Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend?

[jennamarie87]

Hey guys… Just had a question, Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend? We just been starting to think about, haven’t made any decisions yet. But, the thing is i come from a very strict catholic family, and i don’t even know how i would go about even telling my family i was even considering this. Just needed some advice or if you had been in a similar situation as well… Thanks!

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

If you come from a strict Catholic home, how do you not know that “co habitation” is a sin? You are not supposed to “Shack up” with a boyfriend before marriage. Even if you were not having sexual relations while living with him, it is still a bad idea because it is pretty much saying that there is nothing wrong with living in sin.

It can cause “Scandal” and you would just help perpetuate how immoral society has become. Nobody except “religious” people think it is a big deal to shack up before marriage. It was not like that 60 years ago.

I recommend talking to your priest. I think you are in need of instruction. You need catechesis (teaching) badly if you did not know moving in with a boyfriend before marriage is a sin. God bless.

 

[jennamarie87]

First of all thanks for the answers…& Yes, I obviously know how they would feel about this. and yes growing up they did tell us stuff and teach us but, it was always don’t do this don’t do that. Because you will be a bad person. (They were the type of parents you couldn’t question)… But no explanation to why its wrong or anything like that … But, if i do make the decision to, would i be living in sin? and why is that?..

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

**Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2391 Some today claim a “right to a trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. However firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, "the fact is that such liaisons can scarcely ensure mutual sincerity and fidelity in a relationship between a man and a woman, nor, especially, can they protect it from inconstancy of desires or whim."184 Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.**

And even if a couple is not having pre marital relations while “shacking up” it can still be a sin because it can cause the sin on “Scandal” which leads others to sin

**]Even if a couple does not engage in sexual relations for the entire time of cohabitation, their “shacking up” gives scandal and can be become an occassion of sin. For “the person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense"(CCC no. 2284).
**
Knowing that shacking up is a “grave matter” if you and your boyfriend decide to do it anyway, you are leading each other away from God. One who truly cares about another will not do that. And how does it look when a “Catholic” ignores Church teaching and decides to shack up anyways? What about when someone else says “I have a friend who is Catholic and she lives with her boyfriend” The reason more people shack up these days is because it has become socially acceptable. You would be perpetuating this by doing it too and helping to cause others to say “There is nothing wrong with living with my boyfriend before marriage” and helping lead them into sin.

Hope this all makes sense. I think you really need to talk to your priest or even parish Deacon. Tell them you don’t understand exactly why it is a sin and they will tell you why.

 

[Kount_C]

Been there… Done that, with an Ex, from the time I was 20 until 23. I had to leave my violent home. Church does not take into those things, an account. However, I will say that,
it will be the worst mistake of your life, and ruin a good part of your life.

Get a real education, stay at home save money. move out when you’re 29-30 and have 100k in the bank and a masters degree. Or save your own money and buy a house cash when you are 30ish…

 

[1ke]

Hey guys… Just had a question, Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend? We just been starting to think about, haven’t made any decisions yet.

So why is it that you want to move in with the boyfriend without being married to him?

 

[johnnyt3000]

If you’re boyfriend is considering for you to move in with him, then he is not the person you want to marry. It is a grave/mortal sin to cohabitate before marriage. Plus, the divorce rates for those who live together before marriage are drastically higher than those who wait for marriage to live together. Pray the Rosary every day. Our Lady will help you with anything. And please talk to a priest. Don’t forget that any sexual activity outside of its proper context (which is marriage) is forbidden because it is not what God designed for us. So if you live together before marriage you will be probably be heavily tempted into sins of the flesh. There are things accepted by the world that send people straight to hell.

 

[Catholic1954]

Hey guys… Just had a question, Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend? We just been starting to think about, haven’t made any decisions yet. But, the thing is i come from a very strict catholic family, and i don’t even know how i would go about even telling my family i was even considering this. Just needed some advice or if you had been in a similar situation as well… Thanks!

Big sin, big mistake. Do your life a favor and don’t go there.

 

[esieffe]

It sounds so easy doesn’t it? I am not being sarcastic. It just does not work out. We all have urges, we are after all human, so this is where the “avoiding the near occasion of sin” comes in.

Is he Catholic? If not, it makes the situation even more dangerous, as he will not have enough resistance to even fool himself into thinking this is a good idea. I know the idea of moving out, being independent, and being with someone you love is oh so very appealing, but you would not have posted about this idea if you did not have real reservations about this idea. Some part of you knows this.

It would be much better to move in with someone who you only share platonic interests with. Life is complicated enough, don’t throw yourself a curve ball, just when you are stepping up to the home plate of adulthood.

 

[Mintaka]

If you think you trust your boyfriend enough to trust him not to murder you in the middle of the night and steal your stuff (and vice versa),

… and if you think you trust him enough to let him share your body (and vice versa)…

… and you think you two want to share all your days and nights in perfect togetherness, because you’re in love (and yay for that!)…

… Then why don’t you trust each other enough to get married?

Living together is not safer than getting married.

That’s like saying, “Well, okay, we trust each other enough to walk around on the bottom of the lake while holding our breath, even though we know that some people die that way because the mud is sticky. But swimming? Are you nuts? That’s way too scary. Put on those lead shoes, honey, and stick close to the mud. Floating is not for us.”

If you want to stay in the same place together, get married and get your own place together. This is not rocket science.

If you’re know you’re not ready to get married, you’re not ready to live together. Enjoy being single, and get wooing each other, for goodness’ sake!

 

[mjs2001]

It isn’t a sin if you marry each other first and then move in together. I assume that you’re young, and the thought of moving in with your boyfriend sounds exciting and will make you feel like you are more responsible and independent. But, honestly, it’s a mistake. I know many women who moved in with a boyfriend, hoping that it was a step towards something more permanent, only to later find out that the guy had a fear of true commitment such that the girl wasted a good portion of her life with him. All that time, she could have met someone else, or done something in her life that was much more worthwhile than a long, drawn-out mistake. And then, of course, when she finally meets her true love, she has to have the uncomfortable conversation in which she discloses that she used to live with some other guy (and if she doesn’t tell him, he’s going to find out eventually anyway).

If this boyfriend of yours loves you–I mean, if he truly Loves you–he will not want to disrespect you by co-habitating with you before marriage. If he can’t live without you, he will get down on one knee and ask you to marry him. You deserve a real man. Don’t settle for less.

 

[littlestsouls2]

To expose oneself to a near occasion of sin is itself a sin. If I were to go to a nudist beach, for example, I would be committing a sin, because I know that in my weakness I might fall into impurity. Moving in with a partner is an occasion for sins of sexual impurity esp., and should therefore be avoided.

It is not worth the risk, either to you or your partner. Both of your souls are more important than moving in together, as appealing as it may seem.

God bless.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Hey guys… Just had a question, Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend? We just been starting to think about, haven’t made any decisions yet. But, the thing is i come from a very strict catholic family, and i don’t even know how i would go about even telling my family i was even considering this. Just needed some advice or if you had been in a similar situation as well… Thanks!

This really isn’t a good idea…AT ALL. Often how those Judge Judy type situations come to be.

You need to realize that your parents weren’t strict about these kinds of things for no reason and just rain on your parade of fun.

Aside from the obvious moral issues of premarital sex and scandal, the secular ones can also be a real headache as well. If things don’t work out and you move out, you could still be paying for him to stay there because your name would be on the lease. Imagine having to do that if he’s shacking up with someone else after you left.

 

[Adonia]

Hey guys… Just had a question, Is it a sin to move in with your boyfriend? We just been starting to think about, haven’t made any decisions yet. But, the thing is i come from a very strict catholic family, and i don’t even know how i would go about even telling my family i was even considering this. Just needed some advice or if you had been in a similar situation as well… Thanks!

Duh!

 

[brian_custer]

it is not a sin if you can live together like brother & sister

good luck with that

you probably shouldn’t do it

 

[Regina7]

As someone who “shacked up” with a boyfriend, take my advice: DONT DO IT!

I ended up marrying this man, and this was honestly one of worst things we could have done. We regretted living together first, and we paid dearly for it.

If you end up breaking up with the guy you live with, imagine what your future husband will feel when he knows you’ve been that intimate with another man.

Either way, whether you marry him or not, you are hurting both you, this man and your future spouse.

 

[Cathoholic]

jennamarie87.

WHY teach and re-enforce to your boyfriend that marital relations OUTSIDE of the realm of marriage are OK?

People who do this often later get married and wonder why their (now) spouse is “running around” on them.

(Wife: “How could you!? How could you think that it was OK to run around!? How could you go have marital relations with THAT WOMAN!?

Husband: (Won’t say this but the seeds of it will be deeply sown down in his inner being) . . . “Well. YOU (by your actions way back when, AFFIRMED me in my sin. You affirmed to me (by fornicating with me before we were married) that relations OUTSIDE of a marital covenantal relationship are good!

Your actions gave a two thumbs up to “relations” OUTSIDE of marriage."

YOU will have helped affirm this guy in his philandering. And you will be sitting around crying how HE can do this (when YOU are PART of the blame if you do this).

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What are you (implicitly) telling your children (when later they are born and figure out “mom was shacking up” or even if you keep it a “secret” there are subtle implicit teachings that result from such behavior that you pass onto your children—proverbial “nuclear fallout” from your sin)?

You implicitly are telling them if you would have gotten pregnant with them either (it can only be one of the two) . . .

You would dispose (abort, kill) of your child . . . . OR . . . .

You would be more than willing to bring your child into this world without trying your best to give your children a stable home with a mother AND a father to help bring them up so you can have illicit relations. You are willing to bring them into this world “out of wedlock” so you can satisfy the sin of lust (your boyfriend’s lust, yours, or both).
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Don’t move in with your boyfriend.

Pray every day. Someone here said pray the Rosary. I think that is good advice. If you don’t think you will stick with that, at least pray a decade of the Rosary each day (and then God will give you graces to increase your prayer life subsequently).

And you evidently are old enough to catechize yourself. Do so. Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church (here) and consider also reading the Roman Catechism (here in Kindle format although it is free in the public domain if you look around. Then you can just download it and read it on your phone). Both of these Catholic Catechisms compliment one another quite nicely.

And get in the Confessional frequently.

God bless.

Cathoholic

 

[Googler]

“Fornication defeats the social purpose of sexual activity. For although children can be physically conceived outside of marriage, unmarried partners cannot give their children the education and moral nurture they require. Without the stability of married life, and given the example of unwed cohabitation, children cannot be brought up to respect their parents or to practice the fundamental virtues of decent living. Premarital intercourse also contravenes the psychological purpose of sex experience. By implication coitus is a total self-surrender and a symbol of mutual and abiding love. But without the stay of marriage and the guarantee of permanence which only matrimony can assure, the self-surrender is really self-deception, since only the marriage contract says “until death do us part.” Until that commitment has been made, either party is free to withdraw his or her affection and leave the other a victim of caprice.”
~Father Hardon

 

[catholicmom2015]

I did this with a boyfriend and it did not work out. My parents also were strict Catholics and I had to endure much criticism for it. My mom told me I was “shacking up” and even called me a heathen for going against the Catholic church. In that case, I can say it was a mistake. However I learned a lot from that mistake. It taught me to be more forward-thinking about future decisions.

I suggest you ask yourself: Do I see myself marrying this person? If the answer is I don’t know, we’re moving in together to find out, then I suggest holding off. Nowadays it is more common for people to move in together before marriage. I am less against it if a couple is engaged and has a firm wedding date lined up.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Hi and welcome to the forums! I’m so glad you are here asking this question.

God designed sex to be within married life because it makes a baby and it’s the super glue that binds two people together to help for when difficult times come, as they do with every life. Dating should be a time of looking at the person soberly, to see their qualities and faults, to discern the will of God. When you apply the super glue before it’s time, their faults are easily overlooked, bad habits excused. When the hormones are applied, it’s hard to think straight, and thinking straight better be a priority when discerning a life partner!

When dating, both parties are to treat each other honorably. Both should look to helping the other grow in faith and deepen their relationship with God. Once you become a certain age it’s time to grow in your faith and make it your own. You are no longer under the umbrella of your parents blessing. Study the faith because faith and the practice of virtue will serve you your entire life, to bless and keep you. It’s a very important time and should be spent wisely. Now is the time to build your house on the rock of Christ. Be careful laying a foundation because when the wind and rains come, if you build on sand, there will surely be great loss when the house collapses. This is what scripture says, and you can look at the divorce rate and the amount of broken families to see the results of building on sand.

Below is a bit of catechism of the Catholic Church. To learn the virtues and to learn how to apply them in every day life will be like a light unto your feet. God can then build inside you and prepare you for what He is calling you to. What would happen if you only had 10 more years, or 5? and you come before the throne of the living God to give an account for your life? Will He find you busy on building the kingdom of God in your heart and neighbor, or will you come before Him empty handed? Think on these things. Life is very short and many come before God in a moment, without warning.

Read a bit of this catechism and ask yourself if these aren’t good principles to put into place in your life. Wouldn’t you want a life partner that would be working on the same things so you can walk together in blessing? Going from strength to strength?

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s1c1a7.htm

God bless and guide you to holiness every day so that you can bring blessing upon the world, which is your calling and mine.