Is it a sin to impregnate your wife when you are no longer happily married?

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rayne89 said:
dianaballein;4241342:
Because they are married. Love is a choice by the way, not a warm fuzzy feeling. Unless one spouse is forcing the other into a sexual act then it’s not a violation. We really, really need to get these Hollywood and romance novel ideas of love out of peoples heads. If one wants to stay married for a lifetime then one has to chose to love even when one doesn’t feel like it.
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Um…I think I was quoted improperly. :confused:
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The sin is to judge these people. Marriage is for life. They need love and support to see through the bad times. Jesus said we were to serve/meet each others needs, which is especially true in marriage, and as Christian friends. If we stop thinking of ourselves, good will win through. The devil comes to divide us. We must not let him. Families are vital to the stability of society.
 
yellowbird said:
I hear what you’re saying - we really can’t know if someone is happy - and besides, it’s their business. But in defense of the OP, I’ve had a friend who admitted she was totally miserable in her marriage, they were considering divorce, but decided to go ahead and have a baby to see if that might “fix things.” Not only do I think that’s an AWFUL tactic - (babies, although blessings, are stressful - hello? sleep deprivation?) And besides - what a lot of pressure to put on a child… ok, YOU are going to be the cure all for our crummy marriage… get busy!

So in that case, I think it’s fair to ask if it’s … well, I’m not sure about sinful necessarily - but REALLY stupid to try to have a child? Your example is very similar.
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See, the situation you give is a bit more direct…in that the actual spouse is telling you their view. Is this what happened to the OP, or is the OP judging the couple and their relationship?

I wonder if people try to make a baby because they have fond memories of the event (well, maybe not the actual laboring and newborn fatigue) but perhaps for a period of time they were close and loving.

If we are talking about two unhappy people in a marriage, it’s not really set in stone that the child is going to be scarred for life. I know lots of people IRL who are in a relationship or married unhappily without abuses.
 
rayne89 said:
If one wants to stay married for a lifetime then one has to chose to love even when one doesn’t feel like it.
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What if the couple is so unhappily married they are seeking an annulment?:confused:

Wouldn’t that be sinful, in that case? I realize that every dissolved marriage doesn’t end with an annulment, but what if the couple was even CONSIDERING getting the marriage annulled? :o
 
The_Thinker said:
The sin is to judge these people. Marriage is for life. They need love and support to see through the bad times. Jesus said we were to serve/meet each others needs, which is especially true in marriage, and as Christian friends. If we stop thinking of ourselves, good will win through. The devil comes to divide us. We must not let him. Families are vital to the stability of society.
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I agree. I am only thinking of the child/children though. Parents are adults…they do whatever they want. Kids are the innocent victims of those decisions.
 
hasikelee said:
See, the situation you give is a bit more direct…in that the actual spouse is telling you their view. Is this what happened to the OP, or is the OP judging the couple and their relationship?

I wonder if people try to make a baby because they have fond memories of the event (well, maybe not the actual laboring and newborn fatigue) but perhaps for a period of time they were close and loving.

If we are talking about two unhappy people in a marriage, it’s not really set in stone that the child is going to be scarred for life. I know lots of people IRL who are in a relationship or married unhappily without abuses.
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BOTH spouses are friends of mine. BOTH share with me the situation after many attempts at counseling. In any event, I have offered some more counseling solutions that they may or may not try, and other than loving them unconditionally, I will pray that what is in the best interest of all involved, happens.
 
You and your friends might find this study of some interest:

americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html

“Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.”
 
dianaballein said:
So if you are in a married state, you can intentionally do mental harm to your child? Just playing devil’s advocate here.

I have witnessed children who remain in unhealthy unhappy marriages and so often, the parents are not providing the proper guidance and example and are setting these kids up for failure in their own marriages.
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What kind of pre-marital counseling did this couple receive? Maybe their whole concept of marriage needs to be tweaked a bit. Correct me if I’m wrong, but all marriages go through times when there’s ‘unhappiness’ and it’s not all fun and games. But if the couple loves God enough and are committed to each other, they’ll get through it. They need to start praying a Rosary together every day and be open to the grace of God. Maybe what’s ‘wrong’ with their marriage is they’ve left God out of it.
 
yellowbird said:
What’s wrong with labido? Must it always be about love? Can’t it be just because you want to?
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Sometimes its about comfort , or bonding. There’s a reason that this couple is continuing marital relations that we are not privy to. Maybe God knows what he is doing by putting this desire in either one of them. In a putative marriage either spouse is required to render the debt unless there is a just reason. So unless one of these two is forcibly taking marital relations then there is no sin here as far as the sexual union.

As far as the rest of their relation goes if they are not behaving in a loving manner with each other I’m sure there is lots of sin going on.

They should consider a Retrouvaille weekend.
 
lwest said:
What kind of pre-marital counseling did this couple receive? Maybe their whole concept of marriage needs to be tweaked a bit. Correct me if I’m wrong, but all marriages go through times when there’s ‘unhappiness’ and it’s not all fun and games. But if the couple loves God enough and are committed to each other, they’ll get through it. They need to start praying a Rosary together every day and be open to the grace of God. Maybe what’s ‘wrong’ with their marriage is they’ve left God out of it.
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They have been to marriage counselors inside the church and outside the church, together and separate. The male feels demasculated, unimportant and unsupported. The wife has control issues, is hyper critical and irrational at times, partly due to anxiety and depression stemming from her childhood…the rest cropped up about a year after they were married. God has been the center of everything. Your assessment is not the case. They are very good Catholics. Their faith has never been the issue.
 
dianaballein said:
They have been to marriage counselors inside the church and outside the church, together and separate. The male feels demasculated, unimportant and unsupported. The wife has control issues, is hyper critical and irrational at times, partly due to anxiety and depression stemming from her childhood…the rest cropped up about a year after they were married. God has been the center of everything. Your assessment is not the case. They are very good Catholics. Their faith has never been the issue.
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Is the wife on any sort of medication for her anxiety and depression issues?

I ask because my husband and I went through a very rough patch in our marriage because he is bipolar. Once he got on the right medication (and the right dosage), things improved immensely.

That being said, it may not be wise for the wife to get pregnant if she has anxiety and depression issues. She should work to resolve those before pregnancy, if possible.
 
wanner47 said:
Is the wife on any sort of medication for her anxiety and depression issues?

I ask because my husband and I went through a very rough patch in our marriage because he is bipolar. Once he got on the right medication (and the right dosage), things improved immensely.

That being said, it may not be wise for the wife to get pregnant if she has anxiety and depression issues. She should work to resolve those before pregnancy, if possible.
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She is but does not take her meds like she should and is not receptive to her spouse asking her if she took them…she gets very angry and defensive. It’s just difficult all the way around.

I have given them couseling avenues and retreats offered up here through the forum. I guess that is the best I can do as their friend. The rest is up to them and to God! 🙂
 
Apryl said:
What if the couple is so unhappily married they are seeking an annulment?:confused:

Wouldn’t that be sinful, in that case? I realize that every dissolved marriage doesn’t end with an annulment, but what if the couple was even CONSIDERING getting the marriage annulled? :o
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That’s why I’ll recognize annullments when happily married people seek them, or seek them “regularized.” Otherwise, it’s qorban.
 
dianaballein said:
She is but does not take her meds like she should and is not receptive to her spouse asking her if she took them…she gets very angry and defensive. It’s just difficult all the way around.

I have given them couseling avenues and retreats offered up here through the forum. I guess that is the best I can do as their friend. The rest is up to them and to God! 🙂
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In which case your male friend has the problem of another weapon, another child, to be used against him in “family court.” I’m speaking from experience.

If the wife self medicating yet?
 
Isa_Almisry said:
In which case your male friend has the problem of another weapon, another child, to be used against him in “family court.” I’m speaking from experience.

If the wife self medicating yet?
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I agree with this, Isa. She already uses their only child in this manner.

Self-medicating, as in how?
 
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dianaballein:
I agree. I am only thinking of the child/children though. Parents are adults…they do whatever they want. Kids are the innocent victims of those decisions.
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And one of those decisions is to have a child or another child to try and save a marriage. Okay, so sometimes it works and all is well. But what happens when it doesn’t? Especially, if the child is told “we (only) had you to save our marriage”.

In this situation it is very likely the child will think that the fault lies with them eg they are not good enough, they are not kind enough. What does this do to a child. Certainly it doesn’t give them a good start in life.
 
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