Is it a sin to lie about or "hide" your sexuality?

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ShaunH

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Someone asked me today if I was gay. I told her, “no.” The thing is, I am gay. I felt guilty immediately after, but this could just be my scruples bothering me. Is this a sin? I just don’t feel ready to “come out” as a gay man. Once I feel ready, the first people I will tell will be my parents. After that, I’ll tell anyone else. But do you think this was still a sin? It’s not like me telling her that is hurting anyone. Thoughts?
 
ShaunH said:
Someone asked me today if I was gay. I told her, “no.” The thing is, I am gay. I felt guilty immediately after, but this could just be my scruples bothering me. Is this a sin? I just don’t feel ready to “come out” as a gay man. Once I feel ready, the first people I will tell will be my parents. After that, I’ll tell anyone else. But do you think this was still a sin? It’s not like me telling her that is hurting anyone. Thoughts?
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I don’t think so- if you don’t feel comfortable giving information you shouldn’t have to unless under oath or the information pertains to your Christian faith. You could have said I don’t feel comfortable with the subject, but that would have had the same outcome as saying yes.
 
I would say that it is not any of her concern really. Be careful as to who you are open to. Sometimes people can use information about you to hurt you. If you are not comfortable you don’t have to answer that question. I think you did what you felt was the best thing for you to do at the present moment. You did not do it out of malicious intent.
 
ShaunH said:
Someone asked me today if I was gay. I told her, “no.” The thing is, I am gay. I felt guilty immediately after, but this could just be my scruples bothering me. Is this a sin? I just don’t feel ready to “come out” as a gay man. Once I feel ready, the first people I will tell will be my parents. After that, I’ll tell anyone else. But do you think this was still a sin? It’s not like me telling her that is hurting anyone. Thoughts?
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If you acted rashly, as in you were caught off guard and could not decide on the reply it’s okay. If you were surprised, think about it so that next time you won’t be caught off guard. Instead avoid lying as best as possible and withhold information that other parties should not be privy to. If someone has a right to know your orientation, then I guess deceiving them would be purgery. Unless they have an authority to, personal answers can be withheld at your discretion.
 
You are under no obligation to tell anyone your sexuality, just as I am under no obligation to tell anyone my exact weight and age.

😃
 
What Irish Becca said!

Like those of us who are asked about our sex lives via questions about our family size (“were they all planned?” “Are you done?”), say something like “Why would ask such a question?” “How is that any of your business?”, or “are you asking who I sleep with? That’s rather personal, don’t you think?”. Something like that, but in a nice way. When you are ready to “come out”, if you intend on living by the teachings of the Church and remaining chaste, you could simply say “I do experience same-sex attraction, but by God’s Grace I’m living according to the teachings of the Church” (that’ll floor 'em!).

Good luck. You’re in my prayers.

In Christ,

Ellen
 
RCSeminarian said:
I would say that it is not any of her concern really. Be careful as to who you are open to. Sometimes people can use information about you to hurt you. If you are not comfortable you don’t have to answer that question. I think you did what you felt was the best thing for you to do at the present moment. You did not do it out of malicious intent.
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👍

That’s the best answer. It’s not always safe to be 100% honest, sadly.
 
Are you gay as in - when I come out I will live a gay lifestyle?

Or do you have same sex attraction and will choose to live a celibate lifestyle?

I think there is a lot bound up in the word “gay” - it implies that the person is living and supporting the life style. That is not the case with some individuals who have same sex attraction but choose not to live that lifestyle, but to remain celibate and according to the laws of God and His Church. I think a more accurate (and less loaded) term for that is same sex attraction.

With regard to your question - it’s none of anyone’s doggone business what your sex life is. What a rude question to ask someone!!

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
Are you gay as in - when I come out I will live a gay lifestyle?

Or do you have same sex attraction and will choose to live a celibate lifestyle?

I think there is a lot bound up in the word “gay” - it implies that the person is living and supporting the life style. That is not the case with some individuals who have same sex attraction but choose not to live that lifestyle, but to remain celibate and according to the laws of God and His Church. I think a more accurate (and less loaded) term for that is same sex attraction.

With regard to your question - it’s none of anyone’s doggone business what your sex life is. What a rude question to ask someone!!

~Liza
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I’ve been celibate for years, but that doesn’t make me any less gay. I don’t use same sex attraction because it’s cumbersome and it means the same thing to me anyway.
 
mkingdomlvr said:
I’ve been celibate for years, but that doesn’t make me any less gay. I don’t use same sex attraction because it’s cumbersome and it means the same thing to me anyway.
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With all due respect, I wasn’t asking you. 🙂 I’m asking someone who has not “come out” yet, and who is still trying to figure some things out.

~Liza
 
I wouldn’t feel guilty, but I would feel bad that society sees gay sexuality in a negative way when it’s not a sin to be gay. To me that’s like denying your race to racist people, in a less extreme way.

No, is the only answer because otherwise any other answer would be a yes.

And the above post sounded a little rude.
 
ShaunH said:
Someone asked me today if I was gay. I told her, “no.” The thing is, I am gay. I felt guilty immediately after, but this could just be my scruples bothering me. Is this a sin? I just don’t feel ready to “come out” as a gay man. Once I feel ready, the first people I will tell will be my parents. After that, I’ll tell anyone else. But do you think this was still a sin? It’s not like me telling her that is hurting anyone. Thoughts?
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Shaun we are livnig in a time when people are just plain rude and nosy…It is no ones business, you have nothing to feel guilty about…they should be ashamed for being so crude to ask a personal question

We are living in some really coarse times where people think they have the right to ask anything, even things that are no business of theirs
 
I’ve been asked that before and I can usually tell if a person is being intrusive or sincere. My response to nosy people of both genders is, “It depends on whether or not your about to make a pass at me.”
 
ShaunH said:
Someone asked me today if I was gay. I told her, “no.” The thing is, I am gay…But do you think this was still a sin? It’s not like me telling her that is hurting anyone. Thoughts?
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How can that be a lie? The truth is, you are not gay, 100%, that’s it, nothing else to you. I’ll create an imaginary person. He votes Republican. He ethnicity is Italian-American. He works for the Acme Corp in Human Resources, he is attracted to people of his own sex, he plays volleyball, he is Catholic, He loves cooking Japanese food… You can add to this list, and further create this imaginary person. The “gay” part is just one small piece of a person with 1000’s of characteristics. So, no, he is not gay, he is a full complete person with a variety of nuances and feelings and qualities.

How short sighted and shallow and rude of a person to even ask that of you. Would they like you more if you said yes? Would they respect that in you? Would they hate you because of it? You come as a full package, not an a la carte menu.

And “gay” has too many different meanings to so many different people that it really doesn’t describe much. For some it is a SSA. For others it is a political agenda. For others, an effeminate bearing, for others, the opposite, for others it’s any boring activity that they don’t like.

So, no, you did lie. And I’d bet that you are not “gay.”

Because you are posting here, it suggests that you are open to listening to Catholic viewpoints on SSA. I hope you are open to when and how God will choose to address this facet of your life. He has worked miracles in my life, and really changed me, cleansed me, and is allowing me to move on.

Denying being gay is not a sin. It shows that it is not the way you want to be identified. It shows that you have a internal feeling that it is not right for you. And I hope that you feel good about yourself, and never doubt that God loves you and is calling to you and wants to work wonders in your life.
kimbaichan said:
My response to nosy people of both genders is, “It depends on whether or not your about to make a pass at me.”
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Bottom line, why else would any one even care unless they had an interest. Yours is the best response! No lie, no deceit, no judgment.
 
^ If he cannot say he’s straight, bi, or some other sexuality he is as gay as his hair color. It’s not a definition of oneself but just your word to describe your sexuality.

That guy is gay, Republican, Italian-American , and whatever… If you’re gay… big deal.
 
lizaanne said:
With all due respect, I wasn’t asking you. 🙂 I’m asking someone who has not “come out” yet, and who is still trying to figure some things out.

~Liza
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and I put my 2 cents in as someone who is living as a gay person. I know I was helped much more by other gay people than I was from straights who tried to give advice when they had no clue what it was really like. Meaning no disrespect, but when you are the majority, it is really impossible to understand what it’s like to live as a minority.
 
I would answer “Why? Are you?”

It’s a rude and intrusive question and none of their business.
 
^ that rings as “Yes but I am insecure so I’ll ask them”. No is the ONLY answer.

It’s not as rude as you think if it’s out of concern, and just curious. It’s rude if you hardly know the person though.
 
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