Is it a sin to have sex before marriage if you eventually get married?

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SuperSheepStyle

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I’m a cradle Catholic, so I spent most of my childhood in CCD and was confirmed. I was always taught that premarital sex itself wasn’t the sin, but it became the sin of adultery if you broke up with the person and had sex with someone else. So under that logic, if a couple had premarital sex and then got engaged and married, without ever breaking up or cheating on each other, there would be no sin committed. That’s what I’ve thought my whole life, and what I was taught in CCD, but now I’m finding out that that’s not necessarily true from the RCIA teacher (my fiancé is going through RCIA, and I go to all the classes with him). I’m just very confused and looking for an explanation.
 
SuperSheepStyle said:
if a couple had premarital sex and then got engaged and married, without ever breaking up or cheating on each other, there would be no sin committed. That’s what I’ve thought my whole life, and what I was taught in CCD, but now I’m finding out that that’s not necessarily true from the RCIA teacher (my fiancé is going through RCIA, and I go to all the classes with him). I’m just very confused and looking for an explanation.
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You were taught erroneously. Premarital sex, regardless of who it is with, is gravely sinful. From the Catechism:

https://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
“2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.”
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Thank you. So I believe it’s safe to assume that, if we were to dwell on specifics, all sex outside of marriage is considered fornication, including that of betrothed and engaged couples?
 
Any kind of extramarital sex is a grave matter. Many difficulties in marriage can be avoided ahead of time by treating each other with dignity right now. Congratulations on your engagement 🙂

Peace.
 
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In addition to what others have said about it definitely being a sin, if you wait, you’ll be glad you did. Your life should be different and better after getting married, not the same as it was before.

It’s sad when I’ve asked newlyweds I know how married life is treating them and they say it is the same or they feel the same as before. For many these days literally nothing changes in the lives of the couple after the big party. That’s a shame.

Doing things the right way before marriage may also lower your chances of divorce, since the significant changes in your life together can help to psychologically cement the importance of the new commitment. The stats show that those who do not engage in premarital sex and cohabitation have a much lower divorce rate.
 
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SuperSheepStyle said:
I was always taught that premarital sex itself wasn’t the sin, but it became the sin of adultery if you broke up with the person and had sex with someone else
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Who on earth taught you that? I certainly hope it wasn’t your religious education teacher. That is not accurate.

Premarital sex is a sin against the 6th commandment whether you eventually marry the person or not.
SuperSheepStyle said:
I’m just very confused and looking for an explanation.
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Whoever taught you that is completely wrong, and if they are still teaching needs to be reported to their pastor as teaching this garbage.

Also, did your parents not talk to you about this?
 
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“Is it a sin to have sex before marriage if you eventually get married?”

Yes, it is a mortal sin.

If you have done it (and I know many of us have), stop it & to confession as soon as possible.
 
1ke said:
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phil19034:
Yes, it is a mortal sin.
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Well, it is grave matter. We can’t say that it is a mortal sin.

Particularly because this young person was taught that is not a sin. And they listened to their teacher.
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Yes, subjectively it’s only a “mortal sin” if they meet the three criteria. But objectively speaking, it is a “mortal sin” if the criteria is met.

WITH THAT SAID: While all the talk about “Grave Matter” vs “Mortal Sin” is technically correct from a theological point of view, I’m honestly beginning to think it’s confuses people more often than not.

I think we should go back to simply teaching “this sin is ‘mortal,’ that sin is ‘venial’” and let the faithful priests worry about grave matter vs mortal in the confessional.

God Bless
 
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Yes it’s a sin. It surprises me that this is even confusing. If you steal from Walmart but then later honestly shop there you still stole!
 
Yes. And even if it wasn’t a sin, it’s still a terrible idea. Not to be graphic, but I know from experience. You might have an emotional attachment to them, that they don’t have to you.
 
1ke said:
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1ke:
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phil19034:
Yes, it is a mortal sin.
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Well, it is grave matter. We can’t say that it is a mortal sin.

Particularly because this young person was taught that is not a sin. And they listened to their teacher.
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Yes, subjectively it’s only a “mortal sin” if they meet the three criteria. But objectively speaking, it is a “mortal sin” if the criteria is met.

WITH THAT SAID: While all the talk about “Grave Matter” vs “Mortal Sin” is technically correct from a theological point of view, I’m honestly beginning to think it’s confuses people more often than not.

I think we should go back to simply teaching “this sin is ‘mortal,’ that sin is ‘venial’” and let the faithful priests worry about grave matter vs mortal in the confessional.

God Bless
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I agree with you 1000X.

I just about caused a dumpster fire here a few weeks back, when I spoke of “objectively mortal sin”. I got all this feedback about “objectively grave matter, which if all three conditions are met, constitutes mortal sin”. The way I was always taught, it’s the same thing.

We need to get rid of all this “grave” and “serious” business, and just say “mortal sin” or “venial sin”. If I may just come right out and say it, I think a lot of this stems from so many people in the modern era, committing “grave” sins (usually ones connected with marriage, sexuality, and reproduction) and persisting in doing so, and we don’t want to suggest that they are flirting with eternal hellfire. Just say “mortally sinful matter”, with the two other conditions (sufficient reflection and full consent of the will) being understood, and you eliminate any ambigiuity as well as any “wiggle room”.

Poor George Carlin, requiescat in pace, understood that much.
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Hi and welcome!
With your marriage coming up, have you looked into Natural Family Planning? I’m asking since it seems that teenagers go on the pill and they continue on the pill until they are ready to have a pregnancy. If you haven’t yet, ask about Family Planning courses.
 
SuperSheepStyle said:
I’m a cradle Catholic, so I spent most of my childhood in CCD and was confirmed. I was always taught that premarital sex itself wasn’t the sin, but it became the sin of adultery if you broke up with the person and had sex with someone else. So under that logic, if a couple had premarital sex and then got engaged and married, without ever breaking up or cheating on each other, there would be no sin committed. That’s what I’ve thought my whole life, and what I was taught in CCD, but now I’m finding out that that’s not necessarily true from the RCIA teacher (my fiancé is going through RCIA, and I go to all the classes with him). I’m just very confused and looking for an explanation.
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I suspect you’re misremembering because religious education in Catholic schools involves a lot of teachers who couldn’t all be so badly mistaken about such a fundamental lesson. Also a lesson that wouldn’t have arisen until into your teens.
 
SuperSheepStyle said:
I’m a cradle Catholic, so I spent most of my childhood in CCD and was confirmed. I was always taught that premarital sex itself wasn’t the sin, but it became the sin of adultery if you broke up with the person and had sex with someone else.
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Just curious,

Who in CCD made up that rationalization?

As others in this thread have shown,

Fornication = sexual intercourse between people not married to each other.

AND
scripture condemns it

open footnote “immoral” is a lousy translation of what is really being said.​


1 Cor 6: 9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral,[b] nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[c][d] 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.

* 6.9 the immoral: Literally, “fornicators.”

That said

Sexual relations is and has ALWAYS been within the sacrament of marriage.
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SuperSheepStyle:
So under that logic, if a couple had premarital sex and then got engaged and married, without ever breaking up or cheating on each other, there would be no sin committed. That’s what I’ve thought my whole life, and what I was taught in CCD, but now I’m finding out that that’s not necessarily true from the RCIA teacher (my fiancé is going through RCIA, and I go to all the classes with him). I’m just very confused and looking for an explanation.
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Fornication is a mortal sin. I can’t believe someone hasn’t reported your CCD teacher for that error by now. Just sayin
 
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