F
fakename
Guest
What the question says -is it a sin and is it serious? I don’t wish that person harm but I’ve come to not love that member.
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1
1ke
Guest
We cannot tell you the answer to your question. It’s not a yes or no answer.
We do not know you, your situation, or what has transpired to cause these feelings you have. In general, we are called to love our neighbors and even our enemies. The Fourth Commandment gives guidance regarding our family relationships. The Fifth Commandment gives guidance regarding harboring anger against another.
So, seek guidance from a holy priest to assist you in understanding your responsibilities to family-- parents, siblings, children, in-laws, spouse, etc, and Christ’s commandment regarding loving one another.
If a person is dangerous to you, abusive, toxic, etc, **loving **them does not mean letting yourself be a doormat, abused, or subjected to emotional manipulation. We can love a person whil not condoning their behavior and even limiting contact with them when they violate boundaries.
Talk to a priest. Try to see Christ in this other person.
We do not know you, your situation, or what has transpired to cause these feelings you have. In general, we are called to love our neighbors and even our enemies. The Fourth Commandment gives guidance regarding our family relationships. The Fifth Commandment gives guidance regarding harboring anger against another.
So, seek guidance from a holy priest to assist you in understanding your responsibilities to family-- parents, siblings, children, in-laws, spouse, etc, and Christ’s commandment regarding loving one another.
If a person is dangerous to you, abusive, toxic, etc, **loving **them does not mean letting yourself be a doormat, abused, or subjected to emotional manipulation. We can love a person whil not condoning their behavior and even limiting contact with them when they violate boundaries.
Talk to a priest. Try to see Christ in this other person.
T
Trishie
Guest
Do you mean that you don’t ‘like’ the person?
You don’t actually wish the person harm, not actual harm, so you may not really be accurate in saying you don’t love the person.
Your feelings may be negative, and possibly for ample reason, but feelings are neither love not not love. It’s your intentions towards the other person, and your actions, that count as love or not-love.
Jesus didn’t comment on likes and dislikes, but He commands us to love other,
and He also commands that we love our enemies and pray for them.
You don’t actually wish the person harm, not actual harm, so you may not really be accurate in saying you don’t love the person.
Your feelings may be negative, and possibly for ample reason, but feelings are neither love not not love. It’s your intentions towards the other person, and your actions, that count as love or not-love.
Jesus didn’t comment on likes and dislikes, but He commands us to love other,
and He also commands that we love our enemies and pray for them.
T
Trishie
Guest
I did at some stage give this some thought and wrote it in my journal, as I do.
Love one another
Jesus, You command that we love each other as You have loved us. You add that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for others. “Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.”[John 4:10-11]“By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21]
It can be difficult to love others when they appear ‘troublesome’, or misjudge or reject us, or when we are weary and preoccupied
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Each of us has only our personal consciousness, so that we only know our own feelings and thoughts, and may only imagine another’s.“The depths of a person can only be known by his own spirit, not by any other person.” [1Corinthians 2:1] So how can we truly love*? “Let us love one another, since love comes from God.”* [John 4:7] Therefore, Jesus, we may hope for God’s love in us that we may love as You have loved us.
As You have said, to live as Your disciples, as children of the Father, is impossible for humankind—but “nothing is impossible to God.” Love begins with awareness that each person is loved child of the Father. Therefore, Jesus, I pray for Your love in me for everyone You bring into my life. I forgive and bless each person who has hurt my loved ones or me. Please ensure that we forgive, however deeply others action or inaction wound us.
You have made us Your brothers and sisters; therefore, we will strive to overcome the difficulties that natural selfishness generates. We seldom must actually die as You did, for another person’s sake. Yet every day there are ways that we relinquish some preference, desire, or convenience for the need or wish of another person. Let Your Holy Spirit carry us lovingly though these little deaths. Love requires that we do so generously, kindly and cheerfully, for reluctance or resentment is not of the love that lays down life for anyone.
You wish us to love all whom You in any way entrust to our care, but You also require us to love and pray for our enemies—those who make our lives difficult and painful. Jesus, forgive us for those failures to love them truly. [Matthew. 5:44]
Love one another
Jesus, You command that we love each other as You have loved us. You add that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for others. “Since the Father loved us so much that He sent You to be the sacrifice that takes our sins away, we too should love one another.”[John 4:10-11]“By such love, everyone will know that we are Your disciples.” “Anyone who says ‘I love God’, and hates his brother is a liar, since a person who does not love the brother that he can see, cannot love God whom he has never seen.” [1 letter of John 4:20-21]
It can be difficult to love others when they appear ‘troublesome’, or misjudge or reject us, or when we are weary and preoccupied
As You have said, to live as Your disciples, as children of the Father, is impossible for humankind—but “nothing is impossible to God.” Love begins with awareness that each person is loved child of the Father. Therefore, Jesus, I pray for Your love in me for everyone You bring into my life. I forgive and bless each person who has hurt my loved ones or me. Please ensure that we forgive, however deeply others action or inaction wound us.
You have made us Your brothers and sisters; therefore, we will strive to overcome the difficulties that natural selfishness generates. We seldom must actually die as You did, for another person’s sake. Yet every day there are ways that we relinquish some preference, desire, or convenience for the need or wish of another person. Let Your Holy Spirit carry us lovingly though these little deaths. Love requires that we do so generously, kindly and cheerfully, for reluctance or resentment is not of the love that lays down life for anyone.
You wish us to love all whom You in any way entrust to our care, but You also require us to love and pray for our enemies—those who make our lives difficult and painful. Jesus, forgive us for those failures to love them truly. [Matthew. 5:44]
H
HAnne
Guest
While we know nothing more about your situation, I feel I should share some wonderful advice my mother gave me when I was a kid.
My parents went through a REALLY messy and nasty divorce. The family got uglier and uglier as people shored up sides and no one really cared (minus my Mom) what the 9 year old little girl was dealing with in the middle of everyone yelling at her.
I told my mom one night after a REALLY bad round with several of my Dad’s side of the family that I didn’t love them anymore because of how they were treating my mom.
This is what she told me:
“Honey - you don’t have to like them. But that’s your grandma, your aunt, and your Dad. You DO have to love them. But you don’t have to like them.”
That was when I learned what real sacrificial love meant. Seeing past someone’s faults and mistakes and loving them anyways. I didn’t have to like how they were acting. I didn’t have to like how they treated me or someone else. But I AM supposed to love my neighbor by God’s Great Commandment so I should DEFINITELY love my family.
I still use this today. I’m married to man with post-traumatic stress disorder and a traumatic brain injury. There are days I would rather run screaming into the night than deal with another day of my life like this. I can’t stand what’s happened to my marriage when it gets bad. I can’t remotely condone the behavior. I don’t LIKE it…but I never stop LOVING him…and I never will.
My parents went through a REALLY messy and nasty divorce. The family got uglier and uglier as people shored up sides and no one really cared (minus my Mom) what the 9 year old little girl was dealing with in the middle of everyone yelling at her.
I told my mom one night after a REALLY bad round with several of my Dad’s side of the family that I didn’t love them anymore because of how they were treating my mom.
This is what she told me:
“Honey - you don’t have to like them. But that’s your grandma, your aunt, and your Dad. You DO have to love them. But you don’t have to like them.”
That was when I learned what real sacrificial love meant. Seeing past someone’s faults and mistakes and loving them anyways. I didn’t have to like how they were acting. I didn’t have to like how they treated me or someone else. But I AM supposed to love my neighbor by God’s Great Commandment so I should DEFINITELY love my family.
I still use this today. I’m married to man with post-traumatic stress disorder and a traumatic brain injury. There are days I would rather run screaming into the night than deal with another day of my life like this. I can’t stand what’s happened to my marriage when it gets bad. I can’t remotely condone the behavior. I don’t LIKE it…but I never stop LOVING him…and I never will.
T
Trishie
Guest
And as I do, I backed this up with various scriptures. I hope that helps, both with your feelings about yourself in the difficulty you have with the family member, but also with what the Lord has to teach us about love
You say that when we do a kindness to anyone we do it for You. [Matthew 25:40]. You teach that the consequence of not living this Christ-love towards others is self-condemnation to that miserable pit where no love penetrates, for all who dwell within have ultimately rejected divine love.
Our love “is not to be mere words or mere talk, but something real and active; only by this can we be certain that we are children of the truth.” [John 3:18-19]
Your apostle Paul exhorts,“Do not let your love be pretence, but sincerely prefer good to evil. Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]
“Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate”even to the sacrifice of His beloved Son.“Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.”[Luke 6:36-38*] “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” *[Matthew 5:43-48]
“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.”[Luke 6: 39-42]
“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” [Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]
“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” [Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “Each one should give what he has decided in his own mind, not grudgingly or because he is made to, ‘for God loves a cheerful giver.’”[Proverbs 28:2]“And there is no limit to the blessings which God can send you…for yourselves…for all sorts of good works.” [2Corinthians 9:6-8] “None of us lives for himself only.” [Romans 14:7]
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves…For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’”[Romans. 15:1-3]* “Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13]“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”*[Isaiah 1:17-18]
Pardon all the quotes but this is simply what I have recorded in my journal
You say that when we do a kindness to anyone we do it for You. [Matthew 25:40]. You teach that the consequence of not living this Christ-love towards others is self-condemnation to that miserable pit where no love penetrates, for all who dwell within have ultimately rejected divine love.
Our love “is not to be mere words or mere talk, but something real and active; only by this can we be certain that we are children of the truth.” [John 3:18-19]
Your apostle Paul exhorts,“Do not let your love be pretence, but sincerely prefer good to evil. Love each other as brothers should, and have a profound respect for each other…If any of the saints are in need you must share with them; and you must make hospitality your special care.” [Romans 12:9-13]
“Be compassionate as your heavenly Father is compassionate”even to the sacrifice of His beloved Son.“Do not judge others and you will not yourself be judged. Grant pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure.”[Luke 6:36-38*] “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; in this way you will be children of your Father in heaven, for He causes the sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and His rain to fall on honest and dishonest persons alike…You must therefore be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.” *[Matthew 5:43-48]
“Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the splinter that is in your eye’…Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take out the splinter in your brother’s eye.”[Luke 6: 39-42]
“Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You; or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and make You welcome; naked and clothe You; sick or in prison and go to see You?” Jesus replies “I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” “In so far as you neglected to do this to one of the least, you neglected to do it to me.” [Matthew 25:37-40, 45-46]
“Is there a poor brother among you, one of your brothers, in any town of yours? Do not harden your heart or close your hand against that poor brother of yours, but be open-handed with him.” [Deuteronomy 15:7-8] “Each one should give what he has decided in his own mind, not grudgingly or because he is made to, ‘for God loves a cheerful giver.’”[Proverbs 28:2]“And there is no limit to the blessings which God can send you…for yourselves…for all sorts of good works.” [2Corinthians 9:6-8] “None of us lives for himself only.” [Romans 14:7]
“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves…For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’”[Romans. 15:1-3]* “Malice must be banished from your tongue.” [Psalm 34:13]“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”*[Isaiah 1:17-18]
Pardon all the quotes but this is simply what I have recorded in my journal
J
jawgee
Guest
Beautiful. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut!
D
Della
Guest
We are not bound to feel affection for others. Affection is fine, but it can be misleading, since we tend to feel it for those who please us.
Love is a theological virtue, not a feeling. It is something we will to do. With some people it seems easy to love them–those who treat us well and show us affection. But, even they will disappoint us from time to time, and so we love them as Christ loves them–without strings attached or emotional baggage.
This can be particularly hard when someone has been cruel or thoughtless, but by the very fact that you wish the person well, you have demonstrated that you do love them even if you don’t have any affection/feelings for them.
What you should do now is work for their good by being kind and understanding of them even if you cannot accept their behavior/feelings towards you. Don’t say bad things about them and don’t do anything that might harm them (this does not include not reporting them to the authorities if they are being physically abusive, but only not harming their reputation out of spite, etc.), but you don’t have to make them your best friend, especially if being with them is harmful in any way to you.
Love is a theological virtue, not a feeling. It is something we will to do. With some people it seems easy to love them–those who treat us well and show us affection. But, even they will disappoint us from time to time, and so we love them as Christ loves them–without strings attached or emotional baggage.
This can be particularly hard when someone has been cruel or thoughtless, but by the very fact that you wish the person well, you have demonstrated that you do love them even if you don’t have any affection/feelings for them.
What you should do now is work for their good by being kind and understanding of them even if you cannot accept their behavior/feelings towards you. Don’t say bad things about them and don’t do anything that might harm them (this does not include not reporting them to the authorities if they are being physically abusive, but only not harming their reputation out of spite, etc.), but you don’t have to make them your best friend, especially if being with them is harmful in any way to you.
B
Ben_F
Guest
Thanks Della. God bless:thumbsup:
R
Rascalking
Guest
I hope not. You never met some of my cousins.
D
Della
Guest
Yeah, I think we all have one or two people in our lives we have a hard time caring about, don’t we? :banghead:I hope not. You never met some of my cousins.
But, we love them for love of God.Thank you for your kind words, Ben F. Glad mine were helpful. :tiphat:
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