Is it acceptable for a priest to YELL and then HANG up??

[JimR-OCDS]

This priest’s behavior was unacceptable.

If possible, find another priest, one who has a more open mind and heart.

Jim

 

[Lee_M]

The nice thing about a forum is that posting here is annonymous… so tell me, why wouldn’t i tell the whole story? it won’t hurt me either way… I’m merely posting for guidence and thoughtful words.

Don’t pay any attention to the other poster. Some think that priests can do no wrong. There are good priests and bad priests. It sounds if he using words like “My Church” than he has a problem. However, if you like the parish, I would stay there. Priests come and go. It is the people that make up the parish. They will be your family as well.

 

[forever_always]

This priest’s behavior was unacceptable.

If possible, find another priest, one who has a more open mind and heart.

Jim

Thank you. Yes, we are currently looking at other parishes… keep us in your prayers please =]

 

[Lee_M]

Don’t pay any attention to the other poster. Some think that priests can do no wrong. There are good priests and bad priests. It sounds if he using words like “My Church” than he has a problem. However, if you like the parish, I would stay there. Priests come and go. It is the people that make up the parish. They will be your family as well.

However if you don’t know many people yet, I would try to find a parish with the right chemistry.

 

[forever_always]

However if you don’t know many people yet, I would try to find a parish with the right chemistry.

We know one or two families, we aren’t that close to anyone yet, as I still attend mass with my parents and siblings on the military base some weekends (am involved there… assist priest with training alter servers and am a lector). but since Josh and I aren’t military, we need to find a parish off base. The church he is attending for RCIA is very small (which we liked) and holds maybe 100 people at most?
We are still gonna try a few other parishes =]

thank you for your support!

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

My instincts tell me there’s more to this story than is being relayed here.

I have to agree with this.

We are getting this as a third party story.

We do not know what was actually said as we were not on the phone call. Also the original poster of this thread does not know what actually occurred as she was not present either. Of course she needs to take her fiance’s word on this but it seems like there is something more to the story than what we are getting.

I must also add that this forum can be a great discouragement for those of us in formation for the priesthood as it seems that when ever there is a story about something a priest does wrong the majority of users here jump all over the priest.

This is a very imperfect media and we can never know the whole stories of what is going on and jumping on the priest just makes us in formation for the priesthood see the ugliness of what we are getting ourselves into.

No wonder there is a vocations “crisis” going on today when all we see is how “father is wrong” or how “father can’t get it right” and so on.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

The nice thing about a forum is that posting here is annonymous… so tell me, why wouldn’t i tell the whole story? it won’t hurt me either way… I’m merely posting for guidence and thoughtful words.

Question is not that you might not be telling the whole story, you may be telling it as you know it. That does not mean that it is the whole story.

We only have your word that your fiance is telling you exactly how it happened. We do not know that.

Also, not everything needs to be in Church documents, dioceses and parishes can set rules that are not laid down in documents, that does not mean that they do not need to be followed.

I would wonder how the actual questioning of this rule took place.

 

[happymommy]

I have to agree with this.

We are getting this as a third party story.

We do not know what was actually said as we were not on the phone call. Also the original poster of this thread does not know what actually occurred as she was not present either. Of course she needs to take her fiance’s word on this but it seems like there is something more to the story than what we are getting.

I must also add that this forum can be a great discouragement for those of us in formation for the priesthood as it seems that when ever there is a story about something a priest does wrong the majority of users here jump all over the priest.

This is a very imperfect media and we can never know the whole stories of what is going on and jumping on the priest just makes us in formation for the priesthood see the ugliness of what we are getting ourselves into.

No wonder there is a vocations “crisis” going on today when all we see is how “father is wrong” or how “father can’t get it right” and so on.

Yes, you could be right, but if this was such an issue for the priest, shouldn’t he have made it clear at the very beginning of RCIA? Why wait until it’s almost Easter to say she can’t be his sponser and then not help them find someone to do it. This information should be given during one of the very first classes!!

And it’s still not “his” church and he is sadly mistaken if he believes that it is. I understand that priests do take a beating on here sometimes, and in the parishes as well, but every once in awile, they have it coming!! Some do let the idea of being the head of their parish go to their head and they become selfserving. Perhaps this has happened here. I would try again to talk to him, in person. All three of you or maybe have the head of RCIA there too and try to work this out. If he is unwilling to do so or acts in a rude manner, then find another parish. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Lee_M]

I have to agree with this.

We are getting this as a third party story.

We do not know what was actually said as we were not on the phone call. Also the original poster of this thread does not know what actually occurred as she was not present either. Of course she needs to take her fiance’s word on this but it seems like there is something more to the story than what we are getting.

I must also add that this forum can be a great discouragement for those of us in formation for the priesthood as it seems that when ever there is a story about something a priest does wrong the majority of users here jump all over the priest.

This is a very imperfect media and we can never know the whole stories of what is going on and jumping on the priest just makes us in formation for the priesthood see the ugliness of what we are getting ourselves into.

No wonder there is a vocations “crisis” going on today when all we see is how “father is wrong” or how “father can’t get it right” and so on.

She hasn’t mentioned the priest’s name so she isn’t causing a scandal. We’re basing an opinion on what information we have. If she wasn’t telling the whole story, there would be no point for her to seek advice. Priests are human. I’ve known some pretty “mean” priests myself. Put yourself in her fiance’s shoes and see if you would still be making the same remark. I don’t like being chewed out and then hung up on. **Maybe there is a reason there is a vocation crisis. If the priest is rude to young members of the parish, it would definately discourage them from becoming a priest. It goes both ways. **

I know a priest who yelled at my sister-in-law for forgetting parts of the act of contrition when she was making her first confession. She came out crying. Has she been back? Nope. Who is responsible for her not going back to confession. I think he has part of the blame.

 

[valient_Lucy]

No, his behavior was unacceptible.

 

[Beautiful]

I have to agree with this.

We are getting this as a third party story.
And who would best be able to articulate the story other than the sponsor/fiance/Catholic?

We do not know what was actually said as we were not on the phone call. Also the original poster of this thread does not know what actually occurred as she was not present either. Of course she needs to take her fiance’s word on this but it seems like there is something more to the story than what we are getting.

Her fiance’s word is good enough.

I must also add that this forum can be a great discouragement for those of us in formation for the priesthood as it seems that when ever there is a story about something a priest does wrong the majority of users here jump all over the priest.

There are not that many negative priest stories on this forum compared to actual priests and encounters with priests and where else can one go anonymously with such a concern?

This is a very imperfect media and we can never know the whole stories of what is going on and jumping on the priest just makes us in formation for the priesthood see the ugliness of what we are getting ourselves into.

Ugly or not - perfect or imperfect - what matters is that the couple know their intent and that you know your intent - get on with the business of becoming…

No wonder there is a vocations “crisis” going on today when all we see is how “father is wrong” or how “father can’t get it right” and so on.
This is hardly a cause for a vocations crisis. It is rather an inspiration for some to make things right!

The couple knows what is right and wrong. They need to get on with their business of becoming and not allow any short-tempered person get in their way.
Forever_always won’t be getting the third degree from me. Sounds like she has already had enough.

 

[forever_always]

I have to agree with this.

We are getting this as a third party story.

We do not know what was actually said as we were not on the phone call. Also the original poster of this thread does not know what actually occurred as she was not present either. Of course she needs to take her fiance’s word on this but it seems like there is something more to the story than what we are getting.

I must also add that this forum can be a great discouragement for those of us in formation for the priesthood as it seems that when ever there is a story about something a priest does wrong the majority of users here jump all over the priest.

This is a very imperfect media and we can never know the whole stories of what is going on and jumping on the priest just makes us in formation for the priesthood see the ugliness of what we are getting ourselves into.

No wonder there is a vocations “crisis” going on today when all we see is how “father is wrong” or how “father can’t get it right” and so on.

No, I was not there… if it means anything to you, my fiance’s mother was there, and she said Josh was respectful towards the priest. But of course, you may say “That’s his mother! Of course she supports him!”

It is an imperfect media, but surely you see priests treating parishoners poorly? There is a crisis going on, and it is depressing. I pray daily for men to consider a vocation to the priesthood! I am in no way dissing the priests… or their vocations. I believe that as a Man of God, a priest can at least answer a question on the phone (without yelling or hanging up). In person is always better, but if we’re told that the priest is “too busy” what other options do we have? If a new Catholic, or any parishoner for that matter, feels that they can not ask a priest for better understanding, then something is wrong.

 

[forever_always]

The couple knows what is right and wrong. They need to get on with their business of becoming and not allow any short-tempered person get in their way.
Forever_always won’t be getting the third degree from me. Sounds like she has already had enough.

Thank you Beautiful =]

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Yes, you could be right, but if this was such an issue for the priest, shouldn’t he have made it clear at the very beginning of RCIA? Why wait until it’s almost Easter to say she can’t be his sponser and then not help them find someone to do it. This information should be given during one of the very first classes!!

True, but again, we do not have the whole story.

If it is true that it has been known since the beginning that she was to be his sponsor and nothing was said then something is wrong here.

She hasn’t mentioned the priest’s name so she isn’t causing a scandal.

To cause scandal a name is not require but I never said that scandal was being caused.

I just voiced my opinion that we do not have access to the whole story, that this is coming to us through a third party who was not in on the actual phone call.

We’re basing an opinion on what information we have.

And I am pointing out that there is a possibility that this information is lacking.

If she wasn’t telling the whole story, there would be no point for her to seek advice. Priests are human.

Telling the whole story as she knows it. I never said that she was intentionally misleading. We are all human after all.

I’ve known some pretty “mean” priests myself. Put yourself in her fiance’s shoes and see if you would still be making the same remark. I don’t like being chewed out and then hung up on.

Yes there are some pretty “mean” people out there. My point is that maybe the meanness here could have come from both sides. How did her fiance bring it up? If he was very accusatory in his manner? Maybe the priest did not actually “yell” and hang up. There is just so much we can not know 100%.

Maybe there is a reason there is a vocation crisis. If the priest is rude to young members of the parish, it would definately discourage them from becoming a priest. It goes both ways.

Yes this is true, but so is the way that many priests are treated. Many people act as if the priest owes them something, that he is there to service their every need 24x7 and they could care less about what he might need. Being on the inside I have see this.

Now if what has been said is the whole story then yes, the priest was wrong in his actions but remember he is a human being, like everyone else. If you do chose to go to a new parish you might not be able to make it this Easter Vigil. Just somethings to think of.

 

[forever_always]

Also, not everything needs to be in Church documents, dioceses and parishes can set rules that are not laid down in documents, that does not mean that they do not need to be followed.

I would wonder how the actual questioning of this rule took place.

I’m sorry, questioning of a rule? Can you please explain what you mean?

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

No, I was not there… if it means anything to you, my fiance’s mother was there, and she said Josh was respectful towards the priest. But of course, you may say “That’s his mother! Of course she supports him!”

No, I would not say that.

Maybe you could try to sit down with the priest and talk it out, as Lent is close by and I am sure you want to finish RCIA with the group you started it with.

It is an imperfect media, but surely you see priests treating parishoners poorly? There is a crisis going on, and it is depressing. I pray daily for men to consider a vocation to the priesthood! I am in no way dissing the priests… or their vocations. I believe that as a Man of God, a priest can at least answer a question on the phone (without yelling or hanging up). In person is always better, but if we’re told that the priest is “too busy” what other options do we have? If a new Catholic, or any parishoner for that matter, feels that they can not ask a priest for better understanding, then something is wrong.

It is not an excuse but remember this priest is just a human being, maybe something is going on with him and he just hit a point where it boiled over. It does not make it right but it does happen.

I would suggest seeing if you could talk it out in person one more time before you leave.

 

[kyria]

I haven’t read all the replies sorry, but I’ve noticed that the need for control is not outside of the personality of some priests.

Most I’ve come across are great, but there have been some who haven’t let go of this need to be the one in control. That genuinely in my observations affects their ability to act like the Light at times and act how Christ might prefer them to act.

Yes priests are in charge of the parish. But if they haven’t first allowed God to really be in charge of them, they have not drawn close enough to the essence of who Christ is. And if one doesn’t draw closer to the essence of who Christ is, they can at times have difficulty displaying this. They are displaying a human nature, and not a Christ like nature.

Some people are not good listeners, nor good communicators. But there have been times I have had to raise my voice with my staff and say, listen these are the rules and get over it. But at the same time, I have to watch I don’t lose my cool at times and at least give opportunity to listen to my staff and reply in a manner befitting a Christian. We can all fall down at times in that aspect, but sometimes we need someone to point this out in order to give us opportunity to reflect on our words and our behaviour.

 

[forever_always]

True, but again, we do not have the whole story.

If it is true that it has been known since the beginning that she was to be his sponsor and nothing was said then something is wrong here.

To cause scandal a name is not require but I never said that scandal was being caused.

I just voiced my opinion that we do not have access to the whole story, that this is coming to us through a third party who was not in on the actual phone call.

And I am pointing out that there is a possibility that this information is lacking.

Telling the whole story as she knows it. I never said that she was intentionally misleading. We are all human after all.

Yes there are some pretty “mean” people out there. My point is that maybe the meanness here could have come from both sides. How did her fiance bring it up? If he was very accusatory in his manner? Maybe the priest did not actually “yell” and hang up. There is just so much we can not know 100%.

Yes this is true, but so is the way that many priests are treated. Many people act as if the priest owes them something, that he is there to service their every need 24x7 and they could care less about what he might need. Being on the inside I have see this.

Now if what has been said is the whole story then yes, the priest was wrong in his actions but remember he is a human being, like everyone else. If you do chose to go to a new parish you might not be able to make it this Easter Vigil. Just somethings to think of.

Yes, in the beggining we were told how nice it was that I was willing to be his sponsor and support him through all of this. There is another couple in the class that is (well…was) also sponsoring her fiance. In fact, we hadn’t talked about sponsors at all before class one night, and the RCIA instructor said “Oh! I forgot, we need to know your sponsors by the end of tonight!” She looked at me and said “Sarah, are you Josh’s sponsor?” And I said that if he had noone else in mind, i would love to support him through this. Then about two weeks ago, she randomly said “By the way, you can’t be his sponsor.”

How he brought it up was like a normal phone call. Josh had two questions to ask, he had a question about confession times for his first confession. My first post told all about the phone call. He didn’t accuse. He even told the priest, “I’m not challenging you, I’m curious of the reasons.” We had tried looking up information about sponsors, and never saw anything about this, so we were genuinly curious.

If you have any insight about sponsors, can you let me know? We still haven’t heard why not yet! haha.

 

[Lee_M]

To cause scandal a name is not require but I never said that scandal was being caused.

I know you didn’t say that but I’m making the point that I believe her intentions are genuine.

I just voiced my opinion that we do not have access to the whole story, that this is coming to us through a third party who was not in on the actual phone call.

If my wife told me someone was rude to her on the phone, I would believe her. I trust her. I’m sure the OP trusts her fiance and his mother.

And I am pointing out that there is a possibility that this information is lacking.

Possibly, but from your previous post, you had a suspicion that there was more to the story. In other words, that is saying that you believe the fiance was holding something back or lying.

Yes there are some pretty “mean” people out there. My point is that maybe the meanness here could have come from both sides. How did her fiance bring it up? If he was very accusatory in his manner? Maybe the priest did not actually “yell” and hang up. There is just so much we can not know 100%.

Again, we form an opinion on the information we have. If there is something left out, it makes this thread pointless.

Yes this is true, but so is the way that many priests are treated. Many people act as if the priest owes them something, that he is there to service their every need 24x7 and they could care less about what he might need. Being on the inside I have see this.

That doesn’t have anything to do with this thread. I agree priests are underappreciated by many but that should be another thread.

Now if what has been said is the whole story then yes, the priest was wrong in his actions but remember he is a human being, like everyone else.

And he should be held accountable like anyone else. If I’m rude to a customer and hang up on them when they are being polite to me, I would get disciplined. This is his job.

 

[forever_always]

No, I would not say that.

Maybe you could try to sit down with the priest and talk it out, as Lent is close by and I am sure you want to finish RCIA with the group you started it with.

It is not an excuse but remember this priest is just a human being, maybe something is going on with him and he just hit a point where it boiled over. It does not make it right but it does happen.

I would suggest seeing if you could talk it out in person one more time before you leave.

We planned on trying to sit with him one more time. But seeing as we have been trying to sit down with him for the last two months, I don’t see how this is gonna happen any time soon!