Is it acceptable for a priest to YELL and then HANG up??

[forever_always]

First, let me give you the background… Josh (my fiance) is taking RCIA classes in order to join the church, and I had been his sponsor through it all. Well, apparently the priest decides that girlfriends/fiances can’t be sponsors… and Josh and I looked it up and couldn’t find anywhere in church documents where it said that (I had started a post about this last month… the majority of the feedback said, talk to the priest). So we were trying to get ahold of the priest.

Okay… so Sunday night Josh has his class. We had been making phone calls to the church office and to the priest’s office, but never heard back (We had been trying to get ahold of the priest to find out about the sponsor situation and Josh had a few questions about confession) So the RCIA instructor, Mary, says to just shove a note under the door… she said father would be HAPPY to talk to us about our questions.

Monday morning rolls around and father calls. I wasn’t there, but Josh said he asked father about his first confession, like when the appropriate times were. And then he said to father:
Josh: “Also, Mary said that you didn’t want Sarah can’t be my sponsor… would you please explain to me why not? We tried looking it up, but we couldn’t find anything.”
Father: “Are you challenging my rules?”
Josh: “No, Father… it isn’t a problem if she can’t be my sponsor. I was just wondering why.”
Father: “If you don’t like my rules, don’t come to my church.”
Josh: “I love the church, we really enjoy going there. Following rules is not a problem, I just wanted to understand. This is a learning process for me.”
Father: “Don’t come to my church if you can’t follow rules”
Josh: “I…”
Then he hears that Father has hung up on him… HUNG UP!

So now we are at a loss of what to do. Me being a sponsor wasn’t a huge problem AT ALL! His grandparents would have come to see him make his confirmation anyway, so they would have gladly been sponsors… Josh doesn’t want to finish RCIA at a church where he can’t even talk to the priest… and he is supposed to make his first confession to this man. This is a small parish, and for it to take two weeks for the priest to call back is rediculous…

I dunno, we’re kinda upset that a priest would yell and hang up on someone that is eager about joining the church. Doesn’t he know that would put most people off? There is another church near by that we attend sometimes, and are hoping that they will let him finish there…

Thoughts/Comments??

 

[JPUSC]

If I hadn’t seen and heard priests act this way before then I would be surprised. Sad to say that this is common.

I don’t really know what’s wrong with priests these days. Pope Benedict XVI really does have his hands full, does he?

Go to another church.

Pope Leo XIII had a vision that the devil will try to inflitrate the Church in the 20th century. That’s why he requested that the St. Michael prayer be recited after every low Mass. I think that is what we’re seeing right now, but the gates of hell will not prevail against the Church.

 

[kage_ar]

Priests are human beings, they have bad days.

From my experience, the Parishes where I have been strongly suggest that spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends/fiancees not be sponsors.

There are different reasons behind this. Your sponsor should be someone who has less emotional investment in the conversion - let’s say for instance that the finacee has a Church teaching they just cannot accept right now, they need to have someone they can talk to where they don’t feel emotional pressure, someone who can say “you know, you need to accept this teaching before you make a profession of faith, and if that means you don’t come in this Easter, then, we will work throught that together”. Instead of “what, we have the wedding planned and how can we have a Mass if you are not Catholic (insert tears here…)”

Also, if something happens in the relationship, you do not want that anger and pain to result in someone leaving the Faith.

I’ve known parishes where grandparents would be advised not to be sponsors. They have a relationship already with the person that is special.

It might be a chance for your fiancee to find a man in the Parish who can be his mentor and friend who is right there.

Prayers for you, and, give Father the benefit of a bad day every now and then.

 

[forever_always]

If I hadn’t seen and heard priests act this way before then I would be surprised. Sad to say that this is common.

I don’t really know what’s wrong with priests these days. Pope Benedict XVI really does have his hands full, does he?

Go to another church.

Pope Leo XIII had a vision that the devil will try to inflitrate the Church in the 20th century. That’s why he requested that the St. Michael prayer be recited after every low Mass. I think that is what we’re seeing right now, but the gates of hell will not prevail against the Church.

Oh, i had never seen this before. =\ I didn’t know that it was common. Yes, he has his hands full…

Thanks, I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re going to do. There is another church near by… they are more modern, and we like the traditional better… but we’ll see if they let him switch. He doesn’t really want to start over after having gone faithfully since August.

We still recite St. Michael prayer after Mass =] I agree with you though… there is alot of corruption going on.

 

[Donkey]

My Lord and God! How bad must it be for some poor souls?
Please Lord help this lovely couple!

I don’t know how soon you both are scheduled to be married. Get married if you are scheduled to do this soon but don’t expect a nuptial Mass - only an exchange of vows.

Later but soon - help get your man to a better parish or diocese and assist him in becoming a Catholic.

It seems very cruel to give you both a difficult time in the midst RCIA.

You both need to suck this one up and move on. Don’t let the buggers drag you both down.

 

[Donkey]

Priests are human beings, they have bad days.

From my experience, the Parishes where I have been strongly suggest that spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends/fiancees not be sponsors.

There are different reasons behind this. Your sponsor should be someone who has less emotional investment in the conversion - let’s say for instance that the finacee has a Church teaching they just cannot accept right now, they need to have someone they can talk to where they don’t feel emotional pressure, someone who can say “you know, you need to accept this teaching before you make a profession of faith, and if that means you don’t come in this Easter, then, we will work throught that together”. Instead of “what, we have the wedding planned and how can we have a Mass if you are not Catholic (insert tears here…)”

Also, if something happens in the relationship, you do not want that anger and pain to result in someone leaving the Faith.

I’ve known parishes where grandparents would be advised not to be sponsors. They have a relationship already with the person that is special.

It might be a chance for your fiancee to find a man in the Parish who can be his mentor and friend who is right there.

Prayers for you, and, give Father the benefit of a bad day every now and then.

Give Father the benefit of bad day? Bologna! He owes the couple an apology for being rude and also asking pardon for anyone who stepped overbounds as this couple is already midstream through the RCIA process.

Dear Lord ~ What must good couples endure?

And I don’t buy any of the excuses you give for not having an intimate be a sponsor for RCIA.

 

[Cristiano]

Priests are human beings, they have bad days.

From my experience, the Parishes where I have been strongly suggest that spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends/fiancees not be sponsors.

There are different reasons behind this. Your sponsor should be someone who has less emotional investment in the conversion - let’s say for instance that the finacee has a Church teaching they just cannot accept right now, they need to have someone they can talk to where they don’t feel emotional pressure, someone who can say “you know, you need to accept this teaching before you make a profession of faith, and if that means you don’t come in this Easter, then, we will work throught that together”. Instead of “what, we have the wedding planned and how can we have a Mass if you are not Catholic (insert tears here…)”

Also, if something happens in the relationship, you do not want that anger and pain to result in someone leaving the Faith.

I’ve known parishes where grandparents would be advised not to be sponsors. They have a relationship already with the person that is special.

It might be a chance for your fiancee to find a man in the Parish who can be his mentor and friend who is right there.

Prayers for you, and, give Father the benefit of a bad day every now and then.

I tend to agree with this approach. Probably later in time you could share with the priest on how you perceived the whole situation and probably he will apologize to you.

I am saying with the assumption that everything went exactly the way the OP stated.

 

[leonie]

I know that godparents can’t marry their godchildren. Being a godparent is assuming a spiritual parenthood. However, being a confirmation sponsor doesn’t have this same restriction. But, maybe your priest is making a pastoral decision. He might have seen other situations where a romantic breakup threatened the conversion. My dh and I have a personal rule for our kids that they can’t have a confirmation sponsor who is in their teens or early twenties because we have seen that these kids just aren’t very good sponsors. So, even though it’s allowed, we don’t think it’s prudent.

I would assume that this priest was having a bad day.

Does he teach truth? Is he faithful? Is the liturgical practices at the parish in conformity with the Church? If so, I wouldn’t leave. Priests still have personality flaws. St Pio (Padre Pio) would sometimes yell at people. And, so would St. Jerome.

Maybe God was testing your perseverance, patience, charity, or strengthening your humility or obedience. I’d be offended, too, but it might be a chance to gain grace.

But, if the priest is abusing the liturgy, preaching dissent, or leading an immoral life, then I would leave.

God bless your journey.

btw, I know two people who told me they left a parish because the priest called them by the wrong name at their rehearsals…poor priests.

 

[JPUSC]

If the pastor actually said, “Don’t come to my church,” I found that to be very revealing of his character. He views it as his church. That is not a correct mindset for someone who is supposed to be a shepherd leading souls to God.

I am also surprised that this is the more traditional church compared to the other parish in town. I would’ve expected it to be the other way around.

 

[Donkey]

Don’t let the buggers drag you both down.

What I mean is don’t let someone’s insignificant bad behavior stand in the way of the greater good in your situation.

Your fiance desires to become Catholic and you both will be married. This is most important. Ask God to help you focus on that.

 

[forever_always]

My Lord and God! How bad must it be for some poor souls?
Please Lord help this lovely couple!

I don’t know how soon you both are scheduled to be married. Get married if you are scheduled to do this soon but don’t expect a nuptial Mass - only an exchange of vows.

Later but soon - help get your man to a better parish or diocese and assist him in becoming a Catholic.

It seems very cruel to give you both a difficult time in the midst RCIA.

You both need to suck this one up and move on. Don’t let the buggers drag you both down.

We are planning to get married soon after school, so about a year and a half away… long engagement! We don’t have the date set as of yet. He and I both want to be married in the catholic church with a mass… so hopefully it all works out. =] We are currently looking at a new parish for our wedding (most churches around here like that you are members for at least six months before you start the wedding classes).

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. =]

 

[forever_always]

Give Father the benefit of bad day? Bologna! He owes the couple an apology for being rude and also asking pardon for anyone who stepped overbounds as this couple is already midstream through the RCIA process.

Dear Lord ~ What must good couples endure?

And I don’t buy any of the excuses you give for not having an intimate be a sponsor for RCIA.

Personally, it would mean more to me if the sponsor was someone that was close to you… someone that you can share all of your doubts and beliefs with.

I would be more willing to give him the benefit of a bad day, if there wasn’t people questioning this priest already for other occurences in the church.

 

[Lainey63]

If the pastor actually said, “Don’t come to my church,” I found that to be very revealing of his character. He views it as his church. That is not a correct mindset for someone who is supposed to be a shepherd leading souls to God.

I am also surprised that this is the more traditional church compared to the other parish in town. I would’ve expected it to be the other way around.

That struck me as well…his rules? His church? Huston we have a problem.

 

[forever_always]

If the pastor actually said, “Don’t come to my church,” I found that to be very revealing of his character. He views it as his church. That is not a correct mindset for someone who is supposed to be a shepherd leading souls to God.

I am also surprised that this is the more traditional church compared to the other parish in town. I would’ve expected it to be the other way around.

Yes, those were his actual words. I didn’t want to believe Josh at first because it seems out of character for a priest to be doing that… but I know it is true.

That is why we started attending there. We like the traditional much better than modern.

 

[juliamajor]

If I hadn’t seen and heard priests act this way before then I would be surprised. Sad to say that this is common.

I don’t really know what’s wrong with priests these days. Pope Benedict XVI really does have his hands full, does he?

Go to another church.

Pope Leo XIII had a vision that the devil will try to inflitrate the Church in the 20th century. That’s why he requested that the St. Michael prayer be recited after every low Mass. I think that is what we’re seeing right now, but the gates of hell will not prevail against the Church.

sorry to say this ain’t new! When I was a kid(many moons ago-(pre Vii)i remember several times seeing penitents being kicked out of the confessional and being yelled at"you did what? It’s been how long since your last confession"? a priest doesn’t automatically become kind or gentle or even gentlemanly- when they become a priest. You can still be a meathead and a priest- just like you can be a nun and a foolish.In any situation a priest should be cognizant of the fact that he represents the church and people look to him for Christlike behavior-I know that they are human but some forget that they have come to serve , not be served. If Jesus can wash the feet of his apostles a priest should be able to hold his tongue for the sake of the kingdom.

 

[zab]

Bad day or not, priests are human. We all have different personalities and flaws that go with those personalities. Perhaps the priest misjudged Josh’s intention for asking the question. We all experience false judgements now and then. How do we react? Better to examine our own faults than to dwell on the faults of others. How do we respond when being treated badly by others? Did we respond in an uncharitable manner? Did we dwell on slights? Did we contemplate some thought or act of revenge even if for only a short while, and so on.

If you like the parish and it is a good one- loyal to the magisterium, I would advise you to stay. Pray for priests.

 

[centurionguard]

First, let me give you the background… Josh (my fiance) is taking RCIA classes in order to join the church, and I had been his sponsor through it all. Well, apparently the priest decides that girlfriends/fiances can’t be sponsors… and Josh and I looked it up and couldn’t find anywhere in church documents where it said that (I had started a post about this last month… the majority of the feedback said, talk to the priest). So we were trying to get ahold of the priest.

Okay… so Sunday night Josh has his class. We had been making phone calls to the church office and to the priest’s office, but never heard back (We had been trying to get ahold of the priest to find out about the sponsor situation and Josh had a few questions about confession) So the RCIA instructor, Mary, says to just shove a note under the door… she said father would be HAPPY to talk to us about our questions.

Monday morning rolls around and father calls. I wasn’t there, but Josh said he asked father about his first confession, like when the appropriate times were. And then he said to father:
Josh: “Also, Mary said that you didn’t want Sarah can’t be my sponsor… would you please explain to me why not? We tried looking it up, but we couldn’t find anything.”
Father: “Are you challenging my rules?”
Josh: “No, Father… it isn’t a problem if she can’t be my sponsor. I was just wondering why.”
Father: “If you don’t like my rules, don’t come to my church.”
Josh: “I love the church, we really enjoy going there. Following rules is not a problem, I just wanted to understand. This is a learning process for me.”
Father: “Don’t come to my church if you can’t follow rules”
Josh: “I…”
Then he hears that Father has hung up on him… HUNG UP!

So now we are at a loss of what to do. Me being a sponsor wasn’t a huge problem AT ALL! His grandparents would have come to see him make his confirmation anyway, so they would have gladly been sponsors… Josh doesn’t want to finish RCIA at a church where he can’t even talk to the priest… and he is supposed to make his first confession to this man. This is a small parish, and for it to take two weeks for the priest to call back is rediculous…

I dunno, we’re kinda upset that a priest would yell and hang up on someone that is eager about joining the church. Doesn’t he know that would put most people off? There is another church near by that we attend sometimes, and are hoping that they will let him finish there…

Thoughts/Comments??

First of all I don’t want to come off as sounding insensitive in any way with what you experienced. However; I do believe your priest was genuinely concerned even if he sounded frustrated and perhaps unintentionally rude to some degree. One of the biggest problems that exist in the Catholic Church today primarily amongst the laity with young and older adults is the under-rated fact that they are exceptionally ( UNCATECHISED ).
Hundreds of thousands and perhaps even millions of Catholics around the world just don’t adequately know the Catechism of the Catholic Church the way they should. I think your priest has a genuine concern for your fiance. Your priest has experience and training in R.C.I.A. and has used his prayerful wisdom to select the best sponsors he believes will best enable your fiance to grasp the teachings of the Catholic Church. Give your priest of humble chance. I don’t think you will be disappointed. You can support your fiance in prayer and giving him a Catholic bible or even a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you and your fiance have questions make an appointment with your priest and openly address your concerns in a sincere manner.
My prayers and best wishes to both of you.

 

[Cluny]

My instincts tell me there’s more to this story than is being relayed here.

---

Pope Leo XIII had a vision that the devil will try to inflitrate the Church in the 20th century. That’s why he requested that the St. Michael prayer be recited after every low Mass.

This is not correct. The so-called Leonine Prayers (including the St. Michael Prayer) were said for the intention of the sovereignty of the Papal States when this they were confiscated by the newly united Italian government.

 

[forever_always]

First of all I don’t want to come off as sounding insensitive in any way with what you experienced. However; I do believe your priest was genuinely concerned even if he sounded frustrated and perhaps unintentionally rude to some degree. One of the biggest problems that exist in the Catholic Church today primarily amongst the laity with young and older adults is the under-rated fact that they are exceptionally ( UNCATECHISED ).
Hundreds of thousands and perhaps even millions of Catholics around the world just don’t adequately know the Catechism of the Catholic Church the way they should. I think your priest has a genuine concern for your fiance. Your priest has experience and training in R.C.I.A. and has used his prayerful wisdom to select the best sponsors he believes will best enable your fiance to grasp the teachings of the Catholic Church. Give your priest of humble chance. I don’t think you will be disappointed. You can support your fiance in prayer and giving him a Catholic bible or even a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you and your fiance have questions make an appointment with your priest and openly address your concerns in a sincere manner.
My prayers and best wishes to both of you.

Thank you.
He has a copy of the catechism, and reads it quite often. If we ever have a question, he pulls out the catechism. The reason why Josh had made the phone call in the first place was to make an appointment, but the priest was busy.
I believe that the priest could have been having a bad day, sure… it happens. But to yell and hang up on someone who has been living the faith and is genuinely interested in joining the faith was uncalled for.

 

[forever_always]

My instincts tell me there’s more to this story than is being relayed here.
]

The nice thing about a forum is that posting here is annonymous… so tell me, why wouldn’t i tell the whole story? it won’t hurt me either way… I’m merely posting for guidence and thoughtful words.