Is it a sin to be intimate with your spouse if she doesn't want to use NFP?

[EasterJoy]

I absolutely agree that it is hypocritical and just as immoral to refuse to wear a condom because contraception is wrong but then to go ahead and have sex as long as the wife is the one contracepting. Where is the loving partnership in that - you do the sinning and I can have the sex?

I also think it sounds like at one time you both were on the same page with ABC in your marriage and this represents a change in your thinking. You have to allow that she needs time to get to the same place you are and cutting off sexual relations now may only place an added strain at a time when you are trying to come together on such an important change in your marriage.

Actually, this is not quite true. A Catholic may not use contraception, and yet a Catholic owes a marital debt to his or her spouse. As long as the spouse who is clear on the immorality of contraception but not using it has tried to convince his or her spouse not to use illicit means of family planning, then the non-contracepting spouse does not sin by agreeing to marital relations with a spouse who employs ABC.

While I agree that his wife may need time to catch up to his thinking, he cannot force his right conscience to be violated while her incorrect conscience rules, instead.

He can satisfy his marital debt to his wife in good conscience, and indeed he still owes her that, even though she uses illicit means of contraception over his objections.

If you are saying that he ought not initiate sex when his conscience tells him that marital relations are a near occasion of sin for his wife, then that is permissible, provided that he make an effort to address the situation as soon as possible, lest she be tempted to stray elsewhere or other undue strains be put on his marriage. I don’t think that this means he may never initiate sex, only that he has a reason not to. Otherwise, the contracepting spouse basically can hold the other hostage by threatening sin every time the other asks for marital relations. That is untenable, as well.

 

[momor]

He can satisfy his marital debt to his wife in good conscience, and indeed he still owes her that, even though she uses illicit means of contraception over his objections.

If marital intercourse is proper only when it is unitive and procreative, please explain how a marital debt is being satisfied by a non-contracepting spouse having intercourse with a contracepting spouse? The “coin” used to satisfy the debt is counterfeit.

 

[caseyf22]

Someone will correct me if I’m wrong, but without an intent not to commit the sin again, absolution is not even granted in the first place. You are supposed to not only confess the act, but express a committed intent not to do it again. If you’re in the confessional knowing you will do it again, the confession’s not valid.

Hence the reasoning for wanting to start using NFP. It is said that 90% of Catholic couples use some form of contraception. Ironically I see about 90% of couples participate in Holy Communion every week.

 

[Fidelia]

Hence the reasoning for wanting to start using NFP. It is said that 90% of Catholic couples use some form of contraception. Ironically I see about 90% of couples participate in Holy Communion every week.

There’s the difference between nominally Catholic and practicing-in-communion-with-the-Church Catholic. That’s the reason for that statistic on the contraception. I bet the majority of those “Catholics” using contraception are only nominally Catholic, were Baptized and maybe go to Mass Christmas and Easter.

It is great you want to use NFP and educate your wife about it.
But to cite some statistic that 90% of couples claiming to be Catholic contracept doesn’t really give a good basis for anything.
And there is also a gross lack of proper instruction on the Sacraments out there also. There’s probably a certain % of those couples who are ignorant of the Church’s actual teachings on Marriage, or Eucharist, or both.

 

[PJM]

=caseyf22;7591321]I really want to start using the NFP method. I have presented my wife with all the information and explained to her how it works. She just will not open up to the idea and has fear of getting pregnant again when she feels she is not financially ready. I have told her how effective NFP is if done correctly. The only way she will be intimate with me is if I use a condom. Am I sinning by having sex with my wife even though it is against my will to use condoms? If I am sinning, am I just to refuse sex with her all together until I can convince her to use natural family planning?

The SHORT answer is YES it would be a SIN!

The Code of Canon Law TEACHES and Binds ALL…

**Can. 748 **§1. All persons are bound to seek the truth in those things which regard God and his Church and by virtue of divine law are bound by the obligation and possess the right of embracing and observing the truth which they have come to know.

§2. No one is ever permitted to coerce persons to embrace the Catholic faith against their conscience.

May I sugest that you explain to the Mrs. THAT NOT doing so is causing YOU to sin Mortally [It may be???, but likely NOT, as it’s NOT YOUR freewill decision.] [STOP receiving Holy Communion] Until you have discused this with your Confesor. Ask for advice frm him…

God Bless you BOTH!

Pat
Pat

 

[diggit03]

If it holds that a woman in not mortally sinning when her husband wants to use condoms even though she makes it clear she objects to it’s use- and this means only the husband is guilty of mortal sin. I think it’s true that if your wife is initiating marital relations despite your insistence on NFP, but you physically have to wear the condom then she is still the one guilty of mortal sin. Because I don’t think it matters who uses it physically, but which one is initiating sex and insisting on artificial contraception.
My husband and I are newly married and going through this as well! We mainly abstain, but he’s used condoms occasionally, though I’m not happy with the sin even being on him. Our souls have been united by God too after all, hasn’t it? I take it a day at a time. Am going to look into the NFP classes offered at my church, which we can take together.

 

[CakeState]

I am very sorry you are in this situation. If I were in your shoes, I would probably be too terrified of mortal sin to have sex, BUT I do know that my priest’s opinion on situations involving NFP struggles is that if using NFP or trying to force a spouse to use NFP is wrecking the marriage, he would suggest using contraception until things get sorted out because he has seen too many situations like this end in divorce. One spouse may win the battle by refusing mortal sin, but lose the war because the other spouse sought a divorce and left with devestated children and a hatred of the church and its teachings, ensuring that neither them nor the children would ever become/remain Catholic.

There’s really no easy answer to this, but whatever you choose, it needs to be done in a way that will preserve your marriage.

 

[Joe_5859]

Just FYI, this thread is over a year anda half old and the OP hasn’t logged on since the day he posted this question (which was also the day he joined CAF.

So he probably won’t be joinging the conversation. But it’s a good reminder to us all to pray for him in his marriage.

 

[CakeState]

Oh wow, I didn’t even catch how old it was. There have been a lot of old threads resurrected lately.
I hope it at least helps someone else reading it who is going through the same thing, at least!

 

[CakeState]

I am very sorry you are in this situation. If I were in your shoes, I would probably be too terrified of mortal sin to have sex, BUT I do know that my priest’s opinion on situations involving NFP struggles is that if using NFP or trying to force a spouse to use NFP is wrecking the marriage, he would suggest using contraception until things get sorted out because he has seen too many situations like this end in divorce. One spouse may win the battle by refusing mortal sin, but lose the war because the other spouse sought a divorce and left with devestated children and a hatred of the church and its teachings, ensuring that neither them nor the children would ever become/remain Catholic.

There’s really no easy answer to this, but whatever you choose, it needs to be done in a way that will preserve your marriage.

 

[caseyf22]

I am glad to see all the responses on this issue. We have practiced NFP for a few months but then we stopped. We will try again with NFP because we know it is the right thing to do. It takes time and effort but we will get there.

 

[Joe_5859]

I am glad to see all the responses on this issue. We have practiced NFP for a few months but then we stopped. We will try again with NFP because we know it is the right thing to do. It takes time and effort but we will get there.

Hey, you came back! I’ve never seen that happen on these long dormant threads before.

I’m glad to hear that you are making progress on this. We’ll keep praying for you!