Is it adultery to date a divorced man who was not married in the Catholic Church?

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Holly3278

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Hi everyone. I am getting two different opinions on this. One person says it is adultery to date a person who has been married previously and doesn’t have an annulment regardless of whether they were married in the Catholic Church or not. The other person says that it is not a sin to date someone who was married previously if they weren’t married in the Catholic Church. What is the truth here? :confused:
 
The Church always assumes marriage is valid until proven otherwise.

So, this civilly divorced man is to be considered married until a tribunal finds otherwise.

Married men do not date.
 
kage_ar said:
The Church always assumes marriage is valid until proven otherwise.

So, this civilly divorced man is to be considered married until a tribunal finds otherwise.

Married men do not date.
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Oh no. 😦 Well, this just breaks my heart. I really wanted to date Ryan. I guess I can’t now. 😦
 
kage_ar said:
Make a rule that you only date practicing Catholic boys.
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I guess I could do that. But it’s so hard to find a practicing Catholic man in my area. My church has very few young Catholic men that go there who aren’t already married.
 
Is Ryan Catholic? If Ryan is Catholic (and was at the time of his marriage) and he did not marry in the Church, then Ryan’s marriage is invalid. BUT even so he would need to ask for a ‘defect of form’ (it is much quicker/less paperwork than a petition for a decree of nullity). And THEN after he received the ‘defect of form’ judgment he would be ‘clear’ to date. But think of it this way. . .unless he is now crystal clear in his understanding of what Catholic marriage is and intends to abide fully by it. . . would you WANT to date a man who knew so little about his faith that he married a woman invalidly?
 
Tantum_ergo said:
Is Ryan Catholic? If Ryan is Catholic (and was at the time of his marriage) and he did not marry in the Church, then Ryan’s marriage is invalid. BUT even so he would need to ask for a ‘defect of form’ (it is much quicker/less paperwork than a petition for a decree of nullity). And THEN after he received the ‘defect of form’ judgment he would be ‘clear’ to date. But think of it this way. . .unless he is now crystal clear in his understanding of what Catholic marriage is and intends to abide fully by it. . . would you WANT to date a man who knew so little about his faith that he married a woman invalidly?
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Ryan is not a Catholic and has never been a Catholic. He is a non-practicing Protestant.
 
Holly3278 said:
Hi everyone. I am getting two different opinions on this. One person says it is adultery to date a person who has been married previously and doesn’t have an annulment regardless of whether they were married in the Catholic Church or not. The other person says that it is not a sin to date someone who was married previously if they weren’t married in the Catholic Church. What is the truth here? :confused:
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well if your definition of dating includes hooking up it would be adultery, but I assume you mean socializing with the possibility of romantic involvement in the future. A divorced man is not free to date anyone, because he is still presumed to be married unless or until his first marriage is proven to be invalid. Whether it is a sin to date a married man is problematic but it is certainly imprudent and could very well put one in position to sin.
 
puzzleannie said:
well if your definition of dating includes hooking up it would be adultery, but I assume you mean socializing with the possibility of romantic involvement in the future. A divorced man is not free to date anyone, because he is still presumed to be married unless or until his first marriage is proven to be invalid. Whether it is a sin to date a married man is problematic but it is certainly imprudent and could very well put one in position to sin.
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Yeah I see what you mean. Thanks PuzzleAnnie. 🙂
 
If Ryan is a non Catholic, he is not bound by the laws of the Catholic Church, so his first marriage would be considered valid by the Church. Unless he had obtained an annulment or he was invalidly married in his first marriage, or he married the second time after the first wife had died, then then his second marriage would be the valid one.

To date him would be to accept that you are willing to be involved in adultery, because the assumption would be that he is validly married.

I would wish to know why his previous marriages had failed. That he drinks heavily on weekends and has been married more than once, you mentioned marriages in another post, I would be concerned about your future peace and happiness, and your peace of mind.

I would really like to see you happy, not falling into another complicated relationship that causes you the conflict we have so often sadly seen you suffering in your posts.
Love, Trishie
 
Trishie said:
If Ryan is a non Catholic, he is not bound by the laws of the Catholic Church, so his first marriage would be considered valid by the Church. Unless he had obtained an annulment or he was invalidly married in his first marriage, or he married the second time after the first wife had died, then then his second marriage would be the valid one.

To date him would be to accept that you are willing to be involved in adultery, because the assumption would be that he is validly married.

I would wish to know why his previous marriages had failed. That he drinks heavily on weekends and has been married more than once, you mentioned marriages in another post, I would be concerned about your future peace and happiness, and your peace of mind.

I would really like to see you happy, not falling into another complicated relationship that causes you the conflict we have so often sadly seen you suffering in your posts.
Love, Trishie
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Thanks Trishie. I am not sure why his previous two marriages failed.
 
Holly 3278
Independent of the validity of his marriage{s}, first ask yourself: Would I be happily married to him, if he continues his drinking on weekends ? Then, think about all the things he cannot do as a drunk husband, i.e. drive the car, run errands, operate power tools, clean the house, take care of any children etc. etc.
No, you would not be happily married to a weekend boozer. So, now is the time to determine if he can quit, ask him to stop for you. No drinking on weekends. If he stops, you have husband material, and can approach a priest for discussion of his previous marriages. If he stops for a few weekends and picks it back up again, run girl. You will always be in 2nd place to a bottle of beer.
 
Holly3278 said:
Hi everyone. I am getting two different opinions on this. One person says it is adultery to date a person who has been married previously and doesn’t have an annulment regardless of whether they were married in the Catholic Church or not. The other person says that it is not a sin to date someone who was married previously if they weren’t married in the Catholic Church. What is the truth here? :confused:
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Sorry , Holly,

I don’t know… I don’t know if there is a valid Marriage outside the Church, but what does your priest say, but if he is married, then he is married… but its going to be impossible to tell for certain probably…

By the Bible, your very first fornication outside of wedlock gets you a spouse… that is just… So I dont’ know who the guy is married to, but I also dont’ know if he has ever been in a church… I don’t know anything about him, has he even been baptised?? I don’t know…
Does any church know the guy?? was his first marriage performed by a ?? or was it a totally secular wedding (Justice of the peace ) and consumation… ???

but to date, if you mean to have sex with a married man, yes Holly that is adultery,
If you lay with a married person that is adultery, and if you marry a person that has been married that is adultery.

Was there a valid marriage, I dont’ know, but if he consumated the marriage, then, I dont’ know if that was the first time that he had ever went to bed with a woman?? I dont’ know… I don’t know anything about the guy, but that at minimum he has slept with one woman besides you, and …

The Scripture is easier to figure out if you keep your eye on that one flesh mentioned in Genesis, Because God doesn’t undo that “Deutronomy” , God, " But, From the Beggining it was not so." and so when Jesus comes and gets into the Gospels, “A man can put away his wife only for cause of adultery…” and if either remarries that is adultery, because they are one flesh, because God Doesn’t Undo One Flesh’s,

But Corinthians has further information.

Is he still in original sin, has he been babtised??
 
Too bad the guy was not Catholic. Catholics get an essential get out of marriage free card as long as they don’t get married in a Catholic Church. Now that may also include a go straight to Hell do not pass go card but for purposes of earthly law, ya, the tecnicaliites are fun to play with and I guess if a Catholic were ever to take advantage of this loophole, then he can go to Confession and all would be well.
 
BenjaminLumen said:
Sorry , Holly,

I don’t know… I don’t know if there is a valid Marriage outside the Church, but what does your priest say, but if he is married, then he is married… but its going to be impossible to tell for certain probably…

By the Bible, your very first fornication outside of wedlock gets you a spouse… that is just… So I dont’ know who the guy is married to, but I also dont’ know if he has ever been in a church… I don’t know anything about him, has he even been baptised?? I don’t know…
Does any church know the guy?? was his first marriage performed by a ?? or was it a totally secular wedding (Justice of the peace ) and consumation… ???

but to date, if you mean to have sex with a married man, yes Holly that is adultery,
If you lay with a married person that is adultery, and if you marry a person that has been married that is adultery.

Was there a valid marriage, I dont’ know, but if he consumated the marriage, then, I dont’ know if that was the first time that he had ever went to bed with a woman?? I dont’ know… I don’t know anything about the guy, but that at minimum he has slept with one woman besides you, and …

The Scripture is easier to figure out if you keep your eye on that one flesh mentioned in Genesis, Because God doesn’t undo that “Deutronomy” , God, " But, From the Beggining it was not so." and so when Jesus comes and gets into the Gospels, “A man can put away his wife only for cause of adultery…” and if either remarries that is adultery, because they are one flesh, because God Doesn’t Undo One Flesh’s,

But Corinthians has further information.

Is he still in original sin, has he been babtised??
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No, as far as I know, he has never been baptized. But anyway, I decided that since I can’t date him, I am going to stay with my boyfriend from Virginia and simply be friends with Ryan. I am taking Ryan with me to Mass in the morning so maybe it’ll influence him to become Catholic. 🙂
 
Holly3278 said:
No, as far as I know, he has never been baptized. But anyway, I decided that since I can’t date him, I am going to stay with my boyfriend from Virginia and simply be friends with Ryan. I am taking Ryan with me to Mass in the morning so maybe it’ll influence him to become Catholic. 🙂
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One cannot just change boyfriends like one changes socks. These are human beings, with emotions and feelings. These men are to be treated with resepect, just as you are.

From this posting, it sounds as if you are far to immature to consider marriage - and dating is for when you are ready to marry.

Stop playing these games with yourself, with other people. Become a woman of value, read Proverbs 31 every day.
 
Let’s remember charity in these discussions and respect for the other posters.
Thank you.
 
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