Is it a sin to be in love with someone other than my husband?

[shannin]

**You need a reality check. You are in love with a memory - not the other man. You must stop dwelling on that memory and concentrate on your husband and marriage. **

Love is a verb and you could try forcing yourself to do something loving for your husband every time a thought about the other man comes to your mind.

 

[1woman]

To SMHW - thank you for your words of wisdom and I really like your idea of remembering to be thankful, even for the little things in life. (So much good feed-back from everyone)!

To Homewardangel - it means a great deal to me to know that someone understands. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your words of encouragement. I will keep you in my prayers, as I hope you will keep me in yours. God bless you!

To Shannin - I truly appreciate your response and suggestion, but I feel I need to clarify that I have done a reality check - a few times. Here is the reality, as I have come to know it thus far…

Despite whatever circumstances led me into a friendship with this other man, or how unwise it was for me to think it was safe, the fact remains that I DID get myself into it, and that friendship grew into something more. As SMHW pointed out, there was something missing in my marriage - that something was friendship. I made an emotional investment, and it was unfortunately, a lot easier to get into than to get out of.

However, to walk away from that friendship, and to try and save my marriage, in spite of the fact that my husband had already told me long before, that he WANTED me to create a life apart from him, I think testifies to the fact that I have been, and still am “doing something loving” to him. Everyday, I reach out to him as much as I can. And we have come a long way as a result of it - but it is still difficult at times - and some days moreso than others. Most days, I do not dwell on it - but it is always there in the background.

You are right that love is a verb - and it is one that I believe I have put into action - even if I still struggle to do so. I love my husband enough to try and work it out; I loved this other man enough to not allow my friendship with him to tear apart his marriage; and to answer homewardangel, I love myself enough to not give up trying to be the woman God wants me to be. Merely being in love with a memory, I think over-simplifies things.

I would ask that you keep me in your prayers, that God will continue to meet me where I am at, to give me the grace to do what is pleasing in his sight, and that he will continue to heal the damage that I not only did to myself, but that my husband did to me as well. God bless and keep you.

 

[kquinn]

Three years ago, at a time when my marriage was falling apart, I met a man, who was also married. He was the first and only friend I had made in this new city where I lived. We became friends and we fell in love.
I don’t see him or talk to him - but it’s still there. I love my husband, but not the way I should. I want to, but I am beginning to wonder if it’s possible. He is a good man, and he deserves so much from me, that I WANT to give him I don’t know if it’s just because of the betrayal on his part, or what. What really concerns me, is wondering if it’s a sin to love someone else, even if I am remaining faithful to my marriage vows? I feel so terrible about this. I have no where else to turn, Can someone please offer some insight?

Dear OP,

It looks like you’re getting a lot of good advice. Also, I urge you to read the Pope’s encyclical “God is love”. One thing to consider is this (and again as a previous poster said, I do not know you’re full condition, so I apologize if some of this is based on my speculation):

CCC 1646 …Love seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement “until further notice.” The “intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons,and the good of the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require and unbreakable union between them.”

If for instance your love for this man (or possibly “idea” of this man) is in anyway distracting or takes away from your capacity to love your husband fully than it is a detriment to your marriage. Perhaps consider how you would feel if you found that your husband loved another woman as you do this man. Marital love is a special love, a sacramental love and should be reserved for spouses alone. Perhaps talk with your priest about this situation.

God bless and keep you,
k
PS congratulations on your husbands change in mindset

 

[LovedForever]

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how difficult this must be and what you have been through with your husband’s unfaithfulness. To make the decision to take him back and love him best you can in spite of the horrific pain he has caused you is a tremendous act of love in itself. He is a very blessed man.

Keep in mind that “Love is not a feeling - it is a decision .”
The man you are DECIDING to “love” - is your husband.

We are human. We cannot love perfectly. Only God can.
Your husband has not loved you perfectly.
You are trying at least to love him perfectly as best you can.
Falling in love with someone else, being very attracted to someone else - these are emotions and feelings we cannot help. It is what we DO with those feelings that count.

That is why “*temptation is not a sin - it is a call to * *battle!” *

 

[sparkle]

Friend: I also thought I was “in-love” with another man other than my husband around 5 or so years ago, coincidentally, when alot of our family problems began. It’s a good thing this man, was a Christian and chose to not “go-for” a full on affair or my life, his life, would have been screwed up way more.

Look at your life with your spouse, see what problems need to be addressed, and then tackle them. God has a perfect plan for your marriage and your family. Stick to your committment even though the world, tells us all something way differrent, that “we deserve to be happy”, etc. Jesus never promised all roses my friend, but it is our job to be faithful no matter what.

God Bless~

 

[Black_Jaque]

Is it a sin to be in love with someone other than my husband?

I’m gonna say “yes, sort of”.

Remember that we men can be held accountable for simply having lust in our heart. If you’re feelings for this other man are tempting you to do something that will lead him away from God - that ain’t love!!! Likely you’re experiencing something akin to what Jesus admonished men about.

Now with men there is a certain biological prompting to “look” - but we have the ability to master that and train ourselves not to, or better yet, train ourselves to “see Jesus” when we look. A quick prayer under your breath everytime your mind wanders can be the best weapon. Under a barrage of temptation towards sinister thoughts, I’ve found myself reciting the Hail Mary over and over for hours on a long car drive. I was utterly exhausted when I arrived home.

 

[Anne_G]

I believe it is a sin to be in love with someone else other than your husband. It falls under adultery. The fact fact that this man is also married also makes it adultery. The Bible says to lust after someone elses spouse is committing adultery. It is good that you don’t feel right about it, perhaps God is guiding you to this. Have you been to confession about this? All sins are forgivable if you are truly repentant. If you can forgive your husband for his infidelities you may grow closer to him, and forget this other man. A few years ago I truly forgave a family member for sexual abuse when I was a teenager. Prior to this I tended to dwell on it and it was constantly with me, but after I forgave him it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I have virtually forgotten the pain etc, and even that it actually happened. It was a good thing because I could move on with my life, baggage free. I also believe it is important for the soul of the person that you have forgiven. My relative was dead and I can’t explain it but I just felt I had help his soul in some way.
God bless

 

[malachi_a_serva]

1woman:

Three years ago, at a time when my marriage was falling apart, I met a man, who was also married. He was the first and only friend I had made in this new city where I lived. We became friends and we fell in love. Neither of us felt comfortable with the idea of just “having an affair” and we both, being Catholic, also knew that it was a grave sin to be unfaithful to our spouses, no matter WHAT was going on in our marriages. (Mine was REALLY bad at the time). So, we parted ways, (no talking, no seeing eachother, no nothing)! I stayed with my husband, in spite of his numerous infidelities both prior to and after my friendship with this man. It was the most difficult and painful thing I had ever been through.

In the last year, my marriage has improved in many ways and my husband has also grown very much spititually. However, after all this time, I have never stopped being in love with this other man. I don’t see him or talk to him - but it’s still there. I love my husband, but not the way I should. I want to, but I am beginning to wonder if it’s possible. He is a good man, and he deserves so much from me, that I WANT to give him I don’t know if it’s just because of the betrayal on his part, or what. What really concerns me, is wondering if it’s a sin to love someone else, even if I am remaining faithful to my marriage vows? I feel so terrible about this. I have no where else to turn, Can someone please offer some insight?

Yes, without a doubt. Do not fall victim to Satan’s antics. He is tempting you, he his toying with your emotions. Turn away from it. You have been given lots of good advice here. Turn your thoughts to God. Read the Bible. Pray for the strength to resist that which should be resisted and strength to strengthen your marriage. God can help you. You can be victorious over this temptation.

Remember, things on this world are temporal…your soul is eternal and will either be punished or rewarded…you chose.