Is it allowable for a Catholic husband to be the sole provider for his wife?

[floresco]

Besides that women who stay at home can be just as hardworking and well-educated.

I was telling my husband about this thread and he said, “Lazy, maybe, but you sure are well-educated.”

Don’t worry. He was joking about the lazy bit. The next thing he said was that I should describe what I’ve done since getting up this morning.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Sorry, I should have made clear in my posting, that I was thinking that it would be okay for the husband to provide. It really floored me when every guy I talked to said he insisted that his potential wife one day contribute along with him, as if it was a deal-breaker of some sort that she didn’t.

This has nothing to do with the Church, it is a societal norm these days.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

At least if you have the other income you can keep a roof over your head.
You certainly will have to cut back somewhere, but the basics can be taken care of.

Not always. Unfortunately not always.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

The next thing he said was that I should describe what I’ve done since getting up this morning.

Exactly.

 

[CRUE_CAB]

Just because a woman does not have an outside job at the moment, certainly does NOT mean that she doesn’t have “the skills to carry the load.”
I suggest you work on your preconception that anyone who makes different choices than you is wrong/lazy/a control freak/a pet.

Please quote me where I said they were wrong or lazy. You are over reaching to try to make a point.
But if only one person in the home is supporting financially? You are asking for disaster.
Many causes for divorce out there, ours was not financial.

 

[floresco]

Nothing in his statement says that the Church prefers men to be the sole income provider. He says it’s “allowable,” not preferable. Here it’s termed, as it should be, as a “choice.”

Has someone in this thread been claiming that the Church prefers men to be the sole income provider? I was providing the Church teaching on the question posed by this thread. It is clear from this encyclical that the Church teaches it is a very good thing for the husband to be the sole provider and that a woman’s non-monetary contributions ought to be valued.

 

[CRUE_CAB]

Even though I am only a mindless pet, I have figured out that my husband is not immortal. Of course I am prepared to face whatever scenarios might come about. However, I am not planning to get a job I neither want nor need on the chance that it might be useful if something were to happen to my husband.

My husband and I have been married over 30 years. I do not think I need advice from you on what makes a marriage last.

Good for you, but most marriages now dont last 30 years. And most people dont have the means to go on one salary.
Good that you have given it though, but most young married people just cant do it on one salary and have any kind of life.
And advice from me is the last place you sould look to make a marriage last. Or on any internet forum.
You make your marriage last from within and your ability to make a relationship with your significant other.

 

[floresco]

Yes – it comes down to choice. Just as it would be wrong – to compel/force a wife to work outside the home – it would be equally wrong-- to have structures that compel/force the wife to stay home.

I encourage you to read the encyclical. It addresses this point:

1. Without intending to deal with all the various aspects of the vast and complex theme of the relationships between women and society, and limiting these remarks to a few essential points, one cannot but observe that in the specific area of family life a widespread social and cultural tradition has considered women’s role to be exclusively that of wife and mother, without adequate access to public functions which have generally been reserved for men.

There is no doubt that the equal dignity and responsibility of men and women fully justifies women’s access to public functions. On the other hand the true advancement of women requires that clear recognition be given to the value of their maternal and family role, by comparison with all other public roles and all other professions. Furthermore, these roles and professions should be harmoniously combined, if we wish the evolution of society and culture to be truly and fully human.

Here is the link again: vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio_en.html

 

[floresco]

Good for you, but most marriages now dont last 30 years. And most people dont have the means to go on one salary.
Good that you have given it though, but most young married people just cant do it on one salary and have any kind of life.

I am aware that most people are not as blessed as I am. This does not excuse you making insulting generalizations about women who do not work outside the home and their husbands. This is a decision that couples make for themselves according to their personal situations. Your comments were out of line.

 

[floresco]

Please quote me where I said they were wrong or lazy. You are over reaching to try to make a point.

So when you said that you equate women who do not work outside the home with a pet, was that supposed to be a compliment?

 

[PatriceA]

I am aware that most people are not as blessed as I am. This does not excuse you making insulting generalizations about women who do not work outside the home and their husbands. This is decision that couples make for themselves according to their personal situations. Your comments were out of line.

And some families, its the wife that is the principle breadwinner and the husband is the stay-at-home dad.

To the OP, its is allowable for the husband to be the sole provider, it is allowable for the wife to be the sole provider. It is allowable that there exists a combination of both the huband and wife being the financial providers. Your friend has his own opinion on the subject and that’s something he’ll have to discuss with his future wife and work out but his opinion does not mean you have to agree with him. All that matters is that you and your future wife agree on the arrangement.

 

[Richard320]

To answer the original question: yes.

It may not be possible in today’s economy, but it’s certainly permissable. I was a househusband for a few months when I was out of work, and it ain’t easy. Toss a few kids into the mix and it’s more than a full-time job by itself.

 

[CRUE_CAB]

So when you said that you equate women who do not work outside the home with a pet, was that supposed to be a compliment?

I said they should get a pet, because most if not all me that make thier women not work also treat them as one.
My parents did it, but my father was a DC police officer with an estabilished carreer and a pension provided anything happend to him.
Many men now dont have that luxury.
Wasnt my intent to offend, just point out the mindset of men that insist thier women dont work. Other and child rearing.

 

[vsedriver]

Does this only refer to small children? What if the kids are teens?

(dreaming of not working for the man)

teens need parenting as much as little kids. I will never regret staying home until my kids were past age 16. It was a revelation to me how much they needed me and because I was home they were able to avoid a lot of temptations.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

And most people dont have the means to go on one salary.
Good that you have given it though, but most young married people just cant do it on one salary and have any kind of life…

It is true that many people do not have the means to go on one salary and there are times when both have to work to make ends meet. This can be very stressful and make a man feel as though he is carrying very heavy burdens. Unfortunately today the ideas of a wife being a helper has been reduced to the amount of money she brings in. For those people who are financially strapped today and must have both incomes it is always best to keep such situations in prayer, remembering the Lord will provide for us and there should always be attempts to save during that time as much as possible, live under your means and work toward living on one income with the hope of being there one day.

Unfortunately, if you look around today many people want both incomes for more and new stuff.

A wife staying at home can also be a means of saving. Saving on childcare, eating out, clothing, gas, etc.

I hope and pray that as you plan your marriage and family and future you will do some very serious financial planning. Look into the many resources out there that help guide people financially. I, also hope that you are not experiencing financial difficulty now and will keep you in prayer if you are.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

Does this only refer to small children? What if the kids are teens?

(dreaming of not working for the man)

Just before I came home to stay, someone told me. Most people encourage you to stay home with your children when they are babies and that is good, but it is very critical that you are there with them as teens. Teens need their parents sooooo bad today.

 

[catholicmamajoy]

Please quote me where I said they were wrong or lazy. You are over reaching to try to make a point.
But if only one person in the home is supporting financially? You are asking for disaster.
Many causes for divorce out there, ours was not financial.

Are you objecting to those who can live off of one salary (most of the homeschooling families I know do and we aren’t speaking of dads making over 100K a year or families living in squalor, either) or are you objecting to the mindset that a woman doesn’t need an education or marketable skills that enable her to get a well-paying job if necessary?

 

[catholicmamajoy]

Just before I came home to stay, someone told me. Most people encourage you to stay home with your children when they are babies and that is good, but it is very critical that you are there with them as teens. Teens need their parents sooooo bad today.

 

[mfrances]

CRUE CAB: I think you should consider that your mom loved you so much that she devoted her time to staying at home with you.

I’m getting married in a few months and my fiance supports me in my choice to stay at home with each child until pre-school (age 3), which could mean many years if we have kids sequentially. We have to be really smart with money, and it can mean forgoing vacations, expensive cable TV packages, and only going to an outing/movie theater/restaurant once a month. My fiance and I agree that, if we don’t have to, we do not want someone else to raise our babies and experience their first steps, first words, etc while we are away all day working which in the end means nothing to us.

Of course, if something terrible happens then I will seek employment, but the goal for me is children first, luxuries second.
There are some choices to work from home such as selling catalog items. If I worked outside the home, we would also have to pay a Day Care Center, which around here costs $400 a month per child under age 1.5, which takes a lot of what I would earn anyway, better to stay at home, raise and educate my children and eat food cooked at home.

 

[floresco]

I said they should get a pet, because most if not all me that make thier women not work also treat them as one.
My parents did it, but my father was a DC police officer with an estabilished carreer and a pension provided anything happend to him.
Many men now dont have that luxury.
Wasnt my intent to offend, just point out the mindset of men that insist thier women dont work. Other and child rearing.

Do you actually know a man who insists that his wife does not work other than when there is child rearing involved? Almost every case I know of in which the woman does not have a paying job, she is staying home to be with children or because she plans to have them soon.

My husband certainly prefers me to be home, but I doubt he would insist on me staying home if an outside job were important to me. He did feel strongly that I be home when the children were younger, but I could see that he was right, so he did not have to insist.

Anyhow, if a man can afford for his wife to be home and that is what he wants, that is for the two of them to figure out. It is none of your business. It does not necessarily mean he wants her as a pet or is a control freak. He might just be from a culture which ties a man’s masculinity to his ability as a provider.