Is it a sin to want to be liked?

[cjcapta]

Is it a sin to want to be liked? Would this fall under Pride? I don’t mean over-wanting to be liked, as in that’s all you think about. Or does any want to be liked fall under Pride? An example I have is if you are practicing running for some race because you want to win the race and have people know that you can be a good athlete, which certain people like. Is that wrong?

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

It’s human. But I’m sure you can find plenty of Pharisees to condemn you.

 

[m134e5]

Is it a sin to want to be liked? Would this fall under Pride? I don’t mean over-wanting to be liked, as in that’s all you think about. Or does any want to be liked fall under Pride? An example I have is if you are practicing running for some race because you want to win the race and have people know that you can be a good athlete, which certain people like. Is that wrong?

It is not a sin to want to be liked. Performers enjoy having audiences cheer, and having groups of people who follow their performance schedules and attend their performances whenever they can. Communities often recognize people in them who make significant contributions. Even parishes and dioceses recognize certain people who do a great service to the Church. One of the requirements to join the Knights of Malta is to have done a significant service to the Church. Humility does not mean you downplay what you do well- it simply means you see yourself as God sees you and that you recognize that all good things come from God. It is not a sin to acknowledge your own hard work.

 

[PatriceA]

I think it depends upon how you are going about trying to get people to notice you or admire your talent. Its not a sin to want to be recognized I don’t think, but it can become a sin if you are going out of your way to draw attention to yourself in ways that hinder other people from doing their work or displaying their talents or hindering they being recognized for their work. If you are constantly trying to sabatoge the “playing field” so others do not get the same chance to be recognized, then I would say that is a sin.

 

[DexUK]

It would (possibly) be a sin if you thought you SHOULD be liked based on a over-inflated self-opinion, but a desire simply to be liked as you are is most definitely not sinful.

Of course there may be parts of your personality that could be changed for the better (most people would fall into that category) so a determination not to change or a belief that you should not change these things could constitute a form of pride, but provided you’re not closed-minded in that regard, there isn’t a problem.

 

[Edward_H]

It’s a natural inclination that we need to try to keep in check, if not convert completely into a desire to only want to be please God.

If this concept seems odd…or new…or “pharisaical”, google: “litany of humility” and re-calibrate.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

It’s a natural inclination that we need to try to keep in check, if not convert completely into a desire to only want to be please God.

If this concept seems odd…or new…or “pharisaical”, google: “litany of humility” and re-calibrate.

God Himself constructed us to want to like and be liked. Family bonds, bonds of friendship, are all good things in themselves and all else being equal.

The created world is not evil. Mankind may have a fallen nature, but wanting those benefits of love and friendship are themselves from God.

 

[Edward_H]

God Himself constructed us to want to like and be liked. Family bonds, bonds of friendship, are all good things in themselves and all else being equal.

The created world is not evil. Mankind may have a fallen nature, but wanting those benefits of love and friendship are themselves from God.

Close, but just short of correct.

God constructed us to have the desire for union, perfect union; he designed us for love, true love, divine love. Love, true love, is indeed a good thing, as is the human and all its desires. All good, given by God in His image.

The mistake is made when we “desire too little” (paraphrasing the words of CS Lewis…see below)…when we’re willing to settle for mere human attention and affection, vs. divine affection and perfect unity.

This is where we run off the rails: we prefer and incline ourselves for lesser desires.

In fact, the Gospel from today’s Mass says it far better. Look it up. Or better go to Mass.

We need to be willing to “detach” ourselves for the Love of God.

CS Lewis: …it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

 

[cjcapta]

It appears that there are different opinions on this.

 

[Edward_H]

It appears that there are different opinions on this.

That’s why we have an authoritative Church, to navigate through ‘different opinions’ on this topic and a hundred others.

Scripture and Church teaching about humility and pride are quite clear on this topic. The writings of the saints is just as clear and consistent.

These are merely 1 out of 3 pages of citations on the topic of humility from the Catechism.

1: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2554 (104 bytes ) preview document matches
4 The baptized person combats envy through good-will, humility, and abandonment to the providence of God
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2554.htm 95%

2: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 1450 (170 bytes ) preview document matches
0 "Penance requires . . . the sinner to endure all things willingly, be contrite of heart, confess with the lips, and practice complete humility and fruitful satisfaction
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/1450.htm 94%

3: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2713 (344 bytes ) preview document matches
It is a gift, a grace; it can be accepted only in humility and poverty. Contemplative prayer is a covenant relationship established by God within our hearts. Contemplative prayer …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2713.htm 94%

4: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2753 (284 bytes ) preview document matches
various currents of thought, and our own experience of failure. We must respond with humility, trust, and perseverance to these temptations which cast doubt on the usefulness or …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2753.htm 94%

5: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2779 (1020 bytes ) preview document matches
Humility makes us recognize that “no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him,” that is, "to …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2779.htm 94%

6: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 732 (578 bytes ) preview document matches
Since that day, the Kingdom announced by Christ has been open to those who believe in him: in the humility of the flesh and in faith, they already share in the communion of the …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/732.htm 94%

7: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2219 (304 bytes ) preview document matches
Respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged.” "With all humility and meekness, with patience, [support] one another in …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2219.htm 94%

8: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2540 (467 bytes ) preview document matches
Envy often comes from pride; the baptized person should train himself to live in humility: Would you like to see God glorified by you? Then rejoice in your brother’s progress and …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2540.htm 94%

9: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2546 (347 bytes ) preview document matches
Jesus celebrates the joy of the poor, to whom the Kingdom already belongs: The Word speaks of voluntary humility as “poverty in spirit”; the Apostle gives an example of God’s …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2546.htm 94%

10: CCC Search Result - Paragraph # 2631 (463 bytes ) preview document matches
It is a prerequisite for righteous and pure prayer. A trusting humility brings us back into the light of communion between the Father and his Son Jesus Christ and with one another, …
URL: scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2631.htm

 

[Sonic]

It appears that there are different opinions on this.

It’s simple…

It’s not a sin to want to be liked. It is a sin to prefer wanting to be liked over God.

For example: If a person tells lies in order to get people to like them, then that would turn the desire to be liked into a sinful desire.

If a person is willing to commit (or is committing) a sin in order to be liked, then they are preferring themselves over their relationship with God.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

It’s simple…

It’s not a sin to want to be liked. It is a sin to prefer wanting to be liked over God.

For example: If a person tells lies in order to get people to like them, then that would turn the desire to be liked into a sinful desire.

If a person is willing to commit (or is committing) a sin in order to be liked, then they are preferring themselves over their relationship with God.

Exactly.

The Pharisees will tell you that even the simple and wholesome desire to be liked by friends and family is disordered.

It is not.

It runs alongside of loving God and in some ways also prepares us.

 

[cjcapta]

Exactly.

The Pharisees will tell you that even the simple and wholesome desire to be liked by friends and family is disordered.

It is not.

It runs alongside of loving God and in some ways also prepares us.

Then would you describe Edward H as a Pharisee?

 

[Daniel6312]

CS Lewis writes in The Screwtape Letters that the desire to be liked is a sign of humility. A person with true pride will not care if he’s like by others because he won’t care about anyone’s opinions but his own. But like other posters said, it’s all a matter of degree and context. If you are nice to others and you hope they like you, that’s perfectly fine. You just can’t be willing to sin in order to be liked.

 

[Rascalking]

I think of things a bit differently, I guess.

In my opinion, who would you rather be around? Someone who is a arrogant, self-righteous jerk, or a nice and pleasant person? Who would you be more apt to listen to? Be honest.

I try to be nice, friendly, outgoing, all that. I want people to know that my Catholic faith makes people happier in the long run. I try to be a “happy little Christian soilder”.

People are WAY more likely to show interest in my faith if I show them that you can be happy, fufilled, decent, and popular as a Catholic.

So, be liked for the right reasons.

 

[Light1111]

Is it a sin to want to be liked? Your example about the runner resonated with me. Most people who are aware they are doing that sort of thing (Jeez, I really hope this makes people think I’m athletic/fast/determined etc.) have a sense of humor/embarrassment about it, and know it’s silly. But the deeper that feeling goes, it does appear to really lead people into trouble.

In a way it’s like envy. In my opinion, envy is the most dangerous of the 7 deadly sins. One could certainly argue for the others, but to me, envy is the one that seeks to destroy good. Two friends can both be good athletes. They can enjoy running together and leave it at that. Occasionally, one of the two friends (or both of them, which would constitute a sadly bereft friendship), wishes for the other to envy their athletic prowess. This almost intimates the belief “If she has it, there won’t be enough left over for me.” That is certainly never the case – whatever area in life we’re describing. But this is the inherent underlying feeling of the envier. In such a setting it’s difficult to understand why either friend would prefer for the other to feel inferior to her, skill-wise or in any category. Especially if the goal is for that person to feel small as a result, “less-than.” Traditionally, we want the best for the people we care about. And that comes from the heart.

This topic concerns me ethically, not only as a person who has faith in God. I see a great deal of envy around me, and “reverse-envy,” I’ll call it, the practice of trying to incite the envy of others.

It’s one thing for this to be “aimed at” those you dislike–meaning, that would be more understandable to me (not that it would make it all right). But it is so troubling to me how often you’ll see people who supposedly like each other, doing this to one another. I’ve seen it since I was a small child and it has always made me sad. Around high school age, I suddenly became aware of the fact that, unconsciously, I did certain things to “lower” myself, just to avoid eliciting the envy of others. I would laugh off a test grade or downplay my appearance or any number of things. The root of this behavior was to be able to get along well with people, when they were feeling warmly towards you, and not threatened in any way. As soon as they do feel threatened, envy jumps in, and now it’s hard not to feel that emotion when it is aimed at you. Even when it is subtle, it can be felt, and it’s sad to behold. Often the person is someone I like and want to be happy, so it’s hard knowing the reverse is not true.

Certainly many people do not come from such a place, and I am blessed to have many family members and friends who truly are happy for one another when something goes their way. It is just sad to see the reverse, and perhaps I overreached in responding to your question, OP, but I felt something akin to this was what you were asking about. Most people who have a bit of that in their personality do not take it to the extent I describe here, yet I think the two practices/modes of behavior have the very same roots. I don’t know if it’s a sin. . .but it sure does make life lonely from time to time.