Is it a sin to speak frankly about someone?

[peony25]

We have had some shocking news today about an extended family member. They’ve caused a lot of issues in the past and this latest one will have serious repurcussions.

As such I’ve been talking about them today to various other family members and feel slightly guilty about speaking frankly about them behind their back. I wouldn’t say it was gossip as nothing I’ve said is untrue or unfair, but equally I wouldn’t have liked to say it all in front of them.

Is this something I need to bring to confession?

 

[TK421]

Well, nobody was there but you. Sometimes we run into these murky areas where we feel uncertain. The fact that you feel uncertain shows that - if nothing else - you haven’t sinned deliberately.

When it comes to speaking about others, the philosopher follow these three guidelines (Socrates originally used it):

1. Is it kind
2. Is it true
3. Is it useful.

So it is entirely possible for something to be truthful but also to be unkind because of the nature and circumstances. Also, if you’re forced into the occasion of speaking about somebody, do it in a way that you would want to be talked about if you weren’t present. Put yourself into others’ shoes constantly.

If you don’t have a scrupulous conscience, and if you like to make use of frequent Confession, I would mention it (without urgency) at your next Confession just for the sake of mentioning it and clearing it out, and taking note of it in the future.

Peace.

 

[joeybaggz]

Thou shalt not bear false witness. The 8th commandment. False witness, lie, slander, libel. Speaking the truth is not false witness. However I might suggest that even speaking the truth can be at the very least hurtful. And I believe it is a teaching of the church that one can not use the truth as a means to injure another. For instance. A person was once accused of theft, accused, not convicted. To bring that up if it is not relevant to a situation but actually to infer dishonesty, is not morally right. Someone who filed bankruptcy a long time ago, past the legal statute of limitations; one can not use it against another if it is not relevant to a current situation but is only used to injure or seek “revenge” on another. If however, an innocent person could be hurt by such a person, bringing up the past may be permissible in such a situation.
It is a fine line. I would suggest that only when the behavior of someone who has acted “shockingly” could hurt or cause damage to another, then it would be proper to broach the subject.
I’'ve always held to the idea that if you say nothing, you can’t say the wrong thing … unless another could be seriously damaged by my silence.

 

[Irishmom2]

OP, I think it depends on what your purpose was in telling others. (I am not asking you to tell us, just for you to think about.) Is it something they need to know, as it puts others in danger, etc., or is it just that you just want to tell them their latest antics? See what I mean? It depends on the purpose of talking about them.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Did those people have a need to know? If not, why did you tell them?

Was this something public, like an arrest, or something secret?

If you said something like “Uncle Bob is really an idiot!,” that might be malicious gossip. If you said “I hope that Uncle Bob sobers up, let’s remember to pray for him.” that would be the kind of thing a Christian might say.

 

[peony25]

Thanks everyone for your replies which have been really helpful. The person told us himself, it was just later we were discussing it without him. I think as part of the shock everyone was going over it all day to try and make some sense of it but I just felt so tired of it by the end.

I think I will discuss it with my priest and also really bear in mind your comments in the future.