and calms you down. Yea it’s nasty, and it’s a sin but mortal thats pushing it unless it becomes to affect your lifestyle perhaps?
Another big point:
I agree that we should spend time doing other things and focusing more on the emotional aspects of the relationship as that is what really matters.
However sex if performed right under marriage is really emotionally fullfilling and I personally think it is a sacred bond.
One of the few things I have trouble agreeing with the church is it’s anti-sex/anti-physical to the point where it is against things even in marriage. I could be wrong and I probably am but after reading the posts on here the church seems to have the stance that sex is only meant to procreate.
For animals thats pretty much true. But humans aren’t animals in the sense of lacking a soul. Married couples in my opinion need an emotional bond and attachment to the highest level that only sex can create. Study up a bit on some pyschology, the more sex the better.
However sex shouldn’t become a selfish act as explained in your post. But a marriage lacking sex also emotionally hurts the marriage as they grow further apart. Especially if one spouse wants it and the other doesn’t, it’s a feeling of rejection or they aren’t loved anymore. That can strain the marriage.
But according to the church that is perfectly fine since it is only meant to produce children.
At least in my eyes the church is leaving the equally important if not the most important part, the union, bond, the emotional aspect.
A lot of couple aren’t able to have children, are they suppose to abstain? No unless both spouses are completely fine with it.
What if a couple has a disease? Yea the church may be against marrying a person with HIV or something else. But sometimes although rare today it is acquired through hospital accidents and injections even after the marriage.
This is where I personally think some form of protection is ok under marriage in this one scenario only. Since the protection isn’t being used as a form of birth control but to prevent spread of disease and still experience the sexual union, how can that harm the soul?
I can go on and on but see what I’m saying. Sex isn’t just a baby maker it’s more than that.
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BlaineTog
Guest
The problem with this is it essentially boils down to the ends justifying the means. If masturbation is wrong, then you should never do it, period. That’s what “wrong” means.
While important, the spiritual aspect of the relationship dwarfs the emotional aspect, at least in terms of importance.
So does the Church.
The Church is not anti-sex. It is anti-selfish sex, pro-truly loving sex. It just so happens that the latter sort is only possible in marriage without the use of contraception.
All sex is meant to be procreative, but not all of sex is procreation. Hence the Catholic “unitive and procreative” explanation of sex. Both components are necessary for sex to be used correctly.
Your conception of what Catholic Sexual morality teaches is very inaccurate. I suggest reading at least the Catechism, though you might also find apologists like Christopher West helpful.
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SwizzleStick
Guest
Very good post, BlaineTog.
Chaz, while one may have trouble with some teachings of the Church, and they disagree with those teachings and think that the Church needs to be “less stressed on things”, ultimately one still must obey what the Church teaches. If the Church says something is a grave act, one does not get to decide otherwise, that they know better, and then go ahead and sin. It is still a grave act.
You think so? All that you mention above are generally mortal sins, so how is going ahead with one to prevent another better? The seriousness of the sin can vary depending on individual circumstances, so that is why I say “generally mortal sins”, but the individual does not decide that, his/her confessor would counsel about it, and God is the one who actually judges, but the Church teaches that most sexual sins are mortal sins. So, one must be chaste, period. That is what the Church teaches. Why do you think you know better than Holy Mother Church?
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chaz0426
Guest
Then why have several priests told me that it was basically a venial sin? It is just hard gasping how a common habit naturally acquired during puberty has the same degree of punishment and “grave doing” as rape, murder, incest, pedophilia, adultery. Yes it is still sinful in nature but to that degree?Very good post, BlaineTog.
Chaz, while one may have trouble with some teachings of the Church, and they disagree with those teachings and think that the Church needs to be “less stressed on things”, ultimately one still must obey what the Church teaches. If the Church says something is a grave act, one does not get to decide otherwise, that they know better, and then go ahead and sin. It is still a grave act.
You think so? All that you mention above are generally mortal sins, so how is going ahead with one to prevent another better? The seriousness of the sin can vary depending on individual circumstances, so that is why I say “generally mortal sins”, but the individual does not decide that, his/her confessor would counsel about it, and God is the one who actually judges, but the Church teaches that most sexual sins are mortal sins. So, one must be chaste, period. That is what the Church teaches. Why do you think you know better than Holy Mother Church?
Logically and emotionally my conscious says no.
If it is mortal then the question comes up, why does the bible never mention it? It mentions lust yes which is a sin and the mortal sins of lust like adultery, rape, fornication, homosexuality, ect. But not M. After years of CCD it was never mentioned. If it is so grave but yet so common, it surely isn’t spoken about by the church as much as it should be.
I had to research it on my own when the question came up in my head of whether it was sinful or not.
I think it’s lack of emphasis is probably due to it’s debate on the severity of the sin because of so many circumstances.
Do I think M is a sin? : Yes I do
Do I think you should try to avoid it? : Yes because it can lead to further more serious sins.
Do I think it is mortal? : I think it depends on the situation. Many of those who do it is because it is a long developed habit and they are so to say stuck. I think in that situation it is not mortal because your willful intention is compromised. Like for me it’s been a habit for 8 years. It is comparable to a person who has been smoking for 20 years.
I have tried to stop, I have gone almost 2 months without it but it’s tough to completely break free of it especially since sex and revealing women are everywhere you turn in America. Your will and temptation for those who have fallen into it for a long time is compromised to the point where its involuntary. Next time you have an itch that is bothering, try to not scratch it. Multiply that feeling by about 5 and you have an idea.
Do I think this is an excuse to continue doing it? : No, you should try to stop if possible. But it takes a lot more time to stop doing it for someone who has been doing it 8 years not knowing it was a sin than someone who just started doing it.
Just like very few people who smoke can drop a cigarette and say “I’m done” after doing it for 20 years and never touch it again, It’s the same with M.
Given that, I think God does give mercy to those people and he only knows the heart and intention of each person.
Meanwhile I think the church needs to put that into consideration which from reading the CCC I think it does when it states what it needs to be for it to be mortal.
Compromise of the Will I think is one of them which long formed habit would compromise.
But so many people have the “No it’s mortal no matter what” attitude. In that case then 95% of men today are going to hell and some 70 to 85% of women. 50% to 60 % of both catholic and Christian men today will also be there. Statistics vary and some are higher than mine but I put a rough average after researching various statistics.
So Catholic people who have the “No it’s mortal no matter what” attitude either needs to take that into account. Or spread the word about it being a mortal sin like crazy to save people.
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BlaineTog
Guest
Ok, I’ll paraphrase what I said earlier:
Masturbation is a grave matter.
This doesn’t mean it’s always a mortal sin, though it can be. Depending on the circumstances, it may be merely venial. I might go so far as to say it’s usually venial. Many people take this to mean “always” venial, or even “intrinsically” venial, but that’s looking at it all wrong through a haze of misunderstanding of Catholic sexual theology.
The short and the long of it is if you are trying to stop, even if you fail often, it’s (probably/almost certainly) not mortal.
Masturbation is a grave matter.
This doesn’t mean it’s always a mortal sin, though it can be. Depending on the circumstances, it may be merely venial. I might go so far as to say it’s usually venial. Many people take this to mean “always” venial, or even “intrinsically” venial, but that’s looking at it all wrong through a haze of misunderstanding of Catholic sexual theology.
The short and the long of it is if you are trying to stop, even if you fail often, it’s (probably/almost certainly) not mortal.
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chaz0426
Guest
That sounds like an agreeable and reasonable answer.
That is what I assumed the church meant as the other alternative would not be just since so many people do it and would likewise go to hell.
Although I still have trouble comprehending how M can be just as gave as murder, rape, adultery, incest, ect.
If it’s mortal in the sense that you are not under habit, you know it is wrong, and you say well I’m going to do it anyway and do it.
You must be separated to a lesser degree than more severe sins. Since you are really harming yourself.
Also I’m curious to exactly how M hurts your soul? The church says how it’s wrong but what does it do to your well being? Your soul? What negative effects does it have if your moderate about it and private about it?
It’s obvious how fornication, rape, porn, ect. is damaging, but masturbation not so much other than how it can lead to further things.
I’m curious
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