Is it a must that a married couple have children?

[JMJ01]

Hello. I know in our vows my wife and I said we would be open to children and we definitely are open to them. I am just curious if it is a definite must to have children if we are married. My wife and I are using Natural Family Planning. We have never even tried using contraception. We love NFP and it is great, and if God wants us to have a child while using NFP then that is fine. That is what we said in the vows. So basically, I am just asking if my wife and I continue to use NFP and have no children, does God not like that or look down upon us for not having children? My priest always told us that NFP is perfectly fine as long as you are open to children.

 

[sanctamaria17]

You just have to discern God’s will and pray for Him to let you know when/if you should have children. If you end up not having children, that’s fine, as long as you’re open.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Good for you for only using NFP in your marriage!

You are correct that part of your marriage vows is accepting the children that God sends you. However another side to that is being open to discerning His Will for your marriage. If God wants you to have children and you would be happy to have children, why try to prevent them?

NFP is NOT a requirement for a Catholic marriage–it is allowed for the health of the wife, for the financial stability of the family, for the health of the marriage, for the spacing of children–reasons like that.

If you have no reason to postpone or prevent children, the Catholic Church teaches that being open to children is a beautiful thing. Does that mean you have to try to conceive? No. But it does mean that if you don’t have a real reason to not have children you and your spouse need to do a little soul searching as to why you are currently using NFP to prevent children. If it is for less serious reasons perhaps God has other plans for you. Sure, God can send you a child now, but NFP is an effective way to prevent children. God may want to bless you with children but be waiting for you to open your hearts to the idea.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**It also depends on how you are using NFP… sometimes it is hard to “let go” of all of that knowledge and just go for it. Once you know the signs of fertility you can’t just ignore them. So, if you and your wife are practicing NFP very conservatively and avoiding all potentially fertile days like the plague I would have to second KG’s advice above…do some serious soul searching. NFP allows the couple EVERY cycle to discern God’s will.

If you are using it more in a “let’s take a chnce” kind of way and leaving things open while not necessarily trying to conceive, that is different.

It’s a complicated situation that requires a lot of prayer and deep thought. If there is really no reason to NOT have a baby, why wouldn’t you?**

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

The writings of our Church tell us that we are to be open to life. They are more specific than that though. The state that a couple may use NFP if they have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy. That serious reason could require a couple to avoid pregnancy indefinitely, but the key here is that there needs to be a serious reason. In other words, the default is having children, and not having children (or even intentionally avoiding them for long periods of time) is the exception, and is based on a specific need of the couple.

So no, you don’t HAVE to have children. But using NFP to intentionally avoid having children without a serious reason is also not the same as being “open to life.” Open to life isn’t so much a willingness to not have an abortion should God perform a miracle (although it would include that), but more an attitude of understanding that one of the main purposes of marriage is having children, and the desire to seek what God wants for you in this regard.

What specifically, constitutes a serious reason is a very personal and sometimes complex question. It is one to be prayed about and re-evaluated regularly. Generally a serious reason wouldn’t start with “I want…” though. It would sound more like “We need…” or “We believe God wants…”

God bless your discernment.