Is God weak or distant?

[Robertanthony]

He suffered died for you on the cross, he gave you the ultimate sacrifice so you did not have to die for your own sins and be damned but be saved

I get that part. Heaven is great, eternity is a long time, our time on earth is relatively short in comparison etc. But I happen to think 85 years can be a cause for despair for someone , like me, who struggles way much more than he enjoys life. If God wanted me to feel at odds with life, with the world, he did a splendid job, the problem is the carry-over frustration and bitterness (from life to him). As a human being, if I had been given a glimpse of what my life would be like, with no guarantee of being saved once my life is over, i would have never signed for that. My conception is not something that I’ve ever celebrated, and it bothers me that God let it happen. It bothers me that I was not included in the 30% of pregnancies that end in miscarriages. It bothers me that I did not die while my mother was in a lengthy and painful labour. Also, why does everyone always assume that anybody who looks like he has a very good life, who has it all, is always a profoundly miserable and struggling person behind the facade?. As if every lot in life was somewhat equal. You have a warm, protective, loving, mentally stable father, you have it better than me, you’re smart, you understand things easily and quickly, you have it better than me, you don,t have ADHD/ADD, you have it better than me, you weren’t brought up in a dysfunctional family with a domineering, self-absorbed father, and a depressed clingy wife who tried being loved by an iceberg, you have it better than me, you didn,t have enuresia up to 12-13 years old, you had it better than me, you didn’t repeat a grade in elementary school, you have it better than me, your father hugged you once and told you once’ Son, I’m proud of you/I love you", you have it better than me, if on a schooltrip at 12 tears of age, you didn’t wet the bed that you shared with a classmate, you have it better than me, if you weren’ t the only kid in grade 1 wearing stupid glasses, you had it better than me, if people you thought were your buddies never giggled and winked at each other because one of them was singing a silly song whose lyrics were a pun with your first name and someone with Down Syndrome, then you had it better than me, if there is one thing you’re very good at, enjoy doing and make good money doing it, you have it better than me, if you have a child who doesn’t have ADHD and your worst fears turn on that he’ll go through all the God-blessed mortifications you went through in your confounded life, then you have it way better than me, if you’ve ever felt that you truly belonged in a group, then you have it better than me, if you don’t expect that people will either reject you, be indifferent or barely tolerate you, you have it better than me, if your father sat in the bleachers when you were a kid playing a sport, and every time you would look at him, he wouldn’t be reading his Bible and he’d actually have some kind of interest, then you had it better than me, if you’re not an introvert who hates being around people and who’s sensitive, you have it better than me. There were also things about my physical appearance that made me feel less than. I decided that it was unloving, perhaps cruel, of God to allow me to live. Hell is a possiblity. Non-existence would have spared me both. I’ve no idea what he was trying to do with my life except annoy me or drive me to despair. Thank God my father will live to be 120 while the loving father of young children will die despite his children and wife praying their hearts out. If you love your father and he loves you back, he’s on God’s radar. If he’s a pain and causes grief and brings nothing but negativity, rest assured, God will protect his every step. It makes me wonder.

 

[Aquila_Lucis]

How easy do you think it is for me to reconcile what life has been like (it’s been disappointment after disappointment, loneliness, rejection, indifference, ridicule, being a failure professionally, heartbreak etc.) and the reality of God’s love for me? I did notice how near perfect the life of a particular fellow who was a real meanie back in the days has turned out. God’s will for me is to have the tap turned off and completely open 24/7 for the other guy?

How obvious it is that you’re focusing almost totally on yourself and very little on God. Others have mentioned it earlier in this thread (very eloquently, too, in some cases), and I alluded to it in my earlier post, and I’m sure thatyou have seen this elsewhere on this forum: Jesus wilingly was crucified for you. That is the ultimate manifestation of God’s love. This isn’t some abstraction or metaphor: the Passion is something that really happened.

Let’s put it in blunt language:
-one of His best friends sells Him out to the cops
-His other close friends run and give Him up as a lost cause
-He’s senteced to death
-He has the living daylights beaten out of Him
-He’s forced to deag the instrument of His torture and death through the streets while people mock Him, hit Him, and spit on Him
-He’s stapled to a tree using 9" roofing nails and hung to die

All of this was taken on willingly. Unhesitently. For you and for all humanity, so that sins may be forgiven. Everything else like money, social status, worldly comfort, this is all secondary to the spiritual life, the life that calls us to imitate Christ, by dying to this world of the flesh so that we may live in Him and His love. Nothing can compare with that.

 

[Aquila_Lucis]

I get that part. Heaven is great, eternity is a long time, our time on earth is relatively short in comparison etc.

Any time someone uses “et cetera” in the context you just did, I imagine them waiving their hand dismissively at what was just said to them. In this case, it seems as though you do not get it, or are really interested in getting it. It sounds an awful lot like you’re interested in getting attention. It has been siad to you over and over again: worldly success is irrelevant to God’s love and mercy. It is simply not a part of the equation. And you keep coming back with, “But my life sucks and it’s not fair.” Again, the world of the flesh, for good, for bad, and for everything in between, has no bearing on whether or not God loves you. If you’re looking for people to say to you, “Oh, I guess you’re right, God doesn’t love us because you don’t see it,” you’ve come to the wrong place.

I’ve come to the conclusion that one of two things is happening here. One, you’re actually just a troll and none of what you have posted is real (and I’ll give you the benefit if the doubt that this is not the case). Two: you’re telling the truth, but haven’t developed the adult capacity to accept responsibility, not only for your current state in life, but also that you are the one who needs to take action in order to make changes; this returns to the free will discussion. You complained earlier that your poor circumstances growing up were the cause of your low self-esteem. They call it self-esteem for a reason.

 

[PaulinePresbytr]

I get that part. Heaven is great, eternity is a long time, our time on earth is relatively short in comparison etc. But I happen to think 85 years can be a cause for despair for someone , like me, who struggles way much more than he enjoys life. If God wanted me to feel at odds with life, with the world, he did a splendid job, the problem is the carry-over frustration and bitterness (from life to him). As a human being, if I had been given a glimpse of what my life would be like, with no guarantee of being saved once my life is over, i would have never signed for that. My conception is not something that I’ve ever celebrated, and it bothers me that God let it happen. It bothers me that I was not included in the 30% of pregnancies that end in miscarriages. It bothers me that I did not die while my mother was in a lengthy and painful labour. Also, why does everyone always assume that anybody who looks like he has a very good life, who has it all, is always a profoundly miserable and struggling person behind the facade?. As if every lot in life was somewhat equal. You have a warm, protective, loving, mentally stable father, you have it better than me, you’re smart, you understand things easily and quickly, you have it better than me, you don,t have ADHD/ADD, you have it better than me, you weren’t brought up in a dysfunctional family with a domineering, self-absorbed father, and a depressed clingy wife who tried being loved by an iceberg, you have it better than me, you didn,t have enuresia up to 12-13 years old, you had it better than me, you didn’t repeat a grade in elementary school, you have it better than me, your father hugged you once and told you once’ Son, I’m proud of you/I love you", you have it better than me, if on a schooltrip at 12 tears of age, you didn’t wet the bed that you shared with a classmate, you have it better than me, if you weren’ t the only kid in grade 1 wearing stupid glasses, you had it better than me, if people you thought were your buddies never giggled and winked at each other because one of them was singing a silly song whose lyrics were a pun with your first name and someone with Down Syndrome, then you had it better than me, if there is one thing you’re very good at, enjoy doing and make good money doing it, you have it better than me, if you have a child who doesn’t have ADHD and your worst fears turn on that he’ll go through all the God-blessed mortifications you went through in your confounded life, then you have it way better than me, if you’ve ever felt that you truly belonged in a group, then you have it better than me, if you don’t expect that people will either reject you, be indifferent or barely tolerate you, you have it better than me, if your father sat in the bleachers when you were a kid playing a sport, and every time you would look at him, he wouldn’t be reading his Bible and he’d actually have some kind of interest, then you had it better than me, if you’re not an introvert who hates being around people and who’s sensitive, you have it better than me. There were also things about my physical appearance that made me feel less than. I decided that it was unloving, perhaps cruel, of God to allow me to live. Hell is a possiblity. Non-existence would have spared me both. I’ve no idea what he was trying to do with my life except annoy me or drive me to despair. Thank God my father will live to be 120 while the loving father of young children will die despite his children and wife praying their hearts out. If you love your father and he loves you back, he’s on God’s radar. If he’s a pain and causes grief and brings nothing but negativity, rest assured, God will protect his every step. It makes me wonder.

Look at what the early christians, and those in the Middle East and Asia, went and go through for the Gospel. In Rome they were fed to lions alive while thousands of pagans cheered for the death of those Christians, they were forced to stand in freezing waters until they died of hypothermia or something worse. We christians in American do not know the true meaning of “suffering”.

 

[Robertanthony]

Any time someone uses “et cetera” in the context you just did, I imagine them waiving their hand dismissively at what was just said to them. In this case, it seems as though you do not get it, or are really interested in getting it. It sounds an awful lot like you’re interested in getting attention. It has been siad to you over and over again: worldly success is irrelevant to God’s love and mercy. It is simply not a part of the equation. And you keep coming back with, “But my life sucks and it’s not fair.” Again, the world of the flesh, for good, for bad, and for everything in between, has no bearing on whether or not God loves you. If you’re looking for people to say to you, “Oh, I guess you’re right, God doesn’t love us because you don’t see it,” you’ve come to the wrong place.

I’ve come to the conclusion that one of two things is happening here. One, you’re actually just a troll and none of what you have posted is real (and I’ll give you the benefit if the doubt that this is not the case). Two: you’re telling the truth, but haven’t developed the adult capacity to accept responsibility, not only for your current state in life, but also that you are the one who needs to take action in order to make changes; this returns to the free will discussion. You complained earlier that your poor circumstances growing up were the cause of your low self-esteem. They call it self-esteem for a reason.

Yeah right, a troll that’s been around for 2 years and has posted more than 1000 times. You really think the mods are dumb, I assume. Perhaps you think so much consistently bad luck isn’t credible and can only be a fiction written by a troll, and I couldn’t really blame you. I’ve left out some stuff, used euphemisms once or twice. You’re an exceptionally gifted theologian but an abyssal psychologist. I just have to shake off all the negativity, all the critical times God could have been there (when he wouldn’t have impeded on other people’s free-will) and wasn’t, learned helplessness is just a whim? I was throwing snippets of my amazing life to see if someone was going to offer an unprecedented insight, not the usual Christian talk, platitude if I want to be totally honest. I deserve hell, we all do, God owes us nothing, God does whatever he pleases and it’s all good, God is our father, the best we could ever dream of etc. Jesus suffered, therefore I deserve my shippy life. i’d rather have more contentment and fulfillment now, and a little less afterwards. Since what I have is God’s very best for me, I’d be a fool to question it, right? That alone will prove a formidable stumbling block. God’s will for my life is depression, anxiety, deep-seated inadequacy, introversion, loneliness, insecurity, stagnation, ADHD/ADD, for someone else it’s an exhilarating life. Amazing.

 

[Aquila_Lucis]

Yeah right, a troll that’s been around for 2 years and has posted more than 1000 times. You really think the mods are dumb, I assume. Perhaps you think so much consistently bad luck isn’t credible and can only be a fiction written by a troll, and I couldn’t really blame you. I’ve left out some stuff, used euphemisms once or twice. You’re an exceptionally gifted theologian but an abyssal psychologist. I just have to shake off all the negativity, all the critical times God could have been there (when he wouldn’t have impeded on other people’s free-will) and wasn’t, learned helplessness is just a whim? I was throwing snippets of my amazing life to see if someone was going to offer an unprecedented insight, not the usual Christian talk, platitude if I want to be totally honest. I deserve hell, we all do, God owes us nothing, God does whatever he pleases and it’s all good, God is our father, the best we could ever dream of etc. Jesus suffered, therefore I deserve my shippy life. i’d rather have more contentment and fulfillment now, and a little less afterwards. Since what I have is God’s very best for me, I’d be a fool to question it, right? That alone will prove a formidable stumbling block. God’s will for my life is depression, anxiety, deep-seated inadequacy, introversion, loneliness, insecurity, stagnation, ADHD/ADD, for someone else it’s an exhilarating life. Amazing.

Wow. Way to read the part where I wrote that I do not actually think you’re trolling. No one said that your current lot in lofe is the very best that is possible. Well, I certainly didn’t. What I was telling you is that, ultimately, we have a great deal more control in our lives than you seem to have the courage to take responsibility for. God does not will pain on us. Pain, as is written about all over this website–indeed, all throughout Scripture!–is the byproduct of sin. We, as individuals and as members of the humam family, must, in times of trial (whether short or prolonged), take a look at ourselves and our society ask whether or not what we are doing, what we are saying, how we are living is really to the glory of God. Everything that is not ordered to Him, but rather makes something else the object our worship, is sinful and will cause pain.

Now, does the pain necessarily effect the sinner in this temporal life? Maybe, maybe not. Some people seem to get away with it, and that can make our blood boil when we see it, whether it be a murderer goes free or a CEO gets rich by exploiting ethical and legal loopholes. But they will answer for it when the stand and are judged by Christ. And when we see that injustice being done, or if it is done to us, it isn’t an excuse to give up hope. It is a call to redouble our efforts, through prayer, through evangelization, through charitable works. Injustice aganst the righteous is one of the crosses to be born.

Now, there is something important to remeber here, and I have alluded to it before, as it is related to my comments on self esteem: whether or not your father with whom you have a quarrel with is or is not successful, whether or not he is well liked by his community, none of that changes anything about you and what you are responsible for. Yes, you have challenges. We all do. Does that vacate my responsibilities? No. Does it mean that God doesn’t love me? No. Does it give me liscence to shout at the rain, “Stop! I’m getting wet!” rather than taking shelter to stay dry? No. In fact, it’s utterly illogical to do any of those things.

It is also worth stating, if I’ve not already, that so far, all of the problems you have with your scenario seem to be (or are at least related to) the notion that your life is not a pleasurable as you would like it. It must be noted, then, in the bluntest of terms, that it’s no wonder that you aren’t happy as you have placed value in things that don’t matter. This, in case you’re having trouble drawing the connection to what I wrote earlier, is sin being engendered: you’ve not put faith in God, but rather in idols, whether in the form of social acceptance, wealth, power, physical comfort, desire, pleasure, whatever it may be. These are all things often turned into idols and none of them can satisfy. St. Augustine wrote that our hearts are restless until they rest in God. Go figure that someone who is trying to find rest in an idol cannot.

Most notworthy, though, is that it seems that you think that I wrote that negativity is just a whim of God’s. It’s not (see above discussions about the nature, origin, and effects of sin). God does not act on whims, either positively or negatively. When we pray for the relief of a stressful or negative situation, it is rare that God performs a literal miracle and rearranges our circumstances. Instead, He often gives us the tools to lift ourselves out of that situation. What are those tools? The Sacraments, namely Reconciliation and the Eucharist. It is through the Grace we receive through the Sacraments that we are able to change our circumstances. Jesus told us that if we ask, we shall receive, and that if we knock, the door will be opened for us. Well… go ahead and knock.

Lastly, don’t try to put words in my mouth. I never spoke of what is or is not deserved by anyone. I certainly did not say you deserved a bad worldly life. To insinuate that I did is intellectually lazy to say the least. If I misinterpreted what you said, say so and clarify your position, don’t get snarky.

 

[Domiy]

I doubt TC is a troll, he’s just having a troubled time understanding hardship, as we all.

Anyway, while we can accept that hardships are perhaps a result of punishment (or God actually trying to open your eyes and call you), this is usually a radical reason. Most people would agree that God hardly punishes sinners individually for their sins. Those who know of God’s love and grace know that being in a state of mortal sin, void of any grace or comfort, is punishment enough for sins. If God were to punish people everytime they sinned, it would defeat the concept of free will (although I don’t deny that sometimes a burden can be a punishment, just that it’s probably a rare reason).

Truth is, you have no right to account your hardships to God when I’m quite sure that you don’t do the same for your victories and blessings in life. We all do it, so don’t feel bad. You fall into a state of anger and denial at God because your hardships must be a result of His works, yet something tells me that when you experienced good times in your life, you didn’t exactly get down on your knees and say “thank God!” So why is the bad in your life a result from God but the good is not?

 

[Bob_Crowley]

Hi Bob, I know a bit about you. We have one thing in common: having been wounded by our relationship with our respective fathers. Problem is, mine is/was an upstanding Catholic, a saint outside his family. What I never understood though, is that, while I understand free-will and that my father, having free-will, did not act as a worthy father to put it charitably, what I don’t get is all the little negative things that God could have easily kept from me, and I could have emerged from my childhood as more than a nervous wreck with occasional suicide ideation, no self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth to speak of. I will never get my head around that one. Why didn’t God shower me with all kinds of blessings to offset the devastating effects my father had on me? What kind of father is that?

I can understand your feelings. When my father turned up the night he died, he admitted, in his own words, “I’ve been an absolute mongrel to you!” So I had an “absolute mongrel” of a natural father.

However he also predicted that “You’ll (ie. me) meet a pastor. You’ll think he’s great, but all he’ll do is to discourage you even more!” At the time I was an atheist, so I didn’t set much store by that at the time. But nearly 4 years later, I met the relevant pastor. I learnt a lot from him, but he discouraged me. In fact, he admitted in his own words, “I think I’ve discouraged you - badly”. Now I looked upon him as a spiritual father, since my own natural father was such a mongrel.

So I had a mongrel of a natural father, and a badly discouraging spiritual father. What price God’s Fatherhood then?

To be honest, I don’t look upon God as a Father. If He expects me to think of Him as Father, He’s got a bit of work to do. He can start showing it, as far as I’m concerned.

Just as in your case.

As a matter of fact, “fatherhood” to me is a bit of a lost cause. It’s associated with negativity from start to finish. However I know full well God is there - I’ve had far too many experiences of one sort or another to deny that. I’d only be kidding myself if I did. And I’m also sure he’s the Christian God.

That doesn’t mean I always like Him much. That’s the way it is at the moment, warts and all.

It’s probably something you’re going to struggle with for a long time. Part of your cross so to speak.

I’ll end up with a story. At one time, one of the Christian flavours of the month in Australia was a bloke called John Smith (original name, eh?). He did a lot of good work with outcasts eg. Bikies. But in one of his books he narrated a story from his younger naive years.

He was doing a bit of street outreach, when a switch blade packing kid asked him “All right then, what’s God like?” Smith didn’t think he was serious, but he considered the question, and replied blandly, “Well, son, I suppose he’s like your father.”

At this the kid blew up. “If he’s anything like my father, He can stick it up His ****!!” The kid’s father was a violent alcoholic, raped his sister repeatedly, beat him and his mother etc. Result - one alienated kid who wasn’t going to ask about God again for a long time, if ever.

You’re not the only one with this issue. Christ told the parable of the father running towards the Prodigal Son. But in your experience and my experience, all the Father seems to do is carry on the same old stupid cruel vindictive humiliation - so what’s the point? Instead of a fatted calf, he comes out with a club.

One thing I will say though - due to your lack of self esteem, you may find that opportunities come, and you don’t take them due to lack of confidence. If this has happened in the past, make sure you don’t repeat it. Unfortunately they often don’t come back again, so just grit your teeth and take opportunities if they come - a better job, a trade, a skill, an opportunity to learn or whatever it is.

In the end, this is where the rubber hits the road. If you develop some skills, this helps to offset the sense of loss that your father has inflicted upon you. It’s the unrecoverable losses that make it so hard to forgive.

 

[Robertanthony]

I can understand your feelings. When my father turned up the night he died, he admitted, in his own words, “I’ve been an absolute mongrel to you!” So I had an “absolute mongrel” of a natural father.

However he also predicted that “You’ll (ie. me) meet a pastor. You’ll think he’s great, but all he’ll do is to discourage you even more!” At the time I was an atheist, so I didn’t set much store by that at the time. But nearly 4 years later, I met the relevant pastor. I learnt a lot from him, but he discouraged me. In fact, he admitted in his own words, “I think I’ve discouraged you - badly”. Now I looked upon him as a spiritual father, since my own natural father was such a mongrel.

So I had a mongrel of a natural father, and a badly discouraging spiritual father. What price God’s Fatherhood then?

To be honest, I don’t look upon God as a Father. If He expects me to think of Him as Father, He’s got a bit of work to do. He can start showing it, as far as I’m concerned.

Just as in your case.

As a matter of fact, “fatherhood” to me is a bit of a lost cause. It’s associated with negativity from start to finish. However I know full well God is there - I’ve had far too many experiences of one sort or another to deny that. I’d only be kidding myself if I did. And I’m also sure he’s the Christian God.

That doesn’t mean I always like Him much. That’s the way it is at the moment, warts and all.

It’s probably something you’re going to struggle with for a long time. Part of your cross so to speak.

I’ll end up with a story. At one time, one of the Christian flavours of the month in Australia was a bloke called John Smith (original name, eh?). He did a lot of good work with outcasts eg. Bikies. But in one of his books he narrated a story from his younger naive years.

He was doing a bit of street outreach, when a switch blade packing kid asked him “All right then, what’s God like?” Smith didn’t think he was serious, but he considered the question, and replied blandly, “Well, son, I suppose he’s like your father.”

At this the kid blew up. “If he’s anything like my father, He can stick it up His ****!!” The kid’s father was a violent alcoholic, raped his sister repeatedly, beat him and his mother etc. Result - one alienated kid who wasn’t going to ask about God again for a long time, if ever.

You’re not the only one with this issue. Christ told the parable of the father running towards the Prodigal Son. But in your experience and my experience, all the Father seems to do is carry on the same old stupid cruel vindictive humiliation - so what’s the point? Instead of a fatted calf, he comes out with a club.

One thing I will say though - due to your lack of self esteem, you may find that opportunities come, and you don’t take them due to lack of confidence. If this has happened in the past, make sure you don’t repeat it. Unfortunately they often don’t come back again, so just grit your teeth and take opportunities if they come - a better job, a trade, a skill, an opportunity to learn or whatever it is.

In the end, this is where the rubber hits the road. If you develop some skills, this helps to offset the sense of loss that your father has inflicted upon you. It’s the unrecoverable losses that make it so hard to forgive.

You alluded to the hardest part. From the age of 18-19 I’ve felt a desire to make a new start, to begin a new life, as much as I’d like to move on, be someone totally different, emerge from my shell, there are innumerable issues holding me down. my brain is useless. other than a repetitive, routine job I have no hope. Just being in a new job with new people takes a lot from me. There was this guy back in the days, he made it manifest that he thought I was a loser, a joke, Googled his name (bad move, I know), he’s everything I can only dream of being : sport scholarship in a US university (great athlete), his team was one of the best per the coach, landed a top job here in Canada (where he’s from), returned to the US, lives in a very nice house in a much-coveted state, he used to teach part-time at the university where he graduated, was featured in a local business newspaper. There’s just no stopping him. I have no reason to believe he’s a bad person now, maybe God is well-pleased with him. Maybe God would be pleased with me if he had given me his energy, brain, self-confidence, a way to make a nice life for myself. I trusted the scripture, every human being is wonderfully and fearfully made, that’s a lie, a human being is a result of a mix of his parents’ genes. I had a kid, turns out he has adhd. It’s tougher to raise an adhd kid, but that’s not where my heart breaks, my heart breaks because my kid will inevitably go to some of the dark, bleak places where I’ve been. The statistics with adhd people are depressing: they’ll earn substantially less, are more prone to alcohol/drug abuse, are much more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. God, in his perfect wisdom, felt that it wouldn’t be optimal for me to have a “normal” kid. “Nothing but joy” is not for me, thus says the Lord. The kid might have actually enjoyed life, would have departed from a lineage of sub-humans. Can’t have that. I’m a loser through and through. Or cursed. Perhaps God allowed Satan to plan my life, decide what I was gonna lack, make sure I’d get enough slaps in the face to give up on life, make damn sure people who could have helped me were kept far from me. Job’s style, to a much lesser degree.

As for me, unless God strikes me down from my horse, I will wander around the same stupid mountain for another 40 years like the Israelites did. By then, I should be dead and off to face the judgement of my “loving” father. Life is a gift. Qualifying that gift would surely get me banned from this site.

 

[fred_conty]

Hi Bob, I know a bit about you. We have one thing in common: having been wounded by our relationship with our respective fathers. Problem is, mine is/was an upstanding Catholic, a saint outside his family. What I never understood though, is that, while I understand free-will and that my father, having free-will, did not act as a worthy father to put it charitably, what I don’t get is all the little negative things that God could have easily kept from me, and I could have emerged from my childhood as more than a nervous wreck with occasional suicide ideation, no self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth to speak of. I will never get my head around that one. Why didn’t God shower me with all kinds of blessings to offset the devastating effects my father had on me? What kind of father is that?

Robert,

Some kids from good homes have bad self esteem. Your father may have been a dream and you still might have had the same problem. It happens. There are occassional examples of bad homes producing a kid with great self esteem.

I know a family with three sons. The mother I think had a problem with understanding boys. She limited the first two sons in their lives and they both turned out with image problems. She tried the same technique on the third son and her unnecessary control routine didn’t work. He turned out fine, in fact better than fine.

Please don’t get the impression that I am saying you should have done better, because I’m not. But rather I am saying that whatever our lot is, that is where we begin and then go forward. For the simple reason that if we don’t, we will not be going forward. It is a miscalculation to look back on what “coulda” happened, or what “shouda” happened. Even to go over it is less than desirable. However you may be grateful that it didn’t turn out worse, and thank God that it wasn’t the end.

What does it buy anyone going back over their miserable life? It is just self defeating. Always be greatful to God for the good that you have and thank him for what you have that others don’t have. This will get you further. Always try to think of something that God has blessed you with that others don’t have. It always better to think of your blessings and have amnesia about the other.

If you do this, in time you will succeed and be where you want to be.

Just a few thoughts.

 

[Robertanthony]

Robert,

Some kids from good homes have bad self esteem. Your father may have been a dream and you still might have had the same problem. It happens. There are occassional examples of bad homes producing a kid with great self esteem.

I know a family with three sons. The mother I think had a problem with understanding boys. She limited the first two sons in their lives and they both turned out with image problems. She tried the same technique on the third son and her unnecessary control routine didn’t work. He turned out fine, in fact better than fine.

Please don’t get the impression that I am saying you should have done better, because I’m not. But rather I am saying that whatever our lot is, that is where we begin and then go forward. For the simple reason that if we don’t, we will not be going forward. It is a miscalculation to look back on what “coulda” happened, or what “shouda” happened. Even to go over it is less than desirable. However you may be grateful that it didn’t turn out worse, and thank God that it wasn’t the end.

What does it buy anyone going back over their miserable life? It is just self defeating. Always be greatful to God for the good that you have and thank him for what you have that others don’t have. This will get you further. Always try to think of something that God has blessed you with that others don’t have. It always better to think of your blessings and have amnesia about the other.

If you do this, in time you will succeed and be where you want to be.

Just a few thoughts.

The thought of all the bad knocks would vanish in an instant if God resurrected me from the dead and replaced my negative self-image with a positive one, equip me with the bias that liking me is gonna be people’s usual reaction, get some affirmation, rid me of crippling anxiety, depression, social awkwardness, feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, give me a functional brain, make me able to learn stuff, to be able to choose among many types of work, send opportunities my way, make me prosper financially and materially as I prosper spiritually. All that would be awesome, everyone would gladly and naturally call God “father”, but God is not in the business of giving us an abundant life, he’s in the business of leaving us with our crosses and see how well we do carrying those. What would he gain from doing all the things I mentionned? My being happy and being glad to be alive is not on his radar. God is not a no-strings-attached kind of person. Jesus didn’t heal people for their own sakes, to make their lives more enjoyable, he did it because he had to, to prove his credentials. I can’t have a significantly better life than my ancestors, my lineage has to keep me pinned to the floor for all my life. Life going my way, a little wordly success, dreams to replace disappointments, quiet and peace to replace anxiety, excitement to replace depression. Can’t have that. Not with this God. Thanks fred and everyone else. I appreciate. Sorry for being such a joy-killer. Perhaps God will one day cause the scales to fall from my eyes. Signing off.

 

[Bob_Crowley]

The thought of all the bad knocks would vanish in an instant if God resurrected me from the dead and replaced my negative self-image with a positive one, equip me with the bias that liking me is gonna be people’s usual reaction, get some affirmation, rid me of crippling anxiety, depression, social awkwardness, feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, give me a functional brain, make me able to learn stuff, to be able to choose among many types of work, send opportunities my way, make me prosper financially and materially as I prosper spiritually. All that would be awesome, everyone would gladly and naturally call God “father”, but God is not in the business of giving us an abundant life, he’s in the business of leaving us with our crosses and see how well we do carrying those. What would he gain from doing all the things I mentionned? My being happy and being glad to be alive is not on his radar. God is not a no-strings-attached kind of person. Jesus didn’t heal people for their own sakes, to make their lives more enjoyable, he did it because he had to, to prove his credentials. I can’t have a significantly better life than my ancestors, my lineage has to keep me pinned to the floor for all my life. Life going my way, a little wordly success, dreams to replace disappointments, quiet and peace to replace anxiety, excitement to replace depression. Can’t have that. Not with this God. Thanks fred and everyone else. I appreciate. Sorry for being such a joy-killer. Perhaps God will one day cause the scales to fall from my eyes. Signing off.

I think you might need a bit of support - either a group of people who are struggling in a similar fashion, or perhaps an email line of support - correspondence with someone who can relate, offer advice and encouragement from time to time.

I know this much - you’re going to have to work through the issues one by one. Trying to handle them all together will be too much.

 

[Razanir]

The thought of all the bad knocks would vanish in an instant if God resurrected me from the dead and replaced my negative self-image with a positive one, equip me with the bias that liking me is gonna be people’s usual reaction, get some affirmation, rid me of crippling anxiety, depression, social awkwardness, feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, give me a functional brain, make me able to learn stuff, to be able to choose among many types of work, send opportunities my way, make me prosper financially and materially as I prosper spiritually. All that would be awesome, everyone would gladly and naturally call God “father”, but God is not in the business of giving us an abundant life, he’s in the business of leaving us with our crosses and see how well we do carrying those. What would he gain from doing all the things I mentioned? My being happy and being glad to be alive is not on his radar. God is not a no-strings-attached kind of person. Jesus didn’t heal people for their own sakes, to make their lives more enjoyable, he did it because he had to, to prove his credentials. I can’t have a significantly better life than my ancestors, my lineage has to keep me pinned to the floor for all my life. Life going my way, a little wordly success, dreams to replace disappointments, quiet and peace to replace anxiety, excitement to replace depression. Can’t have that. Not with this God. Thanks fred and everyone else. I appreciate. Sorry for being such a joy-killer. Perhaps God will one day cause the scales to fall from my eyes. Signing off.

:hug3:

You’re looking at this all wrong. God does love us. It’s why he sent Jesus![BIBLEDRB]John 3:16[/BIBLEDRB]

There’s also always two ways to look at things–optimism and pessimism. Don’t look down on yourself and assume things will never get better. No one got anywhere in life without a little hard work and determination. Be optimistic. Have a little hope and show faith in God.

Trust me. Go to Adoration. Go see our God and then try to tell me he doesn’t love you

 

[Zundrah]

The thought of all the bad knocks would vanish in an instant if God resurrected me from the dead and replaced my negative self-image with a positive one, equip me with the bias that liking me is gonna be people’s usual reaction, get some affirmation, rid me of crippling anxiety, depression, social awkwardness, feeling of inferiority and inadequacy, give me a functional brain, make me able to learn stuff, to be able to choose among many types of work, send opportunities my way, make me prosper financially and materially as I prosper spiritually. All that would be awesome, everyone would gladly and naturally call God “father”, but God is not in the business of giving us an abundant life, he’s in the business of leaving us with our crosses and see how well we do carrying those. What would he gain from doing all the things I mentionned? My being happy and being glad to be alive is not on his radar. God is not a no-strings-attached kind of person. Jesus didn’t heal people for their own sakes, to make their lives more enjoyable, he did it because he had to, to prove his credentials. I can’t have a significantly better life than my ancestors, my lineage has to keep me pinned to the floor for all my life. Life going my way, a little wordly success, dreams to replace disappointments, quiet and peace to replace anxiety, excitement to replace depression. Can’t have that. Not with this God. Thanks fred and everyone else. I appreciate. Sorry for being such a joy-killer. Perhaps God will one day cause the scales to fall from my eyes. Signing off.

I wish I could word it as plainly as you did.

 

[Zundrah]

If you were God, how would you handle it better?

I wouldn’t allow people to harm others.

 

[Zundrah]

Free will. God does not force us to do anything. Also, God can make good come of, well, anything.

So He chooses to not prevent the horrors of daily life, because of free will?

I have started to believe, over the past year, that God is restricted and that explains for me why He doesn’t stop rape, pedophiles, phychological and physical abuse amongst other things. This is the only way I can not be angry or upset with God. I must believe He can’t act at times.

 

[Razanir]

So He chooses to not prevent the horrors of daily life, because of free will?

I have started to believe, over the past year, that God is restricted and that explains for me why He doesn’t stop rape, pedophiles, psychological and physical abuse amongst other things. This is the only way I can not be angry or upset with God. I must believe He can’t act at times.

Let’s see how well I can explain this. God is Love, and he feels the purest unconditional Love for every one of us. BECAUSE of this, He gives us free will. God does not force anyone to love Him back, or to do anything, really. If He forced us to love Him with threats of fire and brimstone, would you really call either side love? It would be love just as much as abusive relationships are in the physical world. It is out of His unending Love that people are even able to reject Him, as many unfortunately do.

Does that mean He’s not upset when people reject Him? No. Do you really think God wanted to have to kick Adam and Eve out of Eden when sin entered the world? Even after the Fall, God still loved us. It’s why he made the Old Covenant, then later sent Jesus to make a New Covenant. Never has God stopped loving us, no matter how much humanity messes up.

 

[Methos]

Let’s see how well I can explain this. God is Love, and he feels the purest unconditional Love for every one of us. BECAUSE of this, He gives us free will. God does not force anyone to love Him back, or to do anything, really. If He forced us to love Him with threats of fire and brimstone, would you really call either side love? It would be love just as much as abusive relationships are in the physical world. It is out of His unending Love that people are even able to reject Him, as many unfortunately do.

Yet, he knocked Paul to the ground and blinded him. Yeah, no force there. I’m sure Paul would have been perfectly happy being blind for the rest of his life.

 

[Domiy]

So He chooses to not prevent the horrors of daily life, because of free will?

I have started to believe, over the past year, that God is restricted and that explains for me why He doesn’t stop rape, pedophiles, phychological and physical abuse amongst other things. This is the only way I can not be angry or upset with God. I must believe He can’t act at times.

Sorry, those are the evil of the devil, and we so freely chose to allow him into our world. The devil wouldn’t exist if everyone had love for eachother and followed God’s word. We chose to allow the devil into our life by not following God, and this is what the devil has done. He has reaped the rewards of societies evil. He sees families broken and people murdered, and he sits back, cracks his knuckles and ticks it off his to-do-list. It’s our own fault, and we have no right to blame God for it.

Pedophiles, murderers, thief’s etc are the work of the devil. Even if God came down and smote them, would they repent? Probably not. Even so, a faith which needed to be reinforced and shown is not really a faith, is it? Faith means trust and dedication to something. We need to have that towards God, not the other way around. People’s deaths serve purposes. God knows what he’s doing. He chooses people to be martyrs for his purpose. One persons suffering could help alleviate 10 people’s future suffering (outside of the alleviation already done for us by Jesus).

Imagine if you had a hamster that you needed to train to be obedient and moral. How would you go about doing that? Provided you could communicate with it, you’d tell it to have faith and trust in you, to follow what you say, not to eat the poor quality food in the cage but wait for something better. Wouldn’t training his discipline and promising him reward be a better way to make him a good hamster as opposed to simply stopping by force his bad acts? Who’s going to stop him when you’re not there? How will he survive? He won.t