Is it acceptable to pray for this?

[TimothyJoseph88]

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m a faithful Catholic male who experiences same-sex attractions. Would it be sacrilegious for me to undertake the time-honored tradition of praying to find a boyfriend (say, through the intercession of St. Valentine or St. Catherine of Alexandria), provided our relationship would remain chaste? Or is such a relationship even acceptable for a practicing Catholic? My attractions are something with which I’ve struggled a great deal, and I would deeply appreciate any advice and/or prayers. Thank you and God bless.

Yours in Christ,
Timothy Joseph

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Hi Timothy!

I too am a Catholic man who experiences same-sex attraction. Nice to meet you!

You’ll get a lot of different answers on here, but I’d like to distinguish two things: (1) Your desire for romance, and (2) Your desire for intimacy. It seems to me that romance is something that is intrinsically connected with sex, at least for those of us with any significant sex drive. So I think that if “looking for a boyfriend” means looking for someone to have romantic dinners with, to flirt with, and so on, that you would be putting yourself and your boyfriend in a situation of serious temptation, and that would be unhelpful for both of you.

However, I want to validate your need for male intimacy, wholeheartedly. In my experience, men with SSA tend to have had few real close relationships with other men or boys, in their formative years. We thirst for relationships where we know other men and are known by them. But our culture tells us that this desire for intimacy with other men is gay, and we do desire other men’s bodies, so we think, “Hey, if they’re going to call me gay for wanting emotional intimacy with a man, I might as well go all out and get the sexual intimacy as well.”

So it has been a great help for me to build deep and meaningful relationships with other men – some of them have SSA and some don’t. We talk about our deepest desires, fears, and feelings, but I wouldn’t call them romantic relationships. And I wouldn’t call any of these men my boyfriend.

God bless you!
Prodigal

 

[Catholic1954]

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m a faithful Catholic male who experiences same-sex attractions. Would it be sacrilegious for me to undertake the time-honored tradition of praying to find a boyfriend (say, through the intercession of St. Valentine or St. Catherine of Alexandria), provided our relationship would remain chaste? Or is such a relationship even acceptable for a practicing Catholic? My attractions are something with which I’ve struggled a great deal, and I would deeply appreciate any advice and/or prayers. Thank you and God bless.

Yours in Christ,
Timothy Joseph

Don’t go there. Pray for instead that God puts good, faithful friends in your life who will lift you up and support your commitment to chastity. You have a tough cross to bear, but God will give you the strength you need; you are not alone.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Courage apostolate:

couragerc.net/

 

[fred_conty]

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m a faithful Catholic male who experiences same-sex attractions. Would it be sacrilegious for me to undertake the time-honored tradition of praying to find a boyfriend (say, through the intercession of St. Valentine or St. Catherine of Alexandria), provided our relationship would remain chaste? Or is such a relationship even acceptable for a practicing Catholic? My attractions are something with which I’ve struggled a great deal, and I would deeply appreciate any advice and/or prayers. Thank you and God bless.

Yours in Christ,
Timothy Joseph

The principles of purity are the same for everyone and needed by all if they are to live a life with Jesus Christ.

A married man should not develope a close relationship with any other woman no matter how they may like to view it. Just ask that man’s wife how she would feel about her husband having that relationship with another woman, sexual or not.

A man or woman who is a religious, also has to be particularly careful along these lines. Ask any director of the religious.

Shake hands with the devil, he will alway take your arm.

I knew of a catholic gay man who was in our parish choir who said he quit all of that and said it never works. He now lives alone, goes to communion daily, and lives his life for Jesus.

Everyone has to give up whatever interferes with our life in Jesus Christ. And Jesus himself said it in so many ways in the gospel, and in particular about picking up our cross and following him. He will always give us the grace and strength if we but ask, but he dosen’t make comprimises. To soft soap this will just lead to further dissapointment and loss of Joy in Jesus.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

The principles of purity are the same for everyone and needed by all if they are to live a life with Jesus Christ.

A married man should not develope a close relationship with any other woman no matter how they may like to view it. Just ask that man’s wife how she would feel about her husband having that relationship with another woman, sexual or not.

A man or woman who is a religious, also has to be particularly careful along these lines. Ask any director of the religious.

Shake hands with the devil, he will alway take your arm.

I knew of a catholic gay man who was in our parish choir who said he quit all of that and said it never works. He now lives alone, goes to communion daily, and lives his life for Jesus.

Everyone has to give up whatever interferes with our life in Jesus Christ. And Jesus himself said it in so many ways in the gospel, and in particular about picking up our cross and following him. He will always give us the grace and strength if we but ask, but he dosen’t make comprimises. To soft soap this will just lead to further dissapointment and loss of Joy in Jesus.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

So you’re saying that gay men need to be completely alone? After all, being friends with a woman is inappropriate, and being friends with a man is a near occasion of sin. So they should just live alone and pray?

Really?

Straight people can have friends, apparently, but gay people can’t.

No wonder so many gay people leave the church.

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

So you’re saying that gay men need to be completely alone? After all, being friends with a woman is inappropriate, and being friends with a man is a near occasion of sin. So they should just live alone and pray?

Really?

Straight people can have friends, apparently, but gay people can’t.

No wonder so many gay people leave the church.

Where did that “but gay people can’t (have friends)” come from?

I think you read something into what fred said that wasn’t there.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Where did that “but gay people can’t (have friends)” come from?

I think you read something into what fred said that wasn’t there.

Well, Fred said that straight men should avoid having women as friends, didn’t he? In the context of the OP’s question, the logical extension is to say that Fred was suggesting that gay men shouldn’t have other men as friends. But if that’s the case, who **can **they have as friends?

I suppose I should have been more fair to Fred, yes, and just asked him to clarify. But his post hit me emotionally pretty hard, and I guess I overreacted.

 

[Judas_Thaddeus]

Well, Fred said that straight men should avoid having women as friends, didn’t he? In the context of the OP’s question, the logical extension is to say that Fred was suggesting that gay men shouldn’t have other men as friends. But if that’s the case, who **can **they have as friends?

I suppose I should have been more fair to Fred, yes, and just asked him to clarify. But his post hit me emotionally pretty hard, and I guess I overreacted.

I think fred meant having a “too close relationship” with “other women,” recalling that he was speaking of married men. Friendship isn’t a problem at all.

Friendship is Friendship and you can have it with whoever.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I think fred meant having a “too close relationship” with “other women,” recalling that he was speaking of married men. Friendship isn’t a problem at all.

Friendship is Friendship and you can have it with whoever.

Well, look, I’m a married man, and I’m attracted to other men. Can I have close friendships with other men? I mean, I do have them. But Fred’s logic seems to imply that I shouldn’t have them.

To clarify, I think that every human being needs a whole number of close, intimate friendships – I don’t think the distant friendships we have in America today fit the bill. Think of the relationships the apostles had with one another; that’s what I have in mind.

Oh, and sorry, Timothy Joseph, if I’m going off-topic!

 

[fred_conty]

Well, look, I’m a married man, and I’m attracted to other men. Can I have close friendships with other men? I mean, I do have them. But Fred’s logic seems to imply that I shouldn’t have them.

To clarify, I think that every human being needs a whole number of close, intimate friendships – I don’t think the distant friendships we have in America today fit the bill. Think of the relationships the apostles had with one another; that’s what I have in mind.

Oh, and sorry, Timothy Joseph, if I’m going off-topic!

I really wish that noone had to undergo what TimothyJoseph has, " My attractions are something with which I’ve struggled a great deal…" Further I wish that noone had to put up with the struggles we have in our fallen nature. But we have to deal with what we have and realize we have difficult choices to make.

Would an ordinary man be wise to make friends with a lady of the night if he valued his life in Christ? What is more valuable? It’s the way things are. Would an ordinary man be wise to go out to lunch with a woman co-worker whom he has a strong attraction and may be struggling with?

Each person has their set of problems and that is what the person must deal with and it won’t help to deal with the ordinary problems others deal with.

I believe where the problem lies is that it is difficult, denies what others have, and in this sense, seems unfair, and therefore justifiable to do anyway.

I truely wish it were not so, and that I could say ok. It dosen’t give me any pleasure to say what I think will cause pain, but what must be said for a person’s good.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Would an ordinary man be wise to make friends with a lady of the night if he valued his life in Christ? What is more valuable? It’s the way things are. Would an ordinary man be wise to go out to lunch with a woman co-worker whom he has a strong attraction and may be struggling with?

This comparison is unfair. Men are made, by God, to have deep and intimate nonsexual relationships with other men. Men are not made to have deep and intimate nonsexual relationships with women they are attracted to – or at least, I grant you that such relationships should be approached only with great caution.

But a gay man – like every other person – is made for friendship. Friendship with other men. So, no, I don’t think it’s OK to say that they must avoid close relationships with other men, though I do agree that *some *such relationships should be approached with caution. If I am having fantasies about another man, maybe I would do best not to spend time alone with him.

But it seems to me that you’re painting with an awfully broad brush, Fred. I hope you prayerfully reconsider your view. Are you laying up for your gay brothers and sisters burdens too heavy for anyone to carry, and not lifting a finger to help them? I don’t presume to know, but I think it’s a valid question.

 

[fred_conty]

This comparison is unfair. Men are made, by God, to have deep and intimate nonsexual relationships with other men. Men are not made to have deep and intimate nonsexual relationships with women they are attracted to – or at least, I grant you that such relationships should be approached only with great caution.

But a gay man – like every other person – is made for friendship. Friendship with other men. So, no, I don’t think it’s OK to say that they must avoid close relationships with other men, though I do agree that *some *such relationships should be approached with caution. If I am having fantasies about another man, maybe I would do best not to spend time alone with him.

But it seems to me that you’re painting with an awfully broad brush, Fred. I hope you prayerfully reconsider your view. Are you laying up for your gay brothers and sisters burdens too heavy for anyone to carry, and not lifting a finger to help them? I don’t presume to know, but I think it’s a valid question.

I really wish that noone had to undergo what TimothyJoseph has, “My attractions are something with which I’ve struggled a great deal…”

Based on this I have given him my best opinion, but it is only one opinion, and anyone is free to accept it or to ignore it if they have reasons to do so. I hope I didn’t come across as non caring.

A married man who would pray to get a girl friend would be wrong without any qualification. There are some things that go contrary to what we should do and doing them would lead one to doing something wrong.

I won’t presume to say this situation is what someone else might be experiencing. But this situation, as described, is what I am addressing.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

A married man who would pray to get a girl friend would be wrong without any qualification. There are some things that go contrary to what we should do and doing them would lead one to doing something wrong.

Well, I agree that TimothyJoseph shouldn’t find a “boyfriend”, so we’re on the same page there. But I think we disagree about what nonromantic friendships can look like.

At any rate, I’m not offended by anything you said, only a little frustrated. I know you have spoken out of genuine concern, but I disagree with your conclusion.

God bless you, Fred!

 

[TimothyJoseph88]

Thank you all for your insights and kindness. You’ve given me a lot to think about, and I really do appreciate it. (Prodigal, thanks for your help especially. I can’t tell you how much it helps to know that there are other Catholics like us out there, and I’m really encouraged by what you’ve said.) I’ll continue praying for guidance and discernment. May God bless each of you, truly. Thanks again!

Timothy Joseph

+JMJ+

 

[Prodigal_Son]

God bless you, Timothy! If you ever have any other questions, or just want a bit of encouragement, feel free to private message me.