Hey everyone. Because of my mental illness, I occasionally have suicidal thoughts. Are such thoughts sinful? What about if you dwell on them? Are they sinful if you dwell on them? I know that to commit suicide can be a mortal sin although a person’s culpability is probably diminished if they have a very serious mental illness or because of other circumstances but what about suicidal thoughts? Thanks for your time.
No. Lots of people have suicidal thoughts from time to time. Having the thought isn’t sinful. There are plenty of people out there who very understandably think to themselves that their families would be better off if they were dead; or that the pain will finally stop if they die; or that (for whatever reason) it makes sense to end their lives now. In fact, the coup de grace was a form of suicide (because the recipient requested it) and was thought by many warriors to be a form of generosity because it ended suffering (though I believe that the Church has always spoken against it).
We are warned, not against considering suicide, but against despair. Jesus told us that the one unforgiveable sin was blaspheming the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:32). Many “Bible only” people think that means that you have to actually curse the Holy Spirit, but in fact Jesus was saying something much more profound. The Pharisees were attributing the acts of the Holy Spirit to the devil; they were so obstinate and so stubborn that they simply could not comprehend the saving power of God.
Despair is the ultimate sin not because it offends God so terribly much, but because it prevents you from accepting His grace and mercy. Once you surrender to despair, you make it impossible to accept God’s grace, because you simply cannot believe that He would be willing to take you back. That is, of course, an incorrect understanding of God; but it inhibits you from coming back to Him.
My counsel would be not to feel bad about having suicidal thoughts, but to make a sincere effort not to indulge in them. Seek counseling from a priest and a psychologist or other reputable counselor. Aim to avoid finding yourself in that dark pit in the first place, or to crawl out of it (one step at a time, if necessary) if you’re already there.
But don’t give up just because you’ve thought about suicide. That’s not the problem. The problem doesn’t lie in whatever reason there is behind giving up; it’s only the giving up itself that’s a problem. Everything else can be dealt with.
Hope this helps.