Is flirting between two unmarried and marriagable people a sin?

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I think it is very uncharitable to disparage a priest’s homily when all we know of the homily is given to us second-hand. There is no context for his sentiments. We don’t know which saints, Popes, or documents of the Church he might have referenced. Context and content are both necessary.

I think we may discuss the merits of whether co-ed swimming, flirting, or immodest dress (i.e. women wearing pants) are sinful without calumniating a holy priest of the Church.
 
Since most swimming pools, beaches, etc… are not “Modest Christians Only” places, we can expect there to be female swimmers present who have bought into the philosophies of the hedonistic fashion designers out there. What is this infatuation with revealing so much of the body?

I don’t go to public pools anymore. I’ve tried to keep an open mind, but I know my limits - and most bikinis are beyond my limits.

My wife, God bless her, is a modesty queen. She has no qualms about wearing a one-piece suit and a shirt over that. If anyone asks her about it, she says, “I don’t want people looking at me in ways only my husband should be looking.” It has also given some shy women an excuse to dress similarly to the pools.

I think I’m going to go kiss my beautiful bride.

Later,

Rich
 
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Windmill:
Since most swimming pools, beaches, etc… are not “Modest Christians Only” places, we can expect there to be female swimmers present who have bought into the philosophies of the hedonistic fashion designers out there. What is this infatuation with revealing so much of the body?

I don’t go to public pools anymore. I’ve tried to keep an open mind, but I know my limits - and most bikinis are beyond my limits.

My wife, God bless her, is a modesty queen. She has no qualms about wearing a one-piece suit and a shirt over that. If anyone asks her about it, she says, “I don’t want people looking at me in ways only my husband should be looking.” It has also given some shy women an excuse to dress similarly to the pools.

I think I’m going to go kiss my beautiful bride.

Later,

Rich
Dear friend

Beyond your limits because you are tempted?

It’s the intent , does no-one see this?

I have said this over and over again. If the intent is firmly in Christ Jesus , it is unshakeable no matter what the soul sees, looking left or right, it can see all manner of things and is not drawn to it because it is not drawn from the Lord of it’s soul…good grief, would we all be so weak as to fall for every deception before our eye, (the deception being within ourselves to stop viewing the flesh of another as sacred, as the body is sacred no matter how much of it we see) is the Lord such a Lord if we give ourselves fully to Him that we can be drawn from Him?

How do we surrender?

Is your wife any better loved by God than anyone else? No she is not; she is loved equally among all people, both male and female, God is not a respector of persons.

Are we afraid to surrender fully to Christ Jesus?

Do we keep back from submission to God and surrender into Himself because actually we enjoy to see such things and in doing so see them as they are not intended by God to be seen but see by the corrupt ‘self’?

Or do we surrender to Christ Jesus and can go any place without thought of temptation offering glory to God for all the beauty of His creation, both male and female?

Jesus ate and drank with all the sinners, we can do too, or do you think you are too holy and too good for such folk, what irony, what double standard! Are they less than you are they some scum upon the earth less than yourself are you free from sin, what hypocrisy!? Do you think they have every privelege that you do in faith? Do you think you are someone to walk away? Do you think as you have the gift of faith, you are someone to desert the sinner?

You may avoid occassion of sin, but that admits more about yourself than about the other person who may have all innocent intent about them and you do not know their heart!

Say a prayer for me and I will say one for you that we may never fall into the trap of pride of thinking ourselves too holy for others.

Holiness is a not condemner, it is helps, it loves, it is merciful and it is kind.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Originally Quoted by Patrick2340:

I think it is very uncharitable to disparage a priest’s homily when all we know of the homily is given to us second-hand. There is no context for his sentiments. We don’t know which saints, Popes, or documents of the Church he might have referenced. Context and content are both necessary.

I think we may discuss the merits of whether co-ed swimming, flirting, or immodest dress (i.e. women wearing pants) are sinful without calumniating a holy priest of the Church.
I apologize if I seemed to unfairly disparage the priest’s homily, or if I gave fuel for others to disparage it. I gave my honest reactions to his sermon, but I should have realized that nobody else on these forums heard the sermon for him or herself.

But in any case, let me give you a little context and structural information to his sermon.

He began the sermon by stating that his topic would be modesty in dress, since it was now summer, when people generally dress less modestly than at other times of the year. After introducing the topic, he clearly laid out that he would use four sources in discussing this topic. His four sources were all legitimate, although I’m not sure as to the authority of each (except for Scripture, if the Church’s interpretation was applied). In jogging my memory, I believe that he used the Catechism, Pope Paul VI, Pope John II and St. Padre Pio. The only one I’m not so sure about is the first one (Catechism). He may have used Scripture instead, but I honestly can’t remember. It was one or the other, perhaps both, since much of the Catechism includes Scripture.

His primary, though not exclusive, concern was with how women dressed. He used, I believe, Scripture, Pope Paul VI and John Paul II’s words (many paraphrased) on modesty to support what he believed constituted modest dress. Most of these statements laid out general rules, such as one should not wear clothing that is too skimpy or which might excite the member of the opposite sex, should not cross-dress, etc. Nothing with which most would disagree.

In discussing the impropriety of women wearing men’s clothing, he utilized a story about Padre Pio (one which he supposedly heard or read, but for which he did not give a source; and for which I am not accusing him, but am simply pointing out a fact.) The story basically narrated how this modern day saint refused to give sacramental absolution to women who came to the sacrament wearing pants (i.e. men’s clothing).

While he used these sources to substantiate his belief that people, especially women, should dress modestly, and while he even used the saintly actions of Padre Pio to support his belief that women should not wear pants, he gave no authoratative support against flirting. So, I suppose that his argument against women wearing pants has some claim to authoratative, even if not infallible, teaching, if what he told is true; and certainly his arguments against women wearing bikinis and such are justifiable I think; but his one remark on flirting, which, being as it was in the context of other condemned immodest behaviors, I did not completely agree with, not because of my personal belief, but because I had never read or heard this belief expressed in any authoratative source in the Church.

Then again, as his mention of flirting was brief, he did not define specifically what he meant by flirting. I interpretted the word in its widest sense, since there was no ostensible reason to believe that the word was used in a limited sense.

I wasn’t so much put off by what the priest had to say, even though I disagreed with parts of it, as I was by what I saw as innapropriate displays of anger in the way he presented the sermon. It was his physiogomy, his stark language, and his bodily and vocal quavering throughout that I found a little awkward in a church. Of course, he may have had a severe nervous or mental disorder (no offense intended), which would then perfectly explain what I perceived.

As I saw it, and this is by no means an objective statement, but rather a normative one, equanimity was lacking in his presentation.

This said, he was very reverential througout the Mass. He also seemed genuinely concerned for the salvation of his flock. I just thought that his understanding of modesty was a bit puritanical and more than a little reactionary. But that’s just me. I didn’t meet him in person after the service, so I can’t say anything about his character in a broad and extended sense, only what I could glean from how he approached his sermon and what was contained therein.
 
I always find it interesting (I can’t really find a more expressive word) when someone gets off the track about women wearing men’s clothing. The first thing that is obvious is that they have absolutely no comprehension whatsoever of style of dress throughout history and cultures. What is considered men’s dress in one culture would be considered wild cross dressing in another. For example, kilts in Ireland and Scotland are skirts elsewhere, and one had better be mighty Scottish or Irish - perhaps in a bagpipe band - to be wearing it anywhere outside of either of those countries.

Modesty, too, is culturally conditioned. A woman going bare breasted in a village in Africa, or some parts of South America or Australia would not be considered immodest; were she to go that way down the streets of a European or North American city, she would.

And any man that wants to hold forth that women in America or Europe are cross dressing when they wear pants should remember the maxim: “it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and be convicted of it.”

No, it is not part of the authorative teaching of the Church that women should not wear pants. It is not even an issue of modesty; it is an issue of sensibilities and prejudices. Skirts are seen as somehow more feminine, which is a matter of cutural conditioning; but cultural in a very isolated sense.
 
Originally Quoted by otm:
Modesty, too, is culturally conditioned. A woman going bare breasted in a village in Africa, or some parts of South America or Australia would not be considered immodest; were she to go that way down the streets of a European or North American city, she would.
And any man that wants to hold forth that women in America or Europe are cross dressing when they wear pants should remember the maxim: “it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and be convicted of it.”
No, it is not part of the authorative teaching of the Church that women should not wear pants. It is not even an issue of modesty; it is an issue of sensibilities and prejudices. Skirts are seen as somehow more feminine, which is a matter of cutural conditioning; but cultural in a very isolated sense.
I agree with you on the issue of cultural conditioning and how it relates to modesty. Your example of kilts is a good example.

Perhaps I’m wrong, but, traditionally, don’t male babies at baptism wear a baptismal “gown”?
 
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Madaglan:
Ok, I know that this might seem like a silly question, but for all my life I have never thought of flirting as a sin. Now, by flirting, I mean innocent flirting, such as winking, looking at the person in a certain way, gently touching the person on the shoulder as you pass him or her, smiling, speaking in a funny way, etc. What I don’t mean by flirting is touching the other person’s private parts or making obscene sexual gestures. Basically, by flirting I simply mean showing the other person signals by which they can understand that you like him or her.
How else can the whole Catholic love, marriage, tons-of -kids thing start in the modern world?
 
How on Earth do people ever start relationships without flirting? We can’t all have arranged marriages…

I think it’s great when women wear skirts or dresses. I see it as very feminine. I’d never suggest that it’s a sin to wear pants, except in some special circumstances.

Co-ed swimming isn’t a sin. Wearing a bikini is.
 
Bruised Reed:
When is it a sin? Because I know there are sometimes when it is not.
LOL. Wearing it around in the presence of men who are not the wearer’s spouse is a sin. Otherwise, it is not. Wearing one in the presence of a woman’s husband is to be encouraged.
 
What I meant was other cultures.

Also, what about the purity of heart of the one looking? Doesn’t that come in to play. It is possible to look at a naked or nearly naked woman and see her not her parts.
 
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Madaglan:
I agree with you on the issue of cultural conditioning and how it relates to modesty. Your example of kilts is a good example.

Perhaps I’m wrong, but, traditionally, don’t male babies at baptism wear a baptismal “gown”?
I had daughters, so I am no expert. But yes, I believe they were often dressed in a baptismal gown; and given most of them were barely weeks old, it probably had as much to do with convenience as anything. Perhaps someone else out there knows if it was a requirement, but I kind of doubt it. I suspect that male babies might as well be dressed in a white jumper (for lack of better term for the one piece that sanps at the bottom over the diaper). Baby clothes at that age are a bit on the androgenous side, distinguished more by color than anything.
 
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Benedictus:
How on Earth do people ever start relationships without flirting? We can’t all have arranged marriages…

I think it’s great when women wear skirts or dresses. I see it as very feminine. I’d never suggest that it’s a sin to wear pants, except in some special circumstances.

Co-ed swimming isn’t a sin. Wearing a bikini is.
I would think that the sinfulness, if any, might at least start with the bodily shape of the wearer, and the amount of coverage it gives. Some two piece suits seem to be reasonable - I don’t consider a bare midriff to be automatically seductive.

Parto of the problem may be how we are defining the term “bikini”. If it is any two piece suit, I think the definition is overbroad. If we are talking about what is often referred to as a “string bikini”, then we are talking about exposure.
 
Here’s a moral dilemna. This year I had to do a creative presentation on Columbus: Hero or Villain?. I put on men’s dress pants, a sport coat, and my own collared shirt. I wore one tie in front of me and one tie on my back, which I flipped around to play different roles: I impersonated a Bush vs. Kerry debate, Bush siding with Columbus and Kerry taking the other side. Was this wrong of me? (I am female.)

The thing is, there’s a difference between wearing pants and dressing like a man. For my presentation, I was obviously dressing like a man (or, men), but my normal school clothes (including a pair of khaki pants) were all purchased in the women’s department.

If a teenage boy wore a pair of tight-fitting pants that had a little heart on the butt and said “angel,” this boy would be dressing like a women.
 
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Katie1723:
To the contrary my friend…it is the person having the thoughts who is sinning…
~ Kathy ~
I don’t agree with you.

Matthew 18:6: But whoever causes one of these little ones that believes in me to stumble, it is profitable for him that a great millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be sunk in the depth of the sea.

Since a bikini would** cause** most men to stumble (i.e. have an impure thought) then it is a sin for us women to wear one. The man does not sin for getting an impure thought because of the bikini we are wearing, he only sins if he indulges in the impure thought and does not reject it.
 
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Madaglan:
Ok, I know that this might seem like a silly question, but for all my life I have never thought of flirting as a sin. Now, by flirting, I mean innocent flirting, such as winking, looking at the person in a certain way, gently touching the person on the shoulder as you pass him or her, smiling, speaking in a funny way, etc. What I don’t mean by flirting is touching the other person’s private parts or making obscene sexual gestures. Basically, by flirting I simply mean showing the other person signals by which they can understand that you like him or her.

This past weekend I attended my first FSSP (Fraternal Society of Saint Peter) Tridentine Mass. The Mass was an Indult Mass allowed by my local bishop in communion with the pope. While I thought the Mass itself was interesting, and that the people were well-dressed and reverent, I had difficulty connecting with the moral theology as demanded by the priest in his sermon, which, incidentally, had nothing to do with the Gospel reading, nor with the epistle reading. The FSSP priest condemned, among other things, coed swimming (for which I can somewhat understand his concern), women wearing pants and young people flirting with one another. The latter two completely baffle me. He said that pants are men’s clothing, and that women who wear them are sinful, since they go against the Scriptural command not to wear the clothing of the opposite sex. But in any case, it seemed like he was a rigorist, like Tatian, Tertullian, Origen, and the many others who condemned anything that had to do or would even lead to sex, even if it was chastely done in marriage, which incidentally many of these early Chrisitans condemned, such as the Encratites (Tatian) and the Montanists (Tertullian).

I’m just trying to maintain sanity here, too. I know that I should not lust around trying to seduce women. But is it wrong even to engage in romantic activity with a person of the opposite sex? Is it sinful to lovingly kiss him or her? Is it sinful to hug a girl? That’s what this priest seemed to suggest: that young men and women should stay as far apart from each other as possible 😦

Has the Church ever taught this universally, or is this FSSP priest just a little too rigorist and psychotic?
Flirting between unmarried people (not otherwise barred from doing so, as by a vow of chastity) does not seem to be a sin. Unmarried people are allowed by God to be “flowers.” That’s why women have shape. That’s why guys have eyes that appreciate shape.
 
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dublingirl:
I don’t agree with you…
Since a bikini would** cause** most men to stumble (i.e. have an impure thought) then it is a sin for us women to wear one. The man does not sin for getting an impure thought because of the bikini we are wearing, he only sins if he indulges in the impure thought and does not reject it.
So HE can have an impure thought because WE are wearing a bikini?? And HE is not sinning, but WE are??? THAT makes no sense.
~ Kathy ~
 
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cardenio:
Here’s a moral dilemna. This year I had to do a creative presentation on Columbus: Hero or Villain?. I put on men’s dress pants, a sport coat, and my own collared shirt. I wore one tie in front of me and one tie on my back, which I flipped around to play different roles: I impersonated a Bush vs. Kerry debate, Bush siding with Columbus and Kerry taking the other side. Was this wrong of me? (I am female.)

The thing is, there’s a difference between wearing pants and dressing like a man. For my presentation, I was obviously dressing like a man (or, men), but my normal school clothes (including a pair of khaki pants) were all purchased in the women’s department.

If a teenage boy wore a pair of tight-fitting pants that had a little heart on the butt and said “angel,” this boy would be dressing like a women.
I fail to see how there could be any moral issue in your presentation. You are not cross dressing in the sense of trying to tell the public that you are a male sexually; you are dressing as a character. Cross dressing is usually a sign of someone who suffers from same sex attraction. Playing the part of a character has nothing to do with that issue.
 
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dublingirl:
I don’t agree with you.

Matthew 18:6: But whoever causes one of these little ones that believes in me to stumble, it is profitable for him that a great millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be sunk in the depth of the sea.

Since a bikini would** cause** most men to stumble (i.e. have an impure thought) then it is a sin for us women to wear one. The man does not sin for getting an impure thought because of the bikini we are wearing, he only sins if he indulges in the impure thought and does not reject it.
One needs to be careful of that quote, as it can be used to justify any number of things based on what someone else perceives. You do qualify it by the term “most men”; however some men may have a problem with any sort of bathing clothes currently available. I would not think that a woman was sinning were she to wear a reasonable bathing suit and some man had an issue with it.
 
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