Is Grandmom as crazy is I think

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Maggie_C

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My mother is raising my 3 nieces.Their father lives with them but barely participates in their upbringing.

The 16 year old niece has gotten into some trouble that involves stealing and lying and getting drunk.

Grandmom is raising the nieces Catholic
The children are made to attend Mass and go to Confession.(but and this is a big but) Grandmom also does many questionable things that are poor example to the children. She lies for them by writing excuse notes to their teachers when they are too lazy to finish homework assignments. She has had stolen cable services. She allows them to sleep over their other Aunt’s house(she is living with a man she is not married to)She fights with them,cursing at them, allowing them to be abusive to her. She lets them run the streets and doesn’t know where they are.
When I point out to my mother her bad example, she denies the sinfulness of her behavior. Calls her lies, white lies, says stealing cable is not really stealing etc. Yet she is zealous about making the children go to Mass, receive their Sacraments and go to Confession.
Another thing is she is convinced that we are living in the times when God is going to do something about the way people are living. She is fixated on natural disasters, always talking about the end times. At the turn of the year 2000. She had the basement stocked with food and water because she believed something terrible was going to happen. I think she is nuts and she is really destroying the faith of my nieces under a totally false example of what our faith is about. I know they think she’s crazy and maybe(I don’t know whats in their hearts) they only go to Mass to keep her happy. Please know is very much in control of these children and short of a court battle with their father, mother and possibly grandmother I can’t remove them from this situation.
What to do?
 
Simply show the kids that being Catholic doesn’t have to involve all the craziness they have seen…show by example and keep them in your prayers.
 
Shame on the father. The grandmom has already raised children once, and now she is being forced to raise children a second time. At a time in her life when she should be able to enjoy herself, she is forced to contend with these children who have no respect. Yes she may do questionable things, but in all truth, it’s the father’s fault in this matter. HE should be the one setting the rules, HE should be the one keeping track of their whereabouts and HE should be responsible for their upbringing. Is grandmom crazy? I don’t know, but if I were somehow brought into a situation where I had to raise 3 more kids who weren’t my own and wasn’t the consequences of my own decision, I’d probably be a little crazy too.
 
I have to agree. The father is bitter and depressed and unwilling to make his peace with God to get mentally well.Unfortunately as far as Grandmom raising her own children goes… I believe her craziness was the main cause of moshist of mental problems in adulthood. The closest description of the mental illness that fits her behaviors is a sociopath. It is only by the Grace of God I survived this upbringing and the mental abuse now I’m trying to spare my nieces the same fate. This Grandmom is very smart and very manipulative and enjoys the chaotic situation she has helped create. I am constantly catching her in lies and manipulations even when all I want to do is help her. I have given up on trying to help her(except for prayer) now i just want to help my nieces -they are only reacting to the abuse and a crazy situation. I don’t know if my mother is very sick or evil but I do know she is definitely not a victim the children are.
 
Grandmom might or might not be crazy, but I am also willing to bet Grandmom is tired.

I am 51 and my DH is 54. We just adopted our granddaughters in January 2008. I am younger than a lot of grandmothers, but I get tried more quickly than when I was 31 or 41. I don’t know how much older your mother is than I, but I know sometimes it’s easier to pick my battles with the girls. I imagine your mother is taking the path of least resistance because it is a LOT of work to raise one grandchild, let alone 3.

And how your brother was raised has nothing to do with how he is today. He could square his shoulders and make The Speech to himself. You know The Speech: “I am now a grown adult over the age of 18. This happened to me as a child (list here), but now I am an adult, under my own control, and I choose to be different. I choose to be responsible, and I choose to act responsibly.” You probably made The Speech. I know I made The Speech.

You’ve heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. It really takes a family to raise a child, an extended family in this case. You can try to get your mother and brother on board, nicely, but if not, you might have to consider what you can do legally to get these girls what they need. And that involves collecting sufficient evidence quietly and without fanfare, then taking it to an attorney who specializes in family matters of this sort. The alternative is to quietly collect the evidence, and should you feel your brother and mother have the girls in a dangerous situation, contact children’s services in your area for an invesitgation.
 
Grandmom might or might not be crazy, but I am also willing to bet Grandmom is tired.

I am 51 and my DH is 54. We just adopted our granddaughters in January 2008. I am younger than a lot of grandmothers, but I get tried more quickly than when I was 31 or 41. I don’t know how much older your mother is than I, but I know sometimes it’s easier to pick my battles with the girls. I imagine your mother is taking the path of least resistance because it is a LOT of work to raise one grandchild, let alone 3.

And how your brother was raised has nothing to do with how he is today. He could square his shoulders and make The Speech to himself. You know The Speech: “I am now a grown adult over the age of 18. This happened to me as a child (list here), but now I am an adult, under my own control, and I choose to be different. I choose to be responsible, and I choose to act responsibly.” You probably made The Speech. I know I made The Speech.

You’ve heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. It really takes a family to raise a child, an extended family in this case. You can try to get your mother and brother on board, nicely, but if not, you might have to consider what you can do legally to get these girls what they need. And that involves collecting sufficient evidence quietly and without fanfare, then taking it to an attorney who specializes in family matters of this sort. The alternative is to quietly collect the evidence, and should you feel your brother and mother have the girls in a dangerous situation, contact children’s services in your area for an invesitgation.
I guess this is the only action I can take since I really think that neither is fit to handle these girls and it looks like neither is willing to go for counseling ( I have asked them to). It may just take child protective services to step in and insist on parenting classes or something of the like. Thank you for you sound advice.
 
Maggie_C said:
I guess this is the only action I can take since I really think that neither is fit to handle these girls and it looks like neither is willing to go for counseling ( I have asked them to). It may just take child protective services to step in and insist on parenting classes or something of the like. Thank you for you sound advice.
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You’re welcome. Please remember when it gets nasty, even though child protective services will not tell them it was you, that they (your mother and brother) made their own problems. You are just seeing to the best interests of the girls. You might need to tell yourself that 50 times a day. :hug1:
 
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