Is inter-faith marriage crazy?

[deb1]

During the time period when my husband was attending synagogue, a psychologist friend said that she was happy that I was thinking of converting because most interfaith marriages fail-she quoted statistics. I have found that in those that don’t, one partner seems less concerned with practicing their own religion, or they both become lukewarm. I am not saying this happens always, but a lot. What happens when the children arrive? Which religion do they follow? People often feel differently once they have children. Suddenly the religious practices that you might have ignored for years become important. So my opinion is that religion should be shared by both couples. Why add one more handicap to modern marriages?

IYet, saying that, interfaith marriages can work. I adore my husband and he is wonderful. When I married him I was just begining to look into other religions. Now we are in an interfaith marriage. He is Christian now but not Catholic. Luckily, he is not anti catholic and is willing to attend RCIA classes with me. He isn’t thinking of converting, just willing to learn with me. I am very blessed in him.

 

[BlestOne]

Genesis315:
I agree with you…not that I always did, but from experience I had to learn the hard way. OK that is not entirely true…I thought my ex husband was Catholic when we married…maybe he even was. Very shortly after our marriage he informed me that he was pagan and would be worshipping his many many gods. I was not pleased but I tried to be open minded and loving. Boy was that the mistake of my life. I actually started justifying his beliefs…Well to make a very long story short, 12 years and 4 children later he left me and I was relieved…I am now contemplating marriage to a very nice man who joined the church through RCIA about 2 yrs ago. I told him I would never consider marriage to a non Catholic after my experience, and I would never consider marriage to anyone who didn’t believe in sharing a prayer life together. Happily he agreed with me, and we are already sharing “prayer time” with each other and our children.

There are too many divorces today. I want my marriage to have the best survival rate possible…

 

[Island_Oak]

Genesis315:

I could not imagine just sitting back and allowing her to believe something that wasn’t true and that could be damaging to her soul… Maybe I’m just a wierdo:whacky:.

Since when do we “allow” another person to believe or not believe in something? Rings with a mighty self-rightous tone to me. Have you ever considered the humbling possibility that God allows faith and may even allow marital partners of different faiths to unite for the purpose of allowing one the honor of being His instrument to lead the other to faith in Him?

 

[MariaG]

posted by James_2:24 #16

Wow, I admire you. Many people in your situation would be defensive when someone says they don’t think interfaith marriage is a good thing to do. It is understandable that you married interfaith, because as you state you weren’t grounded in the faith yet. You seem to have found a great man that is willing to let the kids grow up Catholic (you are blessed). For those who know their faith while still courting, I would advise they don’t take that chance many aren’t as blessed as you. **Still I think your kids will have to be taught VERY well, when they see their father isn’t going to Church. **

And

posted by James_2:24 #18
The fact that a Catholic marries a non-Catholic and they DON’T divorce doesn’t mean it doesn’t threaten the faith of the Catholic involved and the kids. The point isn’t just divorce, but rather the preservation of the Catholic Faith within the family.

I agree 100%. We teach our children by example. As the mother or 3 boys whose father goes to no church at all, I worry and work very hard to make sure they are grounded. I discuss frankly why their father does not attend. And I pray.

Frankly, if my husband were to die and I remarry, it would be a sin for me to do so outside of the Catholic faith. I say again, if a person has the knowledge, it is wrong to marry outside of the Catholic Faith.

Make no mistake, a person is risking not only what Christian faith a child will choose but IF any faith will be chosen at all. As well as the dangers and doubts about whether the Catholic Church is right for the adult.

With knowledge comes responsibility, with responsibility comes hard choices and sacrifice. If one chooses to more like Christ and choose the roads that include huge sacrifices, imagine how much richer our relationship with Christ could be.

God Bless,
Maria

 

[Ronin]

I agree. The faith must be kept pure.

While you are it, make sure your spouse-to-be is of the same race as you. Can you imagine trying to overcome the cultural differences? Impossible. And what would people say?

Even within your race, it would be prudent to retain your ethnicity. Again from a cultural perspective. There are far too many differences to even bother attempting to overcome.

Now that we are on the topic, I am beginning to seriously wonder how far it should go…

Should brunettes marry blondes?

Short people marry tall ones?

Skinny, fat? What happens when two skinny people marry and one becomes fat? Is that proper grounds for annulment? It should be…

Wow… a lot to think about… I am so glad this topic was raised.

Thanks Adolf!

 

[Genesis315]

Island Oak:

Since when do we “allow” another person to believe or not believe in something? Rings with a mighty self-rightous tone to me. Have you ever considered the humbling possibility that God allows faith and may even allow marital partners of different faiths to unite for the purpose of allowing one the honor of being His instrument to lead the other to faith in Him?

I didn’t mean to be self righteous. I firmly believe the Catholic Faith is the one true Faith. If my spouse believed a falsehood, it would be very troubling. Maybe “allow” was the wrong word. I think “tolerate” might be a better one. I don’t think most of the posters who have (or had) a mixed marriage tolerated their spouse to believe something false. They did/do their best to help them convert: they pray for their spouse, try and take them to Mass, educate them about the Faith, etc., etc. But some people do not. Some just agree to respect each other’s difference in belief. This I don’t think I could do. It feels more like indifference than love to me. I just think that after many years if the person still shows no sign of conversion, it would be very easy to just give up and go with the “live and let live” attitude.

I definitely appreciate your point that God can use a mixed marriage to bring someone home. This is evidenced by some of the great stories posted here. But there have also been some not so good stories. I guess it just comes down to the individual. In answer to the thread title, i wouldn’t call it always necessarily crazy, but I wouldn’t say it’s for everyone.

.

 

[auroraj42]

I think Faith should be a discussion you have with your prospective spouse long before you become engaged…That being said, my husband was a Catholic, but not practising and I was Methodist desiring to be Catholic when we began contemplating marriage. We discussed Faith nearly 2 years before we ever got married, and continued to discuss it. I knew I would convert, and I am doing so now, and together we will receive the sacrament of confirmation. Our Children (should we be so blessed) will be raised in the Church by two parents who will teach them and show them their beautiful faith, and we will pray that they will be commited to their faith. We come from two different backgrounds, my family was an interfaith family of sorts, and my husbands family is entirely Catholic, though not practising.

I was a product of an interfaith marriage, as were both of my parents. My fathers parents were Catholic and Lutheran (although it is my understanding that my Lutheran grandmother did convert to Catholicism) My mothers parents were Catholic and Methodist (My grandmother kept her Catholic beliefs but went to a Methodist church, and my grandfather was anti-catholic). My Father is extremely happy that I am entering the Catholic Faith, and my mother is quite supportive as well.

My husband’s family is indifferent about out upcoming confirmation, although he was raised in a Catholic family. My in-laws no longer attend Mass, my Sister-in-law is married to a baptist ministers son, and claims she is neither Catholic or Baptist and that being Catholic is too hard. My husband’s brother is agnostic, but claims to be atheist, and I believe that my husband prays everyday that his brother will work through his doubts.

I don’t know if a shared faith makes things harder or easier…I don’t know if an interfaith marriage makes things harder or easier…I honestly just don’t know…but I can say that my experiences show me that a commitment to God is important, and that it leads to a search for truth and faith.

peace be with you,
jamie

 

[MariaG]

posted by Ronin
I agree. The faith must be kept pure.

While you are it, make sure your spouse-to-be is of the same race as you. Can you imagine trying to overcome the cultural differences? Impossible. And what would people say?

Even within your race, it would be prudent to retain your ethnicity. Again from a cultural perspective. There are far too many differences to even bother attempting to overcome.

Keep the faith pure? What has that got to do with it? It is not about keeping the faith pure, but keeping the faith at all.

To compare placing you and your children’s soul in mortal jepardy and overcoming cultural differences is extremely ignorant.

If you are married to a person who is Christian but not Catholic Christian, maybe it is okay for you if your kids are not Catholic either. But the Catholic church teaches that one is at greater risk of losing their soul if one is not Catholic. That does not even address someone who does not go to church at all or in as in an above case is a practicing pagan.

Risk my child’s soul to hell, marry who I want no matter what even if I know there are greater risks for any kids as well as myself because it is just a “cultural difference”.

 

[Genesis315]

Ronin:

I agree. The faith must be kept pure.

While you are it, make sure your spouse-to-be is of the same race as you. Can you imagine trying to overcome the cultural differences? Impossible. And what would people say?

Even within your race, it would be prudent to retain your ethnicity. Again from a cultural perspective. There are far too many differences to even bother attempting to overcome.

Now that we are on the topic, I am beginning to seriously wonder how far it should go…

Should brunettes marry blondes?

Short people marry tall ones?

Skinny, fat? What happens when two skinny people marry and one becomes fat? Is that proper grounds for annulment? It should be…

Wow… a lot to think about… I am so glad this topic was raised.

Thanks Adolf!

Ummm, I would assume you’re some sort of relativist. Cultural differences and fundamental Truth are two totally different things. Your faith influences everthing you do, every aspect of your life, and every choice you make. I assume you do not believe in a fundamental objective Truth. If you think religion is the same as hair or skin color, you’re nuts. Religion is not a cultural difference. Religion is fundamental Truth; culture is music, food, style of clothes, etc.

 

[BibleReader]

Oy vez.

I am Catholic. I and my Jewish wife of more than 20 years have an extremely happy marriage.

 

[Genesis315]

BibleReader:

Oy vez.

I am Catholic. I and my Jewish wife of more than 20 years have an extremely happy marriage.

Are your children Catholic? How did you go about talking about the faith with them and explaining that their mother didn’t believe the same thing? I don’t mean to attack–you’ve obviously done something right–but that is one of the biggest questions I have. How does that affect the spiritual growth of the children, if it does at all?

 

[MariaG]

posted by BibleReaderOy vez.

I am Catholic. I and my Jewish wife of more than 20 years have an extremely happy marriage.

I have been married for 17 and have a happy, romantic, I can’t imagine myself happier marriage to a man who was baptized Lutheran as an infant but never went to church at all and was raised with no faith in God at all. I am glad I met him before I was a knowledgable Catholic since I cannot imagine my life without him.

That does not change the fact that we should not unequally yoke ourselves.

What does that mean for a knowledgable Catholic Christian? Marry another Catholic Christian.

I remember once in college I was having a conversation with a friend who was sobbing because she could no longer date a young man who was not a Christian and had not chosen to become one yet. Although she was very much in love with him, she knew she could no longer see him. I agrued with her that it was crazy, God wouldn’t make you give up love. She said that I may not understand, but she had a deeper understanding and knew that she could not marry this young man if he was not a Christian.

I did not understand then. I do now. It is the same thing. A Christian should not marry anyone but a Christian. A Catholic Christian should not marry anyone but a Catholic Christian. Do not unequally yoke yourself. If a Catholic has a the knowledge, they should not “yoke” themselves to someone who although Christian does not have the “fullness of truth”.

 

[springbreeze]

Deacon Tony560:

I have seen inter-faith marriages last longer than marriages between cradle Catholics that promised in a Mass that their union in God would not be taken lightly. I feel that it is an individual matter. Some couples do quite well, while others suffer and either have a miserable life or divorce. But this is true also of same-faith couples. It takes a right attitude toward their beliefs, respecting the beliefs of their partner, and the right attitude toward marriage. Of course, this is easier said than done.

May God bless the family unit that is threatened today more than at any time in our existance

Deacon Tony

Dear friend

I agree with you, the secret to a marriage between a Catholic and Non-Catholic Christian is respect for each others beliefs and an acceptance by the non-catholic to allow the children to be brought up in the Catholic faith. If that recipe is there then the marriage can progress and continue to progress well.

If a person desires to marry a person of no faith whatsoever who is even hostile to faith or a person who is of a non-Christian belief system such as Buddhist or Muslim then real problems will arise. Muslims expect the children to be raised Muslim, there is no exception to this. Our Holy Father has advised against such unions but has said if the couple do desire to marry there should be intensive counselling from their Priest before they can marry.

My daughter’s father is of no belief system and this was one of the culminating factors leading to our split. He ridiculed my faith, laughed at me, said I followed a fairy story, continually stated a baby in the womb is nothing but a bunch of cells and is not human life etc etc and was absolutely against converting to any faith system, he simply did not believe in God though sometimes he would come to Mass, but I think he did this to please me not because in his heart he was searching for God. To live day to day with someone who ridicules your faith and is most nasty about your beliefs is not an easy thing to endure.

Be warned against it, some people may convert, but it would be better to sort that all out before even considering marriage.

Don’t do it, try and find someone who is like you, find someone who believes and shares the same beliefs as yourself and pray to God to send you someone who is like yourself in this aspect.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa

 

[maryj]

Oh what a subject this is!! I am Catholic married to a non-practicing Lutheran, who called the Holy Eucharist “the little cookie that Catholics eat” I’ve been married for 19 years. It occurred to me about two months ago when he made this statement in front of a Methodist friend(who by the way has been asking me why he cannot receive communion in my church when “all are welcome” at his) that it deeply insulted me each time he said this. I took that opportunity right there and then to set them both straight. You know my husband said"I am so sorry, that must be terribly painful for you to hear me say something so ignorant about your faith,I wish you would have said something years ago.Interfaith marriages can work, and work beautifully to educate those who are Blind to any faith. Our daughter was raised catholic, she went to Catholic school, I made this very clear to him. There would be no arguing this fact!!( I tend to be very stubborn, my cross to bear.) Do I long to have him sitting next to me at Mass on Sundays? of course I do, But it is God’s choice, and his. He is Kind and compassionate and giving. He loves his parents and mine. He has supported every religious decision I have made in my daughters behalf. I truly believe through my faith( and God’s will) he will someday come to know the truth and will find his salvation. Now the million dollar question…would I have married him had he been a practicing Protestant? If he had stood firm with me and said" No"to raising my daughter Catholic. I believe my life would be different now… I shudder to think. I will thank God for bringing him into my life and giving me faith in Him.

 

[SeekerJen]

Deacon Tony560:

I have seen inter-faith marriages last longer than marriages between cradle Catholics that promised in a Mass that their union in God would not be taken lightly. I feel that it is an individual matter. Some couples do quite well, while others suffer and either have a miserable life or divorce. But this is true also of same-faith couples. It takes a right attitude toward their beliefs, respecting the beliefs of their partner, and the right attitude toward marriage. Of course, this is easier said than done.

May God bless the family unit that is threatened today more than at any time in our existance

Deacon Tony

I agree with you and I’m sure that my parents would as well. They’ll be celebrating their 34th wedding anniversary in June. They were married in Dad’s Catholic parish, but Mom was at the time a Mormon. I was raised a Catholic from birth and Mom was received into the Church on Easter 1983 (I was not quite 5 then).

My husband is also a non-Catholic Christian. I made it clear to him from the get-go that my faith was non-negotiable, that I would support him and sponsor him through RCIA if he ever wished to convert, but that I would not leave the Church- and that we would be married in my parish. He agreed and is extremely supportive of my faith and worship beliefs, even if he does not hold all of them himself. He is also very much in support of raising our children (if God gives us any) as Catholics. We have a very loving and and mutually respectful relationship, and if the first year of marriage is really the hardest, then we don’t have much to worry about. Our valid and sacramental marriage has truly been blessed and full of grace.

I am sure that in many cases it is wonderful to have a spouse who shares your faith. One needs to be careful about the “Catholic” they are marrying. If they marry someone who was baptized into the faith but not raised in it, and expect that person to be as devout as themselves, there are going to be problems (as I have witnessed in one acquaintance’s marriage). If the spouses are both devout Catholics but maybe not mature enough to respect each other and fight fairly (I don’t think screaming “I wish I’d never married you! I want a divorce!” is healthy, especially if you’re still in the so-called “honeymoon” phase- and yes, this is from the marriage of a friend-of-a-friend), then there are going to be problems. It depends on the couple.

 

[John_Yurich]

If a Catholic is engaged to a Non Catholic(Protestant) then the Catholic should tell the Non Catholic(Protestant) to become Catholic or else there will be no wedding. But if a Catholic is engaged to an Orthodox then the Orthodox does not have to become Catholic. The children of a marriage between a Catholic and an Orthodox can be raised both Catholic and Orthodox by being brought to the Catholic Church on Saturday and the Orthodox Church on Sunday.

John

 

[sarcophagus]

When I got married, I was investigating every type of religion available…wicca, buddhism, tao etc. trying to find something for me because I had been raised atheist and was unsatisfied. My husband is a pentacostal. His family are also (with an exception of his catholic gramma) pentacostal. When I expressed an interest in catholicism (much to the dismay of his parents who were determined to “convert” me. They also think the catholic church is the whore of babylon blah blah blah…) my husband has been amazingly supportive. He bought me book about catholicism as well as a catholic bible. He’s offered to go to mass with me when I am ready, and has also expressed an interest in reading the catholic bible and my collection of books on the subject. Though he says he would never give up his pentacostalism, he told me that I can be catholic, it’s alright with him. He also said that when we have children, since it is almost mandatory for catholics to raise their children catholic, that is what would be done.

So there you go, not all “inter-faith” marriages are doomed. You just need openness and an interest in your spouse’s religious growth.

 

[turboEDvo]

I have heard people go both ways on this one. I know people who have interfaith marriages that worked out perfectly. However, I personally want to marry somebody who has the same beliefs as I do so we can share and grow with that. That’s just me though, I think it is up to each person to decide what is right for their situation.

Eamon

 

[tradcatmel]

This is my humble opinion.

Marriage, as a vocation in life, is difficult, and a real self-sacrificing vocation. Especially, when the children are born.

The marriage union is a sacrament, and the “two become one flesh”. So you become one.

My husband and I are both traditional catholics, and most of the time, we are in agreement about certain issues that arise within the family.

If I was married to a non-catholic, I can only imagine, how difficult it would be, if we were not in agreement about our religion. There would always be something to debate about of course.

As a parent, I find that it is difficult enough to bring children up let alone having differences about the religion side of things also.

Of course, if you are married to someone that is not catholic, then you can pray and make sacrifices for their conversion. That has happened to a friend that I know…they are both fervent catholics now.

I guess, if you want to avoid any such debates and arguments about religion, within the marriage, you could always seek a husband/wife that was catholic, but if you should so choose a non-catholic, then I feel that it is your duty to make it clear to them right from the start and speak to them about your religion.

I was not a practicing catholic (baptised and lapsed) when I met my husband, he did convert me in the most subtle way, that was before going out he would take me to the chapel to pray the rosary first and slowly, the grace came - I asked him to take me to Mass, I had my first general confession and then I have been practicing ever since.

I guess, if you are in this position (seeking a future wife or husband), it is such an important decision. I would not make that decision without praying about it considerably, and asking God to send you the right person.

Prayer and sacrifice is the key.

 

[antiaphrodite]

God does work miracles personally, though, i’d rather marry a fellow Catholic who’s strong in the faith. i want a husband who would be a good example to the kids (and me ).