Is it a sin to allow someone to be miserable?

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PelagiathePenit

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A family member I’m quite certain is struggling with depression. She is constantly guilty, ruminating/reliving and replaying past hurts or past mistakes she cannot change, she has lost a noticeable amount of weight, reoccurring insomnia. She is very short with everyone. Every conversation is a basically an attack. The way we see it is, we aren’t being a good family if we allow her behavior to continue and I’m going to stop speaking the truth or giving my honest opinion just because it offends her or she may lash out. She seems to have internalized the idea that she is a terrible person based on her past mistakes. She cannot seem to forgive anyone, let alone herself.
She seems to want to seek outside help. For whatever reason, my uncle is against it. He wants to keep this issue in the family. She wants to get help from anyone other than her immediate family. I think it is because she is fearful of the truth. I think she wants a counselor who will take her side.
Her extreme highs and lows honestly SCARE ME.
My uncle trying to control the situation annoys me. I don’t see what is so wrong with her wanting to talk to a priest, taking medication, and seeking professionally counseling for her behavior. He is in denial or simply does not understand mental illness. I see his point of view that people in the US are overmedicated or prescribed and diagnosed with mental illness too readily.
She cannot sleep, she is losing weight because she has not appetite, very moody.
God helps us.
 
Is she over 21, are you over 21.

Answers to what a person can do to help a loved one, depends on legal abilities.

Hard as it may seem.
I will pray
 
Roseeurekacross said:
Is she over 21, are you over 21.

Answers to what a person can do to help a loved one, depends on legal abilities.

Hard as it may seem.
I will pray
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we are all legally adults. We are a family. No one is stopping her literally or legally. I think even though she lives with us, she wants to be left alone. My uncle sees it is his duty to look after. He prefers she talk to him rather than outsiders. She feels he will judge her. He feels she is running away from the truth. I don’t know why he thinks her depression is not real. It is an act. The more he tries to talk to her, the more she lashes out. Is it better we just not comment? I don’t think we should spare the truth or our opinions, we are family we should feel completely free and safe to discuss our opinions and the truth. We are her family. If anyone is going to tell her the truth, it will be us. She is even damaging our property. We aren’t going to kick her out. If she is using her anger or threats of violence to shut us up, what should we do?
 
Sometimes you need outside help. If she needed open heart surgery would your uncle insist on doing that himself? I don’t think this situation is going to get better on its own.
 
Do any of you have qualifications in the medical field?
 
ConfusedLucy said:
Sometimes you need outside help. If she needed open heart surgery would your uncle insist on doing that himself? I don’t think this situation is going to get better on its own.
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The lashing out and violent outbursts as I’m learning means that it is time to give her space.
 
It sounds like your uncle is putting his needs first to be honest. Keeping it within the family isn’t helping and it’s pretty normal for people to find it easier to talk to an outsider especially when there is guilt involved. She needs the freedom to seek help on her terms.
 
Get professional help for her as soon as possible. People in the family may be part of the problem for her so keeping it within the family is not going to help. An outsider who is a qualified professional will be most effective as they are trained in identifying causes, providing a diagnosis and implementing solutions.

Also, family members are not always impartial, oftentimes they are judgemental. You all love her for sure but if you love her, get her the help she is asking for. None of us want this to end up a tragedy.

From my suicide awareness course, when someone is morbidly unhappy, suffering from depression and asks for help, DO IT! It’s a cry for help and guidance. They don’t like being that way but don’t know how to stop it.

I will keep your family in my prayers.
 
PelagiathePenit said:
we are all legally adults. We are a family. No one is stopping her literally or legally. I think even though she lives with us, she wants to be left alone. My uncle sees it is his duty to look after. He prefers she talk to him rather than outsiders. She feels he will judge her. He feels she is running away from the truth. I don’t know why he thinks her depression is not real. It is an act. The more he tries to talk to her, the more she lashes out. Is it better we just not comment? I don’t think we should spare the truth or our opinions, we are family we should feel completely free and safe to discuss our opinions and the truth. We are her family. If anyone is going to tell her the truth, it will be us. She is even damaging our property. We aren’t going to kick her out. If she is using her anger or threats of violence to shut us up, what should we do?
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Frankly. I would suggest it makes better sense to have outside counselling and if her health is suffering a doctor would be in order too.
 
You can’t force someone to be cheerful.

You can’t make someone take psychotropic anti-depressant drugs against their will.

You can’t force someone to visit a psychiatrist.

But there are a large number of alternatives that sometimes are helpful.

For example, there is a huge variety of self-help books and audiotapes.

There are a large number of men and women who are motivational speakers.

There are Catholic priests and lay people who have a natural gift for speaking on various topics that can have the effect of cheering people up.

Check on EWTN to see if there is any there who might be helpful. A LOT of people LOVE listening to Mother Angelica and her appearances and plain spoken ways appeal to a lot of people.

You have to just try different things to see what works.

Just make sure you don’t let yourself get mired down.
 
She is constantly guilty, ruminating/reliving and replaying past hurts or past mistakes she cannot change, she has lost a noticeable amount of weight, reoccurring insomnia. She is very short with everyone.
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Huh. Did someone make her feel this way? Usually people only get this guilty and depressed if someone puts them down and criticizes them by pointing out all their flaws, flawed past, rejecting them, making them feel inadequate,etc. Or is there someone that she is comparing herself to, to make her feel this way? We all make mistakes and bad choices, but we get over it. If this is a sudden behavior, is it possible she got in contact with someone from her past like an Ex or something who was still angry with her? Either way, counseling is needed.
 
Depression does not go away on it’s own. “Talking” with family members is not a treatment for it, no one in your family has the experience or education to deal with her problem; this person needs professional help ASAP. The increasing violence should be a concern to all, this may not end well and something really bad can happen that could have been prevented. The rest of the family needs to get together and support HER instead of your uncle.
 
Monte_RCMS said:
You can’t force someone to be cheerful.

You can’t make someone take psychotropic anti-depressant drugs against their will.

You can’t force someone to visit a psychiatrist.

But there are a large number of alternatives that sometimes are helpful.

For example, there is a huge variety of self-help books and audiotapes.

There are a large number of men and women who are motivational speakers.

There are Catholic priests and lay people who have a natural gift for speaking on various topics that can have the effect of cheering people up.

Check on EWTN to see if there is any there who might be helpful. A LOT of people LOVE listening to Mother Angelica and her appearances and plain spoken ways appeal to a lot of people.

You have to just try different things to see what works.

Just make sure you don’t let yourself get mired down.
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She wants to seek counselling and she takes meds. I think she needs space.
 
Do not count out a spiritual disorder. Is she religious? Can you take her to church with you? I would suggest praying for her and let her know it.

I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, and I view it as a spiritual thing, but I’m still on meds.
 
I’ll never understand why some people believe they know someone so well that they are faking depression or mental illness and they disagree with them getting help.
 
I think it is a battle of egos honestly. My relative desperately wants to convince my uncle her depression is real but he insists he knows her better than she knows herself. She does take care of herself by taking meds but he insists he talk with her instead of seeking counselling. I understand wanting to keep family business family business.
 
It doesn’t really matter why she’s decided that her family can’t help (though that’s often a lie the adversary whispers in our ears), but if she’s closed off to that avenue of help and open to speaking with a priest, then let her! Hopefully, your uncle can see the wisdom in that when it’s presented to him directly. The point is to get her help; your uncle putting aside his desire to keep it in the family would be an act of strength in meekness, and I’m sure the Lord would bless that act.
 
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