Is It A Sin To Runaway/Cut Contact With A Parent?

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yahwehsdaughter said:
I say “runaway” because I would have to sneak out and disable the GPS from my phone. I would also have to go somewhere where they can’t find me anymore…
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Are you in a country that restricts women’s rights or where it would be dangerous for you to live alone?

Most people here are posting in the US, where you can just leave and that’s it. Where you can take all the money out of a bank account with your name on it, joint or not, and simply walk away. Where you can get a job easily. Where you have legal rights and protections.
yahwehsdaughter said:
just worry that if I try to leave, God will punish me and make something terrible happen to me, like I will be killed or have to prostitute myself for money or something
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You have suffered long term abuse and your parents have likely told you things that aren’t true regarding your obligations as their child.

There is no sin and God is not going to punish you.

If you are from a culture or in a country where honor killings or filicide is common, then you need to PLAN carefully and find safe harbor with a social services group or women’s shelter.

Even in the US if you fear reprisal, you need a plan and you may need to file a restraining order with the police and be careful with your security.
 
Thank you for your prayers. They mean so much to me ❤️

I’ll go to a few churches and the local catholic church. I want to convert and start RCIA, so I was planning to go there anyway.
 
I’m in the US, but I live in the middle of nowhere off from a small town. We don’t have public transportation or the best resources here. If I want to walk from where I live into town, it will take me about 3 hours. There are other issues where I live that make me feel a little unsafe walking alone… There have been stories of women being trafficked and kidnapped. I’m also a person of color in the south and where I live, I have seen people with confederate flags and nazi symbols on their cars. Since where I live is kind of in the woods and far off from town, I feel like it would be easy for someone to hurt me if they wanted to. I am afraid that my family will find me if I leave. I don’t know if they will be violent, but I’m afraid since they have been in the past. If I can get to town, there’s a shelter two cities away, I can buy a cab to get there, but only after I reach town, since they don’t offer service where I live. I will just have to trust God to provide for me and keep me safe.
 
Okay, let’s talk walking. You live in the US, and it’s summer. Positive: the days are long. Negative: the days are hot. (Do you have a bike? Even if it only fit you when you were a kid, if the tires work, a bicycle is faster than walking. Also it lets you carry more stuff.)

You are going to want to put your stuff in a backpack. You will want at least one water bottle or drink with you. Don’t forget to bring some food/snacks with you, if possible.

Best solution for the heat is probably to go out early. Very rarely are there skeevy people around at 4 AM or 5 AM. You can make good time.

But if your going will be noticed, probably it would be better to go out as early as you can, before noon.

Plan your route. If you know the road to town well, good. If not, use Google Maps and Google Streetview. If there are parks or creeks or vacant lots/unfenced woodlots along the way, you might want to plan rest stops there. Make sure you delete your browsing history from any browser where your family might find it, while you are in the planning stage. When you leave, you can have the Google Maps route on your phone.

Make sure you have your best walking shoes on your feet. If you have more than one pair of shoes, take them if you can.

There’s a reddit called /raisedbynarcissists that has lots of tips for getting away from bad situations. May God, Who protected the Israelites leaving Egypt, and Who sent an angel’s warning to help Joseph protect Mary and Jesus from Herod, protect you and lead you to freedom.
 
Thanks for all your advice 🙏! I don’t have a bike, but everything else is useful. Thanks for your prayers as well. I’m planning to leave as soon as possible.
 
Conduct outreach to social services and have them help you make a plan. You should NOT try to walk 3 hours to town. Have a solid plan, a place set up to stay, and someone to transport you. Make plans regarding funds, whether it is going straight to the bank and withdrawing the money from the joint account or putting away small amounts of cash in a hiding place until you are ready to leave.

This is not something to do half-cocked. This is something to plan with care and the help of others. Surely you have at least one friend who you can message privately on an app such as SnapChat or other that your parents would not be able to monitor and who would help you by transporting you and/or financially with some money?

Use the resources at https://www.thehotline.org/ to make your plan.

800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522
 
@yahwehsdaughter, have you contacted the shelter? I am sure they will be able to help and advise you on the logistics of getting to them. They will be used to people being isolated, or worried about their safety whilst getting to the shelter. Please contact them, and also social services.

Please, keep yourself safe. Right now you are living in a nightmare, but you will be free of it. Stay safe.
 
Thank you for the advice and resources. I actually do have one friend who lives relatively close, but we’ve only talked on an app. He kind of knows my situation, and I felt a lot like he was wanting me to leave, but not pressuring me. I could ask him for a ride after he gets off work. I will make a financial plan and use the resource you linked.
 
Thanks for the advice! I didn’t think about contacting the shelter. I will do so when I’m away from listening ears.
 
I know it’s risky, but I trust him. I feel like he’s my best option in the case of an emergency.
 
Please keep us updated! I had a parent similar to yours, very controlling, but I imagine your situation must be worse since you are so isolated. Definitely call the shelter or the ministry and they should be able to help arrange for transportation!! You deserve to have freedom and live a life of your choosing. I will be praying for you!!
 
yahwehsdaughter said:
They tell you that you are worthless, stupid, replacable, etc., and they hate your faith and persecute you. … I’m not talking about a child or teenager; I’m asking if it’s okay to leave if you’re an adult? Would you be dishonoring your parent by leaving and cutting contact with them?
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For a healthy adult it is probably advisable to try to move out to avoid the verbal abuse and persecution of your faith. That can be difficult for a young adult who has disabilities such as adult autism or similar.

Moving out is not necessarily an act of dishonoring your parents. Typically that is a normal part of adulthood.

Cutting contact is another issue.

The woman I nearly married–sadly she died–had a very strained relationship with her alcoholic mother. Moving out helped to reduce the tension. I suggested that she speak to her confessor about the situation, especially how she could obey the 4th of the Ten Commandments while minimizing contact.

I also offered to visit with her and her mother on a monthly basis. At times I felt like a referee. I encouraged her to call her mom weekly and to let her mom know that she could call if she had some emergency or special need.

Have you had any counseling about this? Are there any relatives who could help?
 
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I’m doing fine. I decided to stay, after a long time of fasting and prayer. I had my things packed and ready to leave one day, but in the end I felt like God was telling me to trust Him where I am to change my situation. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t/shouldn’t leave, but asked me if I trusted Him, so I decided to stay and offer up any sufferings. Things have been relatively peaceful since then though. I have questions about how God will ultimately work everything out for me, but I am trusting Him, nonetheless.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for me and gave me advice ❤️.
 
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