Is it a sin if i want to stop speaking with somebody?

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cristyd

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I have a problem with a “friend” of mine. She is a very difficult person and honestly i believe she doesn’t realise that she is cruel or rude. She was fired already from 2 companies because of bad behavious, she fighted with everybody and called everybody stupid. We tried to explain that this is not normal and she told her that she is inteligent, everybody else is stupid and she will not lower herself to their level.
Lately she was couting to my husband how many times he sleeps with me and told him that it is his fault i am not yet pregnant, because he doesn’t sleep enough with me. Then she wrote to me that she “doesn’t give a …” on our 2 years marriage anyversary. There many other insults but i tried all the time to get over it and see the good in her. But i am already too tired of doing this.
 
This person certainly sounds like she needs a lot of help. It doesn’t sound like you should be taking this kind of rudeness and bad behaviour as it would only increase in her. You may need to tell her this and explain why you are uncomfortable around her. She needs correction badly, because if she continues this way she will never have any close friends.
 
You are being way to scrupulous --“tender conscience” – …simply use your God given wisdom (gift of Holy Spirit) and close this lady out of your life…unless or until…she changes her behavior.

Sit her down and tell her plain and simply that you can’t associate with he…let her vent then ask her to move on until she respects you and changes her her rude…crude…mean spirited behavior…at least when she is in your presence or your family.

Lastly, pray for her daily.

Pax Christi
 
If you were to shun her as a way to manipulate her into doing what you want or to reject appropriate choices that are legitimately hers to make, that is relational aggression, and it is wrong.

If you cut off communications with someone who has repeatedly violated what are commonly-recognized boundaries for appropriate communication and the dignified treatment of others, that is entirely OK.

You have to be civil when you do talk to her, but it is OK to tell her that she has so grievously and unrepentantly violated your feelings and the feelings of others what you want to have nothing to do with her.

Especially if you believe her to be vindictive, it is also OK to just edge yourself out of her orbit and off of her radar without further confrontation. She doesn’t have to wonder what she’s done to deserve to be cut off, after all. You don’t have to beat a dead horse. There is also no moral obligation to provoke more uncivilized behavior from her. Some would argue that it is providing the person with a near occasion of sin to do so.
 
The truth is that i am simply tired of her continuous and repeated manifastations of rudeness, of her intrusion in private things, of her being smart and always right. I am a convert to the Catholic faith and i wanted to respect the forgive 7 times 77 times. I am not angry with her but i am tired of accepting constant rudness and insults. I want to stop with her because she is not a good influence on me, she makes me sad.
 
There is nothing wrong with you just backing away from her altogether. She has no right to continuing in her rudeness, and you do not have to sit back and take it. It is best to be away from her

In other words, you can forgive her from a distance, say a prayer now and then for her, and stay away from her for her good and yours…
 
Forgiveness does not mean excusing wrong-doing. It does not mean judging everyone equally worthy of a position of intimacy and trust. Forgiveness means not holding a grudge or holding on to a desire for vengeance.

If you’re giving her the silent treatment to punish her, that’s wrong. If you’re avoiding her because she won’t stop abusing you and those you’ve tried to defend from her aggressions, however, that is a different kettle of fish. Even if it does not work to her amendment, you are not required to purposefully put yourself into a position where she can do you harm. My guess, though, is that she is not going to find any reason to amend her behavior if no one ever holds her accountable for her transgressions. Avoiding contact isn’t an artificial punishment. It is a natural consequence of how she has wilfully decided she is entitled to treat others.

When it is physical abuse, this is so much easier to see. If she gave herself permission to slap other people every time another person said something she deemed to be "stupid’, you wouldn’t have to think 2 seconds about this question, would you?

Abuse is abuse. You can resolve to patiently bear the misdeeds that are visited upon you, but you do not have to go looking for it. Christianity is willing to suffer for the sake of others, but it is not masochistic.

You may avoid her if you want. However you decide to handle this, don’t be complicit with her abuses any more by objecting ineffectively, as if this was a question of opinion. Put your foot down and refuse to be a part of her behavior.
 
I think Easter Joy said it very well. Your motives are part of it. I agree completely about what she sais on forgiveness. You don’t have to keep putting yourself in a situation of being hurt. Yesterday I came across a quote"Jesus forgave the man on the cross next to him, but he didn’t take him down off the cross".

I am not sure if it would be appropriate to point it out or not. I know some people are unaware of how they come across to others. It does sound she is a bit mean spirited.

I had a friend who often came off as abrasive and rude but was actually one of the kindest caring people I know. She just had a odd sense of humor people did not always understand or appreciate. I know she would be mortified if she knew people thought her rude and abrasive.
 
I don’t think there is anything wrong; in fact, we are to avoid “occasions of sin”. Does anyone remember the warnings about “bad companions” in the old Baltimore Catechism?
 
If she is meddling in topics such as how many times you and your husband have sex then it sounds like she isn’t just annoying, she could be a danger to your marriage. You don’t want her meddling to a point that she starts to create tension between you and your husband. For instance, if she starts making comments that he doesn’t sleep with you enough, one of you could start to believe her (maybe without even realizing it). Negative comments are powerful things.

There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from people that could harm your marriage.
 
Honestly, I am a firm believer in 1) getting rid of toxic relationships, and 2) burning bridges when necessary.

This situation sounds like it may fall into those 2 categories.

I have had to do it. No, it isn’t easy, but you will ultimately be less stressed, and that can only be a good thing, IMO.

Remember - people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Some come into our lives and never leave, and others are only meant to be there for a season. Perhaps this is a season coming to an end.
 
_Jenn said:
Honestly, I am a firm believer in 1) getting rid of toxic relationships, and 2) burning bridges when necessary.

This situation sounds like it may fall into those 2 categories.

I have had to do it. No, it isn’t easy, but you will ultimately be less stressed, and that can only be a good thing, IMO.

Remember - people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Some come into our lives and never leave, and others are only meant to be there for a season. Perhaps this is a season coming to an end.
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It can be like breaking a steel band encircling your chest, like taking a weight off of your back. Stress hardly describes what an abusive relationship does. Ending one can be like coming home from a war. Once you convince yourself that no, you do not belong on that particular front line, you want to kiss the ground.
 
EasterJoy said:
When it is physical abuse, this is so much easier to see. If she gave herself permission to slap other people every time another person said something she deemed to be "stupid’, you wouldn’t have to think 2 seconds about this question, would you?
QUOTE]

Well, speaking about slaping. She told me that in a shop she reached out to take a plastic bag for bread and another woman reached out and took a bag in front of her and she hit her with the head in the window shop. She was telling me what she did to this woman because she cut her off.

And then she was telling me about how she wants to kill her boss who fired her, that she will wait with the car in the night when he comes out of work and hit him. I hope it was just anger talk for being fired. I talked to her all evening, i told her her little child will grow up withoput a mother if she does this and in the end she told me she is joking.
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cristyd said:
EasterJoy;9425944:
When it is physical abuse, this is so much easier to see. If she gave herself permission to slap other people every time another person said something she deemed to be "stupid’, you wouldn’t have to think 2 seconds about this question, would you?
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Well, speaking about slaping. She told me that in a shop she reached out to take a plastic bag for bread and another woman reached out and took a bag in front of her and she hit her with the head in the window shop. She was telling me what she did to this woman because she cut her off.

And then she was telling me about how she wants to kill her boss who fired her, that she will wait with the car in the night when he comes out of work and hit him. I hope it was just anger talk for being fired. I talked to her all evening, i told her her little child will grow up withoput a mother if she does this and in the end she told me she is joking.
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Be very careful around this woman. If you break off with her, back away slowly. Drift carefully out of her orbit. I have not heard a word from you that indicates she has a speck of empathy in her. That kind of person can be extremely vindictive if they feel slighted or shamed, to the point that they will cut off their nose to spite their face. I don’t mean to live in fear, but to be prudent and not make your exit a near occasion of sin for her.

She might even have an antisocial personality disorder. Does the general trend of these items sound like her?

*Disregard for right and wrong
Persistent lying or deceit
Using charm or wit to manipulate others
Recurring difficulties with the law
Repeatedly violating the rights of others
Child abuse or neglect
Intimidation of others
Aggressive or violent behavior
Lack of remorse about harming others
Impulsive behavior
Agitation
Poor or abusive relationships
Irresponsible work behavior *

We aren’t psychologists and at any rate I don’t mean to slap a psychatric label on this acquaintance. A trained professional would not even do that! I’m merely pointing out that prudence may lead you to consider whether this woman can be expected to react or perceive what you do in the way that most of the people you know would do. If her brain is just wired differently, you’ll get a different result when you feed it the same stimulus. Keep that in mind. Be wise about this.

Again, you are more and more describing a situation from which I would be inclined to back away from immediately and deliberately, but also as unobtrusively as possible.
 
Jeez louise, that doesn’t sound like much of a friendship. I would have said “drop it” (in fact, I did, before I read some of the more charitable and prudent pieces of advice others were giving and decided to edit this post :D), but I do not think it would be a sin to do so. I think EasterJoy said it well. God bless. I’ll say a prayer for you, your husband and your “friend.”
 
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