Preferring the time your spouse wants to go to Mass over the time you would be personally inclined to go is good for you. If you do not do it grudgingly or in a quid pro quo way, it is good for the relationship, too.
Likewise, the frequency of attendance is something each spouse should do with an eye to his or her own reformation. It is not good for a relationship to make your spouse into a fixer upper or to invite yourself to be your spouse’s spiritual director.
Saints who wrote from monasteries and convents return to this point again and again: that is, the monastery will be a more peaceful place if more of those who live there pay the most attention to their own faults and learn to look past everyone else’s faults as small in comparison. They routinely remind their readers to love the lowest place to to reckon others in the household more advanced than yourself. The exception is when you are put into the position of parent or master of novices, in which case you had better watch your own conduct and pray about the grace to do your duties all the more.
I would make one more caution: Don’t flatter yourself and try to be more giving than you are able to do without resentment. Admit it when you are too small to give way to your spouse’s wishes willingly. Admit it when you are too small to do little things to please yours spouse without getting notice for it. There is nothing worse for a relationship than dishonesty, and that counts as a major dishonesty. It is like setting up big invisible flaming hoops and then feeling cheated when your spouse is set on fire instead of jumpingn through them. If you miss the signs your spouse tries to give of things he or she would like, try to be more attentive. If your spouse misses your signs, try being more honest. Gently, but don’t play games.
