Is falling out of love real?

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pacoenelsaco said:
To me…personally…love is when your dying inside everytime your away from a certain someone, because you want to be around them every single second of each and every day and never be away from them. Love is when not a moment passes by that your not thinking about that person you love. Love is when your willing to walk through hell and high water just to get a glimpse of that person when they’re far away from you.
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I’m sorry but this is not love you are describing, if you really thought you would be dying inside every time you were away from wife and never want to be away from her from the rest of your life you were/are being completely unrealistic. You are describing infatuation not love. What you are describing is paper back romance that has no basis in reality.

You love someone because of who God created them to be, not for what they do for you, not for what they look like at any given moment, not because of how they make you feel. In sickness and in health, for better or worse, til death do you part.

Did you have premarital counseling, precana classes? Love is not about you or your feelings. Love is about actions -if you love your wife and she is stressed and depressed you help her seek help not wonder if your feelings have changed because she isn’t giving you the same warm fuzzies she used to. She’s not as pretty as she used to be, not as thin as she used to be, not as happy as she used to be, she’s stressed, depressed -be the husband you are supposed to be and help her. Sorry if I sound harsh but really. This is life not a Hollywood movie.
 
Experiencing highs and lows in love is normal.

Some of it is as simple as the weather; a low pressure area causes “grouchiness” and a lack of “love”. High pressure causes more euphoria. Has to do with the microscopic air bubbles in the joints. Low air pressure outside the body causes the air bubbles to expand and press on the nerves.

Some of it relates to things on the outside of the relationship. Stress. Someone new and attractive at work. A ding in the car door. Dog poops on the rug. MIL. Getting more familiarity with the intimate one. Presentation is delivered; stress goes away. The someone new is totally nuts and bubbleheaded. Ding doesn’t look so bad; or someone fixes it along with other work; package deal; practically free. Find a poop smell remover that works. SIL does something to form alliance to counter MIL.

Everything affects everything else. Causes ups and downs.

Normal.

The key is to keep loving. Love = helping. Putting the needs of the other before the needs of the self.

Normal.
 
First off, I want to say thank you to all of you who have responded. I appreciate the advice and it really has cleared a lot of things up for me. Really it has. I figured that what I felt at first was infatuation and that slowly it developed into love. I figured that the infatuation wasn’t going to last forever and I suppose I just miss the infatuation. I guess society and a lot of people have this portrayal of that when your in love, you stay truly infatuated with the person for the rest of your life and I figured that since I wasn’t feeling that infatuation as much anymore that something must’ve been wrong. But I see now that infatuation and love are truly not the same things and I will do my best never to confuse the two ever again.

Secondly, I wanted to point out that some of you came off a little harsher/judgemental then I would like. If your going to offer advice to someone, you should do it in a tone where the person doesn’t feel like they’re being attacked. When someone asks for advice they’re asking for help. Not to be scolded or ridiculed. So keep that in mind the next time you plan on offering your 2 cents. And yes Rayne, we did go to Pre-cana classes. I’m not an idiot and I’m not a cafeteria catholic. I’m just young and inexperienced. So please, don’t speak to me in that tone again. I may be young, but I’m not stupid and I really didn’t appreciate your tone at all.

Third, on that note, I also wanted to point out that a lot of you guys are making it out to sound like I just want to up and leave my wife just because I don’t have a feeling of infatuation for her as much anymore, and that I’m not trying to help her at all despite the fact that she’s sick, and that I have this “Fairy Tale” view of love and not a realistic view of there are gonna be bad times and not all good times in marriage and ignoring the whole “being there in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad” deal. Let me just say that that is totally not the case here. Like I said before, I may be young but I’m not stupid. I’m mature enough to realize that in all relationships (not just marriage) there’s gonna be good times and bad times. Be it with friends, family, or a significant other. No relationship is ever 100% perfect where things are always going good and there are never any problems. I know this and my wife and I have had our share of bad times well before we even got married. We’ve been through so much together with the help and grace of God and we’ve had our share of arguments, and money problems, and especially health issues. But through it all, we have been there to support each other with the help of the Lord. I have tried extensively to help my wife with what she is going through medically right now. Everything from taking her to Hairclub, to buying P90X workout DVD’s, to going out and jogging with her, to praying with her, to paying for her to get seen at a Tepeyac Family center for her PCOS, and most recently trying to setup an appointment with a pshychiatrist/therapist for her problems. So I am trying to help her. I’ve been trying to help her. And I’m going to continue helping her. Why? Because I love my wife, I care for her, and I want her to be taken care of and be happy. I’m going well out of my way for her because she is worth all of that to me. Because she is my everything and I love her just for being her. Not just because of what she does for me (that does feel nice and all) but just because she is my baby. And that’s also why I don’t believe you all when you say I’m being selfish when everything I do on a daily basis (including going to work at a job I hate) is for her and my stepson. So they can have a good life.

If I didn’t truly love my wife, I never would’ve married her and I would’ve bailed on her on the first sign of something going wrong in our relationship. But I’m not shallow enough to leave my wife just because she’s going through some problems and because she doesn’t give me the “Fuzzies” anymore. What kind of a person would I be if I did that? I mean really, that’s just terrible. So I have been trying to help my wife. It’s just that while I’ve been helping her, I started having all these bizarre feelings at the same time. So please, don’t pass judgment like that before knowing all the facts. That’s why our Lord said “We should not judge”.

But that’s about all I have to say in a nutshell. All in all, I really appreciate the advice, the kind words, and the prayers. God bless you all.
 
You know, I don’t think anyone was trying to judge you, but rather trying to answer you based on what they read in your original post. I went back and re-read it in light of what you have said in your most recent post, and it reads differently second time through, because I have a bit more background and I can sort of see how you meant it to sound.

The difficulties of impassive media.
 
Well your last post gives a much better picture of your situation. I apologize if I came across as judgmental or rude. Your original post gave the impression that you expected marriage to be all hearts and roses from I do until death do you part. Obviously your later post shows that are you are more realistic than you originally came across and are obviously making a good effort to help your wife.

I have been married almost 20 years, I got married at 18. I still get warm fuzzies looking at my hubby, I still miss my hubby terribly when we’re apart for more than a couple days, and we still dance to our song from prom in our living room but I also have chronic illness and he has seen me in some pretty poor states and has had to take care of me in at times in ways he probably didn’t expect until we were elderly.

Hang in there, pray for the Holy Spirit to show you how to best help your wife and keep communicating. And when your wife bashes herself she probably is looking for you to tell her she’s still beautiful in your eyes. I apologize for being so hard on you.
 
Your last post really cleared some things up. I was going to post yesterday but didn’t because I thought I would come off sounding mean. In your first post you said that you don’t find your wife as attractive (? not sure what word you used) because she had gained some weight and that she was depressed about her weight as well. Most women are sensitive and have low self-esteem when it comes to their weight. I am often concerned about my weight (mostly talk no action:p). My Dh tells me very often that I am beautiful, calls my “pretty girl” “my lovely wife” etc. He says these things often more than once a day. He does this in order to let me know that I am beautiful and to pound that truth into my head. Because as women we have a hard time believing compliments about ourselves or things that are contrary to what we think ourselves to be.
So take the time to tell your wife that she is beautiful and that you love her, eventually both you and her will come to believe it.
 
paco,

is it possible to be in a place in marriage where you’re the caregiver AND maintain a sense of romance? maybe it’s impossible? i don’t know.

you’re at a place where your wife needs your accptance, guidance, concern, and action. Paco, she receives all that from you. so many spouses NEVER approach that level of self-giving. you’re doing great.

ask the Lord for the graces to continue to love TODAY. don’t worry about the future, just love God above all things TODAY; love your neighbor as yourself TODAY; love your wife as Christ loves the Church, giving up His life for her-- TODAY.

you ***HAVE ***fallen out of LUV, but you’ve chosen to enter into LOVE. holiness is happening.

(I’m so glad she will be seeing a counselor.)

(ps, paco, if you and your wife were sexually intimate before marriage, have you repented and confessed? i’m concerned that looking back on sin with a wistful heart is damaging to you. I’m concerned you need the powerful graces of REAL repentance to grow in holiness. on the other hand, if you ***weren’t ***sexually intimate before marriage, then please forgive this rumination…)
 
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